Why are people here so averse to pushing their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We pushed our kids and they all turned out fine and successful.

I didn't push my kids and they all turned out fine and successful.

PP you were responding to - 1 Phd in engineering and 2 medical doctors. How successful were yours?

Dp So you are only successful if you are a doctor or engineer. How about being successful by being decent, nice human beings?

I think you have just outed yourself. I'm pretty sure I recognize you.

NP

That could be half of America talking. Who doesn’t want their child to become a nice decent human being?

Oh no! I am outed for wanting kind, decent humans!

Lots of kind decent humans, who are also competitive in sports, academics and career.

At the end of the day it’s the same bell curve of results, every generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP

OP - I used to push my child to do many of the things you do but she has actually ended up immobilized with chronic health and mental health issues : so I have had to adjust expectations and focus mostly on health and eventual independence

Some kids thrive with being challenges and others collapse.

My DC still feels I push her too much while I am being very laid back by my standards. 😂 I am trying to get a good balance between encouraging her to work hard, be responsible and set goals and let her just chill and enjoy being young. It is not a perfect balance but I am trying.

I have one of each - one athletic over achiever and one anxious HFA slacker kid. Totally different approach to get the most out of each child. I hope they remain friends through this all. Structure and consistency helps both of them though.

[Anonymous]

Teacher here. We see a barbell- many parents asking us not to discipline or grade or be strict with their kids, and then the parents asking for more feedback and examples of what their kid could do better. In general, and more so during and after Covid, we lowered academic and behavioral standards again and we’re told to spend last year building up the k-13 students’ social skills and joy of learning.

I can see how that would result in parents needing to bump up the standards themselves. We have our kids at a local parish school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted this as a comment on another thread, but I think it's odd how many posters here are averse to pushing their kid and having them develop an amazing work ethic (the #1 key to success!) all because they're worried that they'll harm their fragile snowflake's "mental health."


I demand that my kid (who is of fairly average intelligence -- 110 IQ) take the most rigorous classes offered at their school (a "W" school), try their best to get straight As (so far successful except for 1 B sophomore year), participate in a sport, play an instrument, work a (crappy, minimum wage) summer job, and be active in community service. DC doesn't want to do any of this (they are naturally very lazy), but I push them academically and extracurricularly because it forms a well-rounded human being. Not for the sake of college admissions, not for the sake of impressing an AO, but for the sake of developing a work ethic that'll launch them into success in college and beyond. Too many Americans these days lack a strong work ethic.

And for some reason, the parents on here think that all of this will destroy my kid's mental health. The best thing you can do for your kid's mental health is to build grit and resilience, as well as normalize failure. That's why I demand that my kid try their best at activities that are naturally outside of their comfort zone. It seems as though this is a common approach to successful and well-rounded kids; the ones who are the healthiest and happiest in DC's friend group are the ones who are pushed by their parents to do things outside of their comfort zone while normalizing failure and not being the best at everything you do. And the ones in DC's friend group with the most mental health issues are the ones with coddling parents who try to shelter their kid from every potential failure while not pushing them to step outside of their comfort zone.

I'm fine pushing DC. But, I also know when they have a boundary I should respect. I'm not going to make DC do something she absolutely loathes or is horrible at. Just like I wouldn't for myself. Because I respect her.

I also find your black and white view of parenting a bit controlling, and more than a little disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is DCUM. Admitting to pushing your kid, prepping for the AAP tests, acknowledging your privilege, or making less than $500k is forbidden.
Only the truly wealthy let their kids slack and wander. Whether they rise to true Tiger Mom status or employ more subtle tactics, it’s one of the main tenets of the UMC playbook to push your kids and hoard opportunities for them at the expense of others.
Pushing your kids is as American as gun ownership and racism - admitting it, not so much. We have to pretend our kids are successful due to their purely self-motivated hard work. Manifest Destiny!

OP here. Yes, exactly. Isn't this the subject of the book "Dream Hoarders" by Richard Reeves? Except I think Reeves is wrong and his observations don't match up with what I see at DC's W school.

With all your pushing, is your kid figuring out how to live life independently? Or are you going to have to continue to push in college, and afterward?

Kids aren't naturally lazy. They are born curious about the world, but they have that curiosity beaten out of them by overbearing parents. If your kid is so lazy that he needs the kind of pushing you are doing, I really wonder how he's going to survive when you aren't there to push anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is DCUM. Admitting to pushing your kid, prepping for the AAP tests, acknowledging your privilege, or making less than $500k is forbidden.
Only the truly wealthy let their kids slack and wander. Whether they rise to true Tiger Mom status or employ more subtle tactics, it’s one of the main tenets of the UMC playbook to push your kids and hoard opportunities for them at the expense of others.
Pushing your kids is as American as gun ownership and racism - admitting it, not so much. We have to pretend our kids are successful due to their purely self-motivated hard work. Manifest Destiny!

OP here. Yes, exactly. Isn't this the subject of the book "Dream Hoarders" by Richard Reeves? Except I think Reeves is wrong and his observations don't match up with what I see at DC's W school.

With all your pushing, is your kid figuring out how to live life independently? Or are you going to have to continue to push in college, and afterward?

Kids aren't naturally lazy. They are born curious about the world, but they have that curiosity beaten out of them by overbearing parents. If your kid is so lazy that he needs the kind of pushing you are doing, I really wonder how he's going to survive when you aren't there to push anymore.

kids are born wanting to do stuff they like and not wanting to do stuff they don't like. when you never do stuff you don't like, you are lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is DCUM. Admitting to pushing your kid, prepping for the AAP tests, acknowledging your privilege, or making less than $500k is forbidden.
Only the truly wealthy let their kids slack and wander. Whether they rise to true Tiger Mom status or employ more subtle tactics, it’s one of the main tenets of the UMC playbook to push your kids and hoard opportunities for them at the expense of others.
Pushing your kids is as American as gun ownership and racism - admitting it, not so much. We have to pretend our kids are successful due to their purely self-motivated hard work. Manifest Destiny!

OP here. Yes, exactly. Isn't this the subject of the book "Dream Hoarders" by Richard Reeves? Except I think Reeves is wrong and his observations don't match up with what I see at DC's W school.

With all your pushing, is your kid figuring out how to live life independently? Or are you going to have to continue to push in college, and afterward?

Kids aren't naturally lazy. They are born curious about the world, but they have that curiosity beaten out of them by overbearing parents. If your kid is so lazy that he needs the kind of pushing you are doing, I really wonder how he's going to survive when you aren't there to push anymore.

kids are born wanting to do stuff they like and not wanting to do stuff they don't like. when you never do stuff you don't like, you are lazy.

Hey, why aren't you over here cleaning my house right now? Oh wait, you just "don't want to?" LAZY!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted this as a comment on another thread, but I think it's odd how many posters here are averse to pushing their kid and having them develop an amazing work ethic (the #1 key to success!) all because they're worried that they'll harm their fragile snowflake's "mental health."


I demand that my kid (who is of fairly average intelligence -- 110 IQ) take the most rigorous classes offered at their school (a "W" school), try their best to get straight As (so far successful except for 1 B sophomore year), participate in a sport, play an instrument, work a (crappy, minimum wage) summer job, and be active in community service. DC doesn't want to do any of this (they are naturally very lazy), but I push them academically and extracurricularly because it forms a well-rounded human being. Not for the sake of college admissions, not for the sake of impressing an AO, but for the sake of developing a work ethic that'll launch them into success in college and beyond. Too many Americans these days lack a strong work ethic.

And for some reason, the parents on here think that all of this will destroy my kid's mental health. The best thing you can do for your kid's mental health is to build grit and resilience, as well as normalize failure. That's why I demand that my kid try their best at activities that are naturally outside of their comfort zone. It seems as though this is a common approach to successful and well-rounded kids; the ones who are the healthiest and happiest in DC's friend group are the ones who are pushed by their parents to do things outside of their comfort zone while normalizing failure and not being the best at everything you do. And the ones in DC's friend group with the most mental health issues are the ones with coddling parents who try to shelter their kid from every potential failure while not pushing them to step outside of their comfort zone.

I'm fine pushing DC. But, I also know when they have a boundary I should respect. I'm not going to make DC do something she absolutely loathes or is horrible at. Just like I wouldn't for myself. Because I respect her.

I also find your black and white view of parenting a bit controlling, and more than a little disturbing.

Yeah, OP, you seem way too invested in the idea that you can personally build your kid to fit some model person you have in your mind. Your DC is their own person, not your creation to show off to the world. The fact that you contemptuously characterize your own child as "of fairly average intelligence" (seriously? IQ tests are ridiculous) and "naturally lazy" is pretty telling, as is your tired old trope that "Americans these days lack a strong work ethic." Are you also a businessman that thinks all your employees are slackers and that you shouldn't have to pay minimum wage? Work is the least important part of life, sweetie, and your notion of "success" is really twisted. Many of what a lot of Americans consider the most "successful" people - which by your measure is undoubtedly job title and accumulated wealth - tend to be lazy mediocre white guys who started on 3rd base and spend a lot of their days golfing and drinking and giving themselves raises. But go on pushing your poor kid to waste their childhood doing a ton of things they don't like and aren't interested in so you can try for bragging rights. You are gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is DCUM. Admitting to pushing your kid, prepping for the AAP tests, acknowledging your privilege, or making less than $500k is forbidden.
Only the truly wealthy let their kids slack and wander. Whether they rise to true Tiger Mom status or employ more subtle tactics, it’s one of the main tenets of the UMC playbook to push your kids and hoard opportunities for them at the expense of others.
Pushing your kids is as American as gun ownership and racism - admitting it, not so much. We have to pretend our kids are successful due to their purely self-motivated hard work. Manifest Destiny!

OP here. Yes, exactly. Isn't this the subject of the book "Dream Hoarders" by Richard Reeves? Except I think Reeves is wrong and his observations don't match up with what I see at DC's W school.

With all your pushing, is your kid figuring out how to live life independently? Or are you going to have to continue to push in college, and afterward?

Kids aren't naturally lazy. They are born curious about the world, but they have that curiosity beaten out of them by overbearing parents. If your kid is so lazy that he needs the kind of pushing you are doing, I really wonder how he's going to survive when you aren't there to push anymore.

kids are born wanting to do stuff they like and not wanting to do stuff they don't like. when you never do stuff you don't like, you are lazy.

It all comes down to how you decide to like or dislike something then, doesn't it? That's where parents can be helpful -- in a way that has nothing to do with pushing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted this as a comment on another thread, but I think it's odd how many posters here are averse to pushing their kid and having them develop an amazing work ethic (the #1 key to success!) all because they're worried that they'll harm their fragile snowflake's "mental health."


I demand that my kid (who is of fairly average intelligence -- 110 IQ) take the most rigorous classes offered at their school (a "W" school), try their best to get straight As (so far successful except for 1 B sophomore year), participate in a sport, play an instrument, work a (crappy, minimum wage) summer job, and be active in community service. DC doesn't want to do any of this (they are naturally very lazy), but I push them academically and extracurricularly because it forms a well-rounded human being. Not for the sake of college admissions, not for the sake of impressing an AO, but for the sake of developing a work ethic that'll launch them into success in college and beyond. Too many Americans these days lack a strong work ethic.

And for some reason, the parents on here think that all of this will destroy my kid's mental health. The best thing you can do for your kid's mental health is to build grit and resilience, as well as normalize failure. That's why I demand that my kid try their best at activities that are naturally outside of their comfort zone. It seems as though this is a common approach to successful and well-rounded kids; the ones who are the healthiest and happiest in DC's friend group are the ones who are pushed by their parents to do things outside of their comfort zone while normalizing failure and not being the best at everything you do. And the ones in DC's friend group with the most mental health issues are the ones with coddling parents who try to shelter their kid from every potential failure while not pushing them to step outside of their comfort zone.

I'm fine pushing DC. But, I also know when they have a boundary I should respect. I'm not going to make DC do something she absolutely loathes or is horrible at. Just like I wouldn't for myself. Because I respect her.

I also find your black and white view of parenting a bit controlling, and more than a little disturbing.

Yeah, OP, you seem way too invested in the idea that you can personally build your kid to fit some model person you have in your mind. Your DC is their own person, not your creation to show off to the world. The fact that you contemptuously characterize your own child as "of fairly average intelligence" (seriously? IQ tests are ridiculous) and "naturally lazy" is pretty telling, as is your tired old trope that "Americans these days lack a strong work ethic." Are you also a businessman that thinks all your employees are slackers and that you shouldn't have to pay minimum wage? Work is the least important part of life, sweetie, and your notion of "success" is really twisted. Many of what a lot of Americans consider the most "successful" people - which by your measure is undoubtedly job title and accumulated wealth - tend to be lazy mediocre white guys who started on 3rd base and spend a lot of their days golfing and drinking and giving themselves raises. But go on pushing your poor kid to waste their childhood doing a ton of things they don't like and aren't interested in so you can try for bragging rights. You are gross.

Applause!

[Anonymous]

I agree with OP. I push my kids. I am also a teacher. Most people are lazy. Most students who do well have parents with high expectations. A few are intrinsically motivated. It is sad when I have brilliant students do the bare minimum. Their parents don't push them, so they don't care.

I think it is sad that our culture is now looking at hard work and ambition as things that are bad. When I think of those ideas it is not associated with wealth or title. Why not do the best at what you do? If you make sandwiches for a living, why not be the best sandwich maker? Their is value and beauty in th

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP. I push my kids. I am also a teacher. Most people are lazy. Most students who do well have parents with high expectations. A few are intrinsically motivated. It is sad when I have brilliant students do the bare minimum. Their parents don't push them, so they don't care.

I think it is sad that our culture is now looking at hard work and ambition as things that are bad. When I think of those ideas it is not associated with wealth or title. Why not do the best at what you do? If you make sandwiches for a living, why not be the best sandwich maker? Their is value and beauty in th

Because there is more to life than making sandwiches, and I'm only doing it to get the money I need so I can take days off to play video games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP. I push my kids. I am also a teacher. Most people are lazy. Most students who do well have parents with high expectations. A few are intrinsically motivated. It is sad when I have brilliant students do the bare minimum. Their parents don't push them, so they don't care.

I think it is sad that our culture is now looking at hard work and ambition as things that are bad. When I think of those ideas it is not associated with wealth or title. Why not do the best at what you do? If you make sandwiches for a living, why not be the best sandwich maker? Their is value and beauty in th

I think the way people penalize a person for wanting to do nothing but enjoy themselves even sadder. What is the point? We are all going to die? Why do I need to pushed into doing all these things I don't want to do when all I want to do is sit around and enjoy the present moment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP. I push my kids. I am also a teacher. Most people are lazy. Most students who do well have parents with high expectations. A few are intrinsically motivated. It is sad when I have brilliant students do the bare minimum. Their parents don't push them, so they don't care.

I think it is sad that our culture is now looking at hard work and ambition as things that are bad. When I think of those ideas it is not associated with wealth or title. Why not do the best at what you do? If you make sandwiches for a living, why not be the best sandwich maker? Their is value and beauty in th

I think the way people penalize a person for wanting to do nothing but enjoy themselves even sadder. What is the point? We are all going to die? Why do I need to pushed into doing all these things I don't want to do when all I want to do is sit around and enjoy the present moment?

+1. If I had tons of money, I'd work 2 days a month on something I like, but otherwise spend my days chilling out on my own private island, where I hire everyone to do work for me. I'm not pushing myself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is DCUM. Admitting to pushing your kid, prepping for the AAP tests, acknowledging your privilege, or making less than $500k is forbidden.
Only the truly wealthy let their kids slack and wander. Whether they rise to true Tiger Mom status or employ more subtle tactics, it’s one of the main tenets of the UMC playbook to push your kids and hoard opportunities for them at the expense of others.
Pushing your kids is as American as gun ownership and racism - admitting it, not so much. We have to pretend our kids are successful due to their purely self-motivated hard work. Manifest Destiny!

OP here. Yes, exactly. Isn't this the subject of the book "Dream Hoarders" by Richard Reeves? Except I think Reeves is wrong and his observations don't match up with what I see at DC's W school.

With all your pushing, is your kid figuring out how to live life independently? Or are you going to have to continue to push in college, and afterward?

Kids aren't naturally lazy. They are born curious about the world, but they have that curiosity beaten out of them by overbearing parents. If your kid is so lazy that he needs the kind of pushing you are doing, I really wonder how he's going to survive when you aren't there to push anymore.

kids are born wanting to do stuff they like and not wanting to do stuff they don't like. when you never do stuff you don't like, you are lazy.

Hey, why aren't you over here cleaning my house right now? Oh wait, you just "don't want to?" LAZY!

are you cleaning your own house? if you never do that and instead post crap on DCUM all day long then, yes, you too are lazy.