I am loving quarantine, but no good way to admit it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's a difference between appreciating the slow pace and saying that your mental health is so much better etc. As said upthread, if a global pandemic doesn't make your life much worse, you were doing something wrong to begin with.

If you're not feeling at least mildly anxious right now, that's basically pathological.

I think at least some of the people who are enjoying this are actually very anxious normally, but now feel they can control everything in their own domain. This is letting them feed anxiety that isn't healthy. Kids are totally under their control, spouses are under their control. The comfort they are feeling is really the fact that their anxiety is now unfettered.

And conversely, some who are enjoying this realize that a global pandemic is the epitome of a situation that they can’t control. That literally the only thing they can do is sit at home, so they might as well make the best of it and enjoy the people in their presence.

[Anonymous]

This thread is really interesting.

While I miss going out, seeing my parents, seeing my friends, and physically being at work and going to the gym, I also feel like I am thriving. My husband loves it. Kids are happy, but a little bored sometimes.

I enjoy working in a very extroverted role and I see friends at least 1-2 times week in normal times. I also like being alone, love being home, and my family is pretty similar. I love cooking, creative projects (I'm an arts educator, so duh), and to be frank, we have the resources to make this pleasant and are in a family stage where worries and stressors are minimal (older children, healthy elderly parents), grocery delivery is working, we don't have to leave home. We are lucky, and we are somewhat introverted, which makes everything better.

I don't think anyone is doing it wrong if they enjoy this. And I don't think anyone is bad if they aren't. There are so many factors that play into how this feels, and people coming down on others who feel differently seems so weird -- do people not know that we're all different with different conditions and preferences? Bizarre.

You do you, OP. I'm in the same boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First let me say, that I completely recognize how privileged and lucky I am to be in this position and feel very grateful. We are donating money to places helping those less fortunate in this downturn, supporting our local businesses, etc. I completely get that this is devastating for many people and businesses. Which does not negate that for me personally, I have been feeling at peace for weeks in a way I have not for years.

I am working full time as is my husband, and we have two kids, so we’re managing the online schooling, which has been challenging. We’re doing occasional virtual happy hours and keeping in touch with friends by text and phone. But the running around busy-ness and the social activities and the commuting and everything that drives me crazy is gone. I have time and patience, I’m being honest with friends if I just don’t feel like doing something social, I just decline and catch them next time instead of pushing myself into a bunch of stuff I don’t want to do. I’m doing activities I love in my house, playing games with the kids and catching up on housework.

My anxiety and light depression is gone - there’s no overwhelming choice of what I SHOULD be doing. I am release from the guilt of just doing what I want, which for the most part is a slow and simple life with the people I love. I buy only what I need and then don’t think about what I want. I’m not overwhelmed with social interaction. I’m very introverted and it exhausts me, but I feel pressured to go out and have fun and keep up with a bunch of friends.

I have had to have the same conversation with several friends and coworkers - “how are you holding up?” They’ll say and share their stories about how they miss regular life and they’re being driven up the walls and their kids won’t do their work, and I’m not overly honest, but generally say I’m surprised that I’m enjoying it so much. And it’s kind of a conversation killer. “You aren’t missing going out and hugging friends? Your kids aren’t driving you crazy?” No, they’re really not - I’m loving having so much time with them, helping them with work and watching them be creative in finding things to do. I almost feel pressure to be miserable and feel a lack of connection with my friends that I’m not sharing in their misery.

I went to be authentic in how I’m feeling and mostly, I want to continue this feeling to the degree possible when this over. I’m realizing no one else I know is feeling this way and it’s isolating but also worrisome - how do I not get sucked back into the busy busy busy extrovert thing that makes me so miserable in “regular” life.

Anyone else feeling this way? How will you hold on to some of these lessons learned from this period if so?

Come back and tell us you still feel this way if things continue into September

[Anonymous]

^^ I was the 13:18 poster and I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune in September if things continue!!

[Anonymous]

I miss my kids and grandkids so much. I’m not happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up lower middle class (so did my dh) and we are doing fine. Yes, we did have to cancel a trip and work at home.

But "quarantine" is basically our childhood without church, grocery shopping, and Gilligan's Island on TV.

We know how to cook, how to sew, how to garden, how to make bread so we are good. Catching up on TV and those long books we wanted to read. And all the sewing, cleaning, bread baking and gardening takes up a lot of time.

All of that sounds enjoyable. That's like my dream quarantine. Instead I'm working from 6am and keep working until midnight because I can't get it all done. House is wrecked and toddlers scream nonstop. Sewing? Cleaning? I clean more than I've ever cleaned but everything is a disaster. hah at bread baking. I'm slinging food at everyone and we're barely surviving.

I'm sorry OP. It sounds like you aren't the audience for he thread about doing ok right now. I'm sorry it's not going well.

I'm the pp. We have a bread machine, so use that to "bake" fresh bread. You could do that too, if you have one.if not, it's hard to get one.

Your house doesn't have to be clean, your toddlers could be in a room with a gate playing or screaming (my lower middle class mom would stick us in a "playpen" while she worked). She just let us scream, there was little to no entertaining or playing with us. And she kept us in there or in our rooms or in front of a TV so she didn't have to clean non stop. So dump the kids in a safe room with some toys to give yourself a break.. They will survive. Think of this as teaching them to play independently.

My point was, we didn't have money so all of our "hobbies" (sewing, gardening, baking) were there to save money and also blow off steam, and we didn't have money for "entertainment" or even for summer daycare. And that's the reason I'm doing ok now. I already cooked three meals a day before this started, I already cleaned my own house before this started, I already rarely went anywhere before this started because we barely have enough money to live in the DC area and save anything.

Was it enjoyable as a child? Nope.
Is it useful as an adult? Yes.

[Anonymous]

I'm also quasi enjoying quarantine. Yep, both of us working full time while wrangling our kids' schools isn't fun. And I often have to work at night, but I always had to work at night so that's nothing new. That said, I don't have toddlers. Everything would be different I had toddlers. My kids in elementary school are just fine.

I like the slowed down pace of things. Not work but everything else. I'm worried a bit about the economy and of course I"m worried about health, not just mine but public health.

Still, there are alway some silver linings.

[Anonymous]

I understand OP.

One of my anxiety triggers is being stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. The quarantine has been wonderful for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand OP.

One of my anxiety triggers is being stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. The quarantine has been wonderful for that.

My anxiety is so down right now. I'm afraid how I will be when I have to venture back out in regular dc traffic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your life seriously sucked before if you are enjoying this current situation. Anyone who had a good life before does not enjoy this period.

NP here. I feel like OP. Have a very good life before this period, but also really happy to spend more time with my family now.

[/b]I think it is a function of having financial security, education, good health and a great family life.

[b]

Yes. All this and being an introvert.

[Anonymous]

I think "introvert" and "controlling" are getting conflated in this thread.

[Anonymous]

I get you, OP. I feel a lot like that too. And it doesn’t mean we don’t have sympathy for those who are suffering during this. I try to see it as feeling grateful for what I have right now. I know my situation could so much worse, so I am focused on appreciating the blessings I have in this time.
For the sake of everyone, I will welcome the end of this crisis, but for myself, I will take a lot of positive from the time I have spent outside of my normal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were doing life wrong if a pandemic quarantine has made your life better.

No, the American way of work was doing it wrong, insisting that everyone needed their butt in an office chair 5 days a week.

exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think "introvert" and "controlling" are getting conflated in this thread.

Agreed. I think the nuance between anxiety and controlling are getting conflated too. My anxiety is so much lower too. I love being home. I also love not: Rushing to get kids from daycare. That alone has made me so much more relaxed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your life seriously sucked before if you are enjoying this current situation. Anyone who had a good life before does not enjoy this period.

Another classic “if you don’t feel like I do then you are wrong/suck/worthless” DCUM post.

OP, you are 100% allowed to be loving life right now. I’m happy for you! Don’t let these miserable witches try to make you feel bad.

+1.
I thrived before this and am thriving now, but I also tend to make the best of any situation— a function of a tough childhood and realizing very early on I had to work with whatever my circumstances were. It’s why my son (7) isn’t falling apart. He misses what he misses, but isn’t wallowing in it either. My husband also grew up as I did, where he had a lot to overcome and is an extremely hard worker and just rolls with things— just an overall “solid” person.
We’re fortunate to ride this out in our nice home and are so far in good health which makes this so much easier, for sure. I wouldn’t say I hide my feelings, but I don’t go out of my way to talk about the upsides for me or silver linings with people who are not only miserable but need everyone else to be as well.