Rec league sport, 15 min in, kid didn’t play?

[Anonymous]

I've coached rec soccer here and there for seasons when they needed more coaches. Only for younger ages- second grade and below- because once kids got older, IMO they needed coaches who actually knew something about coaching soccer, and not me, the random mom who quit soccer in middle school.

I always gave kids equal playing time, no matter how talented they were, or no matter if they spent the entire time standing there looking at the clouds. I kept a timer on my phone and rotated those kids in and out every 5 minutes like clockwork. That being said, substitutions were done on the fly, and many times, a kid would say "I'm too tired" or "my tummy hurts" or "I'm not ready to play yet" or "I don't want to play anymore today I hate soccer". If they said that, I didn't push, I just said ok no problem and I let one of the more enthusiastic, soccer-loving kids stay on for a second rotation. Half the time, that was my own kid, because he was one of the kids who always wanted to stay in for extra minutes, and you know what, I'm out there volunteering to coach every week, so I'm going to let my kid take the extra minutes over a different kid, not every time, but a lot of the time. So sometimes this was misconstrued- a dad once came up to me after the game and asked why his son sat out the entire second half while my son and another kid played almost the whole time. I told him that his son didn't want to play, and I asked him twice and he said no twice and that I am not going to cajole kids into getting onto the field if they tell me adamantly that they don't want to.

Coaching rec sports is a pretty thankless job sometimes honestly.

[Anonymous]

^^that being said, if your didn't didn't tell the coach he didn't want to play, and your kid wasn't being a troublemaker on the field to where he needed to take a break (doesn't sound like it if he never even went in the game from the start), not playing your kid for the entire game, in a ULittle rec league, is totally uncalled for and I would absolutely ask why my kid hadn't been put in the game.

I wouldn't ask 15min into the game, though. I'd ask at the end, if he truly hadn't played,.

[Anonymous]

I would guess that the coach tried to put your kid in multiple times but your kid refused to go for whatever reason. The coach isn't getting paid, I recommend you volunteer if you want things to be done differently.

[Anonymous]

I think relatively equal playing time is considered the norm for 2nd graders in a rec league. Some kids may not play every “position” however (depending on the sport). I’ve never seen it done differently. So you are right to be upset.

I would definitely ask your kid.

It seems most likely to me that this would’ve a coach oversight rather than intentional? My kid was once on a little league fall ball team that had 14 kids (not typical- they just had tough numbers to work with that fall) - and they ALL showed up for every game of course, lol. This was little kid age- like 7-8ish year olds. My son only played one inning in a game once. My DH just jokingly/casually asked the coach about it and he apologized. He was having trouble keeping track of playing time and working out a system. It was fine after that. The coach was just a nice volunteer who was doing his best.

Is it a huge team- too many kids? Organizational issue? I don’t see why the coach got upset but depends how you asked I suppose

[Anonymous]

Rex coaches have to play everyone. This is why people leave for travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rex coaches have to play everyone. This is why people leave for travel.

They have to play everyone, but not necessarily everyone in the first 15 minutes, right?

I want to know what OP means when she says the coach was upset.

[Anonymous]

My kid had a great rec soccer coach for many years. At some point my kid complained that other kids got to play more, and I told him to ask the coach what he could do to play more. The coach told him that when he is making subs for the game he looks at two things. One is the kids who are "ready to go", standing on the sidelines close to the coach. Who respond as soon as he says their name etc . . . The other is the kids who don't whine about being put on defense, and then actually play defense. They don't have to play it well, but if a kid either refuses to play defense, or keeps acting like they're the striker and leaving the area by the goal.

My kid had the former problem. He would be back from the sidelines, messing around with his friends, not hearing his name called etc . . . Once the coach explained it to him, he started standing by the field, watching the game, etc . . . and sure enough he got to play more. He was always happy on defense, and ended up becoming a good defender.

I'd have your kid ask, but at a practice, not at a game. And not as an accusation, just "I'd like more playing time. What can I do to earn it?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to tell what is going on from OP's scenario. Did your kid get to play at all or were they benched the whole time? What 15 minutes are your referring to?

Not all rec leagues have "equal" playing time rules. Most have minimum playing time rules. Before I talked to the coach, I'd read up on this. Different coaches and different leagues have different approaches to setting this up. Just because your kid didn't play in the first 15 minutes doesn't mean they didn't get minimum or equal playing time.

Pretty standard to have equal playing time at that age. The coach getting upset tells you all you need to know.

Not necessarily - the type of parent who complains about playing time 15 minutes into a game is definitely the same type of parent who doesn’t have a problem interrupting the coach while he’s trying to talk to a player or make a substitution and immediately be accusatory “ hey Larlo has already played 12 minutes and Larlo 2 hasn’t played at all, what’s wrong with you? Larlo 2 is the best player on the team!!!” Meanwhile for all OP knows Larlo 2 refused to go in because he didn’t want to play defense or hurt his ankle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband coachs a similar age group and I have a son who has had other coaches in similar leagues. You really should not be interfering during a game. It’s pretty tough to make sure everyone gets equal playing time especially if the kids have different positions. There are kids who play the whole game because they are the only ones willing to be goalie but also want a chance to do other positions. There are other kids who refuse to go in for anything but Striker because they think they are Messi. The coach is trying to explain sportsmanship but also keep the game moving.

Also, my husband usually sketch’s out playing time ahead of the game but then parents will tell him at the start oh we have to leave at half time so he usually adjusts to let the kid play earlier since at this age it’s not the kids fault usually.

The only time I have seen a kid really get dramatically less playing time is when he got benched for refusing to listen to court rules from either the coach or the referee. Hopefully you would notice if that was the case! Anyway, it’s fine to ask but wait till the end of the game and ideally do it via email.

+1 to all this.

Most coaches my kids have had (DH included) plan out playing time ahead of the game, but have to pivot last minute with kids not showing. A few times after a game my DH has realized he didn’t play a certain kid enough. He always feels bad about it and makes a note to play that kid a bit more the next game. Sometimes he’ll text the parents proactively to make sure they know it was an oversight.

If this is not typical of the coach, I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. Agree with others you should ask your kid about it first. Then send an email later or bring it up to the coach quietly at the next practice.

Some other things to consider:
1. Our rec basketball refs will stop a game and tell parents to sit down if they see them approach the bench/attempt to speak to a coach during the game. It is against league rules, and I’ve seen them enforce it.
2. Coaches might bench a kid for not following rules. Again, this is why you should talk to your kid first.
3. Some leagues allow coaches to sit kids who don’t show up to practice repeatedly. Obviously it’s preferable to coaches to communicate this to the parent before it’s done, but does your kid go to practice?

Exactly this. I coached 6 year old soccer one year, and I still have nightmares from the playing time effort. I'd make a chart before each game, and invariably someone didnt' show up who had responded that they would, or a kid would come late or leave early or decide they really wanted to sit out this next round or whtaever.
I'm sure the coach is intending to get each kid equal playing time, and he screwed up. You should NOT have interupted him during the game! If you absolutely had to say something, then going up quickly during half time with a "coach, DS hasn't played yet, just wanted to make sure you saw him" might be OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rex coaches have to play everyone. This is why people leave for travel.

I seriously doubt people's kids are talented enough to make a travel team, and also the rec coach is sitting them out for 75% of the game and letting other kids play 100% of the game. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've coached rec soccer here and there for seasons when they needed more coaches. Only for younger ages- second grade and below- because once kids got older, IMO they needed coaches who actually knew something about coaching soccer, and not me, the random mom who quit soccer in middle school.

I always gave kids equal playing time, no matter how talented they were, or no matter if they spent the entire time standing there looking at the clouds. I kept a timer on my phone and rotated those kids in and out every 5 minutes like clockwork. That being said, substitutions were done on the fly, and many times, a kid would say "I'm too tired" or "my tummy hurts" or "I'm not ready to play yet" or "I don't want to play anymore today I hate soccer". If they said that, I didn't push, I just said ok no problem and I let one of the more enthusiastic, soccer-loving kids stay on for a second rotation. Half the time, that was my own kid, because he was one of the kids who always wanted to stay in for extra minutes, and you know what, I'm out there volunteering to coach every week, so I'm going to let my kid take the extra minutes over a different kid, not every time, but a lot of the time. So sometimes this was misconstrued- a dad once came up to me after the game and asked why his son sat out the entire second half while my son and another kid played almost the whole time. I told him that his son didn't want to play, and I asked him twice and he said no twice and that I am not going to cajole kids into getting onto the field if they tell me adamantly that they don't want to.

Coaching rec sports is a pretty thankless job sometimes honestly.

Yeah there was a week a kid told the coach that his foot really hurt and he couldn’t play and the parents talked over him and told the coach he was a hypochondriac and to put him in anyway and the coach was like….no. I am not putting in a kid who says he’s in a lot of pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rex coaches have to play everyone. This is why people leave for travel.

They have to play everyone, but not necessarily everyone in the first 15 minutes, right?

I want to know what OP means when she says the coach was upset.

They have to play everyone but they can’t necessarily split the time up evenly.

I have 3 kids - 2 very athletic boys and 1 not so athletic girl. Both my boys always played 90% of the time. My daughter probably played 10-20%. They all got put on the game.

Even if it is rec, coaches still want to win. They put in the better players and often rotate the bad players.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rex coaches have to play everyone. This is why people leave for travel.

I seriously doubt people's kids are talented enough to make a travel team, and also the rec coach is sitting them out for 75% of the game and letting other kids play 100% of the game. Lol.

Not what PP is saying. PP is saying because rec coaches have to play everyone, the team cannot compete the way they could if you have to earn your time so the better players leave for a more competitive environment.

[Anonymous]

Coaching little kid rec soccer is thankless. I'd have kids refuse to go in because they felt shy, and then the parent would come talk to them and convince them to play, and then the parent would walk the kid up to me on the sideline and be like "ok he's ready to go in now!" and expect me to immediately put him in , as they stood next to me expectantly, despite the fact that making a sub now would mess up the entire rotation I'm trying to juggle in my head. Or yes, they'd show up 15min late when I'd had their kid slotted for the first rotation, and then they'd expect me to move around the entire game plan so that their kid still had equal playing time. Or their kid would refuse to play goalie or defense, and they'd come ask me why their kid wasn't playing as much as other kids who were willing to play any position. Meanwhile, once I had the flu and sent a team email the day before saying that someone else would need to coach the game ("coach" the game... for 5 year old rec soccer... basically just sub them in and out and tell them they're doing awesome). Not a single parent would do it!! Apparently they all showed up and stood around and none of them were willing to "coach", so they forfeited the game. After that I was done listening to "suggestions" of how I could coach differently or play their kid more fairly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rex coaches have to play everyone. This is why people leave for travel.

I seriously doubt people's kids are talented enough to make a travel team, and also the rec coach is sitting them out for 75% of the game and letting other kids play 100% of the game. Lol.

Not what PP is saying. PP is saying because rec coaches have to play everyone, the team cannot compete the way they could if you have to earn your time so the better players leave for a more competitive environment.

I’m PP and the above poster is correct.