Sad about no longer being attracted to DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am tired of the pregnancy and hormones excuse for gaining weight in women. I am post-menopausal, as well as many of my friends, and we have not gained tons of weight over the years. I am 50 and weight the same that I did before I had kids. I do cardio, I weight lift, and I eat healthy. I even drink wine, which I know is a no-no on DCUM. I do stay away from Snicker bars, creamy pasta, etc, though.

Since when is wine a no-no on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be upset if my husband put on like 100 extra pounds for no good reason too. I'd probably divorce him bc I don't find that attractive or want to be associated with someone who is that fat in a daily basis. If it's from like a legit health issue (cancer) different story but I see it all the time: women have kids and then get super fat. I'm a woman and have 3 kids and am still at my thin college weight.

So much for “for better or worse” geez!

DP. We wrote our own vows and that wasn't one of them. Maybe the same dor OP.

We had our one kid 17 years ago and my wife is 30 pounds heavier than her highest pregnancy weight. I empathize with OP.

In that case, did you just get married for legal purposes? If your marriage is just a legal convenience, why stay married?

This x100. Two career couples who are no longer compatible have no reason to stay together. The kids will be alright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to flame you. I really appreciate that my DH has stayed in excellent shape during our 25 year marriage. No belly. Nice muscle tone. Always smells good. Dresses well. Of course, I would still love him if he got fat and dressed poorly but I wouldn't be turned on. Drive fade over time anyway; I definitely don't need a disgust factor pushing mine lower. I think staying attractive is even more important for a woman since men are such visual creatures. I exercise and watch my weight carefully because it makes me feel good, but my primary motivation is staying attractive for my husband. Would he still love me if I didn't? I think yes. But I'm sure he wouldn't be as attracted to or proud of me. It's a tough spot you're in - I think you're right that you can't say anything. But if she ever volunteers that she wishes she had more time for exercise or that she wishes she could get her eating under control, definitely jump in and tell her you'll do whatever you can to support her. I've had periods of flabbiness during our marriage - took the longest time bouncing back after the third kid - I'm talking 10 extra pounds but I hated the way I looked and felt. And my husband (wisely) never said a word, but when I mentioned joining a gym, he eagerly said, "I'll help you make that happen. Whatever I need to do, so you can have that time." It was nice - also confirmed to me that he'd noticed the extra pounds too and wanted to support me in taking them off.

Yes, SAHM, we got it on your last post.

[Anonymous]

i love how the it's the mans fault his wife is fat and frumpy in DCUM fantasy land because of his perceived lack of effort at home. Oink

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my wife and I love our family. We have 2 beautiful children, common values, and compatible parenting styles. DW is smart and has a successful career. I respect her and I am grateful to her for giving us our children.

That being said, she let herself go after the kids were born. She is an attractive woman, but she put on quite a bit of weight (the youngest is 8 by now), and she frequently looks frumpy. Of course I would never dare to say anything and would never cheat, but I am just sad and an anonymous forum is the only place I can admit it.

Flame away.

Go hire more childcare and drivers in the AM and after school. Or you do more. And hire a cook for the children who makes calorie rich kid food and different for those over age 40.

That way she can take a 7am Pilates class or one after work or at 9pm.

She needs more self care and Me Time. So take mental load and time load off her plate. And onto yours or hired help.

I did that for my workaholic husband who wasn’t doing a thing for the household. Signed him up for an exercise class. He needed the accountability.

Getting a trainer to the house 3x a week works too. Do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't feed the troll.

Wha? Men call women frumpy all the time, don’t they?

[Anonymous]

I feel you. I don't understand why people pretend attraction is controllable. You can control your behavior but you cannot control your basic physical responses.

I am 50 with three young kids. I weigh about 30 pounds over my wedding weight. I don't deny that I am fat and less attractive. If my DH is less attracted to me because of this, it is his own deal. I do not control his sexuality. I freely admit I gained weight because of various life stresses, less time to work out and eating as if I'm still thirty and a gym rat.

It is what it is. Your feelings are your own as long as you do your duty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea that women (or anyone) can lose weight only if they have the time to work out and cook healthy food is a lie spread to sell stuff (like gym memberships, personal trainers, and expensive groceries) and to make people feel better about being fat. If you want to lose weight, you have to take in fewer calories than you burn. The most efficient way to do that is to eat less, which means developing better habits about your food consumption. Plus, eating less takes LESS time and costs LESS money. The amount your body burns in its resting state declines as you age, which means that to avoid gaining weight as you age, you have to also reduce the amount you eat. It's very simple, and the nutritionists who aren't trying to sell you some fad product know this.

You are stuck in bad science from the dark ages, poster. There is literally a mountain of medical research evidence that totally disproves the calories in/calories out (CICO) theory of weight loss. It is total bunk. It does not acknowledge the differences of calories sources nor the very complex interworkings of hormones and other factors in the body, and how very individual we are.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/stop-counting-calories

I could literally post links all day long that reiterate that CICO is total and complete bullshit. Only closed minded gym rats and people selling BS diet methods are still squawking CICO to people. Get with the times and the nutritional science.

I think you're taking that article too seriously. It suggests that you need to eat healthy and exercise in order to lose weight. The reason being, you get bigger bang for your buck if you eat chicken breast instead of Twinkies for lunch. In the end, it's still CICO really, just that high-quality calories makes it easier to maintain the weight.

No, there is a mountain of evidence against the CICO theory of weight loss. Because all calories aren’t the same - because our bodies don’t utilize all of the calories in some foods, and overutilize calories from other foods. Because hormones massively impact the bodies ability to convert consumed energy to fuel the body, and where that fuel will go.

But go ahead and hold onto your stupid wrongheaded gym acquired nutritional junk science beliefs.

Go ahead, you can eat another Snickers bar -- the calories won't count!

How do you live independently in the world being this incredibly stupid?

I use to have a snickers bar and a real coke every day at 2ish in my 20’s those were the good ole days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I don't understand why people pretend attraction is controllable. You can control your behavior but you cannot control your basic physical responses.

I am 50 with three young kids. I weigh about 30 pounds over my wedding weight. I don't deny that I am fat and less attractive. If my DH is less attracted to me because of this, it is his own deal. I do not control his sexuality. I freely admit I gained weight because of various life stresses, less time to work out and eating as if I'm still thirty and a gym rat.

It is what it is. Your feelings are your own as long as you do your duty.

Yes people can control who they are attracted to. It’s highly socialized. Some societies are more attracted to fat people. Its all in your head.

[Anonymous]

Woman here. I think it’s unfair that so many posters here, obviously women, insist that this guy is just a jerk for not being attracted to her anymore. He doesn’t owe his attraction to anyone. And I have plenty of female friends who insist their bodies just won’t bounce back after childbirth while at the same time slathering their bread with oil and butter. Neither men nor women owe their attraction to anyone else.

[Anonymous]

We aren't the fit bodies we were in our early 30's before kids, but we still love each other. While our naked bodies are no turn on, with the lights down low we can still make wonderful things happen. The physical attractiveness isn't what it use to be but we can still be very attracted to each other after 37 years together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my wife and I love our family. We have 2 beautiful children, common values, and compatible parenting styles. DW is smart and has a successful career. I respect her and I am grateful to her for giving us our children.

That being said, she let herself go after the kids were born. She is an attractive woman, but she put on quite a bit of weight (the youngest is 8 by now), and she frequently looks frumpy. Of course I would never dare to say anything and would never cheat, but I am just sad and an anonymous forum is the only place I can admit it.

Flame away.

I won't flame away. If you still love her and if she loves you there is no reason to not enjoy an active sex life. I'm definitely overweight, but I'm not frumpy, and my husband who is very fit still seems to love having sex with me. Just because I'm overweight doesn't mean I can't be energetic or not be able to do what he enjoys. Take her to bed and give her a night to remember and she might well reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not going to flame you. I really appreciate that my DH has stayed in excellent shape during our 25 year marriage. No belly. Nice muscle tone. Always smells good. Dresses well. Of course, I would still love him if he got fat and dressed poorly but I wouldn't be turned on. Drive fade over time anyway; I definitely don't need a disgust factor pushing mine lower. I think staying attractive is even more important for a woman since men are such visual creatures. I exercise and watch my weight carefully because it makes me feel good, but my primary motivation is staying attractive for my husband. Would he still love me if I didn't? I think yes. But I'm sure he wouldn't be as attracted to or proud of me. It's a tough spot you're in - I think you're right that you can't say anything. But if she ever volunteers that she wishes she had more time for exercise or that she wishes she could get her eating under control, definitely jump in and tell her you'll do whatever you can to support her. I've had periods of flabbiness during our marriage - took the longest time bouncing back after the third kid - I'm talking 10 extra pounds but I hated the way I looked and felt. And my husband (wisely) never said a word, but when I mentioned joining a gym, he eagerly said, "I'll help you make that happen. Whatever I need to do, so you can have that time." It was nice - also confirmed to me that he'd noticed the extra pounds too and wanted to support me in taking them off.

Yes, SAHM, we got it on your last post.

This is a DP. I am the 1st SAHM. I've been married 20 years and thankful to DH for his comments but not because I could stay more attractive to him, but because I never knew I could be this fit, run this fast, ect... I am almost 50 and feel the same as I did at 30. He's not my primary motivation at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in the camp of “my husbands an a-hole so I’m certainly not starving myself for his benefit” camp. But I don’t assume that’s Op situation.

Why not just close your eyes and think of someone else? I think half of married people are doing this at least half the time. I suspect the guy on outlander has saved a lot of marriages that way. And the Hemsworth brothers. They are practically performing a public service.

Lol! I would like to confirm that yes, he plays a much more active role in my married sex life than I should admit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People that choose to be "sad" instead of doing something about a problem are pathetic.

Agree. So I got divorced, got happy, lost weight, and became more attractive.