Rec league sport, 15 min in, kid didn’t play?

[Anonymous]

Just wondering if you were on the sideline and they did 5 rotations and your child didn’t play. Every other kid had played at least 3 or 4 times (we were missing most of our players and only had 2 subs) would you say something? Rec sport, second grade. I said “my son hasn’t been in” and coach got upset.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by "coach got upset"? And is there anything that is keeping your kid from participating? By this I mean, he asks to be left out (maybe doesn't want to play) or when he does play he doesn't engage? This is ok, but it helps give context.

In general, every rec coach we've had had tried really hard to get the kids equal playing time. It is the main goal of rec sports, to have kids play evenly so they can learn and improve.

If this was an issue I thought persisted past one game, I'd gently talk to the coach about it. If the coach isn't receptive, I'd go to the organizer. And the next season, I'd put my kid on a different team. Also: volunteer to coach yourself!! They always need coaches. So feel free to sign up.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say anything during the game. Coaches are really busy then and have a lot to keep track of, and need to stay focused on the game. He may have been upset about the interruption.

If the kid didn't play at all by the end of the game, I'd approach the coach before or after the next practice and ask if anything is wrong. Approach it as wanting to understand why your kid isn't playing, not complaining about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if you were on the sideline and they did 5 rotations and your child didn’t play. Every other kid had played at least 3 or 4 times (we were missing most of our players and only had 2 subs) would you say something? Rec sport, second grade. I said “my son hasn’t been in” and coach got upset.

It sounds like you said something DURING the game, which is why the coach got upset.

Wait 24 hours until after the game to raise an issue.

Depending on the age, the child should advocate for themselves.

NEVER go over to a coach in the middle of a game to ask about playing time, no matter how right you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if you were on the sideline and they did 5 rotations and your child didn’t play. Every other kid had played at least 3 or 4 times (we were missing most of our players and only had 2 subs) would you say something? Rec sport, second grade. I said “my son hasn’t been in” and coach got upset.

It sounds like you said something DURING the game, which is why the coach got upset.

Wait 24 hours until after the game to raise an issue.

Depending on the age, the child should advocate for themselves.

NEVER go over to a coach in the middle of a game to ask about playing time, no matter how right you are.

Agree you shouldn't ask during the game, but... 24 hours? Come on, people can be adults here.

I would reach out discreetly (as in not in front of kids or other parents) to avoid making it seem confrontational or embarrassing my kid.

But I don't think there's anything wrong with asking after the game or in an email that night, provided you aren't being a jerk and genuinely just asking to understand and not being accusatory.

I would also want to check in with my kid before I spoke to the coach. This would help be gauge my kid's level of upset, if any (if my kid wasn't upset about not playing, I would be far less likely to say anything at all), and also to see if my kid knew an explanation I didn't know.

Also OP said this was 2nd grade, which IMO is too young for most kids to advocate for themselves. Some kids will be able to do that at 7/8 but it's rare, and even those that are ready may not be able to do with with a rec soccer coach, because at that age this is someone you see like twice a week -- there may not be that much rapport there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if you were on the sideline and they did 5 rotations and your child didn’t play. Every other kid had played at least 3 or 4 times (we were missing most of our players and only had 2 subs) would you say something? Rec sport, second grade. I said “my son hasn’t been in” and coach got upset.

It sounds like you said something DURING the game, which is why the coach got upset.

Wait 24 hours until after the game to raise an issue.

Depending on the age, the child should advocate for themselves.

NEVER go over to a coach in the middle of a game to ask about playing time, no matter how right you are.

Agree you shouldn't ask during the game, but... 24 hours? Come on, people can be adults here.

I would reach out discreetly (as in not in front of kids or other parents) to avoid making it seem confrontational or embarrassing my kid.

But I don't think there's anything wrong with asking after the game or in an email that night, provided you aren't being a jerk and genuinely just asking to understand and not being accusatory.

I would also want to check in with my kid before I spoke to the coach. This would help be gauge my kid's level of upset, if any (if my kid wasn't upset about not playing, I would be far less likely to say anything at all), and also to see if my kid knew an explanation I didn't know.

Also OP said this was 2nd grade, which IMO is too young for most kids to advocate for themselves. Some kids will be able to do that at 7/8 but it's rare, and even those that are ready may not be able to do with with a rec soccer coach, because at that age this is someone you see like twice a week -- there may not be that much rapport there.

Yes, 24 hours. Most leagues/coaches ask for the 24-hour rule. It helps ensure issues not raised when emotions are running high. This is very common.

[Anonymous]

I would ask yes.
It’s rec it’s supposed to be equal playing time give or take a few mins.
I’d ask right after the game if it was me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if you were on the sideline and they did 5 rotations and your child didn’t play. Every other kid had played at least 3 or 4 times (we were missing most of our players and only had 2 subs) would you say something? Rec sport, second grade. I said “my son hasn’t been in” and coach got upset.

It sounds like you said something DURING the game, which is why the coach got upset.

Wait 24 hours until after the game to raise an issue.

Depending on the age, the child should advocate for themselves.

NEVER go over to a coach in the middle of a game to ask about playing time, no matter how right you are.

Agree you shouldn't ask during the game, but... 24 hours? Come on, people can be adults here.

I would reach out discreetly (as in not in front of kids or other parents) to avoid making it seem confrontational or embarrassing my kid.

But I don't think there's anything wrong with asking after the game or in an email that night, provided you aren't being a jerk and genuinely just asking to understand and not being accusatory.

I would also want to check in with my kid before I spoke to the coach. This would help be gauge my kid's level of upset, if any (if my kid wasn't upset about not playing, I would be far less likely to say anything at all), and also to see if my kid knew an explanation I didn't know.

Also OP said this was 2nd grade, which IMO is too young for most kids to advocate for themselves. Some kids will be able to do that at 7/8 but it's rare, and even those that are ready may not be able to do with with a rec soccer coach, because at that age this is someone you see like twice a week -- there may not be that much rapport there.

Yes, 24 hours. Most leagues/coaches ask for the 24-hour rule. It helps ensure issues not raised when emotions are running high. This is very common.

If it's a league rule, fine.

If it's rec soccer and no one's emotions are running high, they are just curious and want to check to make sure nothing is wrong, I don't think it's necessary. The coach's emotions shouldn't be running high in general -- this was a 2nd grade rec soccer game. Truly one of the lowest stakes events a person could possibly be involved in. If the parent is also not angry or upset, there is no reason to wait.

If a rec league my early elementary kid was in had a rule like that, I would likely not sign them up again because it would be an indication to me that the culture of the league was way too intense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if you were on the sideline and they did 5 rotations and your child didn’t play. Every other kid had played at least 3 or 4 times (we were missing most of our players and only had 2 subs) would you say something? Rec sport, second grade. I said “my son hasn’t been in” and coach got upset.

It sounds like you said something DURING the game, which is why the coach got upset.

Wait 24 hours until after the game to raise an issue.

Depending on the age, the child should advocate for themselves.

NEVER go over to a coach in the middle of a game to ask about playing time, no matter how right you are.

Agree you shouldn't ask during the game, but... 24 hours? Come on, people can be adults here.

I would reach out discreetly (as in not in front of kids or other parents) to avoid making it seem confrontational or embarrassing my kid.

But I don't think there's anything wrong with asking after the game or in an email that night, provided you aren't being a jerk and genuinely just asking to understand and not being accusatory.

I would also want to check in with my kid before I spoke to the coach. This would help be gauge my kid's level of upset, if any (if my kid wasn't upset about not playing, I would be far less likely to say anything at all), and also to see if my kid knew an explanation I didn't know.

Also OP said this was 2nd grade, which IMO is too young for most kids to advocate for themselves. Some kids will be able to do that at 7/8 but it's rare, and even those that are ready may not be able to do with with a rec soccer coach, because at that age this is someone you see like twice a week -- there may not be that much rapport there.

Yes, 24 hours. Most leagues/coaches ask for the 24-hour rule. It helps ensure issues not raised when emotions are running high. This is very common.

Emotions shoujld be high if you brought your kid to a rec game to play and they never went in . WTF.
I have an 8th grader who does competitive/travel soccer plus rec basketball. I know the difference.

[Anonymous]

OP, is it possible your kid didn't WANT to play for some reason? Tummy ache, anxiety, injury?

I've coached and had that happen. I'm not forcing a 7 yo to play if they don't want to.

I'd make sure that isn't the case before you talk to the coach.

[Anonymous]

I would ask my kid first. Sometimes the kids don't want to play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if you were on the sideline and they did 5 rotations and your child didn’t play. Every other kid had played at least 3 or 4 times (we were missing most of our players and only had 2 subs) would you say something? Rec sport, second grade. I said “my son hasn’t been in” and coach got upset.

It sounds like you said something DURING the game, which is why the coach got upset.

Wait 24 hours until after the game to raise an issue.

Depending on the age, the child should advocate for themselves.

NEVER go over to a coach in the middle of a game to ask about playing time, no matter how right you are.

Agree you shouldn't ask during the game, but... 24 hours? Come on, people can be adults here.

I would reach out discreetly (as in not in front of kids or other parents) to avoid making it seem confrontational or embarrassing my kid.

But I don't think there's anything wrong with asking after the game or in an email that night, provided you aren't being a jerk and genuinely just asking to understand and not being accusatory.

I would also want to check in with my kid before I spoke to the coach. This would help be gauge my kid's level of upset, if any (if my kid wasn't upset about not playing, I would be far less likely to say anything at all), and also to see if my kid knew an explanation I didn't know.

Also OP said this was 2nd grade, which IMO is too young for most kids to advocate for themselves. Some kids will be able to do that at 7/8 but it's rare, and even those that are ready may not be able to do with with a rec soccer coach, because at that age this is someone you see like twice a week -- there may not be that much rapport there.

Yes, 24 hours. Most leagues/coaches ask for the 24-hour rule. It helps ensure issues not raised when emotions are running high. This is very common.

If it's a league rule, fine.

If it's rec soccer and no one's emotions are running high, they are just curious and want to check to make sure nothing is wrong, I don't think it's necessary. The coach's emotions shouldn't be running high in general -- this was a 2nd grade rec soccer game. Truly one of the lowest stakes events a person could possibly be involved in. If the parent is also not angry or upset, there is no reason to wait.

If a rec league my early elementary kid was in had a rule like that, I would likely not sign them up again because it would be an indication to me that the culture of the league was way too intense.

It's necessary. In my extensive experience, no parent who wants to talk about playing time is "just curious and want to check to make sure nothing is wrong."

Rec sports often being the worst in terms of how worked up parents can get over this stuff. It's almost like the lower the stakes, the more intense the parents. And the younger they are, the worse it is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if you were on the sideline and they did 5 rotations and your child didn’t play. Every other kid had played at least 3 or 4 times (we were missing most of our players and only had 2 subs) would you say something? Rec sport, second grade. I said “my son hasn’t been in” and coach got upset.

It sounds like you said something DURING the game, which is why the coach got upset.

Wait 24 hours until after the game to raise an issue.

Depending on the age, the child should advocate for themselves.

NEVER go over to a coach in the middle of a game to ask about playing time, no matter how right you are.

Agree you shouldn't ask during the game, but... 24 hours? Come on, people can be adults here.

I would reach out discreetly (as in not in front of kids or other parents) to avoid making it seem confrontational or embarrassing my kid.

But I don't think there's anything wrong with asking after the game or in an email that night, provided you aren't being a jerk and genuinely just asking to understand and not being accusatory.

I would also want to check in with my kid before I spoke to the coach. This would help be gauge my kid's level of upset, if any (if my kid wasn't upset about not playing, I would be far less likely to say anything at all), and also to see if my kid knew an explanation I didn't know.

Also OP said this was 2nd grade, which IMO is too young for most kids to advocate for themselves. Some kids will be able to do that at 7/8 but it's rare, and even those that are ready may not be able to do with with a rec soccer coach, because at that age this is someone you see like twice a week -- there may not be that much rapport there.

Yes, 24 hours. Most leagues/coaches ask for the 24-hour rule. It helps ensure issues not raised when emotions are running high. This is very common.

Emotions shoujld be high if you brought your kid to a rec game to play and they never went in . WTF.
I have an 8th grader who does competitive/travel soccer plus rec basketball. I know the difference.

Thanks for agreeing that waiting 24 hours is wise. I'm sure your competitive/travel coaches have a 24 rule, n'est pas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is it possible your kid didn't WANT to play for some reason? Tummy ache, anxiety, injury?

I've coached and had that happen. I'm not forcing a 7 yo to play if they don't want to.

I'd make sure that isn't the case before you talk to the coach.

Definitely check with kid first. Both in case he told the coach he didn't want to play, and also to find out if it even bothers him.

But I'd still probably talk to the coach even if my kid had requested not to play or if he said he didn't care. That's a kind of weird dynamic and I'd just want a check in to discuss. Like if I talked to my kid and he said he'd asked not to play, and it was due to anxiety or some other non-physical reason, it would be important to discuss with the coach so we're on the same page moving forward. Maybe kid needs more encouragement in general, maybe the deal is he participates in practices but sits out games and that's okay with everyone, whatever. But important to make sure everyone knows what is going on and is working in the kid's best interests. Rec sports, especially at that age, are pretty much entirely about making sure the kids are getting the physical and mental benefits of participating.

[Anonymous]

Coach getting upset is ridiculous -- this is Rec Sport And it's Second Grade. The coach -should not- have anything, anything at all more important on his mind than this

Op, I assume your kid comes to practice, doesn't miss, and works hard.