Why is it that the higher up you go in the social ladder, the more enforced gender norms are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have the luxury to do so, thsts why.

This. Why work if you don’t have to? And if you’re not working then you’re probably keeping house or supervising the household as doing charity and volunteering which are mostly female dominated anyway. For many men work defines who they are and their status so they keep working. And at UMC someone still has to work to bring in the cash since they’re not independently wealthy to live off investments yet.

You must not live in DC. I stayed home for 10 months. I could not get back to work fast enough. My husband was devastated that I wanted to go back. My kids said I was nicer when I worked. No, was not cleaning the house, etc at home.

In DC, women care about their careers. I swear I would go to parties and when people would ask me what I did, they would walk away if I said stay at home.

I'm sorry, but having the choice, I'll take work any day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not jealous. I never understand this reaction. We’re not jealous, we think you are subservient to the male patriarchy and holding women back from upwards mobility and independence.

Oh, and I’m not fat either. Even if I was, it’s funny you think I’m angry and fat in order to not really admire at all women whom uphold traditional gender stereotypes.

I’m not letting it go. You represent second class citizens happy to be subservient to men’s ambitions and dreams. You’re asolutely pathetic as role models to young women.

Girl, that was an angry post, whether you want to admit it or not. You need to learn to respect other women's choices.

I don’t respect most women who choose to SAH. Many WAHM don’t. We don’t talk about it openly. We pretend, but it’s there. It’s the divide amongst women. Those of us driving gender equality in the workplace don’t for a minute understand your choice. You, SAH, you think we’d all choose your path in life if only we landed a rich husband.

You, who decimated the ambition of your youth to kowtow to a man’s ambition. No, you don’t deserve my respect as someone championing forward better choices for women. You exude privledge living a social lobotomy of your former self.

You have issues. Therapy. Seek some.

I’m happy. Do not need therapy to state a truth, I’ve observed. Many women stop personal achievements to raise kids. Their DHs don’t. If it’s equal work, why aren’t the men leaving the workforce. Because it’s not equal. Fact, you aren’t earning the money honey. Your DH got that factoid and its why he’s busy at a career, forgets your birthday and we all know the score. You as a woman decided to take a second seat. If it were a desirable first class chair in life, men would be doing women’s work.

In my experience, 90% of men in challenging careers are not there for the “personal achievement” and self-actualization. Those men are there for the money to take care of the families. They aren’t particularity happy working. Occasionally you run into men who would do exactly what they are currently doing no matter what. You may be similar to that latter group of men, but you’re painting with a broad brush.

As for why men don’t stay home, women play a part in that as well: women, unlike men, have a harder time being attracted to potential partners who are not career oriented. Yes, there is a small subset of women who would marry and stay with men who are less ambitious than they are, but men who would prefer not to work have a real hard time finding and keeping a partner. Hell, these boards frequently feature posts from women who are frustrated by their husband’s lack of ambition. Very rare to hear men express the same sentiment about their wives.

Finally, while there are a whole host of factors that go into the longer life expectancy and better health outcomes of women vs men, I believe one of those factors is the stress that men experience with work.

None of this is to suggest that men should work and women should stay home with the kids. People should structure their lives as they please without facing the judgment and scorn of others. I always thought that was a major point for feminism and female empowerment, but this thread suggests otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not jealous. I never understand this reaction. We’re not jealous, we think you are subservient to the male patriarchy and holding women back from upwards mobility and independence.

Oh, and I’m not fat either. Even if I was, it’s funny you think I’m angry and fat in order to not really admire at all women whom uphold traditional gender stereotypes.

I’m not letting it go. You represent second class citizens happy to be subservient to men’s ambitions and dreams. You’re asolutely pathetic as role models to young women.

Girl, that was an angry post, whether you want to admit it or not. You need to learn to respect other women's choices.

I don’t respect most women who choose to SAH. Many WAHM don’t. We don’t talk about it openly. We pretend, but it’s there. It’s the divide amongst women. Those of us driving gender equality in the workplace don’t for a minute understand your choice. You, SAH, you think we’d all choose your path in life if only we landed a rich husband.

You, who decimated the ambition of your youth to kowtow to a man’s ambition. No, you don’t deserve my respect as someone championing forward better choices for women. You exude privledge living a social lobotomy of your former self.

You have issues. Therapy. Seek some.

I’m happy. Do not need therapy to state a truth, I’ve observed. Many women stop personal achievements to raise kids. Their DHs don’t. If it’s equal work, why aren’t the men leaving the workforce. Because it’s not equal. Fact, you aren’t earning the money honey. Your DH got that factoid and its why he’s busy at a career, forgets your birthday and we all know the score. You as a woman decided to take a second seat. If it were a desirable first class chair in life, men would be doing women’s work.

The thing is, they don't STOP personal achievements. Raising their kids IS their personal achievement, and one that they've realized is far more important to them than completing projects in an office or other work environment. People are different, women are different. Some women like to continue working; some women feel most fulfilled by spending more of their time in traditional mom duties. I would simply not see things in terms of second seat, first class, power, etc. That itself is hierarchical thinking more reflective of a workplace.

Many women and many men have preferences that follow traditional gender divisions. Stereotypes exist for a reason. Of course there are exceptions, and no one should be locked into a stereotypical gender role that they don't like. But at the same time people shouldn't be forced to do something contrary to their nature simply to avoid doing what is typical for their gender. I hate football; my husband is bored by ballet. I'm not going to start watching football just to break gender stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, big law partner, and two observations for what it's worth.

First, most of my partners are male, most of them married to highly educated women who dropped out of the workforce when the kids came. No one needs the money at this level, and something has to give. Honestly, this is the big advantage men have over women in the upper ranks of professions: we have someone at home that handles everything so we can focus on client development.

Second, it saddens me that society so demeans SAHMs. My wife is my co-equal. But more astonishingly, how so many working women tear down SAHMs, like your only worth in life is feeding into the capitalist machine and earning ever so much more money. Dare I say it, my wife's life surrounded by our children is far more rewarding and in retrospect than the endless commercial litigation between fortune 100s over patent disputes that I deal with.

Until men like you give a damn about work/life balance, or maternity leave, or flex in jobs to attend to family matters nothing will change with your Work First culture.

Ever go to your firm's minority events or work/life balance talks? Probably not. Too busy grinding away to get ahead. Ahead of what you say? Getting something to the client faster? Faster than what? Faster than your peer? Faster than some chump at the other firm?

Think about it.

I'm a VP running a 50+ person global team at a Fortune 100. My wife works a similarly high powered and demanding job. Yesterday, she went in early. I got both of our kids up, dressed, fed them breakfast, helped the 2nd grader pack her backpack, put her on the bus with the other DADs (often more dads than moms at our bus stop), then drove our preschooler to preschool. I got my daughter off the bus at 4:30, and took her to swim practice where I wrote emails from my laptop while she practiced. Then I picked up our preschooler, and made dinner while my wife drove home. I helped with bath and bedtime, then took calls with Asia and wrote emails from 8:30pm to 1am. This is a pretty normal day for us; I do the majority of cooking, grocery shopping, childcare, and 50% of the cleaning. I also coach soccer.

I have plenty of parents who report to me, and am fantastic about their work-life balance. My firm offers 24 weeks of maternity and paternity leave, and I get over 60 days of leave per year (I take all of it). I both attend and give work/life balance and fatherhood talks at my large company. I have long attended both internal and external minority events, and just recently hired someone onto my team through a program designed to source disadvantaged minority applicants from inner cities. I hired her over applicants from Harvard, Cornell, and Wharton, and she's a rockstar.

It probably shatters your worldview, but I'm a white male Republican. I guess I'm part of the hated patriarchy... I have to wonder if you're not 65 and still see the world the way it was in the 1970's. This isn't mad men anymore.

NP. This is a very worthwhile addition to the discussion, and I think men are too often silenced in discussions about work-life balance. Like you, my husband has spoken on panels about women in the workforce, and has been my career's biggest champion. He is great and has always been helpful at home. I worked for many years and left the workforce with a mid six-figure salary, when I became a mostly-SAHM (I still consult, but in a very scaled-back way). I suppose I fit the same mold that the original big law PP described. My DH is now an equity partner in a major international firm. He's still the amazing guy he was while I was WOH. In fact, he's super grateful, because he lived in the trenches with me for years and is fully aware of everything that goes into running a household.

Two things jump out at me here. First, there is absolutely zero chance that any man (or woman) keeping the kind of schedule you describe is a VP of anything meaningful (i.e. in the line function of the business). "VPs" are a dime a dozen, even at Fortune 100 companies, but few of them are actually critical to the business, and "VP" compensation varies wildly for this reason. There are "VPs" and then there are VPs. Many VPs, even at fortune 100 companies, never make out of the $200s. That's fine, and there's no shame in the path that you have chosen, but you are on a different career path than someone who is client-serving and pulling in seven figures. You are kind of representing yourself here as if your schedule is doable for any high-powered professional, when your position likely isn't even that high powered or highly compensated. I am not trying to tear you down here, but your post is just not reality for truly high earners or people who are client-serving.

Secondly, the typical evening you describe of answering emails through swim practice, and then again from 8:30pm-1am hardly sounds like you have any time for your marriage, exercise, sex, or anything other than work and kid-related tasks. An at-home spouse isn't always about what you're doing during the day as much as it is about what you're NOT stuck doing during the evening. Someone in your position with an at home spouse would get a lot more downtime in the evening to enjoy life, and they'd likely be able to actually get in early and get their work done during daylight hours so that they're not dragging their laptop to the pool. It is 100% okay to have two WOH spouses, but there are many good reasons for people who choose to have a SAH spouse. It often dramatically enhances the life of both members of the couple.

I'm the quoted poster. This is a good post, and I take it constructively. A couple of things:

- I would absolutely say I'm a VP of something meaningful. I think any time you have a 50+ person exempt staff, it has to be meaningful in today's day and age. There has been too much pressure to drive efficiency, eliminate redundancy, and automate processes, to keep large groups of people around not creating value. I know plenty of VPs who have tiny jobs that no one takes seriously, but none of them have more than a couple of employees. I own CRM and value generation, which basically means I do cross-sell and upsell strategy for existing customers. That generates a ton of money for my firm, but also represents a ton of risk and regulatory scrutiny. It gives me a ton of exposure, and I'm having lunch with our CEO (of a Fortune 100) next week. I report directly to an Executive Vice President who owns $9 billion in revenue. So I do believe if you're talented and work strategically, you can have work life balance and still have a big job.

- That said, you're right that I'm not particularly highly compensated. High $200k's is about right, maybe I will break $300k if I have a good year. A portion of that is stock with a vesting schedule. That will keep going up as I get more senior (I'm only 37) and move up the VP pay grades, but to hit 7 figures I would have to be an SVP and give up a lot of my work-life balance. I doubt that will happen, but who knows? I'm smart and pragmatic enough to know there aren't a whole lot of SVPs at Fortune 100 companies heading out at 5pm twice a week to coach soccer.


So why am I (and my peers) not more highly compensated?

- My firm knows they offer fantastic benefits, lifestyle, prestige, and work-life balance. We are the preeminent firm in our industry, and one of the most valuable and admired brands in the world. Competitors have to pay 20-30% more for the same talent and function. That said, I make more than my counterparts at other firms on a per-hour basis. Also, because I work at a massive company, I get benefits like sometimes flying on the company jet rather than commercial if flying with senior execs, insider access to sponsored events like the Super Bowl or fashion week, etc. These are benefits that a physician making twice what I do probably doesn't get to experience.

- I absolutely love my job, and have for the decade I have worked there. How many people can say that? This board is full of people trying to get out of big law. I work in a beautiful environment, with nice, attractive people, do interesting work, and fly business class to offices in nice cities. My travel is staying in a JW Marriott in Miami, Dubai, Hong Kong, or London, not in a Holiday Inn while working at a salsa factory in Toledo. I also support tens of thousands of good middle-class jobs in places like Phoenix and Atlanta, and I place social value on that.

- I was a consultant at BCG between undergrad and business school, so I know life in professional services and on the road. That's not the lifestyle I want as a married father of two young kids. For me, at least, that takes out a lot of the highest paying options. I travel about 20% right now, which is just about perfect. I try to bring the family with me when possible, and in just a few weeks we're all heading to Rome. They'll sightsee while I work for 3 days, then I'll take 2 days off (plus the weekend).

I think the second part of your post is also an interesting debate. I was able to sneak in a 3 mile run last night around 7:30pm. You're not wrong, though, it can be extremely challenging.

Right now, though, I just got a call from my 3 y/o preschool that he has a 102 degree fever. This morning, my wife had a 7am, and left for work at 5:45am. The 2nd grader left the SUV door open overnight (yes, it rained), and I killed 14 mosquitos inside it on the way to my son's preschool this morning. Now I have a meeting with a DR in London I'm going to have to cut short, and take from the car on the way to pick up the preschooler. Meanwhile, my wife is in a SCIF (with no phone access) in meetings all day, so I'm on daddy duty and will be taking the afternoon off to take care of the sick 3 y/o.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, big law partner, and two observations for what it's worth.

First, most of my partners are male, most of them married to highly educated women who dropped out of the workforce when the kids came. No one needs the money at this level, and something has to give. Honestly, this is the big advantage men have over women in the upper ranks of professions: we have someone at home that handles everything so we can focus on client development.

Second, it saddens me that society so demeans SAHMs. My wife is my co-equal. But more astonishingly, how so many working women tear down SAHMs, like your only worth in life is feeding into the capitalist machine and earning ever so much more money. Dare I say it, my wife's life surrounded by our children is far more rewarding and in retrospect than the endless commercial litigation between fortune 100s over patent disputes that I deal with.

Until men like you give a damn about work/life balance, or maternity leave, or flex in jobs to attend to family matters nothing will change with your Work First culture.

Ever go to your firm's minority events or work/life balance talks? Probably not. Too busy grinding away to get ahead. Ahead of what you say? Getting something to the client faster? Faster than what? Faster than your peer? Faster than some chump at the other firm?

Think about it.

I'm a VP running a 50+ person global team at a Fortune 100. My wife works a similarly high powered and demanding job. Yesterday, she went in early. I got both of our kids up, dressed, fed them breakfast, helped the 2nd grader pack her backpack, put her on the bus with the other DADs (often more dads than moms at our bus stop), then drove our preschooler to preschool. I got my daughter off the bus at 4:30, and took her to swim practice where I wrote emails from my laptop while she practiced. Then I picked up our preschooler, and made dinner while my wife drove home. I helped with bath and bedtime, then took calls with Asia and wrote emails from 8:30pm to 1am. This is a pretty normal day for us; I do the majority of cooking, grocery shopping, childcare, and 50% of the cleaning. I also coach soccer.

I have plenty of parents who report to me, and am fantastic about their work-life balance. My firm offers 24 weeks of maternity and paternity leave, and I get over 60 days of leave per year (I take all of it). I both attend and give work/life balance and fatherhood talks at my large company. I have long attended both internal and external minority events, and just recently hired someone onto my team through a program designed to source disadvantaged minority applicants from inner cities. I hired her over applicants from Harvard, Cornell, and Wharton, and she's a rockstar.

It probably shatters your worldview, but I'm a white male Republican. I guess I'm part of the hated patriarchy... I have to wonder if you're not 65 and still see the world the way it was in the 1970's. This isn't mad men anymore.

You just lost all credibility here. No one with any intelligence still identifies as Republican after this shit show

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not jealous. I never understand this reaction. We’re not jealous, we think you are subservient to the male patriarchy and holding women back from upwards mobility and independence.

Oh, and I’m not fat either. Even if I was, it’s funny you think I’m angry and fat in order to not really admire at all women whom uphold traditional gender stereotypes.

I’m not letting it go. You represent second class citizens happy to be subservient to men’s ambitions and dreams. You’re asolutely pathetic as role models to young women.

Girl, that was an angry post, whether you want to admit it or not. You need to learn to respect other women's choices.

I don’t respect most women who choose to SAH. Many WAHM don’t. We don’t talk about it openly. We pretend, but it’s there. It’s the divide amongst women. Those of us driving gender equality in the workplace don’t for a minute understand your choice. You, SAH, you think we’d all choose your path in life if only we landed a rich husband.

You, who decimated the ambition of your youth to kowtow to a man’s ambition. No, you don’t deserve my respect as someone championing forward better choices for women. You exude privledge living a social lobotomy of your former self.

You have issues. Therapy. Seek some.

I’m happy. Do not need therapy to state a truth, I’ve observed. Many women stop personal achievements to raise kids. Their DHs don’t. If it’s equal work, why aren’t the men leaving the workforce. Because it’s not equal. Fact, you aren’t earning the money honey. Your DH got that factoid and its why he’s busy at a career, forgets your birthday and we all know the score. You as a woman decided to take a second seat. If it were a desirable first class chair in life, men would be doing women’s work.

Orrrr maybe their personal goal was to raise kids? Ever thought of that? Mine was. Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to be a homemaker mom type. I did work before I had kids but I knew I would want to make my kids my top priority after they came. That's really truly what I most wanted for my adult life and I'm very happy and satisfied with what I have.

And I don't have a "second class seat" in my marriage. Sorry if that's how your marriage works (he who has the gold makes the rules) but that's not how mine functions and I would NEVER have married a man and tied myself to him legally if I got even a whiff of that while we were dating.

I doubt I'll hear from you again so I don't really know why I'm bothering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not jealous. I never understand this reaction. We’re not jealous, we think you are subservient to the male patriarchy and holding women back from upwards mobility and independence.

Oh, and I’m not fat either. Even if I was, it’s funny you think I’m angry and fat in order to not really admire at all women whom uphold traditional gender stereotypes.

I’m not letting it go. You represent second class citizens happy to be subservient to men’s ambitions and dreams. You’re asolutely pathetic as role models to young women.

Girl, that was an angry post, whether you want to admit it or not. You need to learn to respect other women's choices.

I don’t respect most women who choose to SAH. Many WAHM don’t. We don’t talk about it openly. We pretend, but it’s there. It’s the divide amongst women. Those of us driving gender equality in the workplace don’t for a minute understand your choice. You, SAH, you think we’d all choose your path in life if only we landed a rich husband.

You, who decimated the ambition of your youth to kowtow to a man’s ambition. No, you don’t deserve my respect as someone championing forward better choices for women. You exude privledge living a social lobotomy of your former self.

You have issues. Therapy. Seek some.

I’m happy. Do not need therapy to state a truth, I’ve observed. Many women stop personal achievements to raise kids. Their DHs don’t. If it’s equal work, why aren’t the men leaving the workforce. Because it’s not equal. Fact, you aren’t earning the money honey. Your DH got that factoid and its why he’s busy at a career, forgets your birthday and we all know the score. You as a woman decided to take a second seat. If it were a desirable first class chair in life, men would be doing women’s work.

This is unfortunately true.

No it's not.

Here's a head scratcher for you. My husband makes seven figures a year managing a portfolio with billions of dollars of other people's money. He likes the work and finds it challenging and rewarding. The money strokes his ego.

But he tells me all the time that he'd change places with me in a heartbeat if I could make even half of what he makes (I can't - I was a teacher before kids). He has plans to retire early once he hits a certain net worth #.

Do you people ever get out of the house? It's all stereotypes with you. There are allll kids of people in the world and we're all different. We find different things to be satisfying. There isn't one way to live a happy life.

[Anonymous]

This question doesn't make sense to me! Most successful women are married to successful men - and there are a ton of female lawyers, doctors, executives etc. If what you said is true, every women in any serious career would be single or with a SAH husband.

[Anonymous]

NP.

I can’t relate to a personal goal of raising kids. So I won’t argue, it’s too foreign to me (and to my SAHM who wanted to work, but couldn’t afford childcare).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not jealous. I never understand this reaction. We’re not jealous, we think you are subservient to the male patriarchy and holding women back from upwards mobility and independence.

Oh, and I’m not fat either. Even if I was, it’s funny you think I’m angry and fat in order to not really admire at all women whom uphold traditional gender stereotypes.

I’m not letting it go. You represent second class citizens happy to be subservient to men’s ambitions and dreams. You’re asolutely pathetic as role models to young women.

Girl, that was an angry post, whether you want to admit it or not. You need to learn to respect other women's choices.

I don’t respect most women who choose to SAH. Many WAHM don’t. We don’t talk about it openly. We pretend, but it’s there. It’s the divide amongst women. Those of us driving gender equality in the workplace don’t for a minute understand your choice. You, SAH, you think we’d all choose your path in life if only we landed a rich husband.

You, who decimated the ambition of your youth to kowtow to a man’s ambition. No, you don’t deserve my respect as someone championing forward better choices for women. You exude privledge living a social lobotomy of your former self.

You have issues. Therapy. Seek some.

I’m happy. Do not need therapy to state a truth, I’ve observed. Many women stop personal achievements to raise kids. Their DHs don’t. If it’s equal work, why aren’t the men leaving the workforce. Because it’s not equal. Fact, you aren’t earning the money honey. Your DH got that factoid and its why he’s busy at a career, forgets your birthday and we all know the score. You as a woman decided to take a second seat. If it were a desirable first class chair in life, men would be doing women’s work.

It is equal; it's just not the same. Men tend to prefer working to spending all day with children and being so concerned with the small details of their children's lives, although they love their children. Some women—even those with excellent educations and high levels of career success—would rather be with their children than at work. Or it would pain them more than it would their husbands to have their children's quality of life be lower through being raised primarily by strangers.

You’re nuts. It’s not equal. Men prefer working because they remain independent and have a life beyond husband and father. They like finding a high driven A type woman willing to cede to their ambition. If you graduated an Ivy, are at least a 7 hot, and a killer queen bitch bee socially, total catch.

Your new role, give up everything you may have dreamt of to his ambition. Your his arm candy on the nights he’s not balls deep somewhere else...with someone he def doesn’t respect like you.

You sound like you're 17. Or totally nuts.

Whichever, I'm officially out of this conversation. You're not worth arguing with.

lord have mercy

[Anonymous]

They like finding a high driven A type woman willing to cede to their ambition. If you graduated an Ivy, are at least a 7 hot, and a killer queen bitch bee socially, total catch.

Your new role, give up everything you may have dreamt of to his ambition. Your his arm candy on the nights he’s not balls deep somewhere else...with someone he def doesn’t respect like you.

Nooo, that’s not generally speaking men in real life. That’s a movie character, Wolf of Wall Street maybe, or a lawyer for a drug dealer, or a Trump White House aide. Turn the TV off and talk to real people, outside of meat market bars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not jealous. I never understand this reaction. We’re not jealous, we think you are subservient to the male patriarchy and holding women back from upwards mobility and independence.

Oh, and I’m not fat either. Even if I was, it’s funny you think I’m angry and fat in order to not really admire at all women whom uphold traditional gender stereotypes.

I’m not letting it go. You represent second class citizens happy to be subservient to men’s ambitions and dreams. You’re asolutely pathetic as role models to young women.

Girl, that was an angry post, whether you want to admit it or not. You need to learn to respect other women's choices.

I don’t respect most women who choose to SAH. Many WAHM don’t. We don’t talk about it openly. We pretend, but it’s there. It’s the divide amongst women. Those of us driving gender equality in the workplace don’t for a minute understand your choice. You, SAH, you think we’d all choose your path in life if only we landed a rich husband.

You, who decimated the ambition of your youth to kowtow to a man’s ambition. No, you don’t deserve my respect as someone championing forward better choices for women. You exude privledge living a social lobotomy of your former self.

You have issues. Therapy. Seek some.

I’m happy. Do not need therapy to state a truth, I’ve observed. Many women stop personal achievements to raise kids. Their DHs don’t. If it’s equal work, why aren’t the men leaving the workforce. Because it’s not equal. Fact, you aren’t earning the money honey. Your DH got that factoid and its why he’s busy at a career, forgets your birthday and we all know the score. You as a woman decided to take a second seat. If it were a desirable first class chair in life, men would be doing women’s work.

This is unfortunately true.

This is because our society has denigrated traditional women’s work and now seems to only value white collar traditionally male work. Praying to the corporate dollar has twisted our priorities.

[Anonymous]

SAHM here. I agree with OP. And the feminists. We are letting everyone else down. But it's worth noting that most SAHMs eventually return to the workforce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have the luxury to do so, thsts why.

This. Why work if you don’t have to? And if you’re not working then you’re probably keeping house or supervising the household as doing charity and volunteering which are mostly female dominated anyway. For many men work defines who they are and their status so they keep working. And at UMC someone still has to work to bring in the cash since they’re not independently wealthy to live off investments yet.

You must not live in DC. I stayed home for 10 months. I could not get back to work fast enough. My husband was devastated that I wanted to go back. My kids said I was nicer when I worked. No, was not cleaning the house, etc at home.

In DC, women care about their careers. I swear I would go to parties and when people would ask me what I did, they would walk away if I said stay at home.

I'm sorry, but having the choice, I'll take work any day.

Impressive that your 10 month old said you were nicer when you worked. You sound incredibly insecure.

[Anonymous]

I find that's it's invariably that the woman is making less (and we live in a high COL area so every penny counts) but they and usually their husbands believe that it's best for children to not be in daycare for 8-10 hours/day. Especially babies. So, the woman stays home. SAHMs don't always think that the sun rises and sets with their children. They don't always prefer to be home (I think most would like to work PT), but if it's stay at home or put your kid in a daycare setting full-time, I'd also choose stay at home in a heartbeat. I've seen too much.