Is this a legitimate reason for a divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, given the limited details of what you have described, I can't really tell if what you are describing warrants divorce. I personally, do not think it is my husband's job to defend me from personal attack. I own my own sh*t. I'm trying to envision exactly what you are describing - attack by MIL, and then a "similar" attack by someone else? What exactly is going on and why do you need your husband to defend you?

The common denominator is.....

A sh*t stirring instigator, perhaps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need therapy. Your description of being “viciously attacked” by your MIL and then a male friend is very telling.

Sounds hormonal. I know so many women loose their sh*t in their mid 40s. My sister was a batsh*t crazy mess picking fights and being offended. I wasn't like that, but I certainly wasn't myself. I was very up and down.

I have seen women in my peer group rage at cashiers, other drivers, become unhinged...people that normally were not like that. Unfortunately, it is marriage ending in some cases--even though it's temporary and prozac or HRT could have gotten them through without blowing everything up.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine how your sex life could be good with this neuter. This would kill it for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. You are crazy and sound very entitled. Also, are you independently wealthy? The life of a divorced mom and four kids with split households and the salary of a family physician will it go very far in this area. At all.

Set your own boundaries with your MIL if your husband will not.

Stunned by the stupidity of your question.

I have money from my wealthy father to fall back on and a graduate degree. I would have to downgrade lifestyle a bit but wouldn’t be in poverty.

The other person who attacked me was a male close couple friend. Not his mom.

You sound highly prone to melodrama. “Bombshell?” “Vicious attack?” With what? A knife? A gun? A hammer?

Oh, with words? Yeah, you thrive on drama. It’s 2023. You’re not a damsel needing rescue by a brave knight. Yes, of course you can divorce over this if you want to. Just before you do, consider how it would positively and negatively impact every part of your life, and your children’s lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need more info. What are you getting “viciously attacked” about? Maybe there is some merit to what people are saying so your DH is having a hard time coming to your defense. It seems odd that this is a recurrent issue in your marriage.

Or perhaps you are totally blameless and your DH is a wimp who won’t stick up for his family.

It’s hard to tell without more context. But it seems a bit off this has happened not once, but twice.

I totally agree with you. It is weird and unusual that these things have happened, I don’t often have conflict like this with people. I know it sounds woo-woo and weird, but it’s almost like the universe is testing us by throwing these unusual situations. They even happened around the same time of year each time.

Why won’t you describe the attacks?

Because they weren’t attacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, given the limited details of what you have described, I can't really tell if what you are describing warrants divorce. I personally, do not think it is my husband's job to defend me from personal attack. I own my own sh*t. I'm trying to envision exactly what you are describing - attack by MIL, and then a "similar" attack by someone else? What exactly is going on and why do you need your husband to defend you?

I hear what you mean and I feel similarly, tbh. I’ve fought plenty of my own battles throughout the years. But the older I get and the more life has knocked us down in different ways, I’m feeling a bone deep exhaustion from being the one to defend myself and us against things. I’m not a super aggressive person but I feel that I’ve had to do more than my fair share as my dh is so passive.

For instance, our 2nd grade daughter was sharing some very real instances of being bullied in class. My husbands response was to shrug it off and ignore it. I had to be the one contacting the school and sharing concerns. All this kind of stuff always falls on me as he is so conflict adverse.

JFC. You are *so* dramatic. You sound like a 6th grade girl with the endless catastrophizing.

Just wait until you get some real problems. You’ll crumble to dust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op again- the friend issue is easily identifiable if he reads this so I don’t want to give as much detail, but basically was a close friends surprising and verbally aggressive attack toward me for feeling slighted from an event. Both my husband and I were at fault for the perceived slight, but the friend chose me to attack and my husband threw me under the bus and let me take the heat. He was present when it occurred.

OP you need to go to a therapist and explore whether you have borderline personality. “Getting attacked for feeling slighted at an event then attacking my DH for not defending me from the attack” is classic.

This was my friends response, not mine. I work in mental health. I am 100% sure I am not bpd. The friend does show BPD traits, you’re correct.

ROFL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Op- the MIL issue was around a conflict she had with both of us, mad about us making different plans for a holiday (setting a boundary which she didn’t like). She came at me about it and called me thoughtless and selfish for not going along with her holiday plans. She’s pretty judgemental and strong willed so this was not a surprise, but I was hurt that my husband let me take the fall for it and just hid like a turtle.

So you have 4 kids and a 15-year marriage, and you're considering divorce over something like the above, because you have daddy's money to fall back on?

If it wasn't for the kids, I'd say your husband should divorce you.

Bless.

Every time you type this, you out yourself as even more of an imbecile, but please, do continue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. What kind of problems do you get into with people that your DH needs to step in.

I have been married 15 years and we have never had any problem lime this. What are these problems? Details matter. These events should be so infrequent that they are irrelevant.


Secondly, if I cannot sleep with someone, I cannot stay married to them. So if my DH came as a wimp too many times, I couldn't deal. I need that sexual attraction.

After 4 kids, sugar bear will be the only one wanting to be with you! LOL!

You’re a jerk

And you “work in mental health?” As what? A receptionist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- Omg this thread is getting detailed quickly! I am not the bless your heart person! Lol! Dcum is hilarious


Honestly looking for advice. I know you people love to tear down and criticize, but the truth of these conflicts is that i take the masculine role of defending our family and I find it unsexy and demoralizing and lonely. I wonder if it would be better to be divorced rather than have to continue on this way.

Thanks for the real advice. It’s appreciated!

Oh, please. Are you over 75?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would your life improve post-divorce?

The sex will be even better with a less wimpy man. Trust me.

She’s 40+, has FOUR kids and is wildly emotionally dysregulated. Potential suitors aren’t going to be banging down her door (word choice intentional).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, seriously? You'd be able to afford a 2 bedroom condo, maybe? With 4 kids? Heck to the no for me.

Also, I want to know exactly what the incidents were.

After not getting the responses she wanted, she’s now come back to claim that Mommy and Daddy will financially support her and the kids.

[Anonymous]

No, it's not a good reason. You pledged to love this person until death. Suck it up about MIL -- she'll be gone one day.

[Anonymous]

I would not put my kids thru the pain of divorce over this. Know that you will be the one to defend yourself and keep it moving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, given the limited details of what you have described, I can't really tell if what you are describing warrants divorce. I personally, do not think it is my husband's job to defend me from personal attack. I own my own sh*t. I'm trying to envision exactly what you are describing - attack by MIL, and then a "similar" attack by someone else? What exactly is going on and why do you need your husband to defend you?

I hear what you mean and I feel similarly, tbh. I’ve fought plenty of my own battles throughout the years. But the older I get and the more life has knocked us down in different ways, I’m feeling a bone deep exhaustion from being the one to defend myself and us against things. I’m not a super aggressive person but I feel that I’ve had to do more than my fair share as my dh is so passive.

For instance, our 2nd grade daughter was sharing some very real instances of being bullied in class. My husbands response was to shrug it off and ignore it. I had to be the one contacting the school and sharing concerns. All this kind of stuff always falls on me as he is so conflict adverse.

JFC. You are *so* dramatic. You sound like a 6th grade girl with the endless catastrophizing.

Just wait until you get some real problems. You’ll crumble to dust.

+1 this is ridiculous. OP needs to grow up. She is creating a mountain out of a molehill.