Childless people who grow old and sick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry about this with my BIL. He has no spouse or children. We are his only family and live far away. Also, he has an extremely frustrating and obstinate personality so caring for him in his old age will likely be a thankless task.

I worry for his sake and also for ours. We only have one child and no way is she taking on her uncle in addition to her parents. We are working hard to make sure she does not need to care for us in our old age (plenty of money set aside for retirement and end of life, plus living wills and other things in place so she doesn't have to make decisions on her own. We don't want to burden her. But I really don't want her to wind up having to provide this kind of care to her uncle. I just don't know what to do about it.

I have a brother and SIL who are childless by choice. I hope they are not expecting our kids to step in and take care of them, as I'm sure our kids will be quite busy. Plus they are nice when we see them but they have never made much of an effort to be close to our kids.

What a sad attitude.

[Anonymous]

Plan to have a close niece monitor our situation. We are saving to pay for any services we need. We just want her to ensure no elder abuse, theft, etc. We plan to pay her monthly sum for watching over us, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry about this with my BIL. He has no spouse or children. We are his only family and live far away. Also, he has an extremely frustrating and obstinate personality so caring for him in his old age will likely be a thankless task.

I worry for his sake and also for ours. We only have one child and no way is she taking on her uncle in addition to her parents. We are working hard to make sure she does not need to care for us in our old age (plenty of money set aside for retirement and end of life, plus living wills and other things in place so she doesn't have to make decisions on her own. We don't want to burden her. But I really don't want her to wind up having to provide this kind of care to her uncle. I just don't know what to do about it.

I have a brother and SIL who are childless by choice. I hope they are not expecting our kids to step in and take care of them, as I'm sure our kids will be quite busy. Plus they are nice when we see them but they have never made much of an effort to be close to our kids.

What a sad attitude.

Not really, that sounds practical and fairly common. You can't expect people to step up if you've literally never made an effort in your life with them. That's got a name and its called Narcissism.

[Anonymous]

This elderly childless woman died in my development a few months ago. I always wandered why the lawn was never cut giving how strict the HOA is. Found out from the mail lady that she had died alone in the house and it had been months before the authorities went in and found her body. I still walk by the house on my morning walks and it is still unoccupied, with the grass not in the best conditions. Very sad....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t have kids and this worries me for sure. But I did not want to spend twenty years of my life raising kids and pregnancy sounds terrifying to me. So I opted out. I am terrified for old age, but I did not think it was a good idea to have kids just do that reason.

That said, practically everyone I know just puts their parents in a nursing home anyway. How many people - well, white Americans anyway - do you know who live with their parents, or nearby enough and go by a few times a week? I don’t know anyone who does that.

Quite a few actually. It's hard on everyone but easier if you live closer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t have kids and this worries me for sure. But I did not want to spend twenty years of my life raising kids and pregnancy sounds terrifying to me. So I opted out. I am terrified for old age, but I did not think it was a good idea to have kids just do that reason.

That said, practically everyone I know just puts their parents in a nursing home anyway. How many people - well, white Americans anyway - do you know who live with their parents, or nearby enough and go by a few times a week? I don’t know anyone who does that.

We're White UMC Americans and my mom moved in with my sister after my father passed away earlier this year. Sister is divorced with a couple teenagers and when she purchased her most recent home it was intentionally with a first-floor bedroom, anticipating that one or both of our parents would eventually live with her. When my FIL was widowed his granddaughter moved in with him. My friend recently built an in-law suite on to her house for her mother to move in with them. It may not be the most common solution but intergenerational living can be a great option. Although still nursing home care may be needed for more serious issues.

I had a single, childless great-aunt and my mom handled all of her care issues. She had lived with my grandmother, her sister, for many years and she and my grandma were a pair. There was no question that coordinating her care was my mom's responsibility, along with her mother's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t have kids and this worries me for sure. But I did not want to spend twenty years of my life raising kids and pregnancy sounds terrifying to me. So I opted out. I am terrified for old age, but I did not think it was a good idea to have kids just do that reason.

That said, practically everyone I know just puts their parents in a nursing home anyway. How many people - well, white Americans anyway - do you know who live with their parents, or nearby enough and go by a few times a week? I don’t know anyone who does that.

It’s not so much about being the one who dies the day to day care,it’s more about being an advocate for your parent. For example, it’s usually the family members who notice the early signs of dementia and Alzheimer’s. If you’re on your own, things could get really bad before you’re in a position where you have to get help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can have a guardian appointed.

Yeah. There’s a Netflix movie about that and it doesn’t end well. It’s a similar type if conservartorship that Brittany Spears had and we all know how terrible that was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t have kids and this worries me for sure. But I did not want to spend twenty years of my life raising kids and pregnancy sounds terrifying to me. So I opted out. I am terrified for old age, but I did not think it was a good idea to have kids just do that reason.

That said, practically everyone I know just puts their parents in a nursing home anyway. How many people - well, white Americans anyway - do you know who live with their parents, or nearby enough and go by a few times a week? I don’t know anyone who does that.

Ps. My the tentative plan is to move into assisted living and literally pay each of my seven nieces and nephews to come visit me once or twice a year to help prevent or spot elder abuse. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t.

I hate to say it but if they are also doing elder care for their own parents, this probably won’t happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t have kids and this worries me for sure. But I did not want to spend twenty years of my life raising kids and pregnancy sounds terrifying to me. So I opted out. I am terrified for old age, but I did not think it was a good idea to have kids just do that reason.

That said, practically everyone I know just puts their parents in a nursing home anyway. How many people - well, white Americans anyway - do you know who live with their parents, or nearby enough and go by a few times a week? I don’t know anyone who does that.

We're White UMC Americans and my mom moved in with my sister after my father passed away earlier this year. Sister is divorced with a couple teenagers and when she purchased her most recent home it was intentionally with a first-floor bedroom, anticipating that one or both of our parents would eventually live with her. When my FIL was widowed his granddaughter moved in with him. My friend recently built an in-law suite on to her house for her mother to move in with them. It may not be the most common solution but intergenerational living can be a great option. Although still nursing home care may be needed for more serious issues.

I had a single, childless great-aunt and my mom handled all of her care issues. She had lived with my grandmother, her sister, for many years and she and my grandma were a pair. There was no question that coordinating her care was my mom's responsibility, along with her mother's.

Are you Italian?

Or at least, not WASPs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t have kids and this worries me for sure. But I did not want to spend twenty years of my life raising kids and pregnancy sounds terrifying to me. So I opted out. I am terrified for old age, but I did not think it was a good idea to have kids just do that reason.

That said, practically everyone I know just puts their parents in a nursing home anyway. How many people - well, white Americans anyway - do you know who live with their parents, or nearby enough and go by a few times a week? I don’t know anyone who does that.

It’s not so much about being the one who dies the day to day care,it’s more about being an advocate for your parent. For example, it’s usually the family members who notice the early signs of dementia and Alzheimer’s. If you’re on your own, things could get really bad before you’re in a position where you have to get help.

Yes, my parents have dementia and I agree. I do worry. But I dont think that should be the main reason to have kids. People should affirmatively want to actually have kids, not just create them solely to have someone prevent elder abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t have kids and this worries me for sure. But I did not want to spend twenty years of my life raising kids and pregnancy sounds terrifying to me. So I opted out. I am terrified for old age, but I did not think it was a good idea to have kids just do that reason.

That said, practically everyone I know just puts their parents in a nursing home anyway. How many people - well, white Americans anyway - do you know who live with their parents, or nearby enough and go by a few times a week? I don’t know anyone who does that.

Ps. My the tentative plan is to move into assisted living and literally pay each of my seven nieces and nephews to come visit me once or twice a year to help prevent or spot elder abuse. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t.

I hate to say it but if they are also doing elder care for their own parents, this probably won’t happen.

I have a net worth of fifteen million dollars, so they might.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t have kids and this worries me for sure. But I did not want to spend twenty years of my life raising kids and pregnancy sounds terrifying to me. So I opted out. I am terrified for old age, but I did not think it was a good idea to have kids just do that reason.

That said, practically everyone I know just puts their parents in a nursing home anyway. How many people - well, white Americans anyway - do you know who live with their parents, or nearby enough and go by a few times a week? I don’t know anyone who does that.

Ps. My the tentative plan is to move into assisted living and literally pay each of my seven nieces and nephews to come visit me once or twice a year to help prevent or spot elder abuse. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t.

I hate to say it but if they are also doing elder care for their own parents, this probably won’t happen.

I have a net worth of fifteen million dollars, so they might.

I don’t think you understand the burden of being sandwiched between caring for your own parents and caring for your own children. If you’re going to disinherit some nieces and nephews because they don’t have the bandwidth to add another adult to their caregiving list, that says all we need to know about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t have kids and this worries me for sure. But I did not want to spend twenty years of my life raising kids and pregnancy sounds terrifying to me. So I opted out. I am terrified for old age, but I did not think it was a good idea to have kids just do that reason.

That said, practically everyone I know just puts their parents in a nursing home anyway. How many people - well, white Americans anyway - do you know who live with their parents, or nearby enough and go by a few times a week? I don’t know anyone who does that.

Ps. My the tentative plan is to move into assisted living and literally pay each of my seven nieces and nephews to come visit me once or twice a year to help prevent or spot elder abuse. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t.

I hate to say it but if they are also doing elder care for their own parents, this probably won’t happen.

I have a net worth of fifteen million dollars, so they might.

I don’t think you understand the burden of being sandwiched between caring for your own parents and caring for your own children. If you’re going to disinherit some nieces and nephews because they don’t have the bandwidth to add another adult to their caregiving list, that says all we need to know about you.

Disinherit? Nieces and nephews are not entitled to inherit money from their aunt. Especially an aunt they ignore. What the hell.

[Anonymous]

I think you can hire a health advocate