Childless people who grow old and sick

[Anonymous]

This may be a naive question -- but who advocates/cares for these folks once they are elderly?
Let's say they need to get to multiple doctors' appointments or go into hospital and need someone to advocate for them.
I assume some may have friends or family, but many people are busy with their own lives! Usually this task falls to adult children.
How have you seen it play out?

[Anonymous]

Honestly I haven't yet, but with one of my aunts I suspect it'll be a cousin who lives in her neighborhood (and is also childless) who is close to her and spends a lot of time with her. My DH's aunt/uncle, no idea, but probably friends because they are very very social and connected. My SIL/BIL, no idea because they have no friends or family they are close to (beyond parents who will be long gone) so I guess that would be my kids or they'll pay someone because they are rich.

[Anonymous]

We are an international family and my parents are on a different continent. I am their only child. I really hope that nightmare scenario does not happen. I would do all in my power to go there and help them, but it's not the same as living close by.

[Anonymous]

spouse, siblings, other family members

[Anonymous]

I worry about this with my BIL. He has no spouse or children. We are his only family and live far away. Also, he has an extremely frustrating and obstinate personality so caring for him in his old age will likely be a thankless task.

I worry for his sake and also for ours. We only have one child and no way is she taking on her uncle in addition to her parents. We are working hard to make sure she does not need to care for us in our old age (plenty of money set aside for retirement and end of life, plus living wills and other things in place so she doesn't have to make decisions on her own. We don't want to burden her. But I really don't want her to wind up having to provide this kind of care to her uncle. I just don't know what to do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:spouse, siblings, other family members

+1, and friends. Often this is the case for those with kids, too.

[Anonymous]

If you’re smart, you move yourself into an adult community with services while you’re still in good shape.

[Anonymous]

I did this for a beloved never-married elderly Aunt who developed dementia. I think her final years would have been really terrible, however,if I had been unwilling/unable to help, and she hadn’t had money to pay for her care. At that point, she had no other relatives and friends had either passed away or were also elderly/incapacitated.

[Anonymous]

I'm childless and this is something I think about. We are saving and considering that money not spent on college will be spent on a service that maybe does not yet exist but hopefully will to coordinate this. We are close with nieces and nephews but certainly have no expectations there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re smart, you move yourself into an adult community with services while you’re still in good shape.

This is our loose plan - childless poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worry about this with my BIL. He has no spouse or children. We are his only family and live far away. Also, he has an extremely frustrating and obstinate personality so caring for him in his old age will likely be a thankless task.

I worry for his sake and also for ours. We only have one child and no way is she taking on her uncle in addition to her parents. We are working hard to make sure she does not need to care for us in our old age (plenty of money set aside for retirement and end of life, plus living wills and other things in place so she doesn't have to make decisions on her own. We don't want to burden her. But I really don't want her to wind up having to provide this kind of care to her uncle. I just don't know what to do about it.

I have a brother and SIL who are childless by choice. I hope they are not expecting our kids to step in and take care of them, as I'm sure our kids will be quite busy. Plus they are nice when we see them but they have never made much of an effort to be close to our kids.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I don’t have kids and this worries me for sure. But I did not want to spend twenty years of my life raising kids and pregnancy sounds terrifying to me. So I opted out. I am terrified for old age, but I did not think it was a good idea to have kids just do that reason.

That said, practically everyone I know just puts their parents in a nursing home anyway. How many people - well, white Americans anyway - do you know who live with their parents, or nearby enough and go by a few times a week? I don’t know anyone who does that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don’t have kids and this worries me for sure. But I did not want to spend twenty years of my life raising kids and pregnancy sounds terrifying to me. So I opted out. I am terrified for old age, but I did not think it was a good idea to have kids just do that reason.

That said, practically everyone I know just puts their parents in a nursing home anyway. How many people - well, white Americans anyway - do you know who live with their parents, or nearby enough and go by a few times a week? I don’t know anyone who does that.

Ps. My the tentative plan is to move into assisted living and literally pay each of my seven nieces and nephews to come visit me once or twice a year to help prevent or spot elder abuse. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t.

[Anonymous]

Relatives. I have two friends who took responsibility for aunts with no spouse or children who lived nearby. I think I might be it for a cousin of mine.

[Anonymous]

You can have a guardian appointed.