"I won't date someone whose parents are divorced"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even more interesting is the single parent by choice. What would your boyfriend say to that? Women, and even men, are choosing to have children without being married or even in a LTR. They never found someone to love and share their life with but they still want to have a child.

This is a very conservative and religious viewpoint. I mean I thought it was bad when a woman's worth was judged by her spouse now the meter has moved to judging children by their parents marital status.

OP you wont be able to have friends who are outside of this "norm" of married couples because he sees the world as us and them. No single best friend or gay cousin, etc. They arent "good influences".

Well, I think it is a generalization. Most people do make friends with divorced people, or people from divorced homes. In the end, it comes down to individuals. In one on one relationship people judge you by your character traits. But, I am ok with people having such standards by and large.

[Anonymous]

I think we are all flawed in many ways. I don’t think it is a good idea to have too many rules about this type of thing. You have to evaluate the overall package...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this an OK standard to have?

My fiance told me he would never date a woman with divorced parents. He said it normalizes divorce, they grow up in a home where marriage is temporary, and in a lot of cases they no longer have a father. I think I agree with him, but it seems kind of mean to dismiss people based on their parents' actions.

Your fiance' is a closed-minded a$$hole.

--woman with 1 husband and married parents and ILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This could be a great setup for a madcap comedy where one partner needs to hide the fact that her parents are divorced and of course the parents are in on it.

The Birdcage, its a great movie and cast, the kind of movie you can watch several times

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this an OK standard to have?

My fiance told me he would never date a woman with divorced parents. He said it normalizes divorce, they grow up in a home where marriage is temporary, and in a lot of cases they no longer have a father. I think I agree with him, but it seems kind of mean to dismiss people based on their parents' actions.

I don't think I'd want to marry someone so close-minded and judgmental.

Actually, OP's fiance did not propose to you. He proposed to OP and she accepted.

And I wish them the best. That kind of attitude would be a red flag for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, dysfunction can be hidden in families that are not divorced too, but with divorced families you know that there was some dysfunction for sure. I don't think kids remain unscathed by divorce. It does do a number on them. My family member is marrying a guy who comes from a divorced family. He has had many years of therapy and is a nice person. I still give the advice to wait a few years before they have kids because it is quite possible that he will bail when he becomes a dad.

When you become a parent, you actually do everything to make your child be in a secure environment and intact homes. When people make the decision to divorce it is not done lightly. The dysfunction is usually extreme for people to break off. A child that has had seen parents who are addicts, abusive or adulterers - their brain chemistry becomes altered. It can be that they become like their dysfunctional parent or they become
opposite of their dysfunctional parent. But, why should my child deliberately take a risk with such a person when they can just avoid them? We don't have to make all the mistakes ourselves, sometimes we can learn from other people's mistakes too.

I see messed up children all the time in the school classroom. Find a problem child and they are from broken families, find a kid who is excelling and they usually have two involved and loving parents.

My kids are excelling and their dad is gay and we are divorcing. Honor society and varsity sports teams. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

It seems a majority of the post are assuming that their family and other intact marriage families are great people and all your kids are super awesome. I’ve seen many a$$hole kids from intact families and their parents pretend everything is great, but everyone around you gives you the side eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens if your or his parents get divorced while you are married?

I guess they have to get divorced too. LOL. Seriously, can't wait to hear the answers to this.

OP: My mom is dead, his dad is dead. Can't divorce dead people lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have been thinking about this. DH and I have come from a culture where people did not used to divorce. As the couples grew older they sort of made peace with their situation and of course put their kids first. Both DH and I came from intact and functional families and this has allowed a lot of the business of living to go on despite some extreme ups and downs in the families.

My kids are grown. Here is what I have told them - 1) don't marry a child of divorce, 2) don't marry a person who has addiction and genetic mental illness and 3) once you marry, don't have babies unless you have lived together for a few years. People show you who they are and you should believe them. Addiction, abuse and adultery cannot be tolerated, and children tend to mimic what they see in their homes.

And possibly they would miss out on an amazing partner due to that person’s parents’ choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens if your or his parents get divorced while you are married?

I guess they have to get divorced too. LOL. Seriously, can't wait to hear the answers to this.

OP: My mom is dead, his dad is dead. Can't divorce dead people lol

So your dad can marry his mom and your narrow minded jerk fiance should be happy that everyone is now married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, dysfunction can be hidden in families that are not divorced too, but with divorced families you know that there was some dysfunction for sure. I don't think kids remain unscathed by divorce. It does do a number on them. My family member is marrying a guy who comes from a divorced family. He has had many years of therapy and is a nice person. I still give the advice to wait a few years before they have kids because it is quite possible that he will bail when he becomes a dad.

When you become a parent, you actually do everything to make your child be in a secure environment and intact homes. When people make the decision to divorce it is not done lightly. The dysfunction is usually extreme for people to break off. A child that has had seen parents who are addicts, abusive or adulterers - their brain chemistry becomes altered. It can be that they become like their dysfunctional parent or they become
opposite of their dysfunctional parent. But, why should my child deliberately take a risk with such a person when they can just avoid them? We don't have to make all the mistakes ourselves, sometimes we can learn from other people's mistakes too.

I see messed up children all the time in the school classroom. Find a problem child and they are from broken families, find a kid who is excelling and they usually have two involved and loving parents.

This is ridiculous. You can have two involved and loving parents and be divorced. It has nothing to do with marital status. You are assuming the old unmarried single mom stereotype. It's not that way for many divorced parents...especially educated ones. Get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Well, my parents got divorced after I got married. So that rule wouldn’t have worked in my case!

[Anonymous]

My husband had this "rule" but his longterm girlfriend before me had divorced parents. I think this is something people just say and don't really mean. If they met the right person, then this wouldn't matter. People date people who aren't their "type" all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, dysfunction can be hidden in families that are not divorced too, but with divorced families you know that there was some dysfunction for sure. I don't think kids remain unscathed by divorce. It does do a number on them. My family member is marrying a guy who comes from a divorced family. He has had many years of therapy and is a nice person. I still give the advice to wait a few years before they have kids because it is quite possible that he will bail when he becomes a dad.

When you become a parent, you actually do everything to make your child be in a secure environment and intact homes. When people make the decision to divorce it is not done lightly. The dysfunction is usually extreme for people to break off. A child that has had seen parents who are addicts, abusive or adulterers - their brain chemistry becomes altered. It can be that they become like their dysfunctional parent or they become
opposite of their dysfunctional parent. But, why should my child deliberately take a risk with such a person when they can just avoid them? We don't have to make all the mistakes ourselves, sometimes we can learn from other people's mistakes too.

I see messed up children all the time in the school classroom. Find a problem child and they are from broken families, find a kid who is excelling and they usually have two involved and loving parents.

This is ridiculous. You can have two involved and loving parents and be divorced. It has nothing to do with marital status. You are assuming the old unmarried single mom stereotype. It's not that way for many divorced parents...especially educated ones. Get a clue.

Based on DCUM standards, it sounds like most educated ex-husbands are lazy, ADHD parents who are neither involved nor loving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens if your or his parents get divorced while you are married?

I guess they have to get divorced too. LOL. Seriously, can't wait to hear the answers to this.

OP: My mom is dead, his dad is dead. Can't divorce dead people lol

So then you have to deal with the widowed spouses dating potentially making your family lives on both sides “messy and dysfunctional”, screwing up you and your kids. Welcome to the club of divorced families!