Bat Mitzvah gift from a Middle Income Family

[Anonymous]

No idea what forum to post this in but thought this was the best place to start.

DD attends a DC private (made possible from generous financial aid).

She's been invited to the bat mitzvah of one of her classmates. This particular family is very wealthy and have obviously planned a masive and beautiful party.

The parents themselves our wonderful - DD and the classmate are good friends and the parents of DD's friends are very nice people.

Which is to say this question is not one that comes from a place of negativity/hostility/class warefare or anything like that.

I'm just asking, in a totally genuine way, what would be a good gift that we could provide.

I'm aware there are some parents who are tight in their own friend groups and i guess it's the norm to contribute for expensive pieces of jewellery. My husband and I aren't part of those groups and haven't been asked to contribute (a relief!).

We're not a "poor" family - so we can send DD with a gift - we're just a family who wouldn't be able to afford the private DD is at without aid, if that makes any sense.

Can anyone who has been through the "big party" bat mitzvah's offer any advice.

[Anonymous]

$36

That’s what some of the kids gave my dd a couple years ago. Totally fine. If that feels low, do $54. I think that’s what we typically gave when my dd went alone to a friend’s mitzvah.

[Anonymous]

A check for $100 if she’s the only one in your family going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$36

That’s what some of the kids gave my dd a couple years ago. Totally fine. If that feels low, do $54. I think that’s what we typically gave when my dd went alone to a friend’s mitzvah.

Same here. My daughter went to her best friend’s older sister’s bat mitzvah mostly so the bestie had a guest. I believe we read that sending money in increments of 9 is meaningful so we gave a check for $54. It felt reasonable for a gift given my kid isn’t friends with the sister per se but was still a guest for her big day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A check for $100 if she’s the only one in your family going.

Some might do this but many school friends will not. The gift does not have to be money either. She can pick out earings or another gift her friend would like in an appropriate price range. Big gifts come from family members not the soccer friends or lab partners

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A check for $100 if she’s the only one in your family going.

Not $100. Cash / gift cards should be multiples of $18. So $72, $90, or $108.

[Anonymous]

I think 36$ is fine. Or you can get a pretty necklace from Kendall Scott or Gorjana. I think it is ridiculous that kids are giving other kids 100$. Our kid had a bat mitzvah in the DC privates world a few years ago and plenty of kids gave a small gift or 36$.

[Anonymous]

Any multiple of $18 that you’re comfortable with. Unless your kid has a particular idea of what her friend would like and/or likes to shop for gifts. Family will get jewelry or religiously relevant gifts. You can treat it like a regular friend birthday or a slightly elevated regular friend birthday. Or you can go with cash/check.

[Anonymous]

I would just do cash of whatever amount works for you. Multiple of 18 is nice but not necessary. $36 is totally fine.

[Anonymous]

We did $36 the year my kid went to multiple bar and bat mitzvahs.

[Anonymous]

$50 gift card to something the kid will like. I’m Jewish, but making a GC a chai amount is silly when you can buy a standard amount more easily. They’re just going to spend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$50 gift card to something the kid will like. I’m Jewish, but making a GC a chai amount is silly when you can buy a standard amount more easily. They’re just going to spend it.

That’s why cash or check is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A check for $100 if she’s the only one in your family going.

What? Absolutely not. That is way too much. I would have been shocked if any of my kids' friends had given her that much. No kid even needs that much in a gift!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A check for $100 if she’s the only one in your family going.

Not $100. Cash / gift cards should be multiples of $18. So $72, $90, or $108.

Been Jewish my whole life, had a bat mitzvah, my kid had a bat mitzvah -- this whole "multiples of 18" thing feels like Cinquo de Mayo -- a legit cultural phenomenon among some groups that became wildly overblown with the internet. FYI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A check for $100 if she’s the only one in your family going.

What? Absolutely not. That is way too much. I would have been shocked if any of my kids' friends had given her that much. No kid even needs that much in a gift!

This isn’t an average birthday.