One Spouse Who Spends Money

[Anonymous]

I want to preface this by saying I love my wife and she is the best thing to happen to me. She is almost perfect except her one flaw of spending too much money. We have the money so it’s really not a big deal. I’m more frugal and don’t like spend much money. I feel like most couple we have one partner who spends more than the other. We bought our first home this year and she literally upgraded every single kitchen appliance we had. She spent about $8k on new cookware, dishes, appliances, etc. She started getting into cooking and I know these things will come in to good use. She tends to spend more on a monthly basis than I do. We have the money and she never spends beyond what we have. If I could change one thing, it would be her tendency to spend money. I’m sure I’m not the only one who wishes their spouse spent less money.

[Anonymous]

I would not be okay with my spouse spending 8k on kitchen stuff. You need to get her in line.

[Anonymous]

So, you had old appliances and she choose to buy new ones? How is this an issue or complaint?

[Anonymous]

Moving into a new house will cost more money, just because you need to furnish the new place. You probably want your home to be a nice and welcoming place, and that will cost some money upfront.

If you haven’t done so already, you should sit down with her and look over your finances together. Talk about both of your long term goals and short term goals and create a budget together if necessary. It’ll help both of you to see the big picture. You should feel some relief knowing you’ve discussed the issues and you’re both working towards your goals together.

Don’t turn your finances into a situation where you’re holding the purse strings too tight and she feels like she’s a kid again having to ask “Dad” for money. Always treat her like your valued partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you had old appliances and she choose to buy new ones? How is this an issue or complaint?

8k worth of appliances? I think OP isn’t talking about stove or microwave.

[Anonymous]

DH is the spender in our relationship and I am the saver. I think what bothers me most is that every now and then I'd like to splurge on myself, but I never do because he's always splurging. If we had enough money for both of us to do this it wouldn't bother me, but we don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you had old appliances and she choose to buy new ones? How is this an issue or complaint?

8k worth of appliances? I think OP isn’t talking about stove or microwave.

A basic range is $1K, anything better is $2-4K. Fridge is $1500-3K. Plus, dishwasher, microwave, and installation.

[Anonymous]

My house is the opposite.

[Anonymous]

I put my H on a budget. He got a certain amount of $ in an account and I did not track what he spent that money on.

I didn’t ask how he spent that money but when he ran out he had to save.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you had old appliances and she choose to buy new ones? How is this an issue or complaint?

8k worth of appliances? I think OP isn’t talking about stove or microwave.

A basic range is $1K, anything better is $2-4K. Fridge is $1500-3K. Plus, dishwasher, microwave, and installation.

OP here. It was not appliances. She upgraded everything like cookware, dishes, glasses, silverware, baking dishes, etc. She got everything in stainless steel and glass. She bought big items like blender, food processor, instant pot, etc. We didn’t have any of those appliances and a lot of our cookware and dishes were old. She has been taking cooking classes and has started getting into cooking.

We didn’t upgrade any of the house appliances like microwave, oven, or dishwasher because they are brand new. We did buy a new refrigerator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you had old appliances and she choose to buy new ones? How is this an issue or complaint?

8k worth of appliances? I think OP isn’t talking about stove or microwave.

A basic range is $1K, anything better is $2-4K. Fridge is $1500-3K. Plus, dishwasher, microwave, and installation.

OP here. It was not appliances. She upgraded everything like cookware, dishes, glasses, silverware, baking dishes, etc. She got everything in stainless steel and glass. She bought big items like blender, food processor, instant pot, etc. We didn’t have any of those appliances and a lot of our cookware and dishes were old. She has been taking cooking classes and has started getting into cooking.

We didn’t upgrade any of the house appliances like microwave, oven, or dishwasher because they are brand new. We did buy a new refrigerator.

Okay new fridge is $3k right there. A good blender is $500. Same with instant pot and food processor.

I mean it adds up but it’s really stuff for the whole family. I assume you are breadwinner and she is a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you had old appliances and she choose to buy new ones? How is this an issue or complaint?

8k worth of appliances? I think OP isn’t talking about stove or microwave.

A basic range is $1K, anything better is $2-4K. Fridge is $1500-3K. Plus, dishwasher, microwave, and installation.

OP here. It was not appliances. She upgraded everything like cookware, dishes, glasses, silverware, baking dishes, etc. She got everything in stainless steel and glass. She bought big items like blender, food processor, instant pot, etc. We didn’t have any of those appliances and a lot of our cookware and dishes were old. She has been taking cooking classes and has started getting into cooking.

We didn’t upgrade any of the house appliances like microwave, oven, or dishwasher because they are brand new. We did buy a new refrigerator.

Okay new fridge is $3k right there. A good blender is $500. Same with instant pot and food processor.

I mean it adds up but it’s really stuff for the whole family. I assume you are breadwinner and she is a SAHM?

OP here. We both work and we don’t have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you had old appliances and she choose to buy new ones? How is this an issue or complaint?

8k worth of appliances? I think OP isn’t talking about stove or microwave.

A basic range is $1K, anything better is $2-4K. Fridge is $1500-3K. Plus, dishwasher, microwave, and installation.

OP here. It was not appliances. She upgraded everything like cookware, dishes, glasses, silverware, baking dishes, etc. She got everything in stainless steel and glass. She bought big items like blender, food processor, instant pot, etc. We didn’t have any of those appliances and a lot of our cookware and dishes were old. She has been taking cooking classes and has started getting into cooking.

We didn’t upgrade any of the house appliances like microwave, oven, or dishwasher because they are brand new. We did buy a new refrigerator.

Okay new fridge is $3k right there. A good blender is $500. Same with instant pot and food processor.

I mean it adds up but it’s really stuff for the whole family. I assume you are breadwinner and she is a SAHM?

OP here. We both work and we don’t have kids.

But you make more money right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you had old appliances and she choose to buy new ones? How is this an issue or complaint?

8k worth of appliances? I think OP isn’t talking about stove or microwave.

A basic range is $1K, anything better is $2-4K. Fridge is $1500-3K. Plus, dishwasher, microwave, and installation.

OP here. It was not appliances. She upgraded everything like cookware, dishes, glasses, silverware, baking dishes, etc. She got everything in stainless steel and glass. She bought big items like blender, food processor, instant pot, etc. We didn’t have any of those appliances and a lot of our cookware and dishes were old. She has been taking cooking classes and has started getting into cooking.

We didn’t upgrade any of the house appliances like microwave, oven, or dishwasher because they are brand new. We did buy a new refrigerator.

Okay new fridge is $3k right there. A good blender is $500. Same with instant pot and food processor.

I mean it adds up but it’s really stuff for the whole family. I assume you are breadwinner and she is a SAHM?

OP here. We both work and we don’t have kids.

Never having kids or not yet.

[Anonymous]

I think if you truly have the money and its not at a pace where it puts things at risk, maybe let it fall into the category of “its just money I can make more.”

Might not be bad to establish a budget - even a super high one, and say hey - stay within this and we don’t discuss at all. Go above, and can we agree to come to consensus for things beyond X?

I think the more you can remove yourself as the arbiter of smaller / medium / larger decisions, the more happiness there will be in your home.

Saver married to a spender.