Are you lucky parents blessed with great kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just posted about girls being mean.

I have 3 kids and feel lucky to be blessed with such great kids. They are smart, good looking and athletic. I always encourage kindness and tell them how important it is for them to be nice people.

I come from a religious family. My dad is the most moral person and was exceptionally smart. I married a guy who was also smart and kind. DH is the type of guy who is good at everything. He is also trustworthy and loyal and that has worked well for him professionally.

If you are the OP of the mean girl thread, you do not come across as nice in that thread at all. You are also weirdly obsessed with kids' looks (yours and, in the other thread, your DD's friends).

I literally just wrote that having a father and husband who are both smart and kind is what makes my children great.

DH and I are both good looking and smart. We met when we were attending top grad schools and made three great kids. DH also earns a lot of money so that probably helps.

Different poster and I am sorry to pile on but I agree. You didn’t sound like a nice poster in your other thread and you don’t sound like someone I would enjoy IRL here too. Are you from a different culture ? Is that why we perceive you as too blunt and materialistic ? I say that kindly, if you/ your kids give the same vibe in person, that is probably why your daughter is having trouble with her friends. You may not realize it but you are not the warm and embracing/ non judgmental type that everyone likes to be around. You come across as conceited, overly confident and focused on the wrong values (beauty, status and wealth)

I don’t talk about where we went to school or money in real life. I’m also not into material items.

I do focus on quality family time. My kids are busy but we try to have family dinner a few times a week. When kids were younger, we had dinner together every night. I was anti screen when kids were younger. Teens were the last to get phones in their friend groups and we have time limits on their phones and downtime at night. I read to my kids every night when they were little and it is habit for everyone to read before bed. We let them try anything and everything and encourage trying new things, not giving up and most importantly, not being afraid to fail. We are kind to one another. My kids don’t fight with one another. My boys were not the type of boys to hit one another. This probably has to do with the very patient and tolerant nature of my oldest child. I’m not sure you can teach empathy but all my children are very empathetic. That is what makes my kids great kids. The natural good looks, doing well in school, living in a nice house, being athletic are all secondary to my kids being good kids. I’m really proud of them.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. Zip code, siblings and peers seem to make more of a difference as the kids grow older. We live in a neighborhood full of successful and wealthy people who also happen to have mostly all gone to very good colleges. I got lucky with my oldest and he is just an awesome good kid and he seems to be a great role model for his younger siblings.

[Anonymous]

So to answer OP’s question, it is a mix of everything- luck, SES, neighborhood, genetics, positive role models.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just posted about girls being mean.

I have 3 kids and feel lucky to be blessed with such great kids. They are smart, good looking and athletic. I always encourage kindness and tell them how important it is for them to be nice people.

I come from a religious family. My dad is the most moral person and was exceptionally smart. I married a guy who was also smart and kind. DH is the type of guy who is good at everything. He is also trustworthy and loyal and that has worked well for him professionally.

If you are the OP of the mean girl thread, you do not come across as nice in that thread at all. You are also weirdly obsessed with kids' looks (yours and, in the other thread, your DD's friends).

I literally just wrote that having a father and husband who are both smart and kind is what makes my children great.

DH and I are both good looking and smart. We met when we were attending top grad schools and made three great kids. DH also earns a lot of money so that probably helps.

Different poster and I am sorry to pile on but I agree. You didn’t sound like a nice poster in your other thread and you don’t sound like someone I would enjoy IRL here too. Are you from a different culture ? Is that why we perceive you as too blunt and materialistic ? I say that kindly, if you/ your kids give the same vibe in person, that is probably why your daughter is having trouble with her friends. You may not realize it but you are not the warm and embracing/ non judgmental type that everyone likes to be around. You come across as conceited, overly confident and focused on the wrong values (beauty, status and wealth)

I don’t talk about where we went to school or money in real life. I’m also not into material items.

I do focus on quality family time. My kids are busy but we try to have family dinner a few times a week. When kids were younger, we had dinner together every night. I was anti screen when kids were younger. Teens were the last to get phones in their friend groups and we have time limits on their phones and downtime at night. I read to my kids every night when they were little and it is habit for everyone to read before bed. We let them try anything and everything and encourage trying new things, not giving up and most importantly, not being afraid to fail. We are kind to one another. My kids don’t fight with one another. My boys were not the type of boys to hit one another. This probably has to do with the very patient and tolerant nature of my oldest child. I’m not sure you can teach empathy but all my children are very empathetic. That is what makes my kids great kids. The natural good looks, doing well in school, living in a nice house, being athletic are all secondary to my kids being good kids. I’m really proud of them.

i’m sorry but it’s super weird that you feel the need to keep mentioning your kids “good looks”. This is definitely something you clearly share with your kids (that good looks should be praised) and probably why they are perceiving other kids as mean-because they themselves are actually the mean kids. Because you sound like a mean girl yourself-and the adult mean girls are far worse than the ones that are children.

[Anonymous]

All humans are innately flawed. No one is perfect and everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.

I have two kids ages 19 and 20 and what I am most proud of is that they're both kind, good people who contribute positively to their communities.

[Anonymous]

I hope everyone thinks of their kid as a great kid.
I was a mopey Daria-like teen who got straight As and a full ride and my mother always said then and now that I "made her life hell." I never even did anything bad, just wasn't outgoing and popular.
My own kid is a bundle of anxiety, non-athletic, with trouble making friends and I have a million reasons he is a great kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Culture. That and family values.

15 and 17; both high achievers and hardworking. D followed by S.

We chose a more modest home in the best school district we could afford and we don’t drive luxury vehicles; preferring to put the $$ saved into college funds. We also pay 100% for our vehicles (no loans). Will have house payed off b/f kids finish college.

It is really all about values.

100% right. Car loans = rotten children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope everyone thinks of their kid as a great kid.
I was a mopey Daria-like teen who got straight As and a full ride and my mother always said then and now that I "made her life hell." I never even did anything bad, just wasn't outgoing and popular.
My own kid is a bundle of anxiety, non-athletic, with trouble making friends and I have a million reasons he is a great kid.

Hey friend! I was also a mopey Daria-like teen with great grades who also excelled at speech and debate and theater, and never got in trouble. Both of my parents acted like raising me was some kind of punishment. I think the reality is that they had kids really young and never actually wanted to be parents, and took that out on their kids.

Anyway, my own kid is extremely quirky, has major anxiety, needs an alarming amount of orthodontia, and totally exhausts me sometimes. She's also my favorite person in the world and I think she's great and view her challenges as just that -- challenges like any person might have at some point in their life.

A lot of people seem obsessed with having *perfect* kids and I think even if you luck into getting a kid with absolutely no issues whatsoever, that fixation is going to bite you in the end. Nobody is perfect. And kids, like all people, need safe places where they can fail at things, and to know that even if they do fail, they will be loved and still have a family and a home. Obsessing over your kid's athletic prowess, academic success, good lucks, and social dominance, even if it's all true, seems unhealthy to me.

[Anonymous]

my kids are ridiculously good looking, smart, and super athletic. #blessed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just posted about girls being mean.

I have 3 kids and feel lucky to be blessed with such great kids. They are smart, good looking and athletic. I always encourage kindness and tell them how important it is for them to be nice people.

I come from a religious family. My dad is the most moral person and was exceptionally smart. I married a guy who was also smart and kind. DH is the type of guy who is good at everything. He is also trustworthy and loyal and that has worked well for him professionally.

If you are the OP of the mean girl thread, you do not come across as nice in that thread at all. You are also weirdly obsessed with kids' looks (yours and, in the other thread, your DD's friends).

I literally just wrote that having a father and husband who are both smart and kind is what makes my children great.

DH and I are both good looking and smart. We met when we were attending top grad schools and made three great kids. DH also earns a lot of money so that probably helps.

Different poster and I am sorry to pile on but I agree. You didn’t sound like a nice poster in your other thread and you don’t sound like someone I would enjoy IRL here too. Are you from a different culture ? Is that why we perceive you as too blunt and materialistic ? I say that kindly, if you/ your kids give the same vibe in person, that is probably why your daughter is having trouble with her friends. You may not realize it but you are not the warm and embracing/ non judgmental type that everyone likes to be around. You come across as conceited, overly confident and focused on the wrong values (beauty, status and wealth)

I don’t talk about where we went to school or money in real life. I’m also not into material items.

I do focus on quality family time. My kids are busy but we try to have family dinner a few times a week. When kids were younger, we had dinner together every night. I was anti screen when kids were younger. Teens were the last to get phones in their friend groups and we have time limits on their phones and downtime at night. I read to my kids every night when they were little and it is habit for everyone to read before bed. We let them try anything and everything and encourage trying new things, not giving up and most importantly, not being afraid to fail. We are kind to one another. My kids don’t fight with one another. My boys were not the type of boys to hit one another. This probably has to do with the very patient and tolerant nature of my oldest child. I’m not sure you can teach empathy but all my children are very empathetic. That is what makes my kids great kids. The natural good looks, doing well in school, living in a nice house, being athletic are all secondary to my kids being good kids. I’m really proud of them.

i’m sorry but it’s super weird that you feel the need to keep mentioning your kids “good looks”. This is definitely something you clearly share with your kids (that good looks should be praised) and probably why they are perceiving other kids as mean-because they themselves are actually the mean kids. Because you sound like a mean girl yourself-and the adult mean girls are far worse than the ones that are children.

pssst. I think its an obsessed indian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just posted about girls being mean.

I have 3 kids and feel lucky to be blessed with such great kids. They are smart, good looking and athletic. I always encourage kindness and tell them how important it is for them to be nice people.

I come from a religious family. My dad is the most moral person and was exceptionally smart. I married a guy who was also smart and kind. DH is the type of guy who is good at everything. He is also trustworthy and loyal and that has worked well for him professionally.

If you are the OP of the mean girl thread, you do not come across as nice in that thread at all. You are also weirdly obsessed with kids' looks (yours and, in the other thread, your DD's friends).

I literally just wrote that having a father and husband who are both smart and kind is what makes my children great.

DH and I are both good looking and smart. We met when we were attending top grad schools and made three great kids. DH also earns a lot of money so that probably helps.

Different poster and I am sorry to pile on but I agree. You didn’t sound like a nice poster in your other thread and you don’t sound like someone I would enjoy IRL here too. Are you from a different culture ? Is that why we perceive you as too blunt and materialistic ? I say that kindly, if you/ your kids give the same vibe in person, that is probably why your daughter is having trouble with her friends. You may not realize it but you are not the warm and embracing/ non judgmental type that everyone likes to be around. You come across as conceited, overly confident and focused on the wrong values (beauty, status and wealth)

I don’t talk about where we went to school or money in real life. I’m also not into material items.

I do focus on quality family time. My kids are busy but we try to have family dinner a few times a week. When kids were younger, we had dinner together every night. I was anti screen when kids were younger. Teens were the last to get phones in their friend groups and we have time limits on their phones and downtime at night. I read to my kids every night when they were little and it is habit for everyone to read before bed. We let them try anything and everything and encourage trying new things, not giving up and most importantly, not being afraid to fail. We are kind to one another. My kids don’t fight with one another. My boys were not the type of boys to hit one another. This probably has to do with the very patient and tolerant nature of my oldest child. I’m not sure you can teach empathy but all my children are very empathetic. That is what makes my kids great kids. The natural good looks, doing well in school, living in a nice house, being athletic are all secondary to my kids being good kids. I’m really proud of them.

i’m sorry but it’s super weird that you feel the need to keep mentioning your kids “good looks”. This is definitely something you clearly share with your kids (that good looks should be praised) and probably why they are perceiving other kids as mean-because they themselves are actually the mean kids. Because you sound like a mean girl yourself-and the adult mean girls are far worse than the ones that are children.

Not sure why having great kids makes me the mean adult girl.

I love my kids and I do think they are beautiful. I’m not delusional. They aren’t models or anything. My sons are handsome and my daughter is super cute.

I do tell my boys how good looking they are and they say that is bc I’m their mom.

[Anonymous]

The compliment I get the most about my kids is that they are nice kids. I have put a big emphasis on kindness and being polite, so this makes me very happy. They have their moments and flaws, as everyone does, but at their core, I think they are growing up to be kind people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So to answer OP’s question, it is a mix of everything- luck, SES, neighborhood, genetics, positive role models.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think genetics plays a major role but I don't believe it's everything. I also think there are things people attribute to genetics that are something else, something that is still passed down from parents but is not DNA coded.

I come from a troubled family with violence and substance abuse. That's a legacy that was definitely handed down to me from both sides of my family, and that appears to go back at least several generations, to when both sides of my family immigrated to the US. The impact on me of those generations of poor parenting, domestic violence, and alchohol abuse is quite apparent. I'll probably never be completely free of it even though I've worked hard on my own and in therapy to process nd deal with it.

However, my own kid has not experienced any abuse. Never been hit or even yelled at. Two parents, intact family, zero substance abuse issues. Nurturing home, good communication, authoritative but not authoritarian parenting. Good peer group, lots of academic and enrichment opportunities. Good nutrition and healthy lifestyle.

I see myself in my kid all the time. I also see my parents. People in my family are generally very bright and academically adept -- I see that in her. She's also physically slight and not very athletic, also family traits. But I also see differences -- she is more confident in her self, not insecure. She accepts criticism more easily. She doesn't worry so much. She is emotionally steady and not prone to mood swings. She's easy to be around, well liked by classmates and teachers, intellectual curious, and funny. She's one of those great kids OP mentioned.

So it's like an experiment on nature versus nurture. She's only 10. Will she really escape the legacy of violence and abuse that I was born into? Are my choices and efforts enough to save her from that, or is it actually genetically coded. I believe, obviously, that in our case, the troubles are nurture, not nature. That several generations removed from whatever the original source of the violence and abuse was (poverty? war? oppression? I truly don't know), I can break a chain of generational violence through effort.

My experiment isn't over yet, but I do think it's nature AND nurture, and that the parenting choices you make are of central importance to the kind of kid you raise and how you send them out into the world. And a lot of what some might chalk up to genetics might be a different kind of legacy, one you actually have the power to change if you are so motivated.

I'd love to see you change autism.

What? Obviously PP is talking about neurotypical children.

Yes, but so many people treat me as a pariah because of my ASD1 child and judge me due his behavior. You can’t always tell who’s not neurotypical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If so...how much is family culture, nature vs nurture, community, luck, SES?

What makes your kids great IYO?

Age, gender and birth order of your kids.

We should first talk about the kids who had great parents. They are few and far between