Should my kid room with his good friend?

[Anonymous]

I told my kid that it was a different roommate, he made more friends. If you’re lucky, your roommate becomes you’re a good friend, and friends they make become your friends. And your best friend that you didn’t room with, has a roommate that you become friends with as well,

You’ll spend more time outside of your room.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. Especially not with someone who is going to be competitive.

[Anonymous]

Nope. A benefit of not rooming together is, if they stay friends, that means two potential friend circles.

[Anonymous]

NO. College is for meeting new people and rooming together will hold both of them back.

[Anonymous]

He said he didn't want to and that's pretty final.

Sometimes it's way better to not live with a friend. I'm very close to my friend since I was 14, but we've traveled together and definitely get tired of too much togetherness. It's often better to have some mental distance.

[Anonymous]

My son and his best friend currently have the same first choice as juniors. Assuming they both apply ED, I think DS has a very good chance of getting in and friend has a decent to good but not very good chance. I REALLY don't want them to room together if they both get in. Friend is more social, and DS takes a while to warm up so I know it would be easier for him, but I need him to spread his wings in college. That's a huge part of what college is. I vote no for your kid, too. Tell him to blame it on you.

[Anonymous]

Didn't need to read past your subject line. The answer to this question is always no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ds - a smart kid with a 3.6 GPA, 1550 SAT, and strong ECs - was accepted ED to his first choice school. Not HYP, but a T20 private university, and he is thrilled. One of his best friends was deferred by his top choice (HYP) early and ended up with 3-4 very solid choices from RD (most T20). He is 'that kid' - almost perfect GPA, high rigor, 1600 SAT, excellent ECs, and just a charming kid, if you know what I mean. I imagine his LORs were amazing - he's always chosen to represent our HS on panels, etc.

His top choice right now is the same school my ds is going to, and it's caused a weird tension in their relationship, where he jokes around that he should have 'coasted through HS too.' My son is not 'that kid' - he's amazing (to me!) and is a very smart and interesting kid, who has achieved at very high levels in certain areas - but he doesn't kill himself over grades and his LORs were probably more along the lines of 'smart kid, keeps to himself.' He got almost all Bs freshman year, and had a scatter of Bs throughout the rest of HS, took the SAT once without prep. So basically, he did not work nearly as hard at academics and did not do nearly as well.

But college admissions are crazy - folks on this board would say my kid should not have gotten into the school he did (honestly he was surprised), and I am amazed his friend does not have his pick of T10 schools, and that his early didn't snap him up.

The friend is asking ds to room with him - they are VERY good friends, but ds doesn't want to. While it would be easier for him, because he is not nearly as outgoing as his friend, he feels like it would be good for him to go with a random roommate, but isn't sure how much of that is based on the tension between them now. He asked my advice. What would you say? It would really make freshman year easier for him to room together, but it would probably be good for him to put himself out there and meet new people.

I told ds this could all be moot and his friend could get off the waitlist for Yale or Brown in May - which I think should happen! But I am just sitting here wondering what to advise - roommate requests can go in now. Sorry for the long post - single mom, so I don't have another adult to talk this out with right now.

What's with all the stats and admissions info? Very weird. This could/should have been a two sentence post.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, an answer to your needlessly long post: no. Ideally no. Best case would be same dorm, even same floor. They will be able to introduce each other to more people. Rooming together they will isolate, somewhat, and maybe complain about others.

[Anonymous]

Just tell the friend politely that he’ll likely get off an Ivy waiting list to get out of rooming with him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO NO NO.
Help your son navigate telling this friend that they will stay better friends if they do NOT room together. He can tell him that he wants to spread his wings and meet new people. But absolutely no.

100%.

I've been through this. Under no circumstances should they room together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would be better than some of the weirdos I got stuck with

Same. I used to think rooming with a friend was a bad idea but I got terrible roommates meanwhile friends who roomed with other friends had a great experience. One roommate was so bad I had to move out. Like was constantly rearranging my furniture when I was out and piling it all together and spreading hers out like she owned the place. The second one was a dud too, but at least tolerable.

[Anonymous]

DS and friend moved in with another new roommate so three in one suite. It was a nicer place for freshman.
They all became close friends and continued to live off campus with another friend throughout the four years.
So op only if there's another person, otherwise, go with a new roommate selection!

[Anonymous]

My kid is a senior at a boarding school. They have seen time and time again how it is a bad idea to room with friends. 50% of the time it messes up the friendship. Just because you are friends doesn’t mean you will be good roommates. What matters: messy or neat, early or late riser, parties or not.

[Anonymous]

I’d say not to room with the friend. This way he already has a friend there, and then he’ll also have his roommate. That’s already a trio, if they want. Your son should push himself to develop his social skills further and expand his social network. And he should be prepared for him and his friend to maybe go in different directions in college. That doesn’t mean they can’t still have a friendship, but it might look different when they are at college.

The kid shouldn’t be taking out his disappointment on your kid, but it’s absolutely about him and not a reflection on your son, his achievements, or anything like that. Life can be random, and your son’s approach to life seems like it’s going to serve him just fine. Congrats on his admit!