SD’s graduation issue turning into something bigger.
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Anonymous
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My stepdaughter (17) found out she might not be able participate in commencement because a cap and gown wasn’t ordered in time and now it’s too late. She had really wanted to walk. Things like this are really important to her. Since finding this out, she’s saying she just won’t finish what she still needs to graduate. Instead, she says she’ll enroll again next spring so she can participate in commencement.
Now she’s also saying she may enroll in a different school entirely because they have a different graduation ceremony — better theme, etc. She says she doesn’t even like the location of her current school’s graduation anyway, or the fact that it’s on a Tuesday, or the time of day, and she doesn’t like the gown pattern either. She says the whole thing wouldn’t make her feel good or in the mood of graduation, or feel excited about dressing up, so she wouldn’t put any effort into it, so she’d rather wait and do it somewhere else, even if she gets a cap and gown for her current schools. I understand being disappointed, but purposely delaying graduation over not being able to walk, and other ceremonial issues feels completely irrational to me. Has anyone dealt with a teen getting this fixated on the symbolic/social side of graduation? We’ve contacted her counselor, and we’re waiting to hear back on whether they have a cap and gown in her size or not. Her counselor didn’t seem very optimistic, and I’m so worried. |
Anonymous
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I would ignore her chatter about this. She is being insane. Her HS will pass her to get her out. They will insist she come to the office to pick up her diploma or mail it to her. And if they don't let her complete HS, then I'd kick her out because she is being ridiculous and needs to grow up.
Did she purposely not order the cap and gown to try to launch this "graduate at another school" project? Why does she think she'll be able to get into another HS? Don't you go wherever you're assigned? Surely YOU wouldn't pay for a private HS. |
Anonymous
OP She is serious about this, which is why I’m so worried. Her school strictly enforces graduation requirements, and students who don’t meet them—even for minor issues—cannot graduate. I don’t believe she intentionally failed to order her cap and gown. She’s very emotional about both the not being able to walk, and the details of the ceremony, but I think not being able to walk makes her feel worse. If she were about to walk this year, she’d be in a bad mood, but not as bad as if wouldn’t be able to. Participating in the commencement ceremony is extremely important to her, and the details of the ceremony/switching schools are secondary. Our district allows kids to attend non-assigned high schools, within the same district. |
Anonymous
| Is she always this dramatic? She plans to “enroll in another school”? Do you mean she is willing to extend high school for another year? Graduation requirement and walking in the ceremony are 2 different things. Does she have college plans? Where are her mother and father? How long have you been her step parent? |
Anonymous
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She is now an adult and there isn’t much you can do.
Tell her to contact the school she wishes to attend and organize it all herself. Sounds like a plan to drop out of high school. She knows this, right? Not much you can do |
Anonymous
Sure there is. She wants to re-enroll in another school for another year so she can have a fancy graduation?? Who is paying for that extra year of school? Is she already committed to a college? These kids are adults on paper, but they are not financially independent, they don’t get to decide things that completely affect their parent’s income This is absurd. Shut it down. Go on your neighborhood listerv and ask people whose kid graduated from the same school last year to borrow their cap and gown. |
Anonymous
| Can’t you find a senior from last year and borrow their cap and gown? Has anyone checked to see if she’s flunking a class? Something isn’t adding up here. |
Anonymous
+1. I am sure there are previous grads who’d be happy to lend out or just give her their cap and gown. Is there a parent page for the school or friends you can ask about it? Her ideas are ridiculous. I would just ignore them. |
Anonymous
| OP She’s always been this way and expects everything to happen on her terms. Now she wants to delay enrolling until spring, just so she can participate in the graduation ceremony, even though she doesn’t want to attend high school for the full year. Yes she has college plans, but is willing to delay to them. Her mother lives out of state, and her father hasn’t been very involved. I’ve been her stepmother since she was 7. I could try asking her school community. |
Anonymous
| I'm a school administrator and this just isn't happening. First, call the director of student activities. They usually run graduation and can help you out. Also, if she has the graduation requirements- she is finished. Unless she is already in the process of failing, it is impossible to fail at this time. Now – if she has an IEP – she can stay until 22. |
Anonymous
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I can’t believe you’re blaming a kid for not ordering the cap and gown. Don’t parents take care of that? It requires a credit card.
Second, I can’t believe the school doesn’t have extras. Third, it’s hard to imagine you can’t call the company and make a rush order. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like a troll |
Anonymous
| No wonder this poor kid has issues. Her home life sounds like a mess. |
Anonymous
Yes. That or a child who may actually be better served to have an extra year of high school to mature. |
Anonymous
| Every idea is insane EXCEPT finding a cap and gown for her through other means. There are thousands of kids graduating right now. I am SURE you can find the right color somewhere. |