How to convince daughter not to follow her boyfriend to college?

[Anonymous]

Freshman year is life changing but so is depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t get posters who are asking OP to refuse to pay if she isn’t picking the college of their choice. This is controlling behavior and it would effect your child’s life in worse ways then picking a college a few notch lower.

+1;My parents made me go to the family college and we are estranged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Following this thread with interest. In my son's case, it isn't just geographical closeness and a choice between 2 stellar schools. He plans to follow his girlfriend of only 3 months to JMU even though he has been admitted to UVA as an Echols scholar as well as to UMichigan. JMU was his safety school. When he told us on April 1st, we thought it was an April Fool's prank. This is his first real relationship, and he is in puppy love. We are trying to reason with him so far to no avail. We told him that Harrisonburg and Charlottesville are an easy drive from one another. Even his girlfriend has told him he should go to UVA. It is now affecting his relationship with us. If we refuse to pay for JMU, he says he'll figure out a way to pay for college on his own. He does have savings in his name and has enough to cover first semester. Despite his immaturity, he is 18 so has full control over those funds. We are praying he comes to his senses before May 1 (or gets dumped as mean as that sounds). As far as we know, he has not declined the UVA acceptance yet. Sorry to hijack this thread but we are at a loss.

Your predicament is understandable but stay calm and give him support and advice, not threats. For all you know, he may shine much brighter at JMU.

[Anonymous]

My D did just this, but the slightly less expensive option was the other school. We let her make her own choice, had the talk but she insisted she wasn't following BF. They broke up after 1st semester. She was devastated. The school ended up being a good school for her even though I still think they other choice would have been a better choice. In retrospect, I wish I had pulled the money card so my suggestion is to use whatever leverage you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Choosing a college because your boyfriend will be nearby is stupid.

2) UNC is probably a harder admit, from OOS, than Davidson.

3) Amherst is only marginally better than Davidson; any differences are subjective.

?? Per USNEWS


University of North Carolina--Charlotte is ranked #227 in National Universities.

Davidson College is ranked #13 in National Liberal Arts Colleges.

Amherst College is ranked #2 in National Liberal Arts Colleges.

[Anonymous]

Yes, a higher ranked college can help a person’s future but so can a good partner. If you look at relationship forums, finding love gets really complicated. It’s possible they’ll breakup before sophomore year but it’s also possible they may never find love again.

If college isn’t too bad or BF/GF doesn’t have any red flags, let your child make their own decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My D did just this, but the slightly less expensive option was the other school. We let her make her own choice, had the talk but she insisted she wasn't following BF. They broke up after 1st semester. She was devastated. The school ended up being a good school for her even though I still think they other choice would have been a better choice. In retrospect, I wish I had pulled the money card so my suggestion is to use whatever leverage you can.

No way to know that, road not taken looks smoother but you may twist your ankle and not run the race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Following this thread with interest. In my son's case, it isn't just geographical closeness and a choice between 2 stellar schools. He plans to follow his girlfriend of only 3 months to JMU even though he has been admitted to UVA as an Echols scholar as well as to UMichigan. JMU was his safety school. When he told us on April 1st, we thought it was an April Fool's prank. This is his first real relationship, and he is in puppy love. We are trying to reason with him so far to no avail. We told him that Harrisonburg and Charlottesville are an easy drive from one another. Even his girlfriend has told him he should go to UVA. It is now affecting his relationship with us. If we refuse to pay for JMU, he says he'll figure out a way to pay for college on his own. He does have savings in his name and has enough to cover first semester. Despite his immaturity, he is 18 so has full control over those funds. We are praying he comes to his senses before May 1 (or gets dumped as mean as that sounds). As far as we know, he has not declined the UVA acceptance yet. Sorry to hijack this thread but we are at a loss.

Your predicament is understandable but stay calm and give him support and advice, not threats. For all you know, he may shine much brighter at JMU.

Would it be possible for your DS to defer admissions to UVA or Michigan and go live in Harrisonburg for a year while enrolling in JMU or any other college for credits as a non-degree student? This seems like a way to hedge bets and then transfer the credits later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Choosing a college because your boyfriend will be nearby is stupid.

2) UNC is probably a harder admit, from OOS, than Davidson.

3) Amherst is only marginally better than Davidson; any differences are subjective.

Not UNC Charlotte.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, would be interesting to know if your DD even actually knows this BF, David. He may be a cleverly worded figment of someone's imagination. But if she does, it becomes a question of where Amherst will be located. Are they planning on keeping it where it is, or moving it so as to better compete with the Davisons of the world? Lots to consider.

What

sounds like someone is testing a bot, and not a particularly good one

No I am not bat. Just a concerned parent trying to help with a few common since questions. Not everything is always as it appears so its time to think both inside and outside the box. For example, this BF David may not even be real and/or the locations of the colleges could be as they say fluid. Its all about finding the right piece to the right puzzle. TIA.

This is not written in colloquial English ^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to consider that a lot of people have never heard of Davidson but have heard of Amherst. Then simply refuse to pay for Davidson.

Most people have no clue what either school is, but okay I guess.

Laypeople have never heard of almost every school (besides HYP & big d1 sport schools). Not the point.

I don't think you know what hat word means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to consider that a lot of people have never heard of Davidson but have heard of Amherst. Then simply refuse to pay for Davidson.

Most people have no clue what either school is, but okay I guess.

Laypeople have never heard of almost every school (besides HYP & big d1 sport schools). Not the point.

I don't think you know what hat word means.

It means, “people who are not experts in a particular field of study.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to consider that a lot of people have never heard of Davidson but have heard of Amherst. Then simply refuse to pay for Davidson.

Most people have no clue what either school is, but okay I guess.

Laypeople have never heard of almost every school (besides HYP & big d1 sport schools). Not the point.

I don't think you know what hat word means.

It means, “people who are not experts in a particular field of study.”

Then you used it incorrectly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to consider that a lot of people have never heard of Davidson but have heard of Amherst. Then simply refuse to pay for Davidson.

Most people have no clue what either school is, but okay I guess.

Laypeople have never heard of almost every school (besides HYP & big d1 sport schools). Not the point.

I don't think you know what hat word means.

It means, “people who are not experts in a particular field of study.”

Then you used it incorrectly.

No, I didn’t.

[Anonymous]

As parents, we just want her to make the decision for the right reasons.

Sorry to rain on the kumbaya, but Amherst and Davidson aren't in the same league. Amherst is generally regarded as one of the two best SLACs in the United States, interchangeably with Williams. To be accepted there is to gain a ticket to the best of American undergraduate education. Davidson is an excellent school but not that caliber, notwithstanding the usual regional chauvinism of DCUM commenters. The gap is even more pronounced in ranking systems like WSJ and Forbes which combine SLACs and universities, which put Amherst up in the top 20 and Davidson significantly lower ranked near #50 or #60. While it's silly to attach undue importance to a gap of few rankings in the USNWR survey, it's equally silly to pretend that rankings only reflect "prestige" rather than the quality of the educational experience, or that a material gap is meaningless.

Not sure what would be the "right reason" for your daughter to choose a lesser educational experience. A preference for warmer weather? Fear that she can't cut it at Amherst (although she wouldn't have been admitted if she weren't capable of the work)? A fascination with the Charlotte-Concord-Gastonia metro region? A curious nostalgia for the vestiges of Jim Crow? Support her inclinations if you want (although realistically there may be an equally high risk of her eventual resentment if she comes to believe you didn't provide the guidance she needed). But if she decides she "gets a better vibe" from Davidson or some equally silly non-reason (didn't like the tour guide at Amherst? really admired someone a year ahead of her in HS who went to Davidson?), I think as a parent you're obligated to at least make clear she's choosing (and you'll be paying for) the lesser education. Which for most people isn't what college is supposed to be about.