Does having kids really suck as bad as people say?
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Anonymous
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Exactly. I have no doubt that if you sampled my emotional state at any given moment, I probably have way more moments of anxiety, stress, and exhaustion than nonparents, and fewer moments of relaxation and pleasure. But I am also sure (based on comparing myself before and after) that I have many more moments of pure love, hysterical laughter, satisfaction, and a feeling of groundedness and purpose. I also don't experience the downs that I did pre-kids, when I often felt the days & nights stretch before me with loneliness and confusion.
Above is exactly how I feel. I feel more grounded and fulfilled. But more anxious and worried too. |
Anonymous
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It's way worse that people say. AND way more amazing and wonderful, too.
If you're not emotionally mature to handle uncertainty, dependency, annoying friends and family, living with irrationality, being "take for granted," and so on, it is definitely not for you. I thank god for my husband who keeps me on a mostly even keel... and he probably thanks god for me, too. We have to work together. I'd be much worse as a single parent. |
Anonymous
| Google "all joy and no fun" |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| It depends on large part what kinds of kids you get. Easygoing, happy, mild? It will still sometimes be tough but you will get enough rewards to sustain you through the challenges. Or defiant, whiny, negative? A child with special needs, especially in the realm of behavioral challenges or mental illness? They can wear you down and take a toll on you and your DH. Take a close look at your family and your DH's family for examples of the types of personalities you might have to deal with. Nurture has a lot to do with how well your children turn out, but after having one of each of the above I'm convinced nature has even more. |
Anonymous
IME and IMO, if there was full disclosure, there would be far fewer children. However, the better your support network the easier it is. If you have local capable and willing family help, YMMV. Most of us do not have family help, so it becomes that much harder. It is a new human phenomenon to try to so it all by ourselves, if you have the money definitely buy help. |
Anonymous
I really feel sorry for some of your kids. 
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Anonymous
| I thnk it depends on the kind of life you want to have. We are likely sticking with just one because we know we can be happier and more relaxed with one child and still take her on lots of trips with us. What I have seen is that when you have 2 or more, your life truly revolves around parenting 24/7. There is nothing wrong with that if that is what you want. I know parents who thrive on the chaos of two kids and want to have three. I know I would be a sinking ship. OP you just have to know yourself, your limits etc. I love my one child so much and parenting is a lot more fun than I imagined it would be. |
Anonymous
You re-started a year old thread to contribute this insight? I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Get some help. |
Anonymous
| Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. |
Anonymous
Sometimes DCUM seemingly randomly kicks very old posts to the top of the heap. I made the mistake once of being the first to comment on a year+ old thread--didn't think anything of it until someone pointed out it had been old and moldy... |
Anonymous
| the good outweighs the bad! or so many people wouldn't be doing it, and multiple times over. |
Anonymous
| Stories about the bad circulate far more than the stories about the good. Like, everyone hears all the stories about the kid that doesn't sleep through the night until she's 3, but the stories about the kids who sleep well early on don't circulate nearly as much. I complain about the things that are/were hard for us (potty training, breastfeeding) but not so much about sleep, eating, etc, since those have gone so well for us. But for lots of people it's the reverse...so you'd end up thinking thatp otty training, breastfeeding, sleep and eating are all terrible and burdensome. |
Anonymous
This is a really good point. I think people raise a lot of good points here. It's a combination of (and I tried to list them in order): 1. Expectations (keep them low low low!) 2. How helpful is your partner? 3. Does the kid sleep through the night early on? 4. If #3 is no, then how well can you deal with sleep deprivation? Try setting an alarm every two-three hours from 10pm to 6 am, get up for at least fifteen minutes during each alarm wake, and then wake-up for good at 6am. Try it for a week and you will know the answer to this question. 5. Temperament of kid 6. How much do you value personal time? |
Anonymous
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Hardest thing I ever had to do in my life but the most rewarding thing I will ever do, clearly.
Kids will break you, only love is what will make you stay the course. It's worth it, I tell myself they will never be little again in a lifetime, try to cherish it. |