Sister asked if I would donate my eggs
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Anonymous
| After multiple failed IVF treatments, the doctors have told my sister that there is no way she will have a biological child. She is devastated. Her fertility specialist recommends she use a donor egg. She asked me if I would be the donor so that she could have a genetic connection to the child. I feel for her and want to help, but I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of being the egg donor. Has anyone been there, done that? How do you navigate the whole, “my mom is my aunt and my aunt is my mom” thing? Is it weird seeing a child who is genetically yours but who you are not directly raising? How does that change your family relationships? |
Anonymous
|
If you are not comfortable with it you say no.
( adoptive mom) |
Anonymous
I agree with this 100% That being said, I would do it for a sibling in this scenario IF I thought they would be a good parent AND I really liked their spouse and also thought they would be a good parent. |
Anonymous
| No, it could create really uncomfortable dynamics and not worth the conflict. With a donor egg, she carries the child and her genetics get infused. |
Anonymous
|
Wow, OP...that was quite a boundary she crossed asking you. I'm sorry you were put in this situation. I imagine the fear of tension if you say no makes it uncomfortable at best.
That said, you still have to say no if you aren't comfortable. She was dealt a crummy hand of cards but it's not your job to fix it if you aren't 100% on board. |
Anonymous
| No. Tell your sister to use donor eggs. You don’t let your sister have your baby. |
Anonymous
| What do you mean “her genetics get infused?” That’s not how it works. |
Anonymous
| I said no in a similar scenario. Too weird to me to know I had a bio child with BIL and the pull as a mother would be too strong watching my niece grow up and being raised with different rules and values. |
Anonymous
What "boundary" did she cross? She asked OP. There's no indication that OP ever discussed this before with her sister. OP should absolutely feel free to say no, but the sister did not do anything wrong by asking. In the LGBTQ community, it is very common for people to ask family members to donate gametes. I'm a lesbian going through IVF with a donor from a sperm bank because I do not want to ask family, but there are a lot of great arguments that using a friend or family donor is the most child-centered way to do things. |
Anonymous
Epigentics are a real thing. |
Anonymous
| OP, I’m sorry, this is a tough situation for you and your sister. I would take a little time and perhaps consider discussing with a therapist. |
Anonymous
| I did one cycle of donor egg with my sister as donor. I am kind of glad it didnt work. We moved on to unknown donor and i have three ( now adult!) children. For potential parents contemplating the use of donor gametes to conceive, asking a family member can be a first step towards getting comfortable with the whole idea. But any sibling who doesnt feel comfortable should of course say no |
Anonymous
| Personally, I could not do it. It's OK if you feel the same. I don't have a sister but I would explain that I know my limits and I could not find a way forward in a healthy way - for me, for the child, for her - in that situation. |
Anonymous
| If you are not completely comfortable with this, say no. |
Anonymous
| Are there therapists who specialize in helping someone figure this out? |