Do you think we will see a massive uptick in women choosing to stay home after this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you are a working mom, do you feel superior to SAHM moms? It's just something I have always wondered.

Since this is anonymous, yes I do. I would never tell you to your face though.

What is your job? And how much do you make?

I’m an engineer. I make roughly $210k

Why do you feel superior?

Bc I feel like stay at homes live small lives.

What makes your life "bigger" in your opinion?
Also, what is your husband's salary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you are a working mom, do you feel superior to SAHM moms? It's just something I have always wondered.

Since this is anonymous, yes I do. I would never tell you to your face though.

Why do you feel superior?

DP. I wouldn’t say I feel superior but this time definitely confirms my decision to work. My child isn’t any happier right now. I miss going into the office and I’m so glad I have an identity outside of my home and children. Staying home seems monotonous. Working also provides us the extra income to do things we enjoy like travel, date nights, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you are a working mom, do you feel superior to SAHM moms? It's just something I have always wondered.

Since this is anonymous, yes I do. I would never tell you to your face though.

NP, and no, I don't. In this specific, current situation, I think I have it much harder than they do, but that doesn't make me superior to them. Grumpier, perhaps. On balance, I think there are enough trade-offs either way to make them relatively equally difficult. I guess if you're independently wealth SAH is an easier option, but that's not many people.

Do you think it might be much harder because you aren't as used to be around you kids for that many hours a day? Aside from the actual working part? It can be a little shocking if you aren't used to being around children for 12+ hours a day weeks on end.

Nope. Before my kids were school-aged (they're currently 8, 6, and 4), I had a position where I balanced FT work and PT childcare. I know exactly what it's like to be around my kids for long periods of time. Also, let's not pretend that most SAHM aren't out and about and doing things various classes or PT preschool with their kids when they're old enough. They're not in the house with kids, not socializing, and needing to limit outdoor activity for weeks on end.

Also, "aside from the working part?" Huh? That *is* what makes it so much harder. I'm being put on COVID-19 response committees right and left and being given requests with very tight deadlines, in addition to my regular workload. Many of us lucky not to be furloughed right now are experiencing a big jump in workload because of all the uncertainty. I love my job and am grateful to still have it right now, but come on. If our family had a SAHP right now, things would be much, much easier.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 8 and 12. Many of my friends and parents that I know that are working from home are saying they can't wait to go back to work. I think the aftermath of all of this will depend heavily on how old the kids are and how much people are willing and able to sacrifice to stay home. Some people just aren't SAHPs. I think that work place flexibility will factor into this as well. Companies are seeing how productive people are at home now and may be more willing to allow more flexibility, which will factor into who stays home and who asks for more flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you are a working mom, do you feel superior to SAHM moms? It's just something I have always wondered.

I do not feel superior to SAHM whatsoever. Caring for little kids is hard - and rewarding too, of course, but I found it mostly just hard. I took 5-6 months of maternity leave with each baby and was itching to go back to work by the end. A lot of it is very tedious, especially when the kids are small. And I found myself lonely... my best friend is child free and travels a lot both for work and fun, and I had a hard time making mom friends in my neighborhood (because I'm socially awkward and weird). I admire women who are able to take the SAHM thing and run with it - find a group of mom friends, plan activities and playdates, enrich their child, beautify their home...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you are a working mom, do you feel superior to SAHM moms? It's just something I have always wondered.

Since this is anonymous, yes I do. I would never tell you to your face though.

NP, and no, I don't. In this specific, current situation, I think I have it much harder than they do, but that doesn't make me superior to them. Grumpier, perhaps. On balance, I think there are enough trade-offs either way to make them relatively equally difficult. I guess if you're independently wealth SAH is an easier option, but that's not many people.

Do you think it might be much harder because you aren't as used to be around you kids for that many hours a day? Aside from the actual working part? It can be a little shocking if you aren't used to being around children for 12+ hours a day weeks on end.

Nope. Before my kids were school-aged (they're currently 8, 6, and 4), I had a position where I balanced FT work and PT childcare. I know exactly what it's like to be around my kids for long periods of time. Also, let's not pretend that most SAHM aren't out and about and doing things various classes or PT preschool with their kids when they're old enough. They're not in the house with kids, not socializing, and needing to limit outdoor activity for weeks on end.

Also, "aside from the working part?" Huh? That *is* what makes it so much harder. I'm being put on COVID-19 response committees right and left and being given requests with very tight deadlines, in addition to my regular workload. Many of us lucky not to be furloughed right now are experiencing a big jump in workload because of all the uncertainty. I love my job and am grateful to still have it right now, but come on. If our family had a SAHP right now, things would be much, much easier.

You've had the experience of being home in your own situation (FT work, PT childcare) but most working moms just have not had the experience of staying at home with kids for that many hours a day. The difference is most SAHM's have worked outside of the home and had careers prior to making the decision to stay home so are pretty tuned in on what it is like to have a career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a really cushy 6 figure job with a lot of flexibility that gives me a lot of time with my kids--I get out in time to pick them up.

To hear DCUM tell it, you’d think every woman has this kind of job.

You can be sure these sorts of jobs will be going the way of the ape in the coming recession/depression.

Even if there is a recession, there are still jobs that are hard to qualify for that are not going to be going away, particularly ones in the tech and gov sectors. They will likely continue to ramp up the need for these positions base upon the changing tech and gov relations with other countries. I see a lot people retraining so that can chose more stable industries.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this will end for a while

[Anonymous]

Honest Q, if you sah, do you feel your children have a superior childhood?

[Anonymous]

I am in a job currently that allows me to work 3 days a week from home as well as start early enough in the day, so I can be home from 4:30 to 8 pm time when my elementary age kids are home from school. They spend about 30 minutes at extended care about twice a week; however, before COVID-19, they asked to stay longer on most days b/c they enjoyed having "play dates" after school.

Now that we are all working from home (including all my co-workers) it's been a lot harder to get certain types of documents finalized.

I miss the option of going into the office. And certain projects require my having a set of documents in front of me as I revise the latest drafts. Before the shut down, I could bring some of those documents home to facilitate my teleworking.

I definitely can't wait to go back.

Finally, I am glad my job is secure and in light of all the economic damage we'll see in the coming weeks, months, am glad to have the extra pay check.

[Anonymous]

It's too hard to be SAHM. Love my daycare and maids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you are a working mom, do you feel superior to SAHM moms? It's just something I have always wondered.

In some ways. In other ways, SAHM are superior.

The SAHMs I know do more cooking, more crafts, more organized activities. And that's all great. But they also seem a lot more buffeted by whether things are going well or so-so at home. They seem more vulnerable emotionally. They're definitely taking more antidepressants.

I appreciate the anchor outside my home, and I don't think my child would benefit from the hyperfocus of my being at home all the time.

And yes, I'd be terrified of job loss if we only had one income.

In short: hell no I wouldn't choose to stay home after this. It's got its advantages but on the whole I'm very much hoping for our old life back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you sah, do you feel your children have a superior childhood?

Not at all. I easily see both sides. There are benefits and drawbacks to working or staying at home. It is also a very personal decision that depends on so many factors- partner’s career, their salary, how often they travel, special needs of the children, aging parents, flexibility of career options, how accessible family or emergency childcare is, preschool or childcare option, family budget, overall net worth, who the breadwinner is, long term goals, etc. I’m just shaking my head at working moms who feel superior. It is too bad women can’t just support women making the best choice for their own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you sah, do you feel your children have a superior childhood?

A resounding NO. I’m not giving my kids anything that kids of two working parents don’t have.

But, I’m giving myself and my DH something: me, more time with my kids, and more space to care for myself, as I have a chronic medical issue that requires some extra attention. And for DH, the ability to focus on his work, and have our home and kids cared for.

But I hate that some WOH moms think SAH moms judge them. No, no, no. Not from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people realize how insane it is to forgo any secure salary and realize the pointlessness of being at home with your children versus having them in childcare. Zero difference in kid outcome.

It’s the day to day that matters, not the outcome. Hasn’t this recent event taught you anything? As cliches as it is to say, it’s also true: all that is guaranteed us is today. I’d rather spend my time at home with my kids and husband, taking care of my house and garden, feathering my nest so to speak, Pursuing my hobbies, then working to make some rich people slightly richer.

your kids and husband are home all day? who pays for the feathering?

He works from home in tech. We don’t live in dc.

So he works from home in a secure job. Do you not realize how much more fortunate you are than almost all Americans? Of course you can spew this drivel about gardening.

For the vast majority of households, all this will prove is that two salaries are better than one.

For most, sure. But we're both posting on DCUM where 300k is considered middle income. So, in other words, read the room.

A lot of people in that income and above might see the appeal of staying at home after this is over.