SAHM to working mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

Agreed, but that is a straw man. PP said "Working is awful and takes away from life." There is a whole lot of ground in between working-is-awful and working-is-everything. I don't want to hang out with either of those people. There are lots of people in a reasonable place in the middle. That is, most people have to work or be kept by someone else who is working so it is a necessity, and lots of jobs are interesting and rewarding, and a nice balance against life because lots of "life" is not actually quality time. It is making meals, changing diapers, doing the laundry, and grocery shopping. I'll take my job over any of those, and I have plenty of time left over to be with friends and family. My work is not everything but it is not awful either. I enjoy it and it pays the bills.

I think often work starts fine and then sours often due to poor management/leadership. I was a teacher and loved it until I didn't, so I got out, because who wants a sour grumpy teacher? Yet many do keep doing it forever. When you have enough work history and not the best luck with great companies treating you well (I know there are some out there but not a majority in this country), you start to distance from the work/employer and see it as a necessity but really lose the belief it can be very fulfilling.

Yes, this is the necessity part. It's all well and good for people (like me) who like their job to talk about them being fulfilling but lots of jobs aren't and the vast majority of people can't just walk away from an unfulfilling job, and plenty of jobs suck. And, realistically, most jobs (including mine) suck some of the time. There are always going to be tedious tasks, and difficult personalities, but the same is true of the life of a SAHM, particularly in the early years. I just don't relate to the idea of wanting a life that is solely leisure. I can relate to wanting more balance, but not working is not a "victory over capitalist shit," it is just shifting the burden to someone else.

Not really if a spouse earns more. If the spouse works or not the balance does not shift. I work but if I didn’t it would not have a big impact, we’d be ok.

To be clear, the point is not whether you'll be ok but rather that it is hypocrisy to declare victory over capitalism when a SAHM quits a job. The money is coming from somewhere. Either you have inherited wealth, are living off of your own or someone else's wages, or are on government assistance. If you have decided to go off the grid and live off the land, bravo, but "victory over capitalist shit" in this context deserves a hearty eye roll.

In the moms' context they just used their employer until they couldn't anymore instead of bending to whatever the employer wanted. How is that not a victory? Too many jobs pay too little to deserve respect from employees. It is a victory, and a lesson businesses might learn eventually: With no respect, you do not get respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

I love when sahms say this shit. It's not like your husband - who supports you, your children, your household, your family - isn't tied to work. It's not like you are both off doing some volunteer work or starting charities, he is still working and making someone else rich.

I'm not a SAHM and I'm not married or supported by a man. I've always worked full time, which is why I agree with the PP that work sucks and is meaningless (and I work in public interest so the feeling must be much worse in corporate).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

I love when sahms say this shit. It's not like your husband - who supports you, your children, your household, your family - isn't tied to work. It's not like you are both off doing some volunteer work or starting charities, he is still working and making someone else rich.

Yep - sorry SAHMs who feel so superior to the rat race. Your lifestyle is still funded by corporate America.

Conversely, sorry to the WOHM who feel so independent. Your lifestyle is still dependent on someone else giving you a paycheck, and that can go away at any time.

I can find a new job a lot more easily than you can find a new husband to support you.

+1
Why are the SAHMs so insecure to have to lie to themselves like this? So sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

Agreed, but that is a straw man. PP said "Working is awful and takes away from life." There is a whole lot of ground in between working-is-awful and working-is-everything. I don't want to hang out with either of those people. There are lots of people in a reasonable place in the middle. That is, most people have to work or be kept by someone else who is working so it is a necessity, and lots of jobs are interesting and rewarding, and a nice balance against life because lots of "life" is not actually quality time. It is making meals, changing diapers, doing the laundry, and grocery shopping. I'll take my job over any of those, and I have plenty of time left over to be with friends and family. My work is not everything but it is not awful either. I enjoy it and it pays the bills.

I think often work starts fine and then sours often due to poor management/leadership. I was a teacher and loved it until I didn't, so I got out, because who wants a sour grumpy teacher? Yet many do keep doing it forever. When you have enough work history and not the best luck with great companies treating you well (I know there are some out there but not a majority in this country), you start to distance from the work/employer and see it as a necessity but really lose the belief it can be very fulfilling.

Yes, this is the necessity part. It's all well and good for people (like me) who like their job to talk about them being fulfilling but lots of jobs aren't and the vast majority of people can't just walk away from an unfulfilling job, and plenty of jobs suck. And, realistically, most jobs (including mine) suck some of the time. There are always going to be tedious tasks, and difficult personalities, but the same is true of the life of a SAHM, particularly in the early years. I just don't relate to the idea of wanting a life that is solely leisure. I can relate to wanting more balance, but not working is not a "victory over capitalist shit," it is just shifting the burden to someone else.

Not really if a spouse earns more. If the spouse works or not the balance does not shift. I work but if I didn’t it would not have a big impact, we’d be ok.

To be clear, the point is not whether you'll be ok but rather that it is hypocrisy to declare victory over capitalism when a SAHM quits a job. The money is coming from somewhere. Either you have inherited wealth, are living off of your own or someone else's wages, or are on government assistance. If you have decided to go off the grid and live off the land, bravo, but "victory over capitalist shit" in this context deserves a hearty eye roll.

In the moms' context they just used their employer until they couldn't anymore instead of bending to whatever the employer wanted. How is that not a victory? Too many jobs pay too little to deserve respect from employees. It is a victory, and a lesson businesses might learn eventually: With no respect, you do not get respect.

Except they were probably going to be a sahm no matter what, no matter what respect or whatever. Because they wanted to be home with their children. I don't think this really applies to this situation (sahms). I'm sure there are many many women that quit great jobs full of respect and fulfillment to stay home. That isn't some F-U to the man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

I love when sahms say this shit. It's not like your husband - who supports you, your children, your household, your family - isn't tied to work. It's not like you are both off doing some volunteer work or starting charities, he is still working and making someone else rich.

Yep - sorry SAHMs who feel so superior to the rat race. Your lifestyle is still funded by corporate America.

Conversely, sorry to the WOHM who feel so independent. Your lifestyle is still dependent on someone else giving you a paycheck, and that can go away at any time.

I can find a new job a lot more easily than you can find a new husband to support you.

Isn't this thread about SAHM moms breaking into the workforce? So which is it? They are lazy and should work, or haha, if their husband dumps them, they will live in poverty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

I love when sahms say this shit. It's not like your husband - who supports you, your children, your household, your family - isn't tied to work. It's not like you are both off doing some volunteer work or starting charities, he is still working and making someone else rich.

Yep - sorry SAHMs who feel so superior to the rat race. Your lifestyle is still funded by corporate America.

Conversely, sorry to the WOHM who feel so independent. Your lifestyle is still dependent on someone else giving you a paycheck, and that can go away at any time.

I can find a new job a lot more easily than you can find a new husband to support you.

Isn't this thread about SAHM moms breaking into the workforce? So which is it? They are lazy and should work, or haha, if their husband dumps them, they will live in poverty?

It's a lot more tenuous economically not to unless you're independently wealthy. What anyone does with that knowledge is their business. But if you do choose to try to go back in the workforce, probably at least try to hide your contempt for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

Agreed, but that is a straw man. PP said "Working is awful and takes away from life." There is a whole lot of ground in between working-is-awful and working-is-everything. I don't want to hang out with either of those people. There are lots of people in a reasonable place in the middle. That is, most people have to work or be kept by someone else who is working so it is a necessity, and lots of jobs are interesting and rewarding, and a nice balance against life because lots of "life" is not actually quality time. It is making meals, changing diapers, doing the laundry, and grocery shopping. I'll take my job over any of those, and I have plenty of time left over to be with friends and family. My work is not everything but it is not awful either. I enjoy it and it pays the bills.

I think often work starts fine and then sours often due to poor management/leadership. I was a teacher and loved it until I didn't, so I got out, because who wants a sour grumpy teacher? Yet many do keep doing it forever. When you have enough work history and not the best luck with great companies treating you well (I know there are some out there but not a majority in this country), you start to distance from the work/employer and see it as a necessity but really lose the belief it can be very fulfilling.

Yes, this is the necessity part. It's all well and good for people (like me) who like their job to talk about them being fulfilling but lots of jobs aren't and the vast majority of people can't just walk away from an unfulfilling job, and plenty of jobs suck. And, realistically, most jobs (including mine) suck some of the time. There are always going to be tedious tasks, and difficult personalities, but the same is true of the life of a SAHM, particularly in the early years. I just don't relate to the idea of wanting a life that is solely leisure. I can relate to wanting more balance, but not working is not a "victory over capitalist shit," it is just shifting the burden to someone else.

Not really if a spouse earns more. If the spouse works or not the balance does not shift. I work but if I didn’t it would not have a big impact, we’d be ok.

To be clear, the point is not whether you'll be ok but rather that it is hypocrisy to declare victory over capitalism when a SAHM quits a job. The money is coming from somewhere. Either you have inherited wealth, are living off of your own or someone else's wages, or are on government assistance. If you have decided to go off the grid and live off the land, bravo, but "victory over capitalist shit" in this context deserves a hearty eye roll.

In the moms' context they just used their employer until they couldn't anymore instead of bending to whatever the employer wanted. How is that not a victory? Too many jobs pay too little to deserve respect from employees. It is a victory, and a lesson businesses might learn eventually: With no respect, you do not get respect.

Except they were probably going to be a sahm no matter what, no matter what respect or whatever. Because they wanted to be home with their children. I don't think this really applies to this situation (sahms). I'm sure there are many many women that quit great jobs full of respect and fulfillment to stay home. That isn't some F-U to the man.

I'd say women do not quit great careers as much. Why would they if they have some flexibility, respect and good pay? This sort of workplace retains workers. I don't know anyone who left a great job to sah.

[Anonymous]

OP, the best way to not inspire the jealousy you think you will inspire is to not focus on it at all. Gaps in a resume need to be explained (for example, I do want to rule out that you were in prison during that time period) but "I stayed home with the kids until [they reached elementary / they graduated from college / whatever]" is fine to accomplish that. I would be shocked if anyone inquired further, and if you volunteer further, you are likely to dig a hole for yourself. It is not happenstance that this thread became a brawl because you started by suggesting that WOHMs are naturally jealous of SAHMs, which -- as you can see -- is not actually how many WOHMs think about SAHMs but giving away your inclination to think this way is not going to serve you well in an interview. Explain in the fewest words possible, and immediately redirect the conversation.

[Anonymous]

I would say "I left the workforce to take care of my children while they were young. During that I also [insert volunteer work or freelance or whatever you did to keep skills sharp]" Then describe how those activities and other experience prepared you for this job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

I love when sahms say this shit. It's not like your husband - who supports you, your children, your household, your family - isn't tied to work. It's not like you are both off doing some volunteer work or starting charities, he is still working and making someone else rich.

Yep - sorry SAHMs who feel so superior to the rat race. Your lifestyle is still funded by corporate America.

Conversely, sorry to the WOHM who feel so independent. Your lifestyle is still dependent on someone else giving you a paycheck, and that can go away at any time.

I can find a new job a lot more easily than you can find a new husband to support you.

Isn't this thread about SAHM moms breaking into the workforce? So which is it? They are lazy and should work, or haha, if their husband dumps them, they will live in poverty?

It's a lot more tenuous economically not to unless you're independently wealthy. What anyone does with that knowledge is their business. But if you do choose to try to go back in the workforce, probably at least try to hide your contempt for it.

Many people hate their jobs; SAHMs were just the ones who were lucky enough to have a second income and a socially acceptable reason not to work. Would you fire employees who go in on lottery ticket pools? They clearly don't really like to work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you interviewed, is there a way to explain your absence in a way that doesn't offend the working moms who wish they could be SAHMs?

You question reflects a weird bias.

Just tell the truth, and don’t assume how the interviewer will hear it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

I love when sahms say this shit. It's not like your husband - who supports you, your children, your household, your family - isn't tied to work. It's not like you are both off doing some volunteer work or starting charities, he is still working and making someone else rich.

Yep - sorry SAHMs who feel so superior to the rat race. Your lifestyle is still funded by corporate America.

Conversely, sorry to the WOHM who feel so independent. Your lifestyle is still dependent on someone else giving you a paycheck, and that can go away at any time.

I can find a new job a lot more easily than you can find a new husband to support you.

+1
Why are the SAHMs so insecure to have to lie to themselves like this? So sad.

Right?

I am a single mom, who works full time outside the home. I once had a pretty pampered SAH mom say (in describing an over the top child’s birthday) that she assumed the working mother did that to compensate for the guilt she feels about working full time.

😳

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's always a good rule of thumb to avoid assuming people are jealous of you.

Yes, OP, get over yourself. You need to be around some working people. You will quickly learn that there are many scenarios for parents.

I mean we’re all jealous of the Sahm married to a guy who makes 1m and she has a housekeeper and nanny. Not so jealous of those whose husbands make 200k and they had to pull back on retirement funding college and travel.

Hmm that’s not how I look at it. I’m not jealous of the lifestyle of a rich SAHM. I’m jealous of the fact that SAHPs get to spend more time w their kids than I do. I WISH I could have that time w my kids not that i had a nanny, housekeeper, and could go to the gym during the work day.

It’s ok to be jealous, not everyone can marry a 200k earning guy who is ok that you give up your 200k job to stay home.

You sound very ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's always a good rule of thumb to avoid assuming people are jealous of you.

👍😂😘

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working is awful and takes away from life. Most jobs are absolutely meaningless and thankless, whether high or low pay, compared to spending time with loved ones, in nature or creating (bonus for those who create as their work!) Wohms who judge sahms are lame. I know many of both, I am now a wohm...I guarantee you it is not a mark of superiority, competence or worth. This country generally exploits workers and there is no reward for hard work other than pay. Good for the two moms who drove their kids around doing a mediocre job and lasted a year! That is a victory over capitalist shit.

You sound fun.

DP. More fun than someone who lives for work, at least.

Agreed, but that is a straw man. PP said "Working is awful and takes away from life." There is a whole lot of ground in between working-is-awful and working-is-everything. I don't want to hang out with either of those people. There are lots of people in a reasonable place in the middle. That is, most people have to work or be kept by someone else who is working so it is a necessity, and lots of jobs are interesting and rewarding, and a nice balance against life because lots of "life" is not actually quality time. It is making meals, changing diapers, doing the laundry, and grocery shopping. I'll take my job over any of those, and I have plenty of time left over to be with friends and family. My work is not everything but it is not awful either. I enjoy it and it pays the bills.

I think often work starts fine and then sours often due to poor management/leadership. I was a teacher and loved it until I didn't, so I got out, because who wants a sour grumpy teacher? Yet many do keep doing it forever. When you have enough work history and not the best luck with great companies treating you well (I know there are some out there but not a majority in this country), you start to distance from the work/employer and see it as a necessity but really lose the belief it can be very fulfilling.

Yes, this is the necessity part. It's all well and good for people (like me) who like their job to talk about them being fulfilling but lots of jobs aren't and the vast majority of people can't just walk away from an unfulfilling job, and plenty of jobs suck. And, realistically, most jobs (including mine) suck some of the time. There are always going to be tedious tasks, and difficult personalities, but the same is true of the life of a SAHM, particularly in the early years. I just don't relate to the idea of wanting a life that is solely leisure. I can relate to wanting more balance, but not working is not a "victory over capitalist shit," it is just shifting the burden to someone else.

Not really if a spouse earns more. If the spouse works or not the balance does not shift. I work but if I didn’t it would not have a big impact, we’d be ok.

To be clear, the point is not whether you'll be ok but rather that it is hypocrisy to declare victory over capitalism when a SAHM quits a job. The money is coming from somewhere. Either you have inherited wealth, are living off of your own or someone else's wages, or are on government assistance. If you have decided to go off the grid and live off the land, bravo, but "victory over capitalist shit" in this context deserves a hearty eye roll.

In the moms' context they just used their employer until they couldn't anymore instead of bending to whatever the employer wanted. How is that not a victory? Too many jobs pay too little to deserve respect from employees. It is a victory, and a lesson businesses might learn eventually: With no respect, you do not get respect.

Except they were probably going to be a sahm no matter what, no matter what respect or whatever. Because they wanted to be home with their children. I don't think this really applies to this situation (sahms). I'm sure there are many many women that quit great jobs full of respect and fulfillment to stay home. That isn't some F-U to the man.

I'd say women do not quit great careers as much. Why would they if they have some flexibility, respect and good pay? This sort of workplace retains workers. I don't know anyone who left a great job to sah.

Wow, none? I know many. They liked working, but they wanted to be with their children. I actually took over a job from a co-worker who did this lol. I don't begrudge this at all. But its not an F-U to corporate america, it's a <3 to the family. Feels different, even if it's the same outcome.