Preschool complaining about 4 year old

[Anonymous]

My 4 year old DD is strong willed and resists transitions at preschool, which occur every 45 mins. She'll run and hide like a game or stay put until a teacher convinces her to join the group. Once she's at the new activity, she's fine, but it's stressing out the teachers who need to stay on schedule to the point where they said they need to start documenting her behavior. She's been in the class for 6 months and this is the first I've heard of this specific problem. Typically at pick up I'm told she had a great day... I'm not sure what to do or how to help her. At home, she resists bedtimes, anything unfun, but it happens with typical hounding. We keep a schedule and are able to stick to it, but there aren't 15 kids to wrangle.

[Anonymous]

You should:
- request a child find screening from the school district
- if they decline to evaluate get a private occupational therapy evaluation and start services. Then after a few months consult with the therapist to see if she needs further evaluation and ask what the main concerns are

If the preschool is documenting behaviors they may be looking to counsel her out. If you need child care I would start looking for inclusive programs like Easter Seals or Karasik where teachers may have more experience and willingness to manage the behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Btw one thing that was transformative for us at home with a similar child who struggles with transitions (ultimately diagnosed with autism, had other symptoms too) was to "catch" her being good and giving her lots of positive attention for good behavior.

[Anonymous]

We’ve never been able to fix the issue with transitions with our 4 year old despite lots of conscious effort, coaching, and techniques. Whether it’s autism or something else, I think this is a STRONG trait for some kids at this age, and for us I regret the stress of trying. I’d move her to a play based preschool or Forest school with a less rigid schedule if you can.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to reframe this from “complaining” to setting goals for your child and helping him grow.

They came to you and said they noticed an area for growth and instead of expecting you to fix it at home, or threatening to kick him out, they made a plan to collect data.

One thing that sometimes happens when you start collecting data is that you (the adult collecting data) becomes more aware of of the small changes they can make that improve the child’s behavior. This can be subconscious but it means that just collecting data can solve the problems. Sometimes collecting data can quickly lead to seeing a pattern that is addressable (e.g. he transitions better when he naps well, and less well when he spends nap time whispering with Larlo on his cot. Let’s move him next to Mabel who falls asleep quickly) And sometimes collecting data is the beginning of a longer process that might include a referral for services.

Whichever way it goes it’s good to start. He’s got a year before kindergarten and kindergarten has lots of transitions. If you can identify solutions that work this year that will
Make things much better next year. If it turns out he does need services having time to evaluate him, and time to get those running so he goes into kindergarten well supported will be good.

[Anonymous]

As an early childhood educator, I would see if you could find a different program that doesn't have every 45 minute transitions! That's a LOT for 4 year olds. At my former program our children were heavily involved in play and exploration from arrival at 8am until we went outside at 10am. Then they were outside until 11:30am when they came in for lunch. That means that they didn't HAVE to transition - in the 2 hour indoor time at the beginning of the day, each child probably did 10 different things, but it was based on their interest and how they moved through the room. All children didn't have to move en masse - until it was time to go outside.

See the difference? See if you can find a play-based program. If you tell us where you are, you might find some new options

[Anonymous]

Autistic kids struggle with transitions. They get anxious about it. The behaviors you're seeing are manifestations of anxiety. You need to have her evaluated. It's serious, because preschool teachers wouldn't need to document run-of-the-mill preschooler shenanigans. This is something else.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the comments and recommendations.

A few details without giving myself away just in case. My DD's preschool is a 'feeder' preschool to a academically rigorous private school that her sibling is at. I just compared my elementary school child's schedule with my preschooler and my older child has far less transitions. DD's preschool teacher is new and this is her first year as a lead teacher. My DD had a similar schedule in her 3 year old class with no known issues, but that class had a seasoned teacher that ADORED her.

DD is very strong willed, very social and spirited. She has a strong desire for independence and we give her many opportunities at home to do things on her own.

We did bring up concerns to our pediatrician at her last well check and a ASQ (?) screening was done and she scored in the white zone for all areas which they said means she was developing as expected. However, I do see some traits that look like ADHD to me. She's high energy, impulsive and very sensitive to people being upset with her. She often says that she feels like "nobody likes her." But she does well during sit down activities, listening during story time, taking turns, etc.

I don't want to dismiss her teacher, clearly she's behaving out of step of her peers and perhaps further evaluation or we need to look for a school that's a better fit for her... We'll see how the next few months go and see if we can find improvement together.

[Anonymous]

Ah my favorite follow up...it's the teacher, not your kid.

[Anonymous]

OP, this sounds like a poor fit for your DD, especially given the info that she thinks people don't like her. I wonder if her struggles at school contribute to this feeling. And there's no reason why any 4-y.o. needs such a structured schedule.

[Anonymous]

Also, if they are going to start "documenting," I think her chances of admission to your DC1's prestigious school may be diminishing. Move her to a program that's a better fit for her.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps new teacher can talk to old teacher for ideas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an early childhood educator, I would see if you could find a different program that doesn't have every 45 minute transitions! That's a LOT for 4 year olds. At my former program our children were heavily involved in play and exploration from arrival at 8am until we went outside at 10am. Then they were outside until 11:30am when they came in for lunch. That means that they didn't HAVE to transition - in the 2 hour indoor time at the beginning of the day, each child probably did 10 different things, but it was based on their interest and how they moved through the room. All children didn't have to move en masse - until it was time to go outside.

See the difference? See if you can find a play-based program. If you tell us where you are, you might find some new options

I’m also an early childhood educator and a transition change every 45 minutes is a lot!

May I ask why you signed up for this particular program and are you able to switch to a play based program with less transitions?

[Anonymous]

A Montessori program with a long “work period” and choice in activities might be good for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, if they are going to start "documenting," I think her chances of admission to your DC1's prestigious school may be diminishing. Move her to a program that's a better fit for her.

+1