Does having kids really suck as bad as people say?

[Anonymous]

So bizarre, because I don't think that it "sucks" at all. I didn't have kids until I was 36 and I have loved every minutes of being with my children.

There is nothing to compare with watching your child's face light up when you walk in the room or witnessing those first steps. I honestly haven't found any of the actual child rearing hard. Fitting work in has been hard, but not being with my children.

[Anonymous]

On the one hand it's exhausting, you can't do whatever you want to whenever you want to anymore, it's a huge responsibility and it costs a lot. The anger that wells up when they don't do what you tell them to do, when you are just trying to protect them and raise them right, every single day, is terrible. One the other hand the kid's hugs are worth a million dollars and you feel kind of sorry for the people who never have kids.
That's not to say that having kids is right for everyone, and I believe you can have a satisfying full life without ever getting married or having kids.
I envy the freedom and disposable income.

[Anonymous]

YES. YES. YES. IT SUCKS EVEN MORE THAN ANYONE WILL ADMIT. AND THE PLANET DOESN'T NEED ANY MORE OF US.

[Anonymous]

OH, AND JUST FORGET ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE. THE TWO OF YOU DON'T EXIST.

[Anonymous]

Read All Joy and No Fun for a pretty good explanation of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just had a kid. She's 4 months old and the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. That said it suck. Sucks big time. Being pregnant is horrible. Labor is beyond the worst thing ever. Lack of sleep, no freedom, no time. Taking a shower is an achievement. Going to the bathroom is a luxury. I didn't originally want kids and I should have stuck with that. But that said its an amazing often wonderful experience.

I could have written this post, except that my DS is 6 months. He is amazing, and I love him- but I now know why I said I did not want kids. I can and will be an awesome mom for this little guy, but I can imagine my life without being a Mom. For me, it is not all encompassing.

Your kids are way too young for you to have any perspective on this question. When my son was this age, I was miserable. At some point, they become little people and that's when any real payoff starts. You also get a lot of freedom back.

I also have an infant and my life doesn't suck, nor did my pregnancy. Labor did, and the first two weeks with a newborn are really hard. Loving the rest though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the one hand it's exhausting, you can't do whatever you want to whenever you want to anymore, it's a huge responsibility and it costs a lot. The anger that wells up when they don't do what you tell them to do, when you are just trying to protect them and raise them right, every single day, is terrible. One the other hand the kid's hugs are worth a million dollars and you feel kind of sorry for the people who never have kids.
That's not to say that having kids is right for everyone, and I believe you can have a satisfying full life without ever getting married or having kids.
I envy the freedom and disposable income.

x10000000000

So accurate IME.

[Anonymous]

I personally feel sorry for the FLAMING LOSERS WHO NEED A HOBBY who populate a parenting forum to talk about not having kids. To the "gosh I'm glad I don't have kids" crowd you are so sad and pathetic. Not having kids is absolutely fine. Not having kids and advocating that perspective on a parenting advice forum makes you a FLAMING LOSER

[Anonymous]

only on one's nipples

[Anonymous]

If you put the work into the first few years and make sure consistently and age appropriately disciplining them, it gets *a lot* easier. Birth to 3.5ish was really hard and at times very unpleasant, but we kept at it and have been handsomely rewarded. Now in middle school our kid is a delight and has been so ever since we pushed through the threes. Not to say we don't have our struggles, we do, but they are manageable and they are just a part of any human interaction.

[Anonymous]

It is much easier when they are older. We can now travel and do interesting things. The toddler years were just OK.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on how into your own stuff you are and your parenting style. I can only give you my own experience. I had kids in a second marriage, married for the second time at 32, got a stepchild out of that, had my first at 33 and #2 at 36. They're now 10, 5 and 3.

What do I miss about being childless? Lazy Sunday mornings reading the NYT cover to cover. Random weekend getaways. Going out to see music. And for many years, sleep (though it's fine now).

But I wouldn't trade any of those experiences for the experiences I've had all throughout my kids' lives. Even the early ones -- nursing the baby to sleep. Watching him discover new things. Hearing words come out of their little mouths. Watching them learn and develop a personality. Seeing them learn to read, ride a bike, play sports.

To me, there is nothing more fun or meaningful than watching a little person that you and your spouse created together grow up, and to get to know that little person and develop a relationship with him or her. I wouldn't trade an African safari or 1000 lazy Sunday mornings or seeing the best band in the world at the 930 club for that.

I'll also say that there's a lot of empirical research that shows what gives a life true happiness is meaning. I know that before I had kids and was with my boyfriend/now husband, there were a lot of times when I felt unfulfilled and couldn't quite figure out why. I think I was looking for more meaning, and while I certainly think it's possible to have meaning in your life without kids, there's no question that having them is the most meaningful thing I can imagine.

One last thing -- I also think parenting style matters here. Hovering around your kid and not letting them be on their own will make the job much, much less fun. I insisted on a house with a backyard with an enclosed fence -- I shove my 3 kids out there all the time on their own. I insist on everyone staying in their beds after a certain hour -- I don't understand parents who let their kids stay up until 9:30 or 10. That would drive me batty. I work hard to teach my kids to become self-sufficient little people. They have chores. The oldest one does his own laundry (he is 10). They help me with chores large and small - I am not going to be a manservant. And I am lucky enough to have a great child care provider (I work) who makes life easier.

So, despite that having kids is hard work -- and you will get frustrated and feel like you're going to lose your s**t at least weekly, I know my life would be much, much worse without them.

[Anonymous]

I'd say yes and no.

It is rewarding and they do bring great love and joy into your life. Plus, when you get old you at least know you will have someone to care about your needs and welfare. Wink..wink...

However, one must be financially, emotionally, physically and mentally strong in order to be a parent...A decent parent even.

People will tell you parenting is an 18 year job.

I feel like laughing in their faces. Ha! Says who??!

Trust me....When your children are young they are a ton of work physically. But as adults, they tend to be a lot of work emotionally so it is a trade-off I say.

Once you sign on, you don't sign off until you're on your deathbed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is a horrible thread. Parenting is not something you wing it at. There are many known methods that are documented and that really work. OP, it's as hard as you make it.

Ugh, you are so annoying. I have read up on many methods that are documented and supposedly really work. None of them have helped with DS's hyperactivity, impulsiveness, oppositional behavior, and low frustration tolerance. Nor have sessions with a child psych. It is not just a question of "well, if you do everything right, things won't be hard." Things are hard, but I still love DS and am glad to be a parent. There is no one magical formula that will make things easy. You don't get to choose the kid you get.

NP here. It's interesting that you called that poster annoying, because I just find it so annoying myself, when people say, 'you get what you get', not true at all. How the parents nurture and react to each developmental phase, is very important. Personalities that your kids will end up with are somewhat formed by the parents.

[Anonymous]

I almost did not have a kid because after hearing about it from all my friends, I thought "why on earth would I want such punishment." For some reason I was talking to a guy at work about this, and he started laughing and told me that if everything thought rationally about it - no one would have kids. He explained that it is easy for people to talk about the bad stuff - and easy for you to see the bad stuff. But it is the good part is so good, and it can't really be explained. He said he was so sure I'd have no regrets that he said if I had a kid, changed my mind, that he would adopt it. He said he could make that promise, because he was so sure I would have no regrets.

He was right. The good part can't be explained. Its like everything in life you thought was important just isn't anymore (or isn't as important as you thought). Its like I was living a smaller life before, but I just didn't know it. But is it hard? Yes, without a doubt. But I found it to be worth it.