Afraid I will get evicted because of my 4-year-old's tantrums -- what are my rights?

[Anonymous]

It's always neat to see people come into these threads to assure the OP that they cannot get evicted because there is a child involved. Nope, luckily for the rest of us, noise is noise and you can indeed get evicted for it. The source does not matter.

Control the kid/screaming or move, those are the choices..there are only two. People that live in apartments have to accept that they can not make unlimited noise anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's always neat to see people come into these threads to assure the OP that they cannot get evicted because there is a child involved. Nope, luckily for the rest of us, noise is noise and you can indeed get evicted for it. The source does not matter.

Control the kid/screaming or move, those are the choices..there are only two. People that live in apartments have to accept that they can not make unlimited noise anymore.

It has nothing to do with there being a child involved and everything to do with it being DC. Learn the local practices and check back.

[Anonymous]

You need to work in your parenting, OP. This is totally unfair to your neighbor. As stressful as the screaming is to you, it is 1000 yikes more stressful to your neighbor because:

1) She didn’t choose it
2) She can’t in any way fix it
3) She can’t control it or predict when it will happen

You can at least usually see a tantrum coming and try to mitigate it. And it’s your parenting that influences your chikd’s Behavior. But your neighbor is the victim of it.

Noise pollution is incredibly deleterious to a person’s health; that’s why there are laws about noise. I lived in a townhome for a three years and the last, we had neighbors who were terrible parents. The kids were out of control and the parents would scream all the time. The kids banged, kicked, slammers, and were all of the time defiant and oppositional.

In one year, my blood pressure went up by 30 points. I spent hours just raging in my head about them because I couldn’t have one hour of peace and quiet in my own home. They were the most inconsiderate, nasty people I have ever met. I am a teacher and now a mom and I love kids. I’d have been a neighbor who would have happily babysat for free occasionally. But these parents were SO horrible, so utterly inconsiderate of the people with whom they shared walls, that my initial kindness evaporated within months. Loud noises out of nowhere ruined dinners, naps, reading, watching TV...any attempt at relaxation. Even earplugs didn’t address the problem because they bang and crash and jump in beds and vibrate the whole house, regularly. Just thinking about them raises my blood pressure.

If you can’t improbe your parenting, you need a different housing situation. If you haven’t read AHA parenting or taken a PEP class, you could improve quickly, so there’s a chance things will get better. But for the sake of your neighbor, I hope you realize you are not entitled to reuniting a person’s quiet enjoyment of their home.

[Anonymous]

OP, on the OTA (Office of the Tenant Advocate) website, check the Tenant Resources (pro bono / free legal advice offered in various places around DC). I am not sure what the rules are regarding eligibility (e.g., low income) -- call the OTA or the numbers listed on the PDF to find out. As someone above has pointed out, your lease agreement probably contains boilerplate provisions regarding noise, the breach of which may or may not fall under the second bullet point listed in the guide below. Check also the Renters Helpline's website lined below re Noise-related complaints.

https://ota.dc.gov/page/guide-eviction

https://www.rentershelpline.org/en/what-is-fair-housing/9-rh/38-what-is-familial-status-discrimination.html

[Anonymous]

OP, read the Kazdin Method book tomorrow. Most likely, you can gain control of your kid’s behavior without threats or punishments. But you need help figuring out how to do this, letting a 4 year old carry on this way is not fair to anyone.

[Anonymous]

1) OP, since your neighbor won't communicate with you directly anymore, have someone else pretend to be one of the neighbors. Someone your DD doesn't know. That person can tell your DD she lives on X floor and can hear the yelling.

2) I loved an early PP's idea of a swap with the downstairs neighbor. Can that be done?

3) OP, re the school, there are other schools--my kids are older now and I realize that worrying about schools when kids are little is way overrated.

4) I say this as a person who had our baby-to-toddler in an apartment and we had a tough downstairs neighbor AND as a person who grew up in an apartment...I both feel for you AND think that you need to be thinking about the long-term difficulties of your situation. It's hard to be a toddler in an apartment, and hard to be a kid in an apartment, and really hard to be a teenager in an apartment. ugh. You are stuck because of this dream school of yours. Unstick yourself and find something on the ground floor--it's better for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) OP, since your neighbor won't communicate with you directly anymore, have someone else pretend to be one of the neighbors. Someone your DD doesn't know. That person can tell your DD she lives on X floor and can hear the yelling.

2) I loved an early PP's idea of a swap with the downstairs neighbor. Can that be done?

3) OP, re the school, there are other schools--my kids are older now and I realize that worrying about schools when kids are little is way overrated.

4) I say this as a person who had our baby-to-toddler in an apartment and we had a tough downstairs neighbor AND as a person who grew up in an apartment...I both feel for you AND think that you need to be thinking about the long-term difficulties of your situation. It's hard to be a toddler in an apartment, and hard to be a kid in an apartment, and really hard to be a teenager in an apartment. ugh. You are stuck because of this dream school of yours. Unstick yourself and find something on the ground floor--it's better for the kids.

Please elaborate. What's 'really hard' about being a teenager in an apartment?
Signed,
-Someone born and raised in a European city where EVERYONE lives in an apartment

[Anonymous]

The notion that someone should only have children if they can afford a single family home is probably the most privileged nonsense I’ve read here in a long, long time. You people are ridiculous.

Living in an apartment means that you are in close proximity to your neighbors. Being courteous means doing your best to limit your family’s noise, and there are a fair number of known ways to do that, many of which it sounds like OP already has in play. She is doing the best she can and is worried it’s not enough. Most of you came here to pile on and tell her she’s a bad mom and a bad person and shame her for having another child. Do you feel better now? Proud of your awful selves? You sure told her!

[Anonymous]

A lot of trouble to swap apartments just so OP’s child can tantrum without consequences.

I can’t even figure out what kind of cash payment I would have to receive up front to be willing to hire movers, pack, unpack, change my address, and then deal with the inconvenience of being on the second floor for years potentially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the neighbor doesn't want noise they can live in a single family house or in the country. The neighbor is the entitled one. Living in an apartment means dealing with noise.

Wrong. The law actually supports the neighbor. OP’s unruly children is creating unreasonable noise. OP doesn’t have a right to inflict that upon other people just because it’s apartment living. Get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The notion that someone should only have children if they can afford a single family home is probably the most privileged nonsense I’ve read here in a long, long time. You people are ridiculous.

Living in an apartment means that you are in close proximity to your neighbors. Being courteous means doing your best to limit your family’s noise, and there are a fair number of known ways to do that, many of which it sounds like OP already has in play. She is doing the best she can and is worried it’s not enough. Most of you came here to pile on and tell her she’s a bad mom and a bad person and shame her for having another child. Do you feel better now? Proud of your awful selves? You sure told her!

Someone needed to tell her because she obviously doesn’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The notion that someone should only have children if they can afford a single family home is probably the most privileged nonsense I’ve read here in a long, long time. You people are ridiculous.

Living in an apartment means that you are in close proximity to your neighbors. Being courteous means doing your best to limit your family’s noise, and there are a fair number of known ways to do that, many of which it sounds like OP already has in play. She is doing the best she can and is worried it’s not enough. Most of you came here to pile on and tell her she’s a bad mom and a bad person and shame her for having another child. Do you feel better now? Proud of your awful selves? You sure told her!

Someone needed to tell her because she obviously doesn’t get it.

Except she’s not a bad mom or a bad person. She’s in a difficult situation and was looking for some support. Plenty of people figured out how to offer her suggestions without being jerks. You chose to be mean to someone because you think you’re right. Do you think that makes you a good person? I don’t. I’d take OP and her kid over you people and your privilege and horrible attitude any day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The notion that someone should only have children if they can afford a single family home is probably the most privileged nonsense I’ve read here in a long, long time. You people are ridiculous.

Living in an apartment means that you are in close proximity to your neighbors. Being courteous means doing your best to limit your family’s noise, and there are a fair number of known ways to do that, many of which it sounds like OP already has in play. She is doing the best she can and is worried it’s not enough. Most of you came here to pile on and tell her she’s a bad mom and a bad person and shame her for having another child. Do you feel better now? Proud of your awful selves? You sure told her!

Someone needed to tell her because she obviously doesn’t get it.

Except she’s not a bad mom or a bad person. She’s in a difficult situation and was looking for some support. Plenty of people figured out how to offer her suggestions without being jerks. You chose to be mean to someone because you think you’re right. Do you think that makes you a good person? I don’t. I’d take OP and her kid over you people and your privilege and horrible attitude any day.

Agree. Thank you. The armchair judgment got a bit ridiculous here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the neighbor doesn't want noise they can live in a single family house or in the country. The neighbor is the entitled one. Living in an apartment means dealing with noise.

Wrong. The law actually supports the neighbor. OP’s unruly children is creating unreasonable noise. OP doesn’t have a right to inflict that upon other people just because it’s apartment living. Get a clue.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

No armchair judgement here. Most of us are current parents of 4 year olds and outs don’t behave like this.