Do women expect a ring at 1 year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My neighbors are Catholic. The wife was maybe a 6 out of 10 before getting married at like 39 and then having two kids. Now she’s a 4, cranky, and zero fun. Her husband hates her but stays for the kids, and Catholicism. You’re right to be cautious. This will probably be the two of you in a few years.

OP here. She’s a 6 to you but she may be a 10 to him. How do you know he views her as a 6 and now a 4?

My girlfriend is a 10 to me. She’s beautiful, gorgeous, and sexy. Even with some weight gain, she would still be a knockout. I don’t think I would ever lose my attraction to her or think she’s less of a 10 because of weight gain or aging.

She was actually 20lbs heavier when we first met. Still found her just as sexy as she is now.

Oh lord . . . you are a piece of work.

OP here. I didn’t say anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you two?

Why do you feel like you’re not ready to make a life long commitment? Is it something about her, or something about commitment?

OP here. I’m in love with and see a future with her. I’ve never thought about marrying a woman before I met her. It’s still just scary because my family doesn’t believe in divorce and it’s a lifelong commitment. I don’t feel like there is a rush when it’s a decision that can determine the rest of your life.

That's baloney. You shouldn't get married because you need to get away from your controlling family. Seek therapy because you are too enmeshed.

OP here. I’m a catholic. They are not controlling. Many people don’t take marriage seriously but I do. Too many people get married with the idea they can just divorce in 10 or 20 years. That’s not what I want for my life or my future kids. They deserve a two parent household with happy parents.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This changes everything. I hope you aren’t fornicating with this woman. So you’ve been dating chastely for a whole year and still haven’t figured it out? I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but how can you pull the Catholic card when you want to live with her before marriage? Why are you so worried about divorce when you know it’s not permitted in your religion? Now you seem really, really unserious and immature/confused.

OP. I am also from a family that did not believe in divorce. Guess what? I am divorced. I'm Orthodox Christian. He was "not a devout Catholic" who went to Catholic school K-12. We married at me at 32 and him 36. Guess what? Regardless of the stats, things happen in life you can't control. We dated almost 3 years. It turned out to be the biggest mistake I ever made.

After a year, you know everything you need to know. Delaying a year is not going to change a thing.
If you want to marry her, just get married. If you feel that waiting a year is going to somehow divorce-proof your marriage--or that living together will--you are really naive.

And you should know living together is not really what you are supposed to be doing.

If you want to marry this woman, there really is no reason to wait. As is, you are are going to be an old dad if you want kids. Ex is 50. Our youngest is 9.

By the way this "I don't beleive in divorce" rather than admitting we made a mistake (and he lied about life goals) kept me miserable for 10 years because of that family stigma. Everyone is happier now--including our kids. They saw the toxicity.

Point is: "waiting" is dumb and will not improve your odds. If you want a family with this woman, just get on with it.

[Anonymous]

I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

OP here. I don’t agree with that. Many men my age still date younger women and I think they can always get that. It’s women over 35 that have a harder time of ever finding a partner because men my age won’t date them.

I am 46. A 27-year ond and 31-year old keep blowing up my phone. As well as a 34-year-old. In my 20s, I would not consider a man over 35. No way.

[Anonymous]

The guy can talk all he wants about strong values but he's done nothing but grind at his career to date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say year 2 is when women expect a ring.

I really don't think living together helps you know the person much more than anything else.

OP here. This is more my timeline. I would like to live together in the next 6 months and be engaged by 2 years. Then a year of engagement. Maybe 1 year of marriage and then kids.

Okay, so you'll be 37 by the time you're engaged. 38 by the time you marry. 39 before you start TRYING for a baby. 40 when the baby is born. 42 at best when the second baby is born.

I dunno, man, honestly I would not choose that for my children.

OP here. I just turned 35 in April. I will be 37 when married and first kid at 38/39.

I find it funny so many people are commenting on age when this forum is filled with couples who waited until 35+ to marry and have kids. So many other threads encouraging people to have kids at my age and saying it’s not too late.

No, you said live together within the next 6 months, be engaged within 2 years, then a year of engagement before marriage. So you will likely be older than 37 when married and 38/39 when the baby is born. Assuming fertility goes well, which it might not.

It's not too late, but it's also a greater chance of having trouble. Waiting because you haven't met the right person is different from waiting because you're indecisive or risk-averse.

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

OP here. I don’t agree with that. Many men my age still date younger women and I think they can always get that. It’s women over 35 that have a harder time of ever finding a partner because men my age won’t date them.

I am 46. A 27-year ond and 31-year old keep blowing up my phone. As well as a 34-year-old. In my 20s, I would not consider a man over 35. No way.

OP here. You’re their sugar mama. They don’t want to marry you lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

Well, not proposing isn't gonna get you there...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

OP here. I don’t agree with that. Many men my age still date younger women and I think they can always get that. It’s women over 35 that have a harder time of ever finding a partner because men my age won’t date them.

I am 46. A 27-year ond and 31-year old keep blowing up my phone. As well as a 34-year-old. In my 20s, I would not consider a man over 35. No way.

OP here. You’re their sugar mama. They don’t want to marry you lol

I did get a proposal from the 34-year-old. I said no. By the way, I am never remarrying (so I don't care). No advantages to marriage whatsoever. I had the worst decade of my life. Will never repeat it.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and I have never paid for one thing.
They pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

OP here. I don’t agree with that. Many men my age still date younger women and I think they can always get that. It’s women over 35 that have a harder time of ever finding a partner because men my age won’t date them.

I am 46. A 27-year ond and 31-year old keep blowing up my phone. As well as a 34-year-old. In my 20s, I would not consider a man over 35. No way.

OP here. You’re their sugar mama. They don’t want to marry you lol

OP here. Most men will f anything. You’re probably just one of the numbers they call. No man that age is looking to wife you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you and your girlfriend work out and make the best decision for you both. But you do seem to be on some kind of odd moral high horse. Everyone else you know seems to have done it “wrong” but you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing it all right. It reeks of insecurity and you might want to address that in either individual or joint therapy. In order to get married and have kids, you’ll have to learn to compromise - a LOT - and think outside of yourself.

You are also 35 and far too worried about what your family and others think. Who cares what anyone else besides the two of you think? You’re fully functional adults.

OP here. I never said others have done it wrong. I actually look up to parents marriage. All of my extended family are in happy longterm marriages. I want that for myself, my wife, and my kids.

Waiting for another year has nothing to do with this. The timing does not matter. Muslims get married after weeks or months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and I have never paid for one thing.
They pay.

OP here. They want to sleep with you. None of them will marry you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just want to be DINKs then who cares. Also at your age, she might be best you'll ever be able to do. Let's say she hits 30 and all her friends start hitting their major life milestones and you're still not ready, but she is, and dumps you. You're now back in the dating pool with a different, older crowd of women.

OP here. Most older men always find younger women. They almost always pass up the older women for younger. Not saying it’s right but I think men my age still go for 23-30 year old women.

My point is that they are less likely to go for you as you age.

OP here. I don’t agree with that. Many men my age still date younger women and I think they can always get that. It’s women over 35 that have a harder time of ever finding a partner because men my age won’t date them.

I am 46. A 27-year ond and 31-year old keep blowing up my phone. As well as a 34-year-old. In my 20s, I would not consider a man over 35. No way.

OP here. You’re their sugar mama. They don’t want to marry you lol

OP here. Most men will f anything. You’re probably just one of the numbers they call. No man that age is looking to wife you.

I don't want to be a wife. It is not necessary. Not sure why you think I care about that. (And one did want to get married and I said I don't want to get married or have more kids).

And the point is that a younger woman does not want to marry a 35+ man. They really don't. It was not even a consideration. Just like an older man now is not a consideration. If you make your own money, older does no good. Women don't need older men or want them when they have their own career. Most 20s women will want 20s men. Not a 35+ man. That is when you enter the danger zone.

Don't be that guy. If you love her, marry her. You can have a year engagement.