Should my kid room with his good friend?
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Anonymous
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My ds - a smart kid with a 3.6 GPA, 1550 SAT, and strong ECs - was accepted ED to his first choice school. Not HYP, but a T20 private university, and he is thrilled. One of his best friends was deferred by his top choice (HYP) early and ended up with 3-4 very solid choices from RD (most T20). He is 'that kid' - almost perfect GPA, high rigor, 1600 SAT, excellent ECs, and just a charming kid, if you know what I mean. I imagine his LORs were amazing - he's always chosen to represent our HS on panels, etc.
His top choice right now is the same school my ds is going to, and it's caused a weird tension in their relationship, where he jokes around that he should have 'coasted through HS too.' My son is not 'that kid' - he's amazing (to me!) and is a very smart and interesting kid, who has achieved at very high levels in certain areas - but he doesn't kill himself over grades and his LORs were probably more along the lines of 'smart kid, keeps to himself.' He got almost all Bs freshman year, and had a scatter of Bs throughout the rest of HS, took the SAT once without prep. So basically, he did not work nearly as hard at academics and did not do nearly as well. But college admissions are crazy - folks on this board would say my kid should not have gotten into the school he did (honestly he was surprised), and I am amazed his friend does not have his pick of T10 schools, and that his early didn't snap him up. The friend is asking ds to room with him - they are VERY good friends, but ds doesn't want to. While it would be easier for him, because he is not nearly as outgoing as his friend, he feels like it would be good for him to go with a random roommate, but isn't sure how much of that is based on the tension between them now. He asked my advice. What would you say? It would really make freshman year easier for him to room together, but it would probably be good for him to put himself out there and meet new people. I told ds this could all be moot and his friend could get off the waitlist for Yale or Brown in May - which I think should happen! But I am just sitting here wondering what to advise - roommate requests can go in now. Sorry for the long post - single mom, so I don't have another adult to talk this out with right now. |
Anonymous
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NO NO NO.
Help your son navigate telling this friend that they will stay better friends if they do NOT room together. He can tell him that he wants to spread his wings and meet new people. But absolutely no. |
Anonymous
| One hundred percent a troll post. |
Anonymous
| Would be better than some of the weirdos I got stuck with |
Anonymous
| Troll. |
Anonymous
| I would not recommend it. Even if there wasn’t tension happening now, both boys should take this opportunity to try new things and meet new people — they can meet up for lunch to compare notes and hang out, but if they are rooming together they are more likely to lean on each other than to force themselves outside of the familiar right away. |
Anonymous
| Also, I don’t care if it’s a troll post. The details of how the two boys got to this point (and even whether they exist) is irrelevant. A lot of people face the decision of whether to room with a friend from high school or not. No — now is the time to branch out, not cling to the familiar at the cost of trying new things. |
Anonymous
| There is no reason to assume it would make freshman year easier. There is no guarantee living with a good friend would work out better than with a random draw. Your DS has stated he wants to brach out and parents are often surprised at how outgoing their kids are when away from the family. Encourage that (especially as you don't actually know if the friends will get into the school and because the friend is already making disparaging comments about your DS getting in over him). Your DS can simply say that to get the best room he has to put in now and that his parents are pushing for that so that you can sort your finances. His friend can believe it or not but it can take pressure off DS. |
Anonymous
| I roomed with a close HS friend freshman year in college. It made the transition to HYP easier. We shared a suite sophomore year, and a dorm room in the same hallway junior year. Still close friends several decades later. No guarantees but it certainly can work out fine. |
Anonymous
| No no no no. Not a good idea anyway and certainly not a good idea for a kid who might feel bummed about the outcome (i.e., i shoulda coasted too). Just say, I have decided to roll the dice on a roommate to experience something different. I am sure we can hang out a ton. |
Anonymous
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It is insane that you felt the need to post both childrens' stats and talk about whether or not they're good kids and who studied for the SATs, and who was deferred, etc. None of that matters.
Tell him since he doesn't want to, to say no and let him blame you. "My parents won't let me - they say I have to branch out and get a roommate who's new to me." |
Anonymous
This. All of it. |
Anonymous
| The stats and the passive-aggressive "joke" about how the friend could have coasted are telling -- very important context. Absolutely agree with the other posters who say "no." Sounds like you have a fantastic kid who should be so proud and excited right now, and who doesn't need to be encumbered by any tension. Even without the tension, it is so much better for them to multiply their shared social circle by building connections with new people. They can always room together another year if they choose. Congrats on your son's happy high school experience and admission success! |
Anonymous
None of those schools allowed you to choose your own roommate a generation ago. |
Anonymous
What's with all the stats and admissions info? Very weird. This could/should have been a two sentence post. |