Why do some women always look perfect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you talking about people you see in real life?

Because Instagram is fake. You can stage all of that stuff through editing and filters (like a full face of makeup!).

+100. Filters and more filters.

[Anonymous]

Some people just have a great sense of style.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Sorry this offended people. I guess looking at Instagram did kind of take a hit on my self-esteem. I'm not talking about influencers or anything -- I don't follow or look at people like that. I just scrolled through and saw posts from old friends from grad school, my old roommate, etc. -- women my age with similar jobs, families, lifestyles. These women all have jobs and kids and I know they aren't spending hours staging Instagram photos. These were just candid shots from weekend trips to a brewery or summer vacation, not professional photos.

There was one photo of a friend with some of her extended family, and she just looked so... with it. Nothing special, her hair was pulled back and she wasn't wearing a ton of makeup. But she was wearing a jersey midi dress that looked phenomenal on her, and her shoes and purse just looked classic and perfect -- not overly catchy or too trendy, but cute and practical. It looked effortlessly pulled together and she looked fantastic even though it was clearly not a staged or professional photo. I wish I could pull that off. I feel like I would wind up looking like I was trying too hard. But it's not like she's much more beautiful than me or has a better body. I'd say we're about equal. She just looks stylish, and I feel like I never do.

I also don't tan at all and I feel like this works against me. I have good skin but I feel like it's hard to photograph. I look like a ghost in a lot of photos and even if I wear blush and/or bronzer I never have that "glow". I just looked washed out. Maybe I'm wearing the wrong colors? I don't know.

I feel like I want to step up my style but can't figure out how.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry this offended people. I guess looking at Instagram did kind of take a hit on my self-esteem. I'm not talking about influencers or anything -- I don't follow or look at people like that. I just scrolled through and saw posts from old friends from grad school, my old roommate, etc. -- women my age with similar jobs, families, lifestyles. These women all have jobs and kids and I know they aren't spending hours staging Instagram photos. These were just candid shots from weekend trips to a brewery or summer vacation, not professional photos.

There was one photo of a friend with some of her extended family, and she just looked so... with it. Nothing special, her hair was pulled back and she wasn't wearing a ton of makeup. But she was wearing a jersey midi dress that looked phenomenal on her, and her shoes and purse just looked classic and perfect -- not overly catchy or too trendy, but cute and practical. It looked effortlessly pulled together and she looked fantastic even though it was clearly not a staged or professional photo. I wish I could pull that off. I feel like I would wind up looking like I was trying too hard. But it's not like she's much more beautiful than me or has a better body. I'd say we're about equal. She just looks stylish, and I feel like I never do.

I also don't tan at all and I feel like this works against me. I have good skin but I feel like it's hard to photograph. I look like a ghost in a lot of photos and even if I wear blush and/or bronzer I never have that "glow". I just looked washed out. Maybe I'm wearing the wrong colors? I don't know.

I feel like I want to step up my style but can't figure out how.

FILTERS! It doesn't take a professional photographer to use them. Take a selfie, then try again with a filter. You'll look a lot better. I bet you're beautiful, learn to love yourself and get off instagram if you have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry this offended people. I guess looking at Instagram did kind of take a hit on my self-esteem. I'm not talking about influencers or anything -- I don't follow or look at people like that. I just scrolled through and saw posts from old friends from grad school, my old roommate, etc. -- women my age with similar jobs, families, lifestyles. These women all have jobs and kids and I know they aren't spending hours staging Instagram photos. These were just candid shots from weekend trips to a brewery or summer vacation, not professional photos.

There was one photo of a friend with some of her extended family, and she just looked so... with it. Nothing special, her hair was pulled back and she wasn't wearing a ton of makeup. But she was wearing a jersey midi dress that looked phenomenal on her, and her shoes and purse just looked classic and perfect -- not overly catchy or too trendy, but cute and practical. It looked effortlessly pulled together and she looked fantastic even though it was clearly not a staged or professional photo. I wish I could pull that off. I feel like I would wind up looking like I was trying too hard. But it's not like she's much more beautiful than me or has a better body. I'd say we're about equal. She just looks stylish, and I feel like I never do.

I also don't tan at all and I feel like this works against me. I have good skin but I feel like it's hard to photograph. I look like a ghost in a lot of photos and even if I wear blush and/or bronzer I never have that "glow". I just looked washed out. Maybe I'm wearing the wrong colors? I don't know.

I feel like I want to step up my style but can't figure out how.

FILTERS! It doesn't take a professional photographer to use them. Take a selfie, then try again with a filter. You'll look a lot better. I bet you're beautiful, learn to love yourself and get off instagram if you have to.

No, I don't think this is it. I'm not talking about these women looking like they have smoother skin or whiter teeth or something, or about the quality of the photos. I'm talking about always looking "done" -- coordinating accessories, hair in some kind of style, clothes that fit well and flatter you specifically. It's not about the photos, it's about style. I feel like I don't have it.

[Anonymous]

While they probably aren't spending hours creating photos, take some time to think about the time that they DID invest. Just because something seems like it was quickly put together and it happened to look great doesn't mean it wasn't carefully thought out.

My best friend looks way more put together than I do. When I think about it, that's not surprising: She gets her hair cut frequently and tries new products and styles often, and does it every day--so it never looks terribly disheveled. Her makeups always looks very put together, because she tries on lots of different shades and has found styles and colors that work for her and spent a lot of time learning application secrets from YouTube. She gets up an hour before I do to do her hair and makeup every day. Her clothes look very nice because she spends time on Pinterest getting ideas for outfits and shops for items based on these ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you're basing this off of what you see on social media??

horrible grammar and completely incorrect.

"based on what" would be a better phrase to use, saying "off of" makes you sound like a clown

[Anonymous]

Some people just have a great sense of style and also have hair that doesn’t frizz and don’t sweat a lot. I have none of those things but a great sense of humor. People ask me all the time how I come up the things I do and I don’t know, I just do. They know how to select a pant for their body. That’s all. Not better , just different.

[Anonymous]

Perfect = hours of investment of time every day. That's what it takes. I am not this way, but my southern in-laws are. It's just how they operate.

[Anonymous]

We are perfect!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in shape, spend money on clothes/beauty/hair (not a ton but I do invest in these things), and I always feel like I have nothing to wear and I look unkempt. I don't think I'm unattractive and can look good when I am pulled together but I feel like that's so rare and get's harder as I get older.

I never go on Instagram, it wasn't even downloaded to my current phone which I got months and months ago. But I had a message on there so I downloaded the app to see it and wound up scrolling. I know all these women who always look great -- their clothes are so flattering and fit them really well and they have the right accessories and they have all these photos of themselves just in their everyday lives looking as pulled together as I look for, like, a wedding. How are they doing it?

I feel like part of the problem is I'm not investing in stuff like expensive bras or tailoring but I don't even know where to start with that stuff. It feels overwhelming. I'm never going to find a lipstick that flatters and doesn't rub off instantly. My hair is always going to look a little messy unless I take 45 minutes to "do" it. I can never find shoes and bags that really go with a lot in my closet and feel like I'm always wearing something that almost works but doesn't quite. Are these women just spending a LOT more time and money on this stuff, or are they just naturally more beautiful, or what. I feel like I have the raw ingredients and just can't seem to pull it off.

Go to an upscale women's boutique or somewhere like Neiman or Saks. Find a sales associate and have them dress you. Prepare to spend a lot of money. This is how it works unless you are innately talented at shopping for deals or know your body type very well.

Same for makeup. Go get a consultation and have someone assist you. You might be able to get away with Sephora, but I'd try one level up.

Perfect hair takes 45 minutes to do for most women (some are more talented than others) but if you want it perfect and are a mere mortal, then it's going to take time.

Being pulled together and "perfect" is a huge investment of time and money and it is worth it to some people. I mean look at the real housewives. They have whole TEAMS of people to make them look the way they do. If you want to look even 15% of what they look like you have to spend time and money to get there.

[Anonymous]

Compare yourself to your self. Not to pictures which can (obviously) be photoshopped. Don't even compare yourself to other people in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God, I'm so glad I"m 56 years old and don't worry about this. Volunteer, invest in your career and your friends.

Np
I hope this is a concern of mine at 56! I somewhat feel like op but try much less, I wear makeup once a month. I still want to look well put together in my 50s and well beyond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God, I'm so glad I"m 56 years old and don't worry about this. Volunteer, invest in your career and your friends.

I feel like that is the age you should start really caring about it. Anyways - why judge those who do? It's like a hobby. By the time I am 56 I really hope I am not ramping up my career but rather winding it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God, I'm so glad I"m 56 years old and don't worry about this. Volunteer, invest in your career and your friends.

I feel like that is the age you should start really caring about it. Anyways - why judge those who do? It's like a hobby. By the time I am 56 I really hope I am not ramping up my career but rather winding it down.

I care about being healthy. I don't care about looking perfect. And no, I still have a few years left in my career.