How to convince daughter not to follow her boyfriend to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

As parents, we just want her to make the decision for the right reasons.

Sorry to rain on the kumbaya, but Amherst and Davidson aren't in the same league. Amherst is generally regarded as one of the two best SLACs in the United States, interchangeably with Williams. To be accepted there is to gain a ticket to the best of American undergraduate education. Davidson is an excellent school but not that caliber, notwithstanding the usual regional chauvinism of DCUM commenters. The gap is even more pronounced in ranking systems like WSJ and Forbes which combine SLACs and universities, which put Amherst up in the top 20 and Davidson significantly lower ranked near #50 or #60. While it's silly to attach undue importance to a gap of few rankings in the USNWR survey, it's equally silly to pretend that rankings only reflect "prestige" rather than the quality of the educational experience, or that a material gap is meaningless.

Not sure what would be the "right reason" for your daughter to choose a lesser educational experience. A preference for warmer weather? Fear that she can't cut it at Amherst (although she wouldn't have been admitted if she weren't capable of the work)? A fascination with the Charlotte-Concord-Gastonia metro region? A curious nostalgia for the vestiges of Jim Crow? Support her inclinations if you want (although realistically there may be an equally high risk of her eventual resentment if she comes to believe you didn't provide the guidance she needed). But if she decides she "gets a better vibe" from Davidson or some equally silly non-reason (didn't like the tour guide at Amherst? really admired someone a year ahead of her in HS who went to Davidson?), I think as a parent you're obligated to at least make clear she's choosing (and you'll be paying for) the lesser education. Which for most people isn't what college is supposed to be about.

Right now, I'm imagining this poster as a cross between my most judgiest uncle and my worst boss ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

As parents, we just want her to make the decision for the right reasons.

Sorry to rain on the kumbaya, but Amherst and Davidson aren't in the same league. Amherst is generally regarded as one of the two best SLACs in the United States, interchangeably with Williams. To be accepted there is to gain a ticket to the best of American undergraduate education. Davidson is an excellent school but not that caliber, notwithstanding the usual regional chauvinism of DCUM commenters. The gap is even more pronounced in ranking systems like WSJ and Forbes which combine SLACs and universities, which put Amherst up in the top 20 and Davidson significantly lower ranked near #50 or #60. While it's silly to attach undue importance to a gap of few rankings in the USNWR survey, it's equally silly to pretend that rankings only reflect "prestige" rather than the quality of the educational experience, or that a material gap is meaningless.

Not sure what would be the "right reason" for your daughter to choose a lesser educational experience. A preference for warmer weather? Fear that she can't cut it at Amherst (although she wouldn't have been admitted if she weren't capable of the work)? A fascination with the Charlotte-Concord-Gastonia metro region? A curious nostalgia for the vestiges of Jim Crow? Support her inclinations if you want (although realistically there may be an equally high risk of her eventual resentment if she comes to believe you didn't provide the guidance she needed). But if she decides she "gets a better vibe" from Davidson or some equally silly non-reason (didn't like the tour guide at Amherst? really admired someone a year ahead of her in HS who went to Davidson?), I think as a parent you're obligated to at least make clear she's choosing (and you'll be paying for) the lesser education. Which for most people isn't what college is supposed to be about.

You seem fun.

[Anonymous]

Let her choose.

[Anonymous]

Let her go to Davidson. It will take her less than a semester to figure out that the boys at Davidson are better than her UNCC old,news, loser boyfriend and have the time of her life.

Most high school relationships don't make it past thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

I might ask her to join at least two extra curriculars as a condition of attending Davidson. Or something to guard against her just making college about the HS boyfriend and not bonding at her own college.

How much time do DD and BF spend together now? They have outside lives or spend most free time together?

What does BF think of her going to school near him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her go to Davidson. It will take her less than a semester to figure out that the boys at Davidson are better than her UNCC old,news, loser boyfriend and have the time of her life.

Most high school relationships don't make it past thanksgiving.

The rank of the boyfriend’s school is irrelevant. But you folks think you’re so classy, right?

[Anonymous]

Again, having attended a school with a similar student body to Davidson, I wouldn’t say the “quality” of the opposite sex is better. They may be bright, but they also can be the typical rich a-hole with very high opinions of themselves.

Maybe the current bf is an athlete and got full ride or something?

It is unlikely they will stay together, but you never know.

Stop acting like the boys who get into top schools are so much better than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, having attended a school with a similar student body to Davidson, I wouldn’t say the “quality” of the opposite sex is better. They may be bright, but they also can be the typical rich a-hole with very high opinions of themselves.

Maybe the current bf is an athlete and got full ride or something?

It is unlikely they will stay together, but you never know.

Stop acting like the boys who get into top schools are so much better than others.

+1

[Anonymous]

What's with all the posts about Davidson all of a sudden? I hadn't considered it for my DC who is interested in smaller schools in the NE but maybe we should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's with all the posts about Davidson all of a sudden? I hadn't considered it for my DC who is interested in smaller schools in the NE but maybe we should.

oh my kids LOVED Davidson when we visited. They didn't end up applying as they'd have to do ED to have a shot and choose another ED school. That said, my DD bought a Davidson sweatshirt when we visited and for the next year every time she wore it, someone stopped to talk to her about the school. I mean on the beach, on the airplane, at another college campus. She was actually going to write her essay for Davidson about "the sweatshirt" talking about all the people she met and how they were so passionate about their experiences with the school.

It is VERY tiny though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's with all the posts about Davidson all of a sudden? I hadn't considered it for my DC who is interested in smaller schools in the NE but maybe we should.

It was in Jeff Selingo's book a couple of years ago and their basketball team has done well. Those types of things increase interest in schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, having attended a school with a similar student body to Davidson, I wouldn’t say the “quality” of the opposite sex is better. They may be bright, but they also can be the typical rich a-hole with very high opinions of themselves.

Maybe the current bf is an athlete and got full ride or something?

It is unlikely they will stay together, but you never know.

Stop acting like the boys who get into top schools are so much better than others.

+1

+2 Rejected Harvard (gorgeous and generous, but too patronizing and immature), MIT, Hopkins (too pro-sexual assault), etc guys for UVa DH. No regrets. And I am the "fake" UVa poster/basher.

[Anonymous]

If the boyfriend is that into her, he could have applied to U Mass Amherst. He could transfer if he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's with all the posts about Davidson all of a sudden? I hadn't considered it for my DC who is interested in smaller schools in the NE but maybe we should.

oh my kids LOVED Davidson when we visited. They didn't end up applying as they'd have to do ED to have a shot and choose another ED school. That said, my DD bought a Davidson sweatshirt when we visited and for the next year every time she wore it, someone stopped to talk to her about the school. I mean on the beach, on the airplane, at another college campus. She was actually going to write her essay for Davidson about "the sweatshirt" talking about all the people she met and how they were so passionate about their experiences with the school.

It is VERY tiny though.

+1 agree it's an amazing choice. Toured there also but chose another NC school.

[Anonymous]

OP where did she decide to go?