DW doesn’t want my mother to move in with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would take my pets and move out if dh did this. There is no way I would be okay with it.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I grew up, three generations lived under one roof. But I recognize that American majority don’t love and care for their elders. I cannot believe how many are just so nonchalant about putting your parents in a facility.

American majority don’t love and care for their failure-to-launch adult children either, so I think that makes everything even.

It’s true. Go to the “adult children” forum to see what I mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I grew up, three generations lived under one roof. But I recognize that American majority don’t love and care for their elders. I cannot believe how many are just so nonchalant about putting your parents in a facility.

American majority don’t love and care for their failure-to-launch adult children either, so I think that makes everything even.

It’s true. Go to the “adult children” forum to see what I mean.

I don't really get it. Things don't happen in a vacuum. Some just don't have caring parents, see them for decades not caring about them, their grandkids, but then should bend over backwards to help in old age? No. It doesn't work that way. If other cultures sometimes still choose to respect people who are unkind and uncaring, it's not a good thing, it's sacrifice and duty and it always falls on the woman of the house who now has to sacrifice a further 20 years after kids are grown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not move her in. Is money the problem?

When is money not an issue for elder care? Elder care is expensive.

+100.A lot of elder apartment buildings cost more than $10k a month for a unit. Visit one and you'll find out that a lot of the people are retired law partners and VP's because average or even slightly above average earners cannot afford the cost.

[Anonymous]

This was a factor in my divorce. I was ok with his mother moving in at first... but living with her was a different story. She was messy, bossy, unhelpful with the kids even though she was in good shape and otherwise active. Not what I signed up for. And he always, always took her side. It's hard to be married to a man who has so little consideration for the wife he chose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not move her in. Is money the problem?

When is money not an issue for elder care? Elder care is expensive.

+100.A lot of elder apartment buildings cost more than $10k a month for a unit. Visit one and you'll find out that a lot of the people are retired law partners and VP's because average or even slightly above average earners cannot afford the cost.

My parents never made over $45-50K total between the two of them (and that was only after the SAHM went back to work when we were in MS to help save/pay for college). They lived frugally and by their late 70s, decided to sell their home (35 years there, all paid off), and with the $250K from the home, had a net worth of ~$800K. They got there thru saving/investing whenever they could. And most importantly, living frugally.
As a reward, they now live in a very nice CCRC where almost all residents are much "richer" than them. They did need me to pay the entry fee, but after that they can afford to live into their 90s with their LTC insurance (2 year payout when needed). Heck they'd be able to without the LTC payouts when needed.

It's called planning. My parents didn't want to be a burden, they didn't want to run out of money, so they just saved saved saved and lived below their means. In return, they have more than most, even people who had so much more while working

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not move her in. Is money the problem?

When is money not an issue for elder care? Elder care is expensive.

+100.A lot of elder apartment buildings cost more than $10k a month for a unit. Visit one and you'll find out that a lot of the people are retired law partners and VP's because average or even slightly above average earners cannot afford the cost.

Okay good for you. My father in law could afford ir too. But not everything can be planned for and sometimes people find themselves 75 years old and living on a fixed income. The point is that people who tell people to just go to a retirement community often have no clue what it costs. There is a reason so many people stay in a big house well into old age. It's because they own

My parents never made over $45-50K total between the two of them (and that was only after the SAHM went back to work when we were in MS to help save/pay for college). They lived frugally and by their late 70s, decided to sell their home (35 years there, all paid off), and with the $250K from the home, had a net worth of ~$800K. They got there thru saving/investing whenever they could. And most importantly, living frugally.
As a reward, they now live in a very nice CCRC where almost all residents are much "richer" than them. They did need me to pay the entry fee, but after that they can afford to live into their 90s with their LTC insurance (2 year payout when needed). Heck they'd be able to without the LTC payouts when needed.

It's called planning. My parents didn't want to be a burden, they didn't want to run out of money, so they just saved saved saved and lived below their means. In return, they have more than most, even people who had so much more while working

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not move her in. Is money the problem?

When is money not an issue for elder care? Elder care is expensive.

+100.A lot of elder apartment buildings cost more than $10k a month for a unit. Visit one and you'll find out that a lot of the people are retired law partners and VP's because average or even slightly above average earners cannot afford the cost.

My parents never made over $45-50K total between the two of them (and that was only after the SAHM went back to work when we were in MS to help save/pay for college). They lived frugally and by their late 70s, decided to sell their home (35 years there, all paid off), and with the $250K from the home, had a net worth of ~$800K. They got there thru saving/investing whenever they could. And most importantly, living frugally.
As a reward, they now live in a very nice CCRC where almost all residents are much "richer" than them. They did need me to pay the entry fee, but after that they can afford to live into their 90s with their LTC insurance (2 year payout when needed). Heck they'd be able to without the LTC payouts when needed.

It's called planning. My parents didn't want to be a burden, they didn't want to run out of money, so they just saved saved saved and lived below their means. In return, they have more than most, even people who had so much more while working

Please explain how you can time travel onti the past and plan when your parents find themselves unable to afford $10k monthly for their community

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was a factor in my divorce. I was ok with his mother moving in at first... but living with her was a different story. She was messy, bossy, unhelpful with the kids even though she was in good shape and otherwise active. Not what I signed up for. And he always, always took her side. It's hard to be married to a man who has so little consideration for the wife he chose.

This. No elder is worth a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I grew up, three generations lived under one roof. But I recognize that American majority don’t love and care for their elders. I cannot believe how many are just so nonchalant about putting your parents in a facility.

I’m sure said Americans aren’t expecting their parents to leave them in their will, so it’s really not so terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not move her in. Is money the problem?

When is money not an issue for elder care? Elder care is expensive.

+100.A lot of elder apartment buildings cost more than $10k a month for a unit. Visit one and you'll find out that a lot of the people are retired law partners and VP's because average or even slightly above average earners cannot afford the cost.

My parents never made over $45-50K total between the two of them (and that was only after the SAHM went back to work when we were in MS to help save/pay for college). They lived frugally and by their late 70s, decided to sell their home (35 years there, all paid off), and with the $250K from the home, had a net worth of ~$800K. They got there thru saving/investing whenever they could. And most importantly, living frugally.
As a reward, they now live in a very nice CCRC where almost all residents are much "richer" than them. They did need me to pay the entry fee, but after that they can afford to live into their 90s with their LTC insurance (2 year payout when needed). Heck they'd be able to without the LTC payouts when needed.

It's called planning. My parents didn't want to be a burden, they didn't want to run out of money, so they just saved saved saved and lived below their means. In return, they have more than most, even people who had so much more while working

Please explain how you can time travel onti the past and plan when your parents find themselves unable to afford $10k monthly for their community

Obviously you cannot time travel. But it shouldn't be a shock to anyone what care costs.
So you plan for it.

Just like, it shouldn't be a surprise what college costs. Our FA helped us correctly estimate 3 price points for college about 15 years before our kids went to college.

In state (think UMD)
OOS/mid point private (think UVA OOS or a mid level private (not the 90K))
Elite/current 90K

The estimates were only $1-3 K off.

Similarly, you can look at what LTC costs and how facilities have increased over the years. So if you don't want to be a burden to your kids, you plan to save enough so you can afford a facility when needed. And for people in their 80s now, you buy a LTC plan good for 2-3 years. I'm PP and my parents also did that and somehow managed to make payments over the years. So if/when they need advanced level care, we will collect the payouts for up to 3 years for each of them.

But you cannot retire with only $100K and barely be able to live on SS (or even worse, not really be able to live on SS) and expect not to be a burden on your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not move her in. Is money the problem?

When is money not an issue for elder care? Elder care is expensive.

+100.A lot of elder apartment buildings cost more than $10k a month for a unit. Visit one and you'll find out that a lot of the people are retired law partners and VP's because average or even slightly above average earners cannot afford the cost.

My parents never made over $45-50K total between the two of them (and that was only after the SAHM went back to work when we were in MS to help save/pay for college). They lived frugally and by their late 70s, decided to sell their home (35 years there, all paid off), and with the $250K from the home, had a net worth of ~$800K. They got there thru saving/investing whenever they could. And most importantly, living frugally.
As a reward, they now live in a very nice CCRC where almost all residents are much "richer" than them. They did need me to pay the entry fee, but after that they can afford to live into their 90s with their LTC insurance (2 year payout when needed). Heck they'd be able to without the LTC payouts when needed.

It's called planning. My parents didn't want to be a burden, they didn't want to run out of money, so they just saved saved saved and lived below their means. In return, they have more than most, even people who had so much more while working

Please explain how you can time travel onti the past and plan when your parents find themselves unable to afford $10k monthly for their community

Obviously you cannot time travel. But it shouldn't be a shock to anyone what care costs.
So you plan for it.

Just like, it shouldn't be a surprise what college costs. Our FA helped us correctly estimate 3 price points for college about 15 years before our kids went to college.

In state (think UMD)
OOS/mid point private (think UVA OOS or a mid level private (not the 90K))
Elite/current 90K

The estimates were only $1-3 K off.

Similarly, you can look at what LTC costs and how facilities have increased over the years. So if you don't want to be a burden to your kids, you plan to save enough so you can afford a facility when needed. And for people in their 80s now, you buy a LTC plan good for 2-3 years. I'm PP and my parents also did that and somehow managed to make payments over the years. So if/when they need advanced level care, we will collect the payouts for up to 3 years for each of them.

But you cannot retire with only $100K and barely be able to live on SS (or even worse, not really be able to live on SS) and expect not to be a burden on your family.

You are talking about advanced level care. I am talking about what it costs to rent a place in a senior living apartment. You usually cannot use medical insurance to pay the rent. Even if you buy a policy it is usually for a place like skilled nursing, it is not for the luxur retirement apartments marketed to seniors. Those places are not medical care and they demand cash. I know because my father in law was in one and he paid his rent in cash every month. It is very expensive Skiled nursing and the nice "senior living" are completely different. If it is primarily a medical facility yes your long term care will pay. They are probablt not going to pay for the fancy buildings that are not nursing facilities and if they do pay anything, it will be a fraction of the $5-10k a month those places charge.

[Anonymous]

This is why it’s a bad idea to get married before your parents die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I grew up, three generations lived under one roof. But I recognize that American majority don’t love and care for their elders. I cannot believe how many are just so nonchalant about putting your parents in a facility.

I’m sure said Americans aren’t expecting their parents to leave them in their will, so it’s really not so terrible.

Also, I won’t expect anyone to care for me when I’m old. I plan on being dead by 75.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not move her in.
My mom's 88, lives alone. I worry about her too. But no way would I move her into our home.
Elderly care is a huge responsibility.

Reread your post. You worry about her and you won’t let her live w you. She cared for your arse too and you were a huge responsibility. Do you believe in karma? May want to consider it.