Anyone go from SAHM to retirement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. A bunch of annoying, rich women bitching at each other.

If you actually take care of your children and home, meaning you actually clean your home, buy your groceries, cook your meals, manage the finances, etc., then you are a SAHM and can discuss the work you do. I pat you on the back for your contribution to society.

If you are just a rich woman with a cook and someone to clean your home and a babysitter, you are just a lucky rich woman. You aren't what anyone would call a SAHM and you aren't doing any work. Just be grateful and stop trying to pretend you are doing anything resembling work or deserving of any accolades. Realize you belong to an unbelievably small group of people on this earth and thank your lucky stars. Or maybe go volunteer somewhere and give back to society.

Honestly.

You are a prime example of people who are working to meet their BASIC needs. Only when you have successfully taken care of this need will you understand the need of others for self fulfillment and self-actualization. You are not yet on that rung of ladder.

Honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. A bunch of annoying, rich women bitching at each other.

If you actually take care of your children and home, meaning you actually clean your home, buy your groceries, cook your meals, manage the finances, etc., then you are a SAHM and can discuss the work you do. I pat you on the back for your contribution to society.

If you are just a rich woman with a cook and someone to clean your home and a babysitter, you are just a lucky rich woman. You aren't what anyone would call a SAHM and you aren't doing any work. Just be grateful and stop trying to pretend you are doing anything resembling work or deserving of any accolades. Realize you belong to an unbelievably small group of people on this earth and thank your lucky stars. Or maybe go volunteer somewhere and give back to society.

Honestly.

You are a prime example of people who are working to meet their BASIC needs. Only when you have successfully taken care of this need will you understand the need of others for self fulfillment and self-actualization. You are not yet on that rung of ladder.

Honestly.

Nope. Not even close.

Really is just a bunch of rich women bitching at each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. A bunch of annoying, rich women bitching at each other.

If you actually take care of your children and home, meaning you actually clean your home, buy your groceries, cook your meals, manage the finances, etc., then you are a SAHM and can discuss the work you do. I pat you on the back for your contribution to society.

If you are just a rich woman with a cook and someone to clean your home and a babysitter, you are just a lucky rich woman. You aren't what anyone would call a SAHM and you aren't doing any work. Just be grateful and stop trying to pretend you are doing anything resembling work or deserving of any accolades. Realize you belong to an unbelievably small group of people on this earth and thank your lucky stars. Or maybe go volunteer somewhere and give back to society.

Honestly.

You are a prime example of people who are working to meet their BASIC needs. Only when you have successfully taken care of this need will you understand the need of others for self fulfillment and self-actualization. You are not yet on that rung of ladder.

Honestly.

Nope. Not even close.

Really is just a bunch of rich women bitching at each other.

Mommy wars is a construct of low class, low HHI women. Really. Honestly.
Rich women do not care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a first time mom at 43 (!) with one and only DD. I'll be 62 by the time she goes to college. I've had a 20-year career, and am most recently C-level at a large company. I feel like I've achieved the highest point of my career, and I could be doing the same thing for 20 years before retiring. Or start my own company, which would have its own trajectory. Obviously I've wanted DD for a long time, and love spending time with her. When she gets older, I could go back to work PT, or freelance, or volunteer. Has anyone go from SAHM to retirement and any tips?

Haven’t read any other replies. But, are you me?? Except I did it! Couldn’t be happier.

I've been thinking about starting a similar thread. I"m 45, earned a lot of money already, saved most of it and due to two young kids, one with a labor-intensive condition, I'm seriously thinking about "retiring" or staying at home or living off the money I already earned/saved. My problem, fear of loosing my self-definition. I even know what I want to do in the volunteer space. Actually, my DH doesn't want me to which is bothersome because we can live off his income and since we've met, I've earned 1/3 more than him. For example, he earns 200K and our mortgage is less than most apartments.

I think your DH has to be on board for you to be a SAHM. Sounds like you are and were always the higher earner.

How old are your kids?
Could you do a lateral more flexible job?

I’m the 40yo pp. DH likes me staying home because he can focus on his career. He doesn’t have to stress out about picking up the kids on time or whether he will need to call out tomorrow because school might be closed because it is too cold.

Read this carefully. Many men want their wife to stay home simply so their own life is easier. Having a SAHM benefits the man more than the woman. He’s out there with his own identity and contributing to retirement accounts that are in his name only. His career options and salary continue to grow. You’re stuck at home and your identity is working for your spouse and children as a cook, nanny, maid, party planner, etc. He’s in the outside world and you’re trapped behind the scenes. Oh wait volunteer work....more unpaid labor that benefits men.

If you’re an ambitious woman who likes to stay busy you most likely won’t enjoy staying home.

You must not have kids. I have an Ivy League masters and have worked in stem for 15 years, a tough but interesting field, and for me ‘behind the scenes’ is anywhere my kids are not! My coworkers are not the most important validators in my life. they will not show up in my hospital room or at my funeral. Professional accomplishments are great, but they are no match for raising my kids or taking care of family members in need, and that’s true for both me and my husband.
Your presumption that this work is inferior and for the ‘non-ambitious’ is inherited from a legacy of devaluing work traditionally done by women. Why have you agreed to undervalue it? You really want to be promoting that agenda?

Well said.
Another perspective - I am a very well qualified woman who is now a SAHM. I work for my family and kids. I have no interest in contributing to fill the coffers of somebody else, I would rather contribute to the growth and wellbeing of my children and family. This positions comes from both DH and I understanding the value of a highly educated mother raising the children or managing the household.

I think the discussion for and against being a SAHM or WOHM mainly comes from where we all are in the hierarchy of needs. If you trying to meet the basic needs either physiological (mortgage, food, medicine, transportation) or the safety needs (college, retirement, home, fear of being left with nothing in case of divorce/prenup, abusive marriage, single parent) then it makes sense to continue working. For at least the DCUM SAHMs in my circle - we all have wealth, education, connections, domestic staff (part time at least), stable marriages, our own money, no pre-nups, high achieving healthy children. This means that being at home to make sure that everyone is looked after (spouse, kids, parents, family, property, wealth, social connections, mental health, physical health, career growth, relationships) makes a lot of financial and evolutionary sense. I also get to facilitate and meet my families psychological and self-fulfilment needs because I can be there to take care of the basic needs.

People can choose to work or stay at home for psychological and self-fulfillment needs, but those kinds of people are rare. Mostly around the world people are working for basic needs and even staying home to meet the basic need of childcare and household management.

I find this mindset so repulsive. I don't work FOR my DH or my kids. I'm a member of the family just like everyone else. We all contribute in our own ways. At the moment, I happen to spend more time at home now than my DH does. At some point, we are planning to swap. Just like me, he values his time with his family. And he certainly doesn't consider his time with the kids to be "babysitting" or a "part-time job". Just like I don't consider it my "job" either. As soon as my kids are old enough, they prepare their own food, do their own laundry, etc. I'm not a servant or employee of the family. Gross.

-high-achieving, highly-educated SAHM (my family role, not my occupation!)

Your mindset is one of the reasons American families are so dysfunctional. You're in denial about your family responsibilities because it doesn't pay $.

It’s bizarre to consider parenting an occupation or to consider yourself an employee of your family. There is a lot of effort but it’s completely out of love. If I weren’t related to these people, I certainly wouldn’t be here doing any of this. My DH and I are both very happy to spend time helping our family. Neither of us consider it our JOB to help our family though.

We both have great careers. Mine is on hold at the moment. My employment status has nothing to do with my parenting. If I worked part-time, or even full-time, I’m sure I’d help my family in a lot of the same ways. Just in condensed time windows. Just like my DH does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. A bunch of annoying, rich women bitching at each other.

If you actually take care of your children and home, meaning you actually clean your home, buy your groceries, cook your meals, manage the finances, etc., then you are a SAHM and can discuss the work you do. I pat you on the back for your contribution to society.

If you are just a rich woman with a cook and someone to clean your home and a babysitter, you are just a lucky rich woman. You aren't what anyone would call a SAHM and you aren't doing any work. Just be grateful and stop trying to pretend you are doing anything resembling work or deserving of any accolades. Realize you belong to an unbelievably small group of people on this earth and thank your lucky stars. Or maybe go volunteer somewhere and give back to society.

Honestly.

You are a prime example of people who are working to meet their BASIC needs. Only when you have successfully taken care of this need will you understand the need of others for self fulfillment and self-actualization. You are not yet on that rung of ladder.

Honestly.

Please explain how a SAHM is seeking self actualization. Because for me to meet my potential, I need to use my brain, which is not being used in the work I do at home and in my kids’ schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. A bunch of annoying, rich women bitching at each other.

If you actually take care of your children and home, meaning you actually clean your home, buy your groceries, cook your meals, manage the finances, etc., then you are a SAHM and can discuss the work you do. I pat you on the back for your contribution to society.

If you are just a rich woman with a cook and someone to clean your home and a babysitter, you are just a lucky rich woman. You aren't what anyone would call a SAHM and you aren't doing any work. Just be grateful and stop trying to pretend you are doing anything resembling work or deserving of any accolades. Realize you belong to an unbelievably small group of people on this earth and thank your lucky stars. Or maybe go volunteer somewhere and give back to society.

Honestly.

WOHMs (and dads!) do all of this as well. It’s nothing unique to SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. A bunch of annoying, rich women bitching at each other.

If you actually take care of your children and home, meaning you actually clean your home, buy your groceries, cook your meals, manage the finances, etc., then you are a SAHM and can discuss the work you do. I pat you on the back for your contribution to society.

If you are just a rich woman with a cook and someone to clean your home and a babysitter, you are just a lucky rich woman. You aren't what anyone would call a SAHM and you aren't doing any work. Just be grateful and stop trying to pretend you are doing anything resembling work or deserving of any accolades. Realize you belong to an unbelievably small group of people on this earth and thank your lucky stars. Or maybe go volunteer somewhere and give back to society.

Honestly.

You are a prime example of people who are working to meet their BASIC needs. Only when you have successfully taken care of this need will you understand the need of others for self fulfillment and self-actualization. You are not yet on that rung of ladder.

Honestly.

Nope. Not even close.

Really is just a bunch of rich women bitching at each other.

Mommy wars is a construct of low class, low HHI women. Really. Honestly.
Rich women do not care.

You must not know any rich women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. A bunch of annoying, rich women bitching at each other.

If you actually take care of your children and home, meaning you actually clean your home, buy your groceries, cook your meals, manage the finances, etc., then you are a SAHM and can discuss the work you do. I pat you on the back for your contribution to society.

If you are just a rich woman with a cook and someone to clean your home and a babysitter, you are just a lucky rich woman. You aren't what anyone would call a SAHM and you aren't doing any work. Just be grateful and stop trying to pretend you are doing anything resembling work or deserving of any accolades. Realize you belong to an unbelievably small group of people on this earth and thank your lucky stars. Or maybe go volunteer somewhere and give back to society.

Honestly.

You are a prime example of people who are working to meet their BASIC needs. Only when you have successfully taken care of this need will you understand the need of others for self fulfillment and self-actualization. You are not yet on that rung of ladder.

Honestly.

Please explain how a SAHM is seeking self actualization. Because for me to meet my potential, I need to use my brain, which is not being used in the work I do at home and in my kids’ schools.

ALL parenting is meeting basic needs. Parenting is fulfilling in many ways but doesn’t help most people achieve self-actualization.

[Anonymous]

Isn’t deciding to stay at home deciding to retire?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. A bunch of annoying, rich women bitching at each other.

If you actually take care of your children and home, meaning you actually clean your home, buy your groceries, cook your meals, manage the finances, etc., then you are a SAHM and can discuss the work you do. I pat you on the back for your contribution to society.

If you are just a rich woman with a cook and someone to clean your home and a babysitter, you are just a lucky rich woman. You aren't what anyone would call a SAHM and you aren't doing any work. Just be grateful and stop trying to pretend you are doing anything resembling work or deserving of any accolades. Realize you belong to an unbelievably small group of people on this earth and thank your lucky stars. Or maybe go volunteer somewhere and give back to society.

Honestly.

You are a prime example of people who are working to meet their BASIC needs. Only when you have successfully taken care of this need will you understand the need of others for self fulfillment and self-actualization. You are not yet on that rung of ladder.

Honestly.

I agree with the pp. If you are not working and you are hiring all of your domestic duties done than you aren't really performing the responsibilities of a SAHM. If you need to give yourself a title you are more of a "house manager". Your primary responsibility is to hire domestic help to do the work around your house for you while you spend your time pursuing leisure activities.

I quit working to be SAHM. I doubt that I would have quit working to become a house manager. But, to each their own. And if that satisfies you and you can afford to do it good for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. A bunch of annoying, rich women bitching at each other.

If you actually take care of your children and home, meaning you actually clean your home, buy your groceries, cook your meals, manage the finances, etc., then you are a SAHM and can discuss the work you do. I pat you on the back for your contribution to society.

If you are just a rich woman with a cook and someone to clean your home and a babysitter, you are just a lucky rich woman. You aren't what anyone would call a SAHM and you aren't doing any work. Just be grateful and stop trying to pretend you are doing anything resembling work or deserving of any accolades. Realize you belong to an unbelievably small group of people on this earth and thank your lucky stars. Or maybe go volunteer somewhere and give back to society.

Honestly.

You are a prime example of people who are working to meet their BASIC needs. Only when you have successfully taken care of this need will you understand the need of others for self fulfillment and self-actualization. You are not yet on that rung of ladder.

Honestly.

I agree with the pp. If you are not working and you are hiring all of your domestic duties done than you aren't really performing the responsibilities of a SAHM. If you need to give yourself a title you are more of a "house manager". Your primary responsibility is to hire domestic help to do the work around your house for you while you spend your time pursuing leisure activities.

I quit working to be SAHM. I doubt that I would have quit working to become a house manager. But, to each their own. And if that satisfies you and you can afford to do it good for you.

You mean....parenting?

Why does anyone need a title? It’s not really a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. A bunch of annoying, rich women bitching at each other.

If you actually take care of your children and home, meaning you actually clean your home, buy your groceries, cook your meals, manage the finances, etc., then you are a SAHM and can discuss the work you do. I pat you on the back for your contribution to society.

If you are just a rich woman with a cook and someone to clean your home and a babysitter, you are just a lucky rich woman. You aren't what anyone would call a SAHM and you aren't doing any work. Just be grateful and stop trying to pretend you are doing anything resembling work or deserving of any accolades. Realize you belong to an unbelievably small group of people on this earth and thank your lucky stars. Or maybe go volunteer somewhere and give back to society.

Honestly.

You are a prime example of people who are working to meet their BASIC needs. Only when you have successfully taken care of this need will you understand the need of others for self fulfillment and self-actualization. You are not yet on that rung of ladder.

Honestly.

I agree with the pp. If you are not working and you are hiring all of your domestic duties done than you aren't really performing the responsibilities of a SAHM. If you need to give yourself a title you are more of a "house manager". Your primary responsibility is to hire domestic help to do the work around your house for you while you spend your time pursuing leisure activities.

I quit working to be SAHM. I doubt that I would have quit working to become a house manager. But, to each their own. And if that satisfies you and you can afford to do it good for you.

You may be referring to me because I said I had a cook, housekeeper and babysitter. None of these are full time employees. I have 3 children. The babysitter usually watches my toddler while I take older kids to activities. Yes, I am able to work out or get a hair cut without any kids in tow.

My husband has offered to hire me a full time nanny and I have declined. I want to and enjoy spending time with my children.

We know families with full time or live in help when mom doesn’t work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. A bunch of annoying, rich women bitching at each other.

If you actually take care of your children and home, meaning you actually clean your home, buy your groceries, cook your meals, manage the finances, etc., then you are a SAHM and can discuss the work you do. I pat you on the back for your contribution to society.

If you are just a rich woman with a cook and someone to clean your home and a babysitter, you are just a lucky rich woman. You aren't what anyone would call a SAHM and you aren't doing any work. Just be grateful and stop trying to pretend you are doing anything resembling work or deserving of any accolades. Realize you belong to an unbelievably small group of people on this earth and thank your lucky stars. Or maybe go volunteer somewhere and give back to society.

Honestly.

You are a prime example of people who are working to meet their BASIC needs. Only when you have successfully taken care of this need will you understand the need of others for self fulfillment and self-actualization. You are not yet on that rung of ladder.

Honestly.

I agree with the pp. If you are not working and you are hiring all of your domestic duties done than you aren't really performing the responsibilities of a SAHM. If you need to give yourself a title you are more of a "house manager". Your primary responsibility is to hire domestic help to do the work around your house for you while you spend your time pursuing leisure activities.

I quit working to be SAHM. I doubt that I would have quit working to become a house manager. But, to each their own. And if that satisfies you and you can afford to do it good for you.

You mean....parenting?

Why does anyone need a title? It’s not really a job.

Supervising kids, driving them around, tutoring them, feeding them etc are responsibilities that need to get done. You either hire that work done or you do it yourself. Obviously, if you are at work you are not directly supervising your kid. You have hired someone else to do the supervision because that is something that needs to be done. Some childcare situations are better than others. The same holds true for SAHMs. Some are high quality, some are not.

My own parents both worked when I was kid. I used to go to a sitter's house before/after school with a mixture of ages - the older kids (like me) usually spent a lot of time watching the little kids and I pretty much hated it. If you tried to get a game going outside with the other older kids, the babies wanted to join in and you had to be very careful with them. Those memories certainly factored into my own decision to SAH.

However, today, I have come to realize that childcare options are so MUCH better and more varied than they were when I was a kid and I would be very comfortable working and taking advantage of those options. Still, I think that for a wide variety of reasons, SAH worked best for my own family and if I had to make the same choice again I would probably make the same choice but it would not be because I think that sending kids to daycare is an inferior choice. Because I do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t deciding to stay at home deciding to retire?

It is if you aren't planning to return back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. A bunch of annoying, rich women bitching at each other.

If you actually take care of your children and home, meaning you actually clean your home, buy your groceries, cook your meals, manage the finances, etc., then you are a SAHM and can discuss the work you do. I pat you on the back for your contribution to society.

If you are just a rich woman with a cook and someone to clean your home and a babysitter, you are just a lucky rich woman. You aren't what anyone would call a SAHM and you aren't doing any work. Just be grateful and stop trying to pretend you are doing anything resembling work or deserving of any accolades. Realize you belong to an unbelievably small group of people on this earth and thank your lucky stars. Or maybe go volunteer somewhere and give back to society.

Honestly.

You are a prime example of people who are working to meet their BASIC needs. Only when you have successfully taken care of this need will you understand the need of others for self fulfillment and self-actualization. You are not yet on that rung of ladder.

Honestly.

Nope. Not even close.

Really is just a bunch of rich women bitching at each other.

Mommy wars is a construct of low class, low HHI women. Really. Honestly.
Rich women do not care.

This thread indicates that is not true. Unless most of the contributors are lying about their living situations. Low HHI women do not SAH with help. They do everything themselves because they must. The women on this thread are incredibly priviledged and, judging by their posts, not nearly appreciative of their good fortune.