I haven't figured out how people raise children in DC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a huge difference between DC and these so called "close in suburbs". There is no comparison. Affording a house on Lowell lane or even somewhere like AU Park requires a much higher level of income than the burbs. And yes higher income generally means best and brightest.

Long-time Kent resident here -- living just a block away from Lowell for years. Please, folks, do not be fooled by the well-rehearsed facades so common to the neighborhood. Plenty of people have trust-funds or other inherited family wealth and are definitely not the "best and the brightest." The luckiest, maybe, but not the brightest. Many of these people lay it all on so thick simply to make everyone else believe they really are the best, etc., but this facade is a mile wide and an inch deep. It doesn't take long to figure out that these people are not smarter, more clever, more hard-working, etc. than the average person -- they just hit the lottery.

Truth is, that to afford the lifestyle (expensive house, private school, nanny, housekeeper, Chevy Chase Club, etc.), one truly needs a trust fund. Likely, someone earning their own money would have the good sense to realize they are surrounded by some of the best public schools in the country -- and that they ought to take advantage of them! Honestly, all of this keeping up with the Joneses must be exhausting -- especially when the Joneses so often have the invisible hand of family money keeping them afloat!

So what you are saying is we should move to Fairfax and send our kids to 3000 people schools because they are "good"? And I put good in quotations because we know about the gang problems, the busing, the high student to teacher ratio etc etc. And if most of us hit a genetic lottery that would posit that we inherited most of our family's smart genes to keep this wealth going. Of course a lot of people in wealthy areas have trust funds that's why the areas are wealthy. Just because your family worked hard enough to create multigenerational wealth doesn't diminish your accomplishments.

No, not saying Fairfax. Perhaps the other side of Western Ave. (which separates DC from MoCo). You could live in a Bethesda neighborhood which is just steps from the DC boarder and send your kids to those schools.

Also, have you met many 2nd and 3rd generation wealthy? Your theory of "smart genes" notwithstanding, usually, not the brightest bulbs.

[Anonymous]

Here's how I do it and remain relatively sane. My kid's now 9, btw, so a lot of this has gotten MUCH easier in a lot of ways.

I live in PG county and my kid goes to public school (though a magnet). He was in group care even further away from where I work until he started kindergarten because it was affordable. I work hard and like my job, but am probably considered a crappy employee because I leave at 5. This is a compromise I've decided to live with. In the end, as long as I don't get fired, I don't care if people think I'm a crappy employee. I live and work near a metro even though there is crime here.

My child goes to summer camps run by the county parks system. We run the AC starting June 1st. We wear tank tops and shorts until September and collectively decide to just look like sweaty unkempt yahoos until the weather cools off.

All the Joneses I could try and keep up with if I so chose are in a similar boat.

I am pretty confident that if my child fails to become a well-adjusted contributing member of society, it's not going to be because of any of the above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a huge difference between DC and these so called "close in suburbs". There is no comparison. Affording a house on Lowell lane or even somewhere like AU Park requires a much higher level of income than the burbs. And yes higher income generally means best and brightest.

Long-time Kent resident here -- living just a block away from Lowell for years. Please, folks, do not be fooled by the well-rehearsed facades so common to the neighborhood. Plenty of people have trust-funds or other inherited family wealth and are definitely not the "best and the brightest." The luckiest, maybe, but not the brightest. Many of these people lay it all on so thick simply to make everyone else believe they really are the best, etc., but this facade is a mile wide and an inch deep. It doesn't take long to figure out that these people are not smarter, more clever, more hard-working, etc. than the average person -- they just hit the lottery.

Truth is, that to afford the lifestyle (expensive house, private school, nanny, housekeeper, Chevy Chase Club, etc.), one truly needs a trust fund. Likely, someone earning their own money would have the good sense to realize they are surrounded by some of the best public schools in the country -- and that they ought to take advantage of them! Honestly, all of this keeping up with the Joneses must be exhausting -- especially when the Joneses so often have the invisible hand of family money keeping them afloat!

So what you are saying is we should move to Fairfax and send our kids to 3000 people schools because they are "good"? And I put good in quotations because we know about the gang problems, the busing, the high student to teacher ratio etc etc. And if most of us hit a genetic lottery that would posit that we inherited most of our family's smart genes to keep this wealth going. Of course a lot of people in wealthy areas have trust funds that's why the areas are wealthy. Just because your family worked hard enough to create multigenerational wealth doesn't diminish your accomplishments.

No, not saying Fairfax. Perhaps the other side of Western Ave. (which separates DC from MoCo). You could live in a Bethesda neighborhood which is just steps from the DC boarder and send your kids to those schools.

Also, have you met many 2nd and 3rd generation wealthy? Your theory of "smart genes" notwithstanding, usually, not the brightest bulbs.

Again why would I want to do that? Higher taxes, PUBLIC schools which have huge classes and tons of other problems. Sending my tax dollars to Baltimore that never come back, at least in DC my tax dollars stay in the same city I live in. MD has just as much corruption and government waste. Plus you lose some social currency if your zip code doesn't end in 20016.

[Anonymous]

If yo don't like living here, then you should leave. We live in DC, are happy with our public school, have had awesome childcare, have commutes of less than 30 minutes, and have a decent-sized house. We are not rich but make a comfortable living. We have lots of friends who have the same philosphy we do regarding parenting (definitely NOT helicopters).

It's just been a matter of finding what it takes to make us happy, and if you can't do that here, then go somewhere else. I'm tired of people acting like DC is so horrible and other cities are magically wonderful. I love living here and I'm not rich, a snob, or an elitist.

Amen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a huge difference between DC and these so called "close in suburbs". There is no comparison. Affording a house on Lowell lane or even somewhere like AU Park requires a much higher level of income than the burbs. And yes higher income generally means best and brightest.

Long-time Kent resident here -- living just a block away from Lowell for years. Please, folks, do not be fooled by the well-rehearsed facades so common to the neighborhood. Plenty of people have trust-funds or other inherited family wealth and are definitely not the "best and the brightest." The luckiest, maybe, but not the brightest. Many of these people lay it all on so thick simply to make everyone else believe they really are the best, etc., but this facade is a mile wide and an inch deep. It doesn't take long to figure out that these people are not smarter, more clever, more hard-working, etc. than the average person -- they just hit the lottery.

Truth is, that to afford the lifestyle (expensive house, private school, nanny, housekeeper, Chevy Chase Club, etc.), one truly needs a trust fund. Likely, someone earning their own money would have the good sense to realize they are surrounded by some of the best public schools in the country -- and that they ought to take advantage of them! Honestly, all of this keeping up with the Joneses must be exhausting -- especially when the Joneses so often have the invisible hand of family money keeping them afloat!

So what you are saying is we should move to Fairfax and send our kids to 3000 people schools because they are "good"? And I put good in quotations because we know about the gang problems, the busing, the high student to teacher ratio etc etc. And if most of us hit a genetic lottery that would posit that we inherited most of our family's smart genes to keep this wealth going. Of course a lot of people in wealthy areas have trust funds that's why the areas are wealthy. Just because your family worked hard enough to create multigenerational wealth doesn't diminish your accomplishments.

No, not saying Fairfax. Perhaps the other side of Western Ave. (which separates DC from MoCo). You could live in a Bethesda neighborhood which is just steps from the DC boarder and send your kids to those schools.

Also, have you met many 2nd and 3rd generation wealthy? Your theory of "smart genes" notwithstanding, usually, not the brightest bulbs.

Again why would I want to do that? Higher taxes, PUBLIC schools which have huge classes and tons of other problems. Sending my tax dollars to Baltimore that never come back, at least in DC my tax dollars stay in the same city I live in. MD has just as much corruption and government waste. Plus you lose some social currency if your zip code doesn't end in 20016.

OMG

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - We're in the same boat. Bought a house pre-kids in close in Silver Spring, but work in downtown, DC. Couldn't get good childcare in our neighborhood, so DS goes to a very expensive daycare near my office. We have another on the way, so will soon have a $40K per year daycare bill. Pre-kids the commute was up to 45 minutes, all metro and on foot. Now with daycare drop off, commute is about 75 minutes each way. Thank goodness DS loves the metro because he spends more time with us commuting than he does awake at home on weekdays. We only work 8 hour days. Our house has declined in value and although we've outgrown it we can't afford to sell. It feels like we're working really hard and not getting a good quality of life in return. We'd love to leave this area. I loved it pre-kids.

Because you bought in a declining area. If you'd bought in Bethesda instead of Silver Spring, your house would have held its value.

Typically those that can afford to live in Bethesda don't choose to live in Silver Spring.

[Anonymous]

Can we please make it so that if you don't live in DC (i.e., the Fairfax, Bethesda etc.) you don't get to bitch about raising children in DC? Please, go on about how tough it is to raise your children in the burbs - but don't complain about DC - because you don't live there.

[Anonymous]

I am only pregnant so maybe I will eat my words later, but here is how we plan on doing it. We both work two very flexible jobs. Mine is with the feds so I can get out of work at 230pm, DH's is private but he essentially has unlimited vacation/sick so he can take off whenever. We both have jobs that dont' require travel or work on the weekend.

The daycare we chose (assuming we get in) is right next door to my work, the other daycares are at the metro on the way to DH's job. We live in a two bedroom apartment that is off the metro but both have buses that takes us from the door of our home to the door of our work. I don't feel guilty that we can't put our kids in a house yet, because our apt is huge (1200 sq feet) and comes with a pool and a green area so the kid will have a place to play. We feel comfortable sending our kids to public school in our current neighborhood (we live in Arlington).

I don't think it is that hot here, but I grew up in AZ and we still played outside there so I imagine my kids can do it here as well. I am actually really excited to raise my kids in D.C. There are a ton more opportunities here whether it is museums, community events, diversity, or just education. I don't think the people here are mean or rude, as in I have made friends easily and people always treat me with kindness (absent poor customer service).

I don't know maybe I am naive but I think it can be easy to raise your kid in D.C. I know that every lifestyle decision we have made in the last couple years was made with the frame of mind that we would be having a kid soon and we needed to make our lifestyle kid friendly. So, my kid will live its first few years in an apartment and will take the bus, but I don't really think of either of those things are negative.

[Anonymous]

OP I think really what it comes down to is that you can't have it all, especially if you're not a gajillionaire. So you make your choices based on your priorities. We live in a small house in Arlington with a kitchen that is nothing short of maddening because we don't want to commute more than 30 minutes each way to our jobs. I work at a job that is professional and fine, but not super high paying or super fascinating because it allows me to work my 8 hours and get the hell out of there to spend more time with our kids. We drive old cars and don't really take vacations. But are we happy? Yeah, I'd say we really are. Our neighbors are warm and real and our families are here, which is really important to us. Our kids are growing up in a real community, with neighbors who look out for them and grandparents and aunts, uncles and cousins who they see pretty much every week. But yeah, I have to fight the keep up with the Joneses urges too...lol.

[Anonymous]

Also (I'm 12:03 above) OP, I grew up here. And in high school my friends and I went to museums, rallies, protests, and wandered around the monuments for fun (seriously). When I got to college my roommate was from a small town in upstate NY. In high school she and her friends sat in a parked car in the middle of a cow field and smoked weed. Just some longer term perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - We're in the same boat. Bought a house pre-kids in close in Silver Spring, but work in downtown, DC. Couldn't get good childcare in our neighborhood, so DS goes to a very expensive daycare near my office. We have another on the way, so will soon have a $40K per year daycare bill. Pre-kids the commute was up to 45 minutes, all metro and on foot. Now with daycare drop off, commute is about 75 minutes each way. Thank goodness DS loves the metro because he spends more time with us commuting than he does awake at home on weekdays. We only work 8 hour days. Our house has declined in value and although we've outgrown it we can't afford to sell. It feels like we're working really hard and not getting a good quality of life in return. We'd love to leave this area. I loved it pre-kids.

Because you bought in a declining area. If you'd bought in Bethesda instead of Silver Spring, your house would have held its value.

Typically those that can afford to live in Bethesda don't choose to live in Silver Spring.

This is a ridiculous statement. We could but choose not to live in Bethesda (my husband is a physician; I'm a partner in a law firm). We prefer Silver Spring because it is more convenient to downtown and is more down-to-earth/normal than Bethesda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we please make it so that if you don't live in DC (i.e., the Fairfax, Bethesda etc.) you don't get to bitch about raising children in DC? Please, go on about how tough it is to raise your children in the burbs - but don't complain about DC - because you don't live there.

Nope. Because like it or not, the suburbs are really part of the broader National Capital Region, and in some ways there are similarities between suburbs and portions of the district that are more comparable than various parts of the district. Ashburn is as different from the Palisades as the Palisades is different from Anacostia. Georgetown probably has more in common with Old Town Alexandria than it does with Capitol Heights.

So can we make it such that if we bitch about DC we don't do it if we live west of the park? Washington DC is the big city anchor for the burbs, it just so happens that there are three jurisdictions involved. If we lived in Boston, would you say that people who live in Cambridge couldn't complain about Boston?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a huge difference between DC and these so called "close in suburbs". There is no comparison. Affording a house on Lowell lane or even somewhere like AU Park requires a much higher level of income than the burbs. And yes higher income generally means best and brightest.

Long-time Kent resident here -- living just a block away from Lowell for years. Please, folks, do not be fooled by the well-rehearsed facades so common to the neighborhood. Plenty of people have trust-funds or other inherited family wealth and are definitely not the "best and the brightest." The luckiest, maybe, but not the brightest. Many of these people lay it all on so thick simply to make everyone else believe they really are the best, etc., but this facade is a mile wide and an inch deep. It doesn't take long to figure out that these people are not smarter, more clever, more hard-working, etc. than the average person -- they just hit the lottery.

Truth is, that to afford the lifestyle (expensive house, private school, nanny, housekeeper, Chevy Chase Club, etc.), one truly needs a trust fund. Likely, someone earning their own money would have the good sense to realize they are surrounded by some of the best public schools in the country -- and that they ought to take advantage of them! Honestly, all of this keeping up with the Joneses must be exhausting -- especially when the Joneses so often have the invisible hand of family money keeping them afloat!

So what you are saying is we should move to Fairfax and send our kids to 3000 people schools because they are "good"? And I put good in quotations because we know about the gang problems, the busing, the high student to teacher ratio etc etc. And if most of us hit a genetic lottery that would posit that we inherited most of our family's smart genes to keep this wealth going. Of course a lot of people in wealthy areas have trust funds that's why the areas are wealthy. Just because your family worked hard enough to create multigenerational wealth doesn't diminish your accomplishments.

No, not saying Fairfax. Perhaps the other side of Western Ave. (which separates DC from MoCo). You could live in a Bethesda neighborhood which is just steps from the DC boarder and send your kids to those schools.

Also, have you met many 2nd and 3rd generation wealthy? Your theory of "smart genes" notwithstanding, usually, not the brightest bulbs.

Again why would I want to do that? Higher taxes, PUBLIC schools which have huge classes and tons of other problems. Sending my tax dollars to Baltimore that never come back, at least in DC my tax dollars stay in the same city I live in. MD has just as much corruption and government waste. Plus you lose some social currency if your zip code doesn't end in 20016.

Well then, you aren't like the OP who is struggling to come up with alternatives. That's fine. But, really, do you think anyone is conferring "social currency" upon you b/c you live in 20016. Have lived in that zip for a long time I know that to be bogus. Newsflash: no one cares what your zip is. Look, there are socially connected, powerful, wealthy people in many more zips than 20016 (and 20016 has many folks just struggling to make it work in a tiny house with no wealth, power or perceived social status). However, if you are interested in such things, you are an example of the "keeping up with the Joneses" that the OP and many others have rightfully mocked on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also (I'm 12:03 above) OP, I grew up here. And in high school my friends and I went to museums, rallies, protests, and wandered around the monuments for fun (seriously). When I got to college my roommate was from a small town in upstate NY. In high school she and her friends sat in a parked car in the middle of a cow field and smoked weed. Just some longer term perspective.

I'm from upstate NY. Yep, that's about what we did. When we weren't going to the mall or the bowling alley or Friendly's.

[Anonymous]

Like some others have also said, the way my family makes it work here is to live in PG County. We love it! Its much more diverse and low-key compared to many other parts of the DC area. No issues with keeping up with the Joneses here.

I grew up in Bethesda and have no interest in raising my kids there. Just feel like I don't have a lot in common with people who can afford to and are choosing to live in those million dollar houses.