How to convince daughter not to follow her boyfriend to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and a decision has been made. We just deposited at Amherst so she will be a Mammoth in the fall!

She had a long talk with the boyfriend and said he was supportive of her decision so that made things easier for her emotionally. They will make an effort to visit each other at least once a semester and at home during breaks. She said if they were meant to be together then whether the distance between them was 20 miles or 800 miles, they would make it work.

She did have a fantastic time at Davidson (and the weather was great compared to her Amherst visit) but she thought the Davidson campus felt smaller than Amherst's and didn't mesh as well with the admitted students she met there. She did love the Lake Campus at Davidson but didn't know how often she'd make use of it. If she hadn't been admitted to Amherst, she would have been very happy at Davidson. In the end, she thought Amherst was a bit better resourced in the sciences, and she liked the more edgy student centered energy of the Pioneer Valley over the Charlotte suburbs around Davidson which she found more conventional ("a little boring" in her words). She thought she was more likely to settle in the Northeast than the Southeast so that played a roll in her decision. Despite all the drama (some of it admittedly from her parents), she made this decision on her own. Much appreciate some of the very good advice we got on this board. We ended up stepping back and letting her make the decision on her own. So we have a very happy and relieved daughter who is excited to be in New England for the next 4 years! Thanks again all!

Congrats to your daughter! These 2 both are great schools and tippy top SLACs so not an easy choice. Having attended Amherst in the 80s and having spent time on both campuses recently for coach visits w/my high schooler, the Davidson of today resembles more the Amherst that I remember than Amherst does. While Amherst has changed dramatically demographically and culturally, Davidson has fewer than 30% students of color, still has a social scene centered around frats/eating clubs and seemingly a more moderate (politically) student body.

[Anonymous]

Her BF isn’t going to Davidson, she’ll be fine. She’ll meet people, he’ll meet people, they will learn to live their own lives. She is an adult, let her make her own choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her BF isn’t going to Davidson, she’ll be fine. She’ll meet people, he’ll meet people, they will learn to live their own lives. She is an adult, let her make her own choices.

Maybe you should read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her BF isn’t going to Davidson, she’ll be fine. She’ll meet people, he’ll meet people, they will learn to live their own lives. She is an adult, let her make her own choices.

Maybe you should read.

Uh… didn’t OP say the BF was going to UNC Charlotte? Not Davidson?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her BF isn’t going to Davidson, she’ll be fine. She’ll meet people, he’ll meet people, they will learn to live their own lives. She is an adult, let her make her own choices.

She chose Amherst. See OP's post from earlier today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bumped this thread because I want to know what OP's daughter decided! What happened??? I'm so invested.

OP here and here's the latest. Our daughter still hasn't made a firm decision though may now be leaning towards Amherst (she can be a hard nut to crack at times even for her parents). Her boyfriend to his credit has told her that he didn't want to be the reason for her choosing Davidson.

We were in Amherst for their Admitted Students event last week and made a long (though chilly) weekend out of it. We got to explore Amherst and Northampton and checked out the other area colleges Smith, Mt Holyoke and UMass. The Pioneer Valley area is teeming with college students and didn't feel like it was "the boonies" which was a concern of hers. For the Admitted Students Day, we dropped her off on campus in the morning and were supposed to meet up for lunch, but she texted and asked if instead she could have lunch with a group of admitted students she had met. She said she really liked the campus and the "prospies" and current students she met and said she could see herself there. She also really liked that all the first years live together on the freshman quad (we did too...campus is gorgeous and the new Science Center is jaw dropping!). She's headed to Davidson this weekend where she'll be staying on campus with a current student (and family friend) and then attend the Admitted Students Day on Monday.

She has until May 1st to make her decision and she's declined her other acceptances so it is definitely down to these 2 schools. Hopefully, she'll be able to commit to one after next Monday! As parents, we realize she is blessed to have 2 wonderful choices in what turned out to be a difficult admissions cycle. We've left the decision her. She's earned that much.

Harrison Fords son goes to Amherst!! That alone is a perk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bumped this thread because I want to know what OP's daughter decided! What happened??? I'm so invested.

OP here and here's the latest. Our daughter still hasn't made a firm decision though may now be leaning towards Amherst (she can be a hard nut to crack at times even for her parents). Her boyfriend to his credit has told her that he didn't want to be the reason for her choosing Davidson.

We were in Amherst for their Admitted Students event last week and made a long (though chilly) weekend out of it. We got to explore Amherst and Northampton and checked out the other area colleges Smith, Mt Holyoke and UMass. The Pioneer Valley area is teeming with college students and didn't feel like it was "the boonies" which was a concern of hers. For the Admitted Students Day, we dropped her off on campus in the morning and were supposed to meet up for lunch, but she texted and asked if instead she could have lunch with a group of admitted students she had met. She said she really liked the campus and the "prospies" and current students she met and said she could see herself there. She also really liked that all the first years live together on the freshman quad (we did too...campus is gorgeous and the new Science Center is jaw dropping!). She's headed to Davidson this weekend where she'll be staying on campus with a current student (and family friend) and then attend the Admitted Students Day on Monday.

She has until May 1st to make her decision and she's declined her other acceptances so it is definitely down to these 2 schools. Hopefully, she'll be able to commit to one after next Monday! As parents, we realize she is blessed to have 2 wonderful choices in what turned out to be a difficult admissions cycle. We've left the decision her. She's earned that much.

Harrison Fords son goes to Amherst!! That alone is a perk.

If you are a celebrity obsessed airhead.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations to your daughter! Wishing her a fabulous freshman year.

[Anonymous]

Congrats to OP's daughter. I was pulling for Davidson b/c my kid adored that school and had a great 4 years there. But so hard to turn down Amherst. A girl from our local high school this year chose Amherst over Stanford!

[Anonymous]

OP here w/a quick update. After all the spring drama, D and boyfriend mutually decided to call it quits. Seems like an oft told tale of HS relationships even though they thought they'd be the exception. I think they both found it too difficult to maintain a long distance relationship while being fully engaged with the new experience of college. D says she is heartbroken but at the same time relieved. She loves everything about Amherst so far and has quickly found a supportive friend group. We are grateful for that. She has a 4 day fall break coming up in a few weeks, and she already told us she is staying to be with her new friends. Apparently, they are already planning a weekend excursion to visit friends in Boston. As parents, we're relieved that she seems to be handling the break up as well as can be expected and amazed how quickly she's adapted to life as a college student. So much change in 3 short weeks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Choosing a college because your boyfriend will be nearby is stupid.

2) UNC is probably a harder admit, from OOS, than Davidson.

3) Amherst is only marginally better than Davidson; any differences are subjective.

You are confusing UNC Charlotte with UNC Chapel Hill, which is very selective OOS.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your update, OP. I think of this post often. Hope your daughter has an amazing year, despite this initial personal drama. It sounds like they have made mature decisions.

[Anonymous]

Aw OP, a bittersweet update but it’s for the best. It’s tough to break off a relationship like that and I applaud them. My own DS is still with his HS gf as a sophomore and honestly I really wish they’d take a break. College is a time to be unencumbered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bumped this thread because I want to know what OP's daughter decided! What happened??? I'm so invested.

OP here and here's the latest. Our daughter still hasn't made a firm decision though may now be leaning towards Amherst (she can be a hard nut to crack at times even for her parents). Her boyfriend to his credit has told her that he didn't want to be the reason for her choosing Davidson.

We were in Amherst for their Admitted Students event last week and made a long (though chilly) weekend out of it. We got to explore Amherst and Northampton and checked out the other area colleges Smith, Mt Holyoke and UMass. The Pioneer Valley area is teeming with college students and didn't feel like it was "the boonies" which was a concern of hers. For the Admitted Students Day, we dropped her off on campus in the morning and were supposed to meet up for lunch, but she texted and asked if instead she could have lunch with a group of admitted students she had met. She said she really liked the campus and the "prospies" and current students she met and said she could see herself there. She also really liked that all the first years live together on the freshman quad (we did too...campus is gorgeous and the new Science Center is jaw dropping!). She's headed to Davidson this weekend where she'll be staying on campus with a current student (and family friend) and then attend the Admitted Students Day on Monday.

She has until May 1st to make her decision and she's declined her other acceptances so it is definitely down to these 2 schools. Hopefully, she'll be able to commit to one after next Monday! As parents, we realize she is blessed to have 2 wonderful choices in what turned out to be a difficult admissions cycle. We've left the decision her. She's earned that much.

Harrison Fords son goes to Amherst!! That alone is a perk.

If you are a celebrity obsessed airhead.

Np Never understood how the pp thinks it is a bonus for a celebrities' kid to go to your same school. Liam Flockhart Ford is just a regular person whose mom was married to Harrison Ford ( then adopted)

[Anonymous]

My parents met in HS and just celebrated their 50th anniversary

It does happen