Neighbor has a severe crush on my husband

[Anonymous]

We live in a very tight-knit neighborhood, and my husband and I are very active and social with everyone. About a year ago, we befriended a couple who [even acknowledge themselves] have been a bit of outsiders from the rest of the social community. Since we enjoyed their company, I went out of my way to make sure they were included in community activities and got them to be, for lack of a better term, somewhat "a part of the gang." Since then, the wife has become increasing challenging for me to handle. It is very obvious that she has a pretty big crush on my husband. I really don't care, and I can absolutely, positively, 100% assure you that I do not at all feel threatened by this for a multitude of reasons, but her attitude towards me has changed and it's just getting plain annoying. We never had a ton in common, but we could always make small-talk and have a good time together. But now we don't engage with each other much and when we do, she is often making snide remarks and being very judgmental. When socializing, she pretty much never leaves my husband's side and hangs on his every word. It's actually comical in a sad sort of way to witness. It is easy to tell she is someone who suffers from a lack of self-esteem, and most likely has her entire life. My husband is very kind and outgoing, and is very nice to her--it is obvious why she would like him, I don't blame her at all, he's a very likable man! I guess my problem is just that I'm flat out annoyed by the way she is treating me now! It's like she has something against me because I'm married to my husband! He and I have spoken about this, and although he is pretty oblivious to things (he always has been), he realizes he needs to be careful around her and make sure she's not reading too far into his kindness, we really haven't come up with a solution. We enjoy her husband's company, so we don't just want to stop socializing with them. And yes, her husband seems to be totally fine with things from my outside perspective. I was so tempted over this weekend to respond to her snide remarks in a negative way, not calling her out on her feelings for my husband, but just letting her know I didn't appreciate her treatment. But I decided to take the high road and just back down. What would you do in this situation? Do I keep biting my tongue?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you are seeing more of this than there is?

If not, it doesn't sound like you should miss her. Do you? Is your contempt for her because your husband might like her back?

[Anonymous]

I think you are making a big assumption. Maybe she just gets along better with men, or likes your husband better than she likes you. It doesn't constitute a crush, and I wouldn't say anything. It doesn't sound like she's going anything inappropriate.

My guess is that this is an overweight woman, based on subtle hints in your message. Be careful not to assign things to her like low self-esteem, hanging on his every word, etc. Maybe she just doesn't like YOU.

[Anonymous]

I think you now see why, perhaps, they weren't "part of the gang."

I would distance myself from them entirely. Then, I'd go watch All About Eve.

[Anonymous]

I think your husband has to start distancing himself from her.

My DH sounds a lot like yours. I had to explain to him that some women view his friendly, outgoing manner as something more. We had a friend's wife that would hang on every word out of my DH's mouth. Sometimes she'd make strange comments. DH and I would look at each other like, "that was weird". So I explained to my DH that some women are really needy, and they love male attention, so his innocent interest or what not is taken differently. Plus women in general read into everything!

[Anonymous]

11:49--I think the fact you are assuming the neighbor woman is overweight says much more about YOU than about OP. There are plenty of people out there who have low-self esteem who ARE NOT overweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think you now see why, perhaps, they weren't "part of the gang."

I would distance myself from them entirely. Then, I'd go watch All About Eve.

I agree.

- signed, my marriage was ruined by a neighbor and her crush on my DH, and unfortunately, he liked it.

[Anonymous]

@11:53 It was just a guess. Let's see if OP says I'm right or not.

[Anonymous]

11:49 - ITA. Maybe the wife isn't all that.

[Anonymous]

Shannon, is that you?

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to put her in her place. Do not allow her to stand so close to your husband or monopolize his attention at social gatherings. Stand between them, cut her off when she talks, and make snide comments about how desperate she looks. Time to displace and humiliate her a little bit.

[Anonymous]

Your husband can talk with her. Straightforward and to the point.

My parents had this situation (my PARENTS????) and their and your situations sound very similar. Mom 100% confident and trusting of my dad. My dad 100% worthy of her confidence and trust. So he just told her what was what, and cooled things off a bit.

My mother never had to say a thing. But it because a little inside-family joke: "DAAAAAAaaaad! Your girfriend is on the phone!"

[Anonymous]

I would be very careful. The other woman might have retaliation strategies you don't know about.

[Anonymous]

i don't doubt the OP because i've seen these kinds of situations before and it's pretty obvious when you can identify it and sometimes men are just oblivious.

personally i'd take the passive aggressive route and find a way to cut her out or cut her down so that she gets at least some warning signals before things get flat out mean. if your husband deliberately makes an effort to not be nice to her, that should help too. it becomes complicated if he continues to send her what she is interpreting as signs of interest.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the wife THINKS she's all that? Maybe the husband does not think the wife is all that?