Daughter got suspended
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Anonymous
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My 15-year-old daughter was recently suspended, and I’m honestly unsure how best to handle it or what the next steps should be.
According to the school, the situation escalated during class. She was recording TikTok’s on her phone and watching YouTube on her Chromebook instead of participating in the lesson. The teacher gave her multiple warnings to put the devices away and stop disrupting the class, but she did not comply. Later, the class was scheduled for a 30-minute outdoor activity, but the teacher explained that the group could not leave until everyone was packed up and ready. My daughter refused to get up or put her things away, continuing to watch on hee phone and computer. When the teacher finally instructed her to go to the office, she had a significant outburst. She threw her school-issued laptop (breaking the screen), flipped her desk and chair, and knocked materials off a shelf on her way out. She then left the classroom without permission and didn’t go to the office, and staff had to locate her elsewhere in the school. She was suspended for four days due to the disruption and property damage. She’s been emotionally struggling lately because of her father remarrying and adjusting to new step-siblings. That isn’t an excuse, and I want her to understand that this behavior is unacceptable. She is currently in counseling and working through her anger, and usually her phone is shut off during school hours, but she’s been bypassing controls so I’ve already restricted her phone use and cut off cell data. I’m trying to figure out the best way to respond as a parent. While consequences are necessary, I also want to understand what may have triggered such a strong reaction and how to prevent this from happening again. How can I handle discipline at home and collaborate with the school after a suspension? |
Anonymous
| She loses the phone all together |
Anonymous
| Sounds like the technology isn’t working for her. |
Anonymous
| She loses her phone and writes a hand written apology to the teacher for being rude. |
Anonymous
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Check ✔️ n with the counselor rather than us. Sounds like she needs more help than she is getting
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Anonymous
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Time to get a flip phone.
And really truly ask yourself if it's entirely due to your ex and the stepfamily or if there are other reasons too, maybe reasons on your end. Blaming the ex is all too convenient. |
Anonymous
| She deserved it first of all. No phone for a while. |
Anonymous
This. And I’m sorry she’s going through a hard time. I have a 15 year old and it’s a very tough age, even without these family issues. |
Anonymous
| I grew up in emotional neglect where the adults didn't have much time for me and didn't really know me. OP, you need to be there for your daughter. Yes, what she did is completely unacceptable. But kids have no power. They react in the ways they can as a result. She had no power to stop her parents from arguing when she was younger. She had no power over your filing for divorce. She had no power to keep her dad from leaving. She had no power to keep him from remarrying. She had no power to keep him from giving her a stepmother. She had no power to keep them from giving her (multiple) stepsiblings. She had no power, because she has no real power. When people feel like they have no power in their own lives, they can act out in strange ways. You empower her by actually listening to her every day. Maybe stop relying on a therapist to figure it all out, figure her out? She needs you. This is a cry for help. Are her parents listening? |
Anonymous
This My kid is in 8th and doesn’t take her phone to school. She won’t be taking it in HS either. There’s no need. |
Anonymous
| I think she knows she was wrong and she’s probably feeling embarrassed and upset by it. I’d have her write an apology to the teacher and work with the school for supports to be put in place. She may need a “flash pass,” which is a card that allows her to go the guidance office or wherever when feeling overwhelmed. Then she doesn’t make things worse for herself. |
Anonymous
| When I was 15, I just wanted my mom, who was unavailable physically and emotionally. I didn't want a therapist to know me, I wanted my mom to know me. As a person. But she never did. I didn't care about anything else except being seen and heard by my parents. |
Anonymous
| You rescind her permission to use the school's tech, and make them teach. |
Anonymous
| How long has this been going on? be honest. For sure she's been like this at home and now she's taken the show on the road. |
Anonymous
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1) No phone. Phone is gone. Flip phone with no internet if she needs it.
2) She earns the money to replace the laptop. If the school is covering the cost (I don't know how that works), then she earns the money of the value of the laptop and gives it to the PTA. I would guess the best time to be earning that money is... during her suspension. When she FOR SURE isn't doing anything fun (no friends, no screens). 3) Tell the counselor, talk to the folks at school, do whatever they recommend. 4) Is there anything that she likes doing that you two can do together? Get something that fits that description on the calendar for within he next month. She does need some safe connection. (Obviously don't connect these two things for her, but it's a wake up call to you that the two of you need some quality time). 5) After things calm down (maybe a couple days) and she's past the suspension and has come to terms with her various punishments, see if you can get her to open up to you. NOT about the suspension, no judgment, nothing like that, just something like "how are you feeling about Stepmom?" or "you've seemed so unhappy lately - what's the worst part?" or something. See if you can get her talking about what's going on with her, non-judgmentally. Maybe there are things that you or she or the family can do differently that would make her life a little easier or better that are within the realm of family life. Demonstrate some creative problem solving. |