Why are people here so averse to pushing their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pushed our kids and they all turned out fine and successful.

I didn't push my kids and they all turned out fine and successful.

PP you were responding to - 1 Phd in engineering and 2 medical doctors. How successful were yours?

Dp So you are only successful if you are a doctor or engineer. How about being successful by being decent, nice human beings?

They are decent and good human beings. Thanks for your concern.

but your go-to response to measure success was what title/career your kids have. sad

[Anonymous]

How should I push them? One is getting a Masters in Engineeering, paid by his employer. The other is in a PhD program in a STEM field. What more can I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted this as a comment on another thread, but I think it's odd how many posters here are averse to pushing their kid and having them develop an amazing work ethic (the #1 key to success!) all because they're worried that they'll harm their fragile snowflake's "mental health."


I demand that my kid (who is of fairly average intelligence -- 110 IQ) take the most rigorous classes offered at their school (a "W" school), try their best to get straight As (so far successful except for 1 B sophomore year), participate in a sport, play an instrument, work a (crappy, minimum wage) summer job, and be active in community service. DC doesn't want to do any of this (they are naturally very lazy), but I push them academically and extracurricularly because it forms a well-rounded human being. Not for the sake of college admissions, not for the sake of impressing an AO, but for the sake of developing a work ethic that'll launch them into success in college and beyond. Too many Americans these days lack a strong work ethic.

And for some reason, the parents on here think that all of this will destroy my kid's mental health. The best thing you can do for your kid's mental health is to build grit and resilience, as well as normalize failure. That's why I demand that my kid try their best at activities that are naturally outside of their comfort zone. It seems as though this is a common approach to successful and well-rounded kids; the ones who are the healthiest and happiest in DC's friend group are the ones who are pushed by their parents to do things outside of their comfort zone while normalizing failure and not being the best at everything you do. And the ones in DC's friend group with the most mental health issues are the ones with coddling parents who try to shelter their kid from every potential failure while not pushing them to step outside of their comfort zone.

Wow, your observations based on one friend group in the United States surely should make us all change our ways.

“I demand,” you say. Americans lack work ethic, you say, which is a sweeping generalization.

You sound like my friends from other countries whose parents came here for jobs. The friends trashed the US while gladly signing up for social security and getting their American passports. 🤣😂🤣😂

[Anonymous]

When your kid picks your nursing home one day enjoy

[Anonymous]

Dunno.

My experience - with two kids in college who were private school lifers at top DC area privates - is the opposite. I think most people around here push their kids far more than the norm. The DC parents we know are insanely tiger-ish imo. Expectations for kids are off the charts.

The biggest parenting failure I see is not teaching kids to treat everyone around them with respect and kindness regardless of age/race/wealth/ circumstances/etc.

So it’s probably who you are surrounded by and who you pay attention to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The confidence you have in the correctness of your parenting practices and opinions—not just for your own children but for other children as well—is kind of amazing.

+1
DCUM in a nutshell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pushed our kids and they all turned out fine and successful.

I didn't push my kids and they all turned out fine and successful.

PP you were responding to - 1 Phd in engineering and 2 medical doctors. How successful were yours?

Dp So you are only successful if you are a doctor or engineer. How about being successful by being decent, nice human beings?

They are decent and good human beings. Thanks for your concern.

but your go-to response to measure success was what title/career your kids have. sad

No sadness here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pushed our kids and they all turned out fine and successful.

I didn't push my kids and they all turned out fine and successful.

PP you were responding to - 1 Phd in engineering and 2 medical doctors. How successful were yours?

Dp So you are only successful if you are a doctor or engineer. How about being successful by being decent, nice human beings?

They are decent and good human beings. Thanks for your concern.

but your go-to response to measure success was what title/career your kids have. sad

No sadness here.

Exactly. Not apologizing for the fact that pushed kids generally turn out very successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dunno.

My experience - with two kids in college who were private school lifers at top DC area privates - is the opposite. I think most people around here push their kids far more than the norm. The DC parents we know are insanely tiger-ish imo. Expectations for kids are off the charts.

The biggest parenting failure I see is not teaching kids to treat everyone around them with respect and kindness regardless of age/race/wealth/ circumstances/etc.

So it’s probably who you are surrounded by and who you pay attention to.

OP here. Kindness is #1 in our household and my kid will face hell if I ever found them disrespectfully treating someone else. I suppose Big 3 private schools would have pushy parents, but most parents at our W school seem content to let their kids languish in their comfort zones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is DCUM. Admitting to pushing your kid, prepping for the AAP tests, acknowledging your privilege, or making less than $500k is forbidden.
Only the truly wealthy let their kids slack and wander. Whether they rise to true Tiger Mom status or employ more subtle tactics, it’s one of the main tenets of the UMC playbook to push your kids and hoard opportunities for them at the expense of others.
Pushing your kids is as American as gun ownership and racism - admitting it, not so much. We have to pretend our kids are successful due to their purely self-motivated hard work. Manifest Destiny!

OP here. Yes, exactly. Isn't this the subject of the book "Dream Hoarders" by Richard Reeves? Except I think Reeves is wrong and his observations don't match up with what I see at DC's W school.

[Anonymous]

Pushing your kids = helping them realize their full potential = doing your job as parents. DO.YOUR.JOB parents!

[Anonymous]

OP, for me, your tone is a bit jarring. First I have to say I STRONGLY disagree that Americans have a poor work ethic. Have you ever worked overseas? Americans are known for being hard workers. Also, I don't approach child rearing as a series of "demands". We have standards, and guiding principles mixed in with all of the other stuff that goes into this un-trained thing called parenting. My children are doing well partly bc of my attempts to give them a loving home and one where ideas are exchanged, time is spent well, time is wasted, responsibility is demonstrated, humor reigns supreme - all of it. They are who they are also because of their own selves. They are doing well also by the standards I'm guessing you might use as your measure. I love who they are.
I don't find demands work. Maybe that works for you. I don't think anyone responds well to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. Kindness is #1 in our household and my kid will face hell if I ever found them disrespectfully treating someone else.

LOL. BE KIND OR YOU WILL BE PUNISHED!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. Kindness is #1 in our household and my kid will face hell if I ever found them disrespectfully treating someone else.

LOL. BE KIND OR YOU WILL BE PUNISHED!

That stood out to me too! Truth is, kids will treat others the way they are treated. So your children will likely grow up telling others what to do and being disappointed in them when they don’t measure up.

[Anonymous]

Op, I kind of agree with you that I think part of a parent's job is to set them up well for life. I don't agree with harsh parenting because kids need to feel unconditionally loved, but a certain amount of pushing is good for them. However, I think plenty of American parents are pushy. I don't know where you are posting from, but in DCUM circles I am guessing that lack of pushiness is not a problem.