Earning Well but Drowning in Debt...how to dig out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just stuck on the fact that 2 children in daycare barely getting home by 6pm are in activities after that.

Even if they were not in 50k of debt I don't get this.

And a family that eats out (restaurant, take out, order in, whatever) 3-4 times per week is bleeding a serious amount of cash.

It's fascinating to me how obvious this is to everyone but the OP.

Op here. Yes, one child has music lesson after school pickup. The other activities are on weekends. And we don't eat out 3-4x week. We eat out or get carry out or pizza 1-2x week. Twice if DH is traveling and I am doing all the pickups. But that is something that can go. The music lessons cannot go bc of DCs commitment and dedication to it. This isn't a kid who grudgingly goes to piano lessons, but a kid whose music teacher at school flagged him as gifted, which has proven true thus far. Also the issue with camps.... Music camps aren't cheap.

I'm calling a troll. There's no way this is for real.

Are you crazy? I know tons of people just like OP. In fact, she sounds like plenty of my neighbors!

The music thing - just because a teacher told you that he was gifted doesn't mean you have to pay for lessons you can not afford. And his commitment? Come on, it's your commitment and also I am willing to be a bit of your own pride in being able to brag and talk his "gift" up. If he loves the instrument, he will continue to play on his own at home. It's not like he is going to be doomed if he stops taking lessons for a year.

Eating out 1-2x a week is expensive. Just grabbing pizza can easily cost $30 vs. grocery store pizza you heat up at home for less than $10.

As far as getting a nanny - it won't be cheaper. It will cost just as much as summer camp and likely more.

There are camp options in the $300 a week range.

[Anonymous]

Why does your DH commute trump everything if he is traveling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK - get a nanny who will also walk the dogs. The nanny will also watch the kids during the summer so you do not need to pay for camp. You can also get a nanny who helps get meals ready. So when you come home - the kids are already fed. (saving you another $100 a week).

Op here. This actually is a good idea.

This will not save you money. We have a nanny for two kids and pay on the books. We only need her for 40 hrs a week. It still costs more than 2 daycare slots. Our oldest also goes to pt preschool and some summer camps. Walking the dog and cooking for family are extras and not part of the average rates for nannies.

Looks like you should have paid down the cc debt before having more kids. At the least you should have saved money to pay for the lwop.

Let me guess even with the debt you still have a cleaning service. No way you can handle all that with 3 kids and ft job.

Have you at least put your cc debt into the calculators that show you how you will never pay off your debt?

You guys seem unwilling to face reality. Our hhi isn't that different from yours. We live in a close suburb of dc and have 2 kids. We have a 2008 Hyundai suv bought used and our camry is 1996! We have about 1.2m in 401k and about 50k in savings.

And this post is helpful how?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK - get a nanny who will also walk the dogs. The nanny will also watch the kids during the summer so you do not need to pay for camp. You can also get a nanny who helps get meals ready. So when you come home - the kids are already fed. (saving you another $100 a week).

Op here. This actually is a good idea.

This will not save you money. We have a nanny for two kids and pay on the books. We only need her for 40 hrs a week. It still costs more than 2 daycare slots. Our oldest also goes to pt preschool and some summer camps. Walking the dog and cooking for family are extras and not part of the average rates for nannies.

Looks like you should have paid down the cc debt before having more kids. At the least you should have saved money to pay for the lwop.

Let me guess even with the debt you still have a cleaning service. No way you can handle all that with 3 kids and ft job.

Have you at least put your cc debt into the calculators that show you how you will never pay off your debt?

You guys seem unwilling to face reality. Our hhi isn't that different from yours. We live in a close suburb of dc and have 2 kids. We have a 2008 Hyundai suv bought used and our camry is 1996! We have about 1.2m in 401k and about 50k in savings.

And this post is helpful how?

Because op is unwilling to make changes and needs to understand others make a similar salary or less and aren't in credit card debtb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Because op is unwilling to make changes and needs to understand others make a similar salary or less and aren't in credit card debtb

It also points out that hiring a nanny would not actually save her any money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the only long-term fix that will make a big dent is the mortgage. It's too high for your family. You need to be spending no more than $2000/month on the mortgage. There are two ways to get there - sacrifice space or location. Get a smaller place close-in to save commute or go out and deal with the commute. I know people in Manassas who take the train in and out daily.

I don't understand why your DH is so closed off to moving. It may not be ideal, but it's the most obvious solution. What is his plan for paying off the debt?

I agree with you. He doesn't want a longer commute. He sort of ignores the financial issues, to be honest. I am trying to figure it out.

How long is his commute now? People I know who live in loudoun county have 45 min commute each way on the loudoun county connector. There is wifi on the bus so you can work while commuting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I agree with you. He doesn't want a longer commute. He sort of ignores the financial issues, to be honest. I am trying to figure it out.

So he puts his head in the sand and you seem unwilling to make any sensible choices. Horrifying.

Given your huge debt service, why do you need car payments? Why not buy two used cars? 450 a week for summer camp doesn't sound very practical for your preschooler. Why not pay for daycare til kindergarten starts in the fall like almost every other family who uses daycare til k? You said you don't even live in dc, so there has to be cheaper camps.

I feel bad for your kidd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the only long-term fix that will make a big dent is the mortgage. It's too high for your family. You need to be spending no more than $2000/month on the mortgage. There are two ways to get there - sacrifice space or location. Get a smaller place close-in to save commute or go out and deal with the commute. I know people in Manassas who take the train in and out daily.

I don't understand why your DH is so closed off to moving. It may not be ideal, but it's the most obvious solution. What is his plan for paying off the debt?

I agree with you. He doesn't want a longer commute. He sort of ignores the financial issues, to be honest. I am trying to figure it out.

How long is his commute now? People I know who live in loudoun county have 45 min commute each way on the loudoun county connector. There is wifi on the bus so you can work while commuting.

Yes. But she'll just buy a $700k house in Loudoun. Because she NEEDS it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the only long-term fix that will make a big dent is the mortgage. It's too high for your family. You need to be spending no more than $2000/month on the mortgage. There are two ways to get there - sacrifice space or location. Get a smaller place close-in to save commute or go out and deal with the commute. I know people in Manassas who take the train in and out daily.

I don't understand why your DH is so closed off to moving. It may not be ideal, but it's the most obvious solution. What is his plan for paying off the debt?

I agree with you. He doesn't want a longer commute. He sort of ignores the financial issues, to be honest. I am trying to figure it out.

How long is his commute now? People I know who live in loudoun county have 45 min commute each way on the loudoun county connector. There is wifi on the bus so you can work while commuting.

They have a 45-minute commute to where? Not the Capitol.

[Anonymous]

OP, kids get more expensive as they get older, and if one of your kids is a musician, he is going to be very expensive! Don't waste money on music camp now, get your financial house in order! His camps and instruments and lessons will be even more expensive by the time he is in high school. Even middle school! it will get so much more expensive.
I have some friends with very musical kids. They pay a fortune for lessons on two different instruments and some of the kids do specialty violin camps in the summer. Another friend bought a $8,000 bassoon for her son a couple of years ago. The reeds are crazy expensive. I'm not a music person so I could be wrong on the instrument but it is something like that.

You are just looking at higher and higher bills. Make homemade pizzas! Make cuts! Make cuts now when it is a lot easier with young kids. They honestly aren't going to care about the cuts. They just want to go to the park and play. They don't care!

I hope that you take some time to think of these suggestions and fill out the budget spreadsheet and go over it with your husband. You have to want your life to be better to make the changes though and you have to be done with debt and want long term financial stability more than instant gratification. I am not sure you are there yet.

And pp, I wish I had 1.2 million in my 401k! Wow! Congrats to you!

[Anonymous]

Put your middle child in the daycare that your youngest is in for the summer. Most daycares are licensed for up to age 5 and daycare is cheaper than camps.

[Anonymous]

Honestly? I'd wipe out all savings and pay off all debt and start my life again. No way do your earnings on retirement out pace your interest payments.

Once you get the monkey off your back, I'd clamp down on ALL luxuries and try to save at a 50k/yr clip.

The stress of holding onto that money is NOT worth it. Also, I'd look for new jobs in the further out suburbs and move the hell out l. Everything (not just housing) is cheaper.

[Anonymous]

AND THIS IS WHY I'M SAVING FOR MY KIDS COLLEGE AND IT HAS BEEN DRILLED INTO THEIR HEADS THAT THEY WILL ONLY ATTEND A STATE SCHOOL. The ROI on the OPS expensive education is not there.

I went to northern va community college and then UVA. I graduated with 5k in loans. I have a higher income than OP. An expensive education is foolish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AND THIS IS WHY I'M SAVING FOR MY KIDS COLLEGE AND IT HAS BEEN DRILLED INTO THEIR HEADS THAT THEY WILL ONLY ATTEND A STATE SCHOOL. The ROI on the OPS expensive education is not there.

I went to northern va community college and then UVA. I graduated with 5k in loans. I have a higher income than OP. An expensive education is foolish.

Not the OP, but their salary vs. their college/grad school is off because they work for the gov't. Although I don't think it is said anywhere, my guess is that they are lawyers. That is an expensive education anyway you look at it and where you get your law degree matters.

[Anonymous]

Change summer camp plans, and do a spending fast this month. Like a juice fast, but for your money. Only buy absolutely necessary groceries at Aldi or Walmart etc. At the end of that you'll be hyper aware of where you were bleeding money.

Also, of course, trade in the cars.

I'd spend a few weekends decluttering (especially looking for stuff you can sell) so your house feels more livable.