One Spouse Who Spends Money

[Anonymous]

You need separate bank accounts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you had old appliances and she choose to buy new ones? How is this an issue or complaint?

8k worth of appliances? I think OP isn’t talking about stove or microwave.

A basic range is $1K, anything better is $2-4K. Fridge is $1500-3K. Plus, dishwasher, microwave, and installation.

OP here. It was not appliances. She upgraded everything like cookware, dishes, glasses, silverware, baking dishes, etc. She got everything in stainless steel and glass. She bought big items like blender, food processor, instant pot, etc. We didn’t have any of those appliances and a lot of our cookware and dishes were old. She has been taking cooking classes and has started getting into cooking.

We didn’t upgrade any of the house appliances like microwave, oven, or dishwasher because they are brand new. We did buy a new refrigerator.

Okay new fridge is $3k right there. A good blender is $500. Same with instant pot and food processor.

I mean it adds up but it’s really stuff for the whole family. I assume you are breadwinner and she is a SAHM?

OP here. We both work and we don’t have kids.

But you make more money right?

OP here. That doesn’t matter. I’m correcting PP about what she bought but I said the 8k spent didn’t matter because we have the money. There is no question or venting. I’m just sharing to see if other posters have this same struggle or one partner spending more than the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you had old appliances and she choose to buy new ones? How is this an issue or complaint?

8k worth of appliances? I think OP isn’t talking about stove or microwave.

A basic range is $1K, anything better is $2-4K. Fridge is $1500-3K. Plus, dishwasher, microwave, and installation.

OP here. It was not appliances. She upgraded everything like cookware, dishes, glasses, silverware, baking dishes, etc. She got everything in stainless steel and glass. She bought big items like blender, food processor, instant pot, etc. We didn’t have any of those appliances and a lot of our cookware and dishes were old. She has been taking cooking classes and has started getting into cooking.

We didn’t upgrade any of the house appliances like microwave, oven, or dishwasher because they are brand new. We did buy a new refrigerator.

Okay new fridge is $3k right there. A good blender is $500. Same with instant pot and food processor.

I mean it adds up but it’s really stuff for the whole family. I assume you are breadwinner and she is a SAHM?

OP here. We both work and we don’t have kids.

Never having kids or not yet.

OP here. Not yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you truly have the money and its not at a pace where it puts things at risk, maybe let it fall into the category of “its just money I can make more.”

Might not be bad to establish a budget - even a super high one, and say hey - stay within this and we don’t discuss at all. Go above, and can we agree to come to consensus for things beyond X?

I think the more you can remove yourself as the arbiter of smaller / medium / larger decisions, the more happiness there will be in your home.

Saver married to a spender.

OP here. I never said it was an issue. I said in my original post that it wasn’t an issue. I posted here to see if others have a similar situation with one spouse spending more than the other one.

[Anonymous]

Omg what is the point of this thread if it’s not an issue? Of course there are millions of couples where one spends more than the other.

[Anonymous]

She was oufitting a new kitchen. This is only going to happen one time. It’s not an ongoing thing. She probably considers it part of the move cost. And it sounds like it is her passion. Presumably you spend less on restaurants now? If you have the money, as you have said, I would very much let this go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you truly have the money and its not at a pace where it puts things at risk, maybe let it fall into the category of “its just money I can make more.”

Might not be bad to establish a budget - even a super high one, and say hey - stay within this and we don’t discuss at all. Go above, and can we agree to come to consensus for things beyond X?

I think the more you can remove yourself as the arbiter of smaller / medium / larger decisions, the more happiness there will be in your home.

Saver married to a spender.

OP here. I never said it was an issue. I said in my original post that it wasn’t an issue. I posted here to see if others have a similar situation with one spouse spending more than the other one.

Cool story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you had old appliances and she choose to buy new ones? How is this an issue or complaint?

8k worth of appliances? I think OP isn’t talking about stove or microwave.

A basic range is $1K, anything better is $2-4K. Fridge is $1500-3K. Plus, dishwasher, microwave, and installation.

Our new appliances were 9K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need separate bank accounts.

This. Separate accounts you spend from and a joint savings. Decide on how much you want to go into the joint savings and at what intervals, then you each spend (or save ) your separate account money as you want. This will keep the peace. It is 8k on dishes today, but next month it might be an upgrade to fall wardrobe, a new (more expensive) hair salon, organic meat delivery…who knows. As long as you have your agreed savings based on your monthly income put aside, don’t micromanage what she spends

[Anonymous]

You don’t ever have to see eye to eye on kitchenware. You do have to communicate to create a household budget, stick to it, and revisit it over time. The end.

[Anonymous]

I’ll marry you and not spend your money on dumb shit. I would not be okay with this because we’d need to be on the same page. We spend a lot and I mean a lot of money on art and furniture and we always agree and consult with each other. Ugh If you have kids is she going to have a 50K nursery?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll marry you and not spend your money on dumb shit. I would not be okay with this because we’d need to be on the same page. We spend a lot and I mean a lot of money on art and furniture and we always agree and consult with each other. Ugh If you have kids is she going to have a 50K nursery?

She always has the PBK set she wants picked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll marry you and not spend your money on dumb shit. I would not be okay with this because we’d need to be on the same page. We spend a lot and I mean a lot of money on art and furniture and we always agree and consult with each other. Ugh If you have kids is she going to have a 50K nursery?

She always has the PBK set she wants picked out.

Yeah I know the type OP, it’s not about the money but the stupidity of it. I would talk to her but my god what a waste. Kids will make this worse and at one point money will become an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll marry you and not spend your money on dumb shit. I would not be okay with this because we’d need to be on the same page. We spend a lot and I mean a lot of money on art and furniture and we always agree and consult with each other. Ugh If you have kids is she going to have a 50K nursery?

She always has the PBK set she wants picked out.

OP here. We are trying for a baby and have been looking at these things together. All of our friends warned us against PBK because they said the quality is very cheap. She really likes the Babyletto cribs her friends have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll marry you and not spend your money on dumb shit. I would not be okay with this because we’d need to be on the same page. We spend a lot and I mean a lot of money on art and furniture and we always agree and consult with each other. Ugh If you have kids is she going to have a 50K nursery?

She always has the PBK set she wants picked out.

OP here. We are trying for a baby and have been looking at these things together. All of our friends warned us against PBK because they said the quality is very cheap. She really likes the Babyletto cribs her friends have.

OP here. We also both agree that doing a theme nursery for a baby is a waste of money.