Why are people here so averse to pushing their kids?

[Anonymous]

I think more people should read more about the research that's been done on mindset and resiliency by people such as Carol Dweck.

https://www.mindsetworks.com/science/#:~:text=Dweck%20coined%20the%20terms%20fixed,that%20leads%20to%20higher%20achievement.

[Anonymous]

Public school kids do more new things, compete at sports or contests, get grades.

The private school kids families are the ones scared to have their kids compete. Very coddled even at some of the “top” k-12 private schools in the Wash dc area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Public school kids do more new things, compete at sports or contests, get grades.

The private school kids families are the ones scared to have their kids compete. Very coddled even at some of the “top” k-12 private schools in the Wash dc area.

People who are secure don't knock other people's choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted this as a comment on another thread, but I think it's odd how many posters here are averse to pushing their kid and having them develop an amazing work ethic (the #1 key to success!) all because they're worried that they'll harm their fragile snowflake's "mental health."


I demand that my kid (who is of fairly average intelligence -- 110 IQ) take the most rigorous classes offered at their school (a "W" school), try their best to get straight As (so far successful except for 1 B sophomore year), participate in a sport, play an instrument, work a (crappy, minimum wage) summer job, and be active in community service. DC doesn't want to do any of this (they are naturally very lazy), but I push them academically and extracurricularly because it forms a well-rounded human being. Not for the sake of college admissions, not for the sake of impressing an AO, but for the sake of developing a work ethic that'll launch them into success in college and beyond. Too many Americans these days lack a strong work ethic.

And for some reason, the parents on here think that all of this will destroy my kid's mental health. The best thing you can do for your kid's mental health is to build grit and resilience, as well as normalize failure. That's why I demand that my kid try their best at activities that are naturally outside of their comfort zone. It seems as though this is a common approach to successful and well-rounded kids; the ones who are the healthiest and happiest in DC's friend group are the ones who are pushed by their parents to do things outside of their comfort zone while normalizing failure and not being the best at everything you do. And the ones in DC's friend group with the most mental health issues are the ones with coddling parents who try to shelter their kid from every potential failure while not pushing them to step outside of their comfort zone.

Agree.

After 3rd grade my own kid in a progressive school started realizing how troubled some of her peers were. They could do their school work without a pep talk, they were scared of balls and sports, their parents demanded no grading, the kids got whatever they wanted - to own, to eat, to do.
It was nuts.
Thank gawd we played some team sports and did swim because this area has some real outliers in terms of resilience and practice skills. Probably drives the teachers nuts and they give up on having normal expectations as well. Not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public school kids do more new things, compete at sports or contests, get grades.

The private school kids families are the ones scared to have their kids compete. Very coddled even at some of the “top” k-12 private schools in the Wash dc area.

People who are secure don't knock other people's choices.

The topic is coddled snowflake kids with no skill development. And you’re right, that is indeed a parenting choice, day in and day out. Coddle your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dunno.

My experience - with two kids in college who were private school lifers at top DC area privates - is the opposite. I think most people around here push their kids far more than the norm. The DC parents we know are insanely tiger-ish imo. Expectations for kids are off the charts.

The biggest parenting failure I see is not teaching kids to treat everyone around them with respect and kindness regardless of age/race/wealth/ circumstances/etc.

So it’s probably who you are surrounded by and who you pay attention to.

Yet you chose to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to put your kids in what you feel compelled to tell us were "top" privates. But, no, YOU'RE not pushy or competitive. You're different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dunno.

My experience - with two kids in college who were private school lifers at top DC area privates - is the opposite. I think most people around here push their kids far more than the norm. The DC parents we know are insanely tiger-ish imo. Expectations for kids are off the charts.

The biggest parenting failure I see is not teaching kids to treat everyone around them with respect and kindness regardless of age/race/wealth/ circumstances/etc.

So it’s probably who you are surrounded by and who you pay attention to.

Yet you chose to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to put your kids in what you feel compelled to tell us were "top" privates. But, no, YOU'RE not pushy or competitive. You're different.

Those schools only push the kids- and some still don’t get take your $50k - for grades 9-12.
Ld schools may provide some value.
We met many parents there so their child didn’t have to compete in large strong public or magnet schools. So went with a small 100-130 person classes of a Dc private school that could barely field a decent team sport team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pushed our kids and they all turned out fine and successful.

I didn't push my kids and they all turned out fine and successful.

PP you were responding to - 1 Phd in engineering and 2 medical doctors. How successful were yours?

Dp So you are only successful if you are a doctor or engineer. How about being successful by being decent, nice human beings?

I think you have just outed yourself. I'm pretty sure I recognize you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pushed our kids and they all turned out fine and successful.

I didn't push my kids and they all turned out fine and successful.

PP you were responding to - 1 Phd in engineering and 2 medical doctors. How successful were yours?

Dp So you are only successful if you are a doctor or engineer. How about being successful by being decent, nice human beings?

I think you have just outed yourself. I'm pretty sure I recognize you.

NP

That could be half of America talking. Who doesn’t want their child to become a nice decent human being?

[Anonymous]

NP

OP - I used to push my child to do many of the things you do but she has actually ended up immobilized with chronic health and mental health issues : so I have had to adjust expectations and focus mostly on health and eventual independence

Some kids thrive with being challenges and others collapse.

My DC still feels I push her too much while I am being very laid back by my standards. 😂 I am trying to get a good balance between encouraging her to work hard, be responsible and set goals and let her just chill and enjoy being young. It is not a perfect balance but I am trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public school kids do more new things, compete at sports or contests, get grades.

The private school kids families are the ones scared to have their kids compete. Very coddled even at some of the “top” k-12 private schools in the Wash dc area.

People who are secure don't knock other people's choices.

The topic is coddled snowflake kids with no skill development. And you’re right, that is indeed a parenting choice, day in and day out. Coddle your child.

why are you focused on my kid? Just live and let live. And btw, everyone has a definition of 'coddling' and some people may consider what you do "coddling" I honestly don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pushed our kids and they all turned out fine and successful.

I didn't push my kids and they all turned out fine and successful.

PP you were responding to - 1 Phd in engineering and 2 medical doctors. How successful were yours?

Dp So you are only successful if you are a doctor or engineer. How about being successful by being decent, nice human beings?

I think you have just outed yourself. I'm pretty sure I recognize you.

NP

That could be half of America talking. Who doesn’t want their child to become a nice decent human being?

Oh no! I am outed for wanting kind, decent humans!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll.

Seriously. This site is overrun with Tiger parents with top 10 or die aspirations.

[Anonymous]

Too many parents, across all income or wealth strata, simply don’t parent. They don’t take the time to conversate or validate their kids, or develop the kids confidence, strengths.
Some neglectful parents, at most throw some tutoring money at the kid. But mainly just ship them to school or some sports and assume everyone else is raising and parenting their kid.

As for the super anxious over protective parents, they are really under-developing and stunting their children. Won’t play out well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public school kids do more new things, compete at sports or contests, get grades.

The private school kids families are the ones scared to have their kids compete. Very coddled even at some of the “top” k-12 private schools in the Wash dc area.

People who are secure don't knock other people's choices.

The topic is coddled snowflake kids with no skill development. And you’re right, that is indeed a parenting choice, day in and day out. Coddle your child.

why are you focused on my kid? Just live and let live. And btw, everyone has a definition of 'coddling' and some people may consider what you do "coddling" I honestly don't care.

Good then stop embarassing yourself here. Choice on how to parent, we all agree.