Freaked out by my teen- what to do next

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm so sorry. This is a warning sign that he is at risk for sexually abusing your daughter. Ignoring this will just enable him to escalate his behavior. Any existing mental health provider he sees for his ASD needs to be contacted, and if he doesn't have any I would immediately contact a child psychiatrist and ask them to advise you. I would also immediately lock down any electronic devices he may be using and check the search history. It is very likely that he's watching porn.

And for God's sake, THROW OUT THE SWIMSUIT. I'm hoping it's just depraved male trolls suggesting that your child should wear something someone used for sexual gratification, and not actual parents of daughters.

These people are the people who cover up kids getting molested because it is inconvenient for them to confront the fact that their father/husband/brother/son is a predator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: it is getting thrown out and DD is getting a new suit in a different color. There will be no question that it is Not The Same Suit. Fortunately the original is sold out in her size. I’ll make up whatever lie I have to to explain to DD that it’s unwearable, I don’t care.

And yes devices are locked down but not locked down enough based on my late night sleuthing. I’m trying not to bring shame into this but I’ll confess anonymously so I can get it off my chest and parent better in the morning: I’m ashamed of my kid.

Send him to bording school. She deserves to be safe in her own bed and not have a pervert pawing through her intimate clothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, first off I’m so sorry.

Here is my suggestion..

Let DD know you miraculously found her swimsuit and that it must have slipped behind some furniture when you were folding clothes.

Do not mention it to DS at all.
Don’t make eye contact when you announce that you found it, don’t let on at all that this is a thing. Just happy news that you found it. That’s all. The end.

DS will know that this isn’t the whole story but he won’t acknowledge it or confess because the truth is beyond embarrassing. And honestly you don’t want to know and don’t need to know the entire story.

The good news (if there is any in this) is that it likely does NOT have anything to do sexually with your DD.
The two possible explanations are that he grabbed the closets garment in a hamper or off a drying rack to use as a “helper” to
Pleasure himself and it just happened to be that expensive thing and he didn’t want to confess to that.
And second possibility is that he is trying on the swimsuit for himself and is feeding a body dysmorphic fantasy utilizing this piece of clothing.

Either way—he isn’t likely to want to share that with you and it’s nothing to “confront” so just celebrate that you found the lost item and move on.

If he wants to confess at some point, he will. But I wouldn’t make this a hill to die on. It’s too volatile and unnecessarily embarrassing for everyone.

And when it happens again then what? And what about the part about him masturbating into his sisters clothing. This isn’t ok.

Where was this part in the OPs post?

It wasn't. Everyone here made that part up and it just never stopped. No one can actually read today, or yesterday, or the day before!

NP. I thought OP’s post was strange because the significant detail was lube and not that the swimsuit had semen on it. Honestly it made me think one of our usual fiction writers had visited this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are assuming some kind of sexual connection with the suit and that might not be the case. It could be that he took the suit purely out of spite of jealousy of his sister. And then used it to wrap the lube because he didn't want to use his own stuff. Might be totally separate issues. Sibling relationships can be very complex and there might be jealousy and resentment there. Just throwing it out there that it might not be as creepy as it seems. I would still suggest you explore their relationship.

Sexual abuse is very often more about power fantasies and less about sex. If he was just horny he'd jerk off into a tissue or a sock like a normal person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, first off I’m so sorry.

Here is my suggestion..

Let DD know you miraculously found her swimsuit and that it must have slipped behind some furniture when you were folding clothes.

Do not mention it to DS at all.
Don’t make eye contact when you announce that you found it, don’t let on at all that this is a thing. Just happy news that you found it. That’s all. The end.

DS will know that this isn’t the whole story but he won’t acknowledge it or confess because the truth is beyond embarrassing. And honestly you don’t want to know and don’t need to know the entire story.

The good news (if there is any in this) is that it likely does NOT have anything to do sexually with your DD.
The two possible explanations are that he grabbed the closets garment in a hamper or off a drying rack to use as a “helper” to
Pleasure himself and it just happened to be that expensive thing and he didn’t want to confess to that.
And second possibility is that he is trying on the swimsuit for himself and is feeding a body dysmorphic fantasy utilizing this piece of clothing.

Either way—he isn’t likely to want to share that with you and it’s nothing to “confront” so just celebrate that you found the lost item and move on.

If he wants to confess at some point, he will. But I wouldn’t make this a hill to die on. It’s too volatile and unnecessarily embarrassing for everyone.

And when it happens again then what? And what about the part about him masturbating into his sisters clothing. This isn’t ok.

Where was this part in the OPs post?

It wasn't. Everyone here made that part up and it just never stopped. No one can actually read today, or yesterday, or the day before!

NP. I thought OP’s post was strange because the significant detail was lube and not that the swimsuit had semen on it. Honestly it made me think one of our usual fiction writers had visited this thread.

Maybe she was too shocked and disgusted to look for her son's cum stains, just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do need to tell DD what happened. She needs to know that her possessions aren’t safe in that house and perhaps she isn’t either. She deserves to know that, in case it fits together with other things she’s been noticing and feeling about him. She will probably want a lock on her room.

And I think you should take away the son’s phone if he has one, and make him use computers in public areas of the house only.

Too early. Tell once you know that she isn’t safe, not before you know.

Great advice. Wait for her to be abused to tell her she's at risk. Fantastic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree that this makes the suit unsanitary or unwearable. Just wash it. Twice if you want to.
And let your DD wear it.
Do not tell her where you found it. Lie if you need to. DS is definitely not going to contradict whatever story you come up with and he is certainly not going to tell her so she doesn’t need to know.

I could never let my daughter wear a swimsuit that her son did that on. More power to you.

What on earth? Wash it first of course. Or make DS wash it, and then wash it again. But FFS, it's just a bodily emission. Presumably you had some inside you in order to make said children...should you be thrown away? No. Just wash it.

I think the idea that DS should have to buy a new one for his sister is very reasonable but I think OP is making a mountain out of a molehill. Assuming it's not stretched out or something, I'd wash it and return it to her

I'd say to DD that I found the bathing suit when I cleaned DS's room and it just have mistakenly gotten mixed in with his clothes. And then I would privately talk with DS and say I know he took his sister's swimsuit and that it was wrong of him to keep it while she was looking for it for so long. And I'd tell him that private time with himself is natural and they don't need to discuss it further but taking his sister's things is not okay.

1. The semen from my husband was consensual
2. Your advice is training the son that a woman will come flying in and cover up his sexual misconduct. It is toxic and dangerous. No wonder sexual assault is so common

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has already said that she is getting rid of the suit. That line of analysis can be closed.

In this case, I think a white lie to the daughter is fine. The swimsuit was behind/under something and got some oil on it and needed to be thrown.

The son needs a talking to. You can’t just ignore this with a “you and I both know” attitude. He needs to know that this is way beyond unacceptable. It is also shocking that he didn’t cover his tracks better.

On the incest angle, I don’t know. It might be a problem, but I’m not sure I’d jump that far without any additional evidence. I’m a guy, and at 14/15 the hormones are out of control and something like an intimate piece of clothing can be a trigger, regardless of who’s it is. The son took it way too far, but it doesn’t automatically suggest to me that there is another level of danger in the household.

Why would you err on the side that the brother isn't a pervert?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, first off I’m so sorry.

Here is my suggestion..

Let DD know you miraculously found her swimsuit and that it must have slipped behind some furniture when you were folding clothes.

Do not mention it to DS at all.
Don’t make eye contact when you announce that you found it, don’t let on at all that this is a thing. Just happy news that you found it. That’s all. The end.

DS will know that this isn’t the whole story but he won’t acknowledge it or confess because the truth is beyond embarrassing. And honestly you don’t want to know and don’t need to know the entire story.

The good news (if there is any in this) is that it likely does NOT have anything to do sexually with your DD.
The two possible explanations are that he grabbed the closets garment in a hamper or off a drying rack to use as a “helper” to
Pleasure himself and it just happened to be that expensive thing and he didn’t want to confess to that.
And second possibility is that he is trying on the swimsuit for himself and is feeding a body dysmorphic fantasy utilizing this piece of clothing.

Either way—he isn’t likely to want to share that with you and it’s nothing to “confront” so just celebrate that you found the lost item and move on.

If he wants to confess at some point, he will. But I wouldn’t make this a hill to die on. It’s too volatile and unnecessarily embarrassing for everyone.

And when it happens again then what? And what about the part about him masturbating into his sisters clothing. This isn’t ok.

Where was this part in the OPs post?

It wasn't. Everyone here made that part up and it just never stopped. No one can actually read today, or yesterday, or the day before!

NP. I thought OP’s post was strange because the significant detail was lube and not that the swimsuit had semen on it. Honestly it made me think one of our usual fiction writers had visited this thread.

Maybe she was too shocked and disgusted to look for her son's cum stains, just a thought.

Or maybe, she also didn’t mention a McDonald’s hamburger was wrapped up in there. This is what is called unsubstantiated speculation. She still didn’t say the kid jacked off with the swimsuit (which doesn’t even make sense). Only the perverted minds of DCUM insist this must be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t think you should rely on this totally unhinged group of self proclaimed experts to make such serious decisions about your children.

Your son might need to talk to someone about the divorce. Maybe other stuff. Or maybe he doesn’t. But all these posts calling your son a deviant and a sexual abuser aren’t helping. This place draws some real crazies who think they are omniscient.

You are pretending to be omniscient assuming this is benign when you have no objective reason to believe that. He committed an act of misconduct, he needs to be the one to pay the price. She deserves to be safe in her own home. He should be shipped off to his dad's or a boarding school.

[Anonymous]

You guys are f’ing lunatics. You’re insisting he masturbated with a swimsuit even though nothing was ever said about that and are now condemning this kid as sister rapist and convincing the mom to send the kid away and counseling and whatever else. INSANE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, first off I’m so sorry.

Here is my suggestion..

Let DD know you miraculously found her swimsuit and that it must have slipped behind some furniture when you were folding clothes.

Do not mention it to DS at all.
Don’t make eye contact when you announce that you found it, don’t let on at all that this is a thing. Just happy news that you found it. That’s all. The end.

DS will know that this isn’t the whole story but he won’t acknowledge it or confess because the truth is beyond embarrassing. And honestly you don’t want to know and don’t need to know the entire story.

The good news (if there is any in this) is that it likely does NOT have anything to do sexually with your DD.
The two possible explanations are that he grabbed the closets garment in a hamper or off a drying rack to use as a “helper” to
Pleasure himself and it just happened to be that expensive thing and he didn’t want to confess to that.
And second possibility is that he is trying on the swimsuit for himself and is feeding a body dysmorphic fantasy utilizing this piece of clothing.

Either way—he isn’t likely to want to share that with you and it’s nothing to “confront” so just celebrate that you found the lost item and move on.

If he wants to confess at some point, he will. But I wouldn’t make this a hill to die on. It’s too volatile and unnecessarily embarrassing for everyone.

And when it happens again then what? And what about the part about him masturbating into his sisters clothing. This isn’t ok.

Where was this part in the OPs post?

It wasn't. Everyone here made that part up and it just never stopped. No one can actually read today, or yesterday, or the day before!

NP. I thought OP’s post was strange because the significant detail was lube and not that the swimsuit had semen on it. Honestly it made me think one of our usual fiction writers had visited this thread.

Maybe she was too shocked and disgusted to look for her son's cum stains, just a thought.

Or maybe, she also didn’t mention a McDonald’s hamburger was wrapped up in there. This is what is called unsubstantiated speculation. She still didn’t say the kid jacked off with the swimsuit (which doesn’t even make sense). Only the perverted minds of DCUM insist this must be true.

Classic blame the victim. Blame the person who notices for noticing not the pervert stealing his sister's underthings, watching her get in trouble for it being lost and not saying anything. Ok. This is how kids get molested repeatedly and nobody helps them. People like you have 500 alternative explanations for sketchy behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are f’ing lunatics. You’re insisting he masturbated with a swimsuit even though nothing was ever said about that and are now condemning this kid as sister rapist and convincing the mom to send the kid away and counseling and whatever else. INSANE.

I know! All he did was jerk off in his sister's stolen swimsuit. Who hasn't done that? I do that all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t think you should rely on this totally unhinged group of self proclaimed experts to make such serious decisions about your children.

Your son might need to talk to someone about the divorce. Maybe other stuff. Or maybe he doesn’t. But all these posts calling your son a deviant and a sexual abuser aren’t helping. This place draws some real crazies who think they are omniscient.

You are pretending to be omniscient assuming this is benign when you have no objective reason to believe that. He committed an act of misconduct, he needs to be the one to pay the price. She deserves to be safe in her own home. He should be shipped off to his dad's or a boarding school.

You’re the one assuming he jacked off into a swimsuit. “Act of misconduct”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, first off I’m so sorry.

Here is my suggestion..

Let DD know you miraculously found her swimsuit and that it must have slipped behind some furniture when you were folding clothes.

Do not mention it to DS at all.
Don’t make eye contact when you announce that you found it, don’t let on at all that this is a thing. Just happy news that you found it. That’s all. The end.

DS will know that this isn’t the whole story but he won’t acknowledge it or confess because the truth is beyond embarrassing. And honestly you don’t want to know and don’t need to know the entire story.

The good news (if there is any in this) is that it likely does NOT have anything to do sexually with your DD.
The two possible explanations are that he grabbed the closets garment in a hamper or off a drying rack to use as a “helper” to
Pleasure himself and it just happened to be that expensive thing and he didn’t want to confess to that.
And second possibility is that he is trying on the swimsuit for himself and is feeding a body dysmorphic fantasy utilizing this piece of clothing.

Either way—he isn’t likely to want to share that with you and it’s nothing to “confront” so just celebrate that you found the lost item and move on.

If he wants to confess at some point, he will. But I wouldn’t make this a hill to die on. It’s too volatile and unnecessarily embarrassing for everyone.

And when it happens again then what? And what about the part about him masturbating into his sisters clothing. This isn’t ok.

Where was this part in the OPs post?

It wasn't. Everyone here made that part up and it just never stopped. No one can actually read today, or yesterday, or the day before!

NP. I thought OP’s post was strange because the significant detail was lube and not that the swimsuit had semen on it. Honestly it made me think one of our usual fiction writers had visited this thread.

Maybe she was too shocked and disgusted to look for her son's cum stains, just a thought.

Or maybe, she also didn’t mention a McDonald’s hamburger was wrapped up in there. This is what is called unsubstantiated speculation. She still didn’t say the kid jacked off with the swimsuit (which doesn’t even make sense). Only the perverted minds of DCUM insist this must be true.

Classic blame the victim. Blame the person who notices for noticing not the pervert stealing his sister's underthings, watching her get in trouble for it being lost and not saying anything. Ok. This is how kids get molested repeatedly and nobody helps them. People like you have 500 alternative explanations for sketchy behavior.

Calling a swimsuit an “under thing” doesn’t help establish you’re attached to reality at all.