Reply to Does having kids really suck as bad as people say?

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Reply to "Does having kids really suck as bad as people say?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I think it depends on how into your own stuff you are and your parenting style. I can only give you my own experience.  I had kids in a second marriage, married for the second time at 32, got a stepchild out of that, had my first at 33 and #2 at 36. They're now 10, 5 and 3.

What do I miss about being childless? Lazy Sunday mornings reading the NYT cover to cover. Random weekend getaways.  Going out to see music. And for many years, sleep (though it's fine now).

But I wouldn't trade any of those experiences for the experiences I've had all throughout my kids' lives.  Even the early ones -- nursing the baby to sleep. Watching him discover new things. Hearing words come out of their little mouths.  Watching them learn and develop a personality. Seeing them learn to read, ride a bike, play sports.

To me, there is nothing more fun or meaningful than watching a little person that you and your spouse created together grow up, and to get to know that little person and develop a relationship with him or her. I wouldn't trade an African safari or 1000 lazy Sunday mornings or seeing the best band in the world at the 930 club for that.

I'll also say that there's a lot of empirical research that shows what gives a life true happiness is meaning.  I know that before I had kids and was with my boyfriend/now husband, there were a lot of times when I felt unfulfilled and couldn't quite figure out why. I think I was looking for more meaning, and while I certainly think it's possible to have meaning in your life without kids, there's no question that having them is the most meaningful thing I can imagine.

One last thing -- I also think parenting style matters here. Hovering around your kid and not letting them be on their own will make the job much, much less fun. I insisted on a house with a backyard with an enclosed fence -- I shove my 3 kids out there all the time on their own. I insist on everyone staying in their beds after a certain hour -- I don't understand parents who let their kids stay up until 9:30 or 10.  That would drive me batty. I work hard to teach my kids to become self-sufficient little people.  They have chores. The oldest one does his own laundry (he is 10). They help me with chores large and small - I am not going to be a manservant. And I am lucky enough to have a great child care provider (I work) who makes life easier.

So, despite that having kids is hard work -- and you will get frustrated and feel like you're going to lose your s**t at least weekly, I know my life would be much, much worse without them.[/quote]

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