Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Like I said- it's giving a cushion to a new couple to use as would best serve them. Once it's given, it's given. It's not a go fund me for credit card bill or honeymoons.

As stated earlier, it would give most South Asians gift givers pleasure knowing that they were able to help in some small way to the financial security for a new couple.

We are very community oriented. Giving cash and gold serves the most stability for a family in the long term. This trickles down to a stronger community and more stabile future generations.

It's something that you will not get unless you get out of your box and try to understand that cultures are different.

Please just don't give a gift if you're so offended or just don't go to the wedding at all. It's different for you and apparently differences make you uncomfortable.
It's an invite, feel free to decline.

I'm not South Asian, I've never even been invited to a South Asian wedding (let alone gone), and this post makes a lot of sense to me.

If you don't want to pay off the couple's college loans, then don't give money. It's as simple as that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really think this is generational because I know South Asians who were raised in the US - and have attended their weddings - and they would view a "no boxed gifts" type of instruction as being outright inappropriate.

And please, the whole cash and gold is the ultimate security nonsense is what one associates with perhaps an immigrant who just arrived in the US.

Nonsense? Why? Cash and gold hold their value a lot more than toasters and wafflemakers.

[Anonymous]

If there are 500 people invited to the wedding that might be 300 gifts assuming 1 per family unit or single invited. What if 100 showed up with stuff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really think this is generational because I know South Asians who were raised in the US - and have attended their weddings - and they would view a "no boxed gifts" type of instruction as being outright inappropriate.

And please, the whole cash and gold is the ultimate security nonsense is what one associates with perhaps an immigrant who just arrived in the US.

Totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Like I said- it's giving a cushion to a new couple to use as would best serve them. Once it's given, it's given. It's not a go fund me for credit card bill or honeymoons.

As stated earlier, it would give most South Asians gift givers pleasure knowing that they were able to help in some small way to the financial security for a new couple.

We are very community oriented. Giving cash and gold serves the most stability for a family in the long term. This trickles down to a stronger community and more stabile future generations.

It's something that you will not get unless you get out of your box and try to understand that cultures are different.

Please just don't give a gift if you're so offended or just don't go to the wedding at all. It's different for you and apparently differences make you uncomfortable.
It's an invite, feel free to decline.

I'm not South Asian, I've never even been invited to a South Asian wedding (let alone gone), and this post makes a lot of sense to me.

If you don't want to pay off the couple's college loans, then don't give money. It's as simple as that.

Better still, leave it to the guests to decide what they want to give and if they want to give cash to pay off the couple's college loan, they can do just that. OTOH, if they want to give a waffle maker in a boxed gift then they should feel free to do that.

The point of contention is when a couple specifies that certain types of gifts are not desired: in this instance, "boxed gifts"/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think this is generational because I know South Asians who were raised in the US - and have attended their weddings - and they would view a "no boxed gifts" type of instruction as being outright inappropriate.

And please, the whole cash and gold is the ultimate security nonsense is what one associates with perhaps an immigrant who just arrived in the US.

Nonsense? Why? Cash and gold hold their value a lot more than toasters and wafflemakers.

Now you are being silly: one does not build up an inventory or toasters and waffle makers as an investment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Like I said- it's giving a cushion to a new couple to use as would best serve them. Once it's given, it's given. It's not a go fund me for credit card bill or honeymoons.

As stated earlier, it would give most South Asians gift givers pleasure knowing that they were able to help in some small way to the financial security for a new couple.

We are very community oriented. Giving cash and gold serves the most stability for a family in the long term. This trickles down to a stronger community and more stabile future generations.

It's something that you will not get unless you get out of your box and try to understand that cultures are different.

Please just don't give a gift if you're so offended or just don't go to the wedding at all. It's different for you and apparently differences make you uncomfortable.
It's an invite, feel free to decline.

I'm not South Asian, I've never even been invited to a South Asian wedding (let alone gone), and this post makes a lot of sense to me.

If you don't want to pay off the couple's college loans, then don't give money. It's as simple as that.

Better still, leave it to the guests to decide what they want to give and if they want to give cash to pay off the couple's college loan, they can do just that. OTOH, if they want to give a waffle maker in a boxed gift then they should feel free to do that.

The point of contention is when a couple specifies that certain types of gifts are not desired: in this instance, "boxed gifts"/

There will not be a registry and most guests want some sort of direction as to what to get. If your so upset about the "boxed gifts", you have several options.

1. Decline the invitation
2. Send a non-boxed gift
3. Send a boxed gift to make your point
4. Don't send any gift but do attend the wedding.

All are perfectly acceptable. You will be received graciously either way.

[Anonymous]

Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Better still, leave it to the guests to decide what they want to give and if they want to give cash to pay off the couple's college loan, they can do just that. OTOH, if they want to give a waffle maker in a boxed gift then they should feel free to do that.

The point of contention is when a couple specifies that certain types of gifts are not desired: in this instance, "boxed gifts"/

I still don't see the problem. If they don't want a waffle maker in a box, then don't give them a waffle maker in a box. (Also don't give them a waffle maker not in a box, because that would be obnoxious.)

And if you don't want to give them money, and you do want to give them a waffle maker but they don't want one, then don't give them anything.

And if you can't stand going to a wedding and not giving them anything, then don't go to the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think this is generational because I know South Asians who were raised in the US - and have attended their weddings - and they would view a "no boxed gifts" type of instruction as being outright inappropriate.

And please, the whole cash and gold is the ultimate security nonsense is what one associates with perhaps an immigrant who just arrived in the US.

Nonsense? Why? Cash and gold hold their value a lot more than toasters and wafflemakers.

Now you are being silly: one does not build up an inventory or toasters and waffle makers as an investment.

Well, yes, exactly.

Or is your point that cash and gold aren't the ultimate security; stocks and bonds are? Or real estate? Or...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If there are 500 people invited to the wedding that might be 300 gifts assuming 1 per family unit or single invited. What if 100 showed up with stuff?

100 toasters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is not making South Asian cultures look good at all.

Whatever. Take a post off of DCUM and decide that South Asian cultures are horrible from it. Typical. Like your culture is all roses right?



To the OP- If you don't want to give a gift, don't. Stating no boxed gifts simply means that if you want to give the couple a gift then instead of spending on some stupid registry gift, please give them the cash instead and allow them to use it as they need to benefit them.

To you all stating that this is not Asia, I'm sure the couple and their family are aware of that obvious fact. The majority of the attendants to the wedding will be South Asian.

South Asian weddings are LARGE, no one wants 500 boxes of any kind of gift. Cash is the POLITE gift to give to a new couple starting their life together. We don't know their circumstances, we don't know if they need a toaster, if they need money for a downpayment for a house, or if they would like to use their gifts to pay down any student loans so they don't start life together with a debt.

In American culture, gifts are polite. If you like it, keep it, if you don't then donate it. But that is seen as extremely wasteful in India. What holds value is cash and gold. Those are the gifts given to a new couple or at a baby's birth, etc. because they mean a lot more for the well being of the family.


Registries for gifts or towards a honeymoon are TACKY. I mean, really, I've seen some things like " hey help us enjoy our honeymoon by paying for a snorkel trip". Gross. How about I give you some money and you go buy your own snorkel package or your own set of dishes. Why do I have to go shopping around for you when you are perfectly capable of shopping for yourself.

But you can not put nothing at all on the card. Guest want to know what to get, it's a lot more stressful for them to just have to randomly pick up a gift of for a new couple. So either a registry or "no boxed gifts" needs to be listed.

My husband and I are both South Asian, but newsflash DCUM, it's not a monolith. We did two different invitations- for my side and my husband's side. "No boxed gifts" on mine, nothing on his, since "no boxed gifts" would have been taboo in his family and like I said registries are tacky. My MIL was inundated with calls about what to buy us as a gift.

The checks from my side gave us a very nice cushion to start out with- the remainder my student loans paid off, the rest into a Vanguard account that's been growing money for the past 15 years.

Lot of sweeping generalizations here ....... and I certainly agree with the PP who wrote that paying your college debt is the farthest thing from my mind when I give a wedding gift. What is next? Pay-off credit card bills?

Like I said- it's giving a cushion to a new couple to use as would best serve them. Once it's given, it's given. It's not a go fund me for credit card bill or honeymoons.

As stated earlier, it would give most South Asians gift givers pleasure knowing that they were able to help in some small way to the financial security for a new couple.

We are very community oriented. Giving cash and gold serves the most stability for a family in the long term. This trickles down to a stronger community and more stabile future generations.

It's something that you will not get unless you get out of your box and try to understand that cultures are different.

Please just don't give a gift if you're so offended or just don't go to the wedding at all. It's different for you and apparently differences make you uncomfortable.
It's an invite, feel free to decline.

If most South Asians know that money is most appreciated, then why is "no boxed gifts" on the invitation in the first place? For the (typically much smaller number of) non-South Asians who are invited?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow...what the heck people. My husband and I are not well off at all due to a lot of medical issues we are having. The bills are killing us. I wouldn't wish for anything else but money for our wedding. We could really use the help. And true friends of ours would understand that - it's our special day. Gifts should be something we really actually need. If money is what's most needed at that point, then money it is. Even though I think one could let guests know something like this in a different manner than putting "No boxed gifts" on the invite...asking for money isn't a bad thing. To some people financial gifts could be life savers. Unbelievable how judgmental some people are here. Guess I'm just glad none of you folks are anywhere near us. Yuck!

If you are so hard up for money, forego the wedding and go to the courthouse. That is the responsible thing to do, not spend money on some wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is not making South Asian cultures look good at all.

Whatever. Take a post off of DCUM and decide that South Asian cultures are horrible from it. Typical. Like your culture is all roses right?



To the OP- If you don't want to give a gift, don't. Stating no boxed gifts simply means that if you want to give the couple a gift then instead of spending on some stupid registry gift, please give them the cash instead and allow them to use it as they need to benefit them.

To you all stating that this is not Asia, I'm sure the couple and their family are aware of that obvious fact. The majority of the attendants to the wedding will be South Asian.

South Asian weddings are LARGE, no one wants 500 boxes of any kind of gift. Cash is the POLITE gift to give to a new couple starting their life together. We don't know their circumstances, we don't know if they need a toaster, if they need money for a downpayment for a house, or if they would like to use their gifts to pay down any student loans so they don't start life together with a debt.

In American culture, gifts are polite. If you like it, keep it, if you don't then donate it. But that is seen as extremely wasteful in India. What holds value is cash and gold. Those are the gifts given to a new couple or at a baby's birth, etc. because they mean a lot more for the well being of the family.


Registries for gifts or towards a honeymoon are TACKY. I mean, really, I've seen some things like " hey help us enjoy our honeymoon by paying for a snorkel trip". Gross. How about I give you some money and you go buy your own snorkel package or your own set of dishes. Why do I have to go shopping around for you when you are perfectly capable of shopping for yourself.

But you can not put nothing at all on the card. Guest want to know what to get, it's a lot more stressful for them to just have to randomly pick up a gift of for a new couple. So either a registry or "no boxed gifts" needs to be listed.

My husband and I are both South Asian, but newsflash DCUM, it's not a monolith. We did two different invitations- for my side and my husband's side. "No boxed gifts" on mine, nothing on his, since "no boxed gifts" would have been taboo in his family and like I said registries are tacky. My MIL was inundated with calls about what to buy us as a gift.

The checks from my side gave us a very nice cushion to start out with- the remainder my student loans paid off, the rest into a Vanguard account that's been growing money for the past 15 years.

Lot of sweeping generalizations here ....... and I certainly agree with the PP who wrote that paying your college debt is the farthest thing from my mind when I give a wedding gift. What is next? Pay-off credit card bills?

Like I said- it's giving a cushion to a new couple to use as would best serve them. Once it's given, it's given. It's not a go fund me for credit card bill or honeymoons.

As stated earlier, it would give most South Asians gift givers pleasure knowing that they were able to help in some small way to the financial security for a new couple.

We are very community oriented. Giving cash and gold serves the most stability for a family in the long term. This trickles down to a stronger community and more stabile future generations.

It's something that you will not get unless you get out of your box and try to understand that cultures are different.

Please just don't give a gift if you're so offended or just don't go to the wedding at all. It's different for you and apparently differences make you uncomfortable.
It's an invite, feel free to decline.

If most South Asians know that money is most appreciated, then why is "no boxed gifts" on the invitation in the first place? For the (typically much smaller number of) non-South Asians who are invited?

+1. I've been to South Asian weddings where there were maybe 10 people (out of 300) that were not South Asian, and yet "no boxed gifts" was on the invite. What is that all about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is not making South Asian cultures look good at all.

Whatever. Take a post off of DCUM and decide that South Asian cultures are horrible from it. Typical. Like your culture is all roses right?



To the OP- If you don't want to give a gift, don't. Stating no boxed gifts simply means that if you want to give the couple a gift then instead of spending on some stupid registry gift, please give them the cash instead and allow them to use it as they need to benefit them.

To you all stating that this is not Asia, I'm sure the couple and their family are aware of that obvious fact. The majority of the attendants to the wedding will be South Asian.

South Asian weddings are LARGE, no one wants 500 boxes of any kind of gift. Cash is the POLITE gift to give to a new couple starting their life together. We don't know their circumstances, we don't know if they need a toaster, if they need money for a downpayment for a house, or if they would like to use their gifts to pay down any student loans so they don't start life together with a debt.

In American culture, gifts are polite. If you like it, keep it, if you don't then donate it. But that is seen as extremely wasteful in India. What holds value is cash and gold. Those are the gifts given to a new couple or at a baby's birth, etc. because they mean a lot more for the well being of the family.


Registries for gifts or towards a honeymoon are TACKY. I mean, really, I've seen some things like " hey help us enjoy our honeymoon by paying for a snorkel trip". Gross. How about I give you some money and you go buy your own snorkel package or your own set of dishes. Why do I have to go shopping around for you when you are perfectly capable of shopping for yourself.

But you can not put nothing at all on the card. Guest want to know what to get, it's a lot more stressful for them to just have to randomly pick up a gift of for a new couple. So either a registry or "no boxed gifts" needs to be listed.

My husband and I are both South Asian, but newsflash DCUM, it's not a monolith. We did two different invitations- for my side and my husband's side. "No boxed gifts" on mine, nothing on his, since "no boxed gifts" would have been taboo in his family and like I said registries are tacky. My MIL was inundated with calls about what to buy us as a gift.

The checks from my side gave us a very nice cushion to start out with- the remainder my student loans paid off, the rest into a Vanguard account that's been growing money for the past 15 years.

Lot of sweeping generalizations here ....... and I certainly agree with the PP who wrote that paying your college debt is the farthest thing from my mind when I give a wedding gift. What is next? Pay-off credit card bills?

Like I said- it's giving a cushion to a new couple to use as would best serve them. Once it's given, it's given. It's not a go fund me for credit card bill or honeymoons.

As stated earlier, it would give most South Asians gift givers pleasure knowing that they were able to help in some small way to the financial security for a new couple.

We are very community oriented. Giving cash and gold serves the most stability for a family in the long term. This trickles down to a stronger community and more stabile future generations.

It's something that you will not get unless you get out of your box and try to understand that cultures are different.

Please just don't give a gift if you're so offended or just don't go to the wedding at all. It's different for you and apparently differences make you uncomfortable.
It's an invite, feel free to decline.

If most South Asians know that money is most appreciated, then why is "no boxed gifts" on the invitation in the first place? For the (typically much smaller number of) non-South Asians who are invited?

+1. I've been to South Asian weddings where there were maybe 10 people (out of 300) that were not South Asian, and yet "no boxed gifts" was on the invite. What is that all about?

It's just customary.

I will say, that it's mostly seen on invites outside of the home country. I've never seen it on an invite in India.

My best guess is that, over there is pretty much the only way it's done. Where as here, there are different customs and the guests might not be 100% sure if this is going to be traditional or if it will be using the customs that are American such as registries/boxed gifts. So better to guide the attendants so they know.