SAHM to working mom

[Anonymous]

It is illegal for people to inquire about your marital or parental status in a job interview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

You may want to humbly acknowledge that your mindset is terrible and inaccurate, and then get started doing the work to change.

It reeks of jealousy to me. Most people I know don’t like their jobs, including those in prestigious / well-paid positions. I would love not to work, and by no means am I lazy. Making other people rich is totally overrated.

Some of us knew that when we were 20, and therefore picked more meaningful careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

I love when sahms say this shit. It's not like your husband - who supports you, your children, your household, your family - isn't tied to work. It's not like you are both off doing some volunteer work or starting charities, he is still working and making someone else rich.

Yep - sorry SAHMs who feel so superior to the rat race. Your lifestyle is still funded by corporate America.

Conversely, sorry to the WOHM who feel so independent. Your lifestyle is still dependent on someone else giving you a paycheck, and that can go away at any time.

I can find a new job a lot more easily than you can find a new husband to support you.

Isn't this thread about SAHM moms breaking into the workforce? So which is it? They are lazy and should work, or haha, if their husband dumps them, they will live in poverty?

It's a lot more tenuous economically not to unless you're independently wealthy. What anyone does with that knowledge is their business. But if you do choose to try to go back in the workforce, probably at least try to hide your contempt for it.

Many people hate their jobs; SAHMs were just the ones who were lucky enough to have a second income and a socially acceptable reason not to work. Would you fire employees who go in on lottery ticket pools? They clearly don't really like to work!

I would prefer to not hire or work with people who can't hide the fact that they hate working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

You may want to humbly acknowledge that your mindset is terrible and inaccurate, and then get started doing the work to change.

It reeks of jealousy to me. Most people I know don’t like their jobs, including those in prestigious / well-paid positions. I would love not to work, and by no means am I lazy. Making other people rich is totally overrated.

Some of us knew that when we were 20, and therefore picked more meaningful careers.

NP - WDYD? Not snarking, just curious! It's nice some people like their jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

I love when sahms say this shit. It's not like your husband - who supports you, your children, your household, your family - isn't tied to work. It's not like you are both off doing some volunteer work or starting charities, he is still working and making someone else rich.

Yep - sorry SAHMs who feel so superior to the rat race. Your lifestyle is still funded by corporate America.

Conversely, sorry to the WOHM who feel so independent. Your lifestyle is still dependent on someone else giving you a paycheck, and that can go away at any time.

Isn't the SAHM just as dependent on a precarious paycheck that could go away at any time? The WOHM is no more or less secure than the DH that the SAHM depends on.

Exactly.

I like being in control of my life and eliminating uncontrollable factors as much as possible.
Sure, I think DH will be loyal to me and be there for me and the kids forever.
Sure, his earning power will be stable and sustainable and give us a good lifestyle till we die.
But what if he loses his job or wants out of our marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say "I left the workforce to take care of my children while they were young. During that I also [insert volunteer work or freelance or whatever you did to keep skills sharp]" Then describe how those activities and other experience prepared you for this job.

Personally, I didn’t leave my paid employment to go volunteer. I left my paid employment to take care of my own kids. Period.

Quite frankly I think anyone who brags about quitting her job but then spending her time volunteering (i.e. working for free) is an idiot.

If employers don’t like the gap they can go kick rocks. There are plenty of jobs out there, I don’t need to grovel or justify how I live my life to anyone.

As far as keeping skills sharp, unless you left your job as a surgeon or something what most people do is not that dynamic or not that difficult to catch up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

I love when sahms say this shit. It's not like your husband - who supports you, your children, your household, your family - isn't tied to work. It's not like you are both off doing some volunteer work or starting charities, he is still working and making someone else rich.

Yep - sorry SAHMs who feel so superior to the rat race. Your lifestyle is still funded by corporate America.

Conversely, sorry to the WOHM who feel so independent. Your lifestyle is still dependent on someone else giving you a paycheck, and that can go away at any time.

Isn't the SAHM just as dependent on a precarious paycheck that could go away at any time? The WOHM is no more or less secure than the DH that the SAHM depends on.

Yes, this was exactly the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

I love when sahms say this shit. It's not like your husband - who supports you, your children, your household, your family - isn't tied to work. It's not like you are both off doing some volunteer work or starting charities, he is still working and making someone else rich.

Yep - sorry SAHMs who feel so superior to the rat race. Your lifestyle is still funded by corporate America.

Conversely, sorry to the WOHM who feel so independent. Your lifestyle is still dependent on someone else giving you a paycheck, and that can go away at any time.

I can find a new job a lot more easily than you can find a new husband to support you.

+1
Why are the SAHMs so insecure to have to lie to themselves like this? So sad.

It’s not insecurity, it’s reality. Unless you’re independently wealthy you’re also in a precarious position that is entirely dependent upon someone willing to provide you with money in exchange for whatever value you provide. No one is saying the SAHM position is more stable or secure, merely that the average WOHM is not better off in terms of the financial situation she’d find herself in if her means of support suddenly disappeared.

And in terms of the ease of finding a job versus finding a husband, that is not necessarily true, it all depends on the person and the job. Let us all know when you’re laid off from your high paying job (that you have built your spending around) at 50+ just how easy it is to replace that income.

The bottom line is: SAHM is just a different type of work. Compensation is basically room and board rather than a paycheck. And I will never understand why this triggers some of you so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

I love when sahms say this shit. It's not like your husband - who supports you, your children, your household, your family - isn't tied to work. It's not like you are both off doing some volunteer work or starting charities, he is still working and making someone else rich.

Yep - sorry SAHMs who feel so superior to the rat race. Your lifestyle is still funded by corporate America.

Conversely, sorry to the WOHM who feel so independent. Your lifestyle is still dependent on someone else giving you a paycheck, and that can go away at any time.

I can find a new job a lot more easily than you can find a new husband to support you.

+1
Why are the SAHMs so insecure to have to lie to themselves like this? So sad.

It’s not insecurity, it’s reality. Unless you’re independently wealthy you’re also in a precarious position that is entirely dependent upon someone willing to provide you with money in exchange for whatever value you provide. No one is saying the SAHM position is more stable or secure, merely that the average WOHM is not better off in terms of the financial situation she’d find herself in if her means of support suddenly disappeared.

And in terms of the ease of finding a job versus finding a husband, that is not necessarily true, it all depends on the person and the job. Let us all know when you’re laid off from your high paying job (that you have built your spending around) at 50+ just how easy it is to replace that income.

The bottom line is: SAHM is just a different type of work. Compensation is basically room and board rather than a paycheck. And I will never understand why this triggers some of you so.

The average person who is laid off starts a new job in two or three months. The ones who take much longer are outliers.

With the decline in alimony, if you take a big earnings hit to stay home and then get divorced, you are likely facing long, if not permanent, declines in your standard of living relative to what it would have been had you worked for a paycheck or had you not gotten divorced.

These are orders of magnitude different in terms of precarity. And the ease with which many people can find new jobs affects the whole set of interactions between employers and employees. If I don't like what my employer is doing, I can leave, and my employer knows that. That is not the case if you are dependent on one person for your lifestyle and you could not replace them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is illegal for people to inquire about your marital or parental status in a job interview.

Yes which is why people advise not saying anything about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say "I left the workforce to take care of my children while they were young. During that I also [insert volunteer work or freelance or whatever you did to keep skills sharp]" Then describe how those activities and other experience prepared you for this job.

Personally, I didn’t leave my paid employment to go volunteer. I left my paid employment to take care of my own kids. Period.

Quite frankly I think anyone who brags about quitting her job but then spending her time volunteering (i.e. working for free) is an idiot.

If employers don’t like the gap they can go kick rocks. There are plenty of jobs out there, I don’t need to grovel or justify how I live my life to anyone.

As far as keeping skills sharp, unless you left your job as a surgeon or something what most people do is not that dynamic or not that difficult to catch up.

You don’t sound employable so that seems to be a part of the equation your leaving out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

You may want to humbly acknowledge that your mindset is terrible and inaccurate, and then get started doing the work to change.

It reeks of jealousy to me. Most people I know don’t like their jobs, including those in prestigious / well-paid positions. I would love not to work, and by no means am I lazy. Making other people rich is totally overrated.

Some of us knew that when we were 20, and therefore picked more meaningful careers.

I said most, not all. You guys take everything at face value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is illegal for people to inquire about your marital or parental status in a job interview.

This is an overstatement. Marital or parental status are not protected classes under federal law. Moreover, even if they were, this does not make the subject off-limits, it just means you can't discriminate on that basis, so you need to be careful with creating the impression that you are doing this. But you have to balance this concern for false optics with business needs. You can certainly ask a question about a gap in a resume even if the answer might cause someone to volunteer information about their marital or parental status.

And I certainly can decline to hire someone if I don't think they have the wherewithal to overcome a missing 10 years of experience. In some fields, perhaps that doesn't matter, but in my field, you will have missed 10 years of statutory and regulatory changes that translate to thousands of pages of reading, and thousands of hours of hearing client's facts and applying these changes to them. It's not impossible to overcome but the person's experience basically reverts back to fresh out of school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say "I left the workforce to take care of my children while they were young. During that I also [insert volunteer work or freelance or whatever you did to keep skills sharp]" Then describe how those activities and other experience prepared you for this job.

Personally, I didn’t leave my paid employment to go volunteer. I left my paid employment to take care of my own kids. Period.

Quite frankly I think anyone who brags about quitting her job but then spending her time volunteering (i.e. working for free) is an idiot.

If employers don’t like the gap they can go kick rocks. There are plenty of jobs out there, I don’t need to grovel or justify how I live my life to anyone.

As far as keeping skills sharp, unless you left your job as a surgeon or something what most people do is not that dynamic or not that difficult to catch up.

This is precisely the sort of attitude I would be listening for as an interviewer, and I would quickly send you on your way to go find those other employers who are in the market for the sort of entitled employee who doesn't think they should have to answer for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

You may want to humbly acknowledge that your mindset is terrible and inaccurate, and then get started doing the work to change.

It reeks of jealousy to me. Most people I know don’t like their jobs, including those in prestigious / well-paid positions. I would love not to work, and by no means am I lazy. Making other people rich is totally overrated.

Some of us knew that when we were 20, and therefore picked more meaningful careers.

NP - WDYD? Not snarking, just curious! It's nice some people like their jobs.

Public health (=keeping people healthy, which is different than medicine, which focuses more on treating sick people). With a research component.

My point is that earning money for a corporate board/investors was never what I wanted to devote my life to. I am not sure why some people think that is a career that they will look back on with pride and satisfaction.