How best to budget under these circumstances?

[Anonymous]

Spouse and I are mid-40s and still don’t have a household budget. We do OK, have savings in retirement etc but we could be doing so much more and have a much better nest egg. Spouse grew up poor and sees budgeting as deprivation rather than a path to freedom. It is very very frustrating. Anyone else in this boat and how did you correct? What tips/tricks did you use? And do you have combined accounts or keep them separate? We have separate finances so I don’t have a full picture of what is happening. Any and all advice is appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Need more information. How much is left over after paying bills, and what happens to it? Or do you carry credit card debt?

[Anonymous]

I really don’t understand married couples who have separate finances— it doesn’t really make any sense to me.

That said there are lots of ways to manage money. When money was tight we had a real budget that we tried to stick to and we managed fun money in different ways. When times were less tight we took a bunch of the top for savings and then didn’t worry about spending unless we were repeatedly dipping into savings.

But yeah with no info on what is happening or what your goals are it’s impossible to offer advice.

[Anonymous]

I think first you two need to get on the same page re: how you think of money. I’d meet with a financial counselor, or at least watch financial counseling YouTube videos.

[Anonymous]

OP, especially since you and your spouse appear to have dramatically different approaches to money you're never going to get anywhere you're happy with so long as you have separate finances. If you can't agree to that at a minimum, you're wasting your time and energy. You can't budget and you can't plan without having full access to information.

If you could agree to fully open and shared finances, your next step should be to download an app that tracks income and expenses. We use the Empower app. Everything is connected to it. Literally on a daily basis with a push of a button we can see what's coming in, what's going out, and where it's all going. It has a budget feature as well, and we pay attention to it, but really the best thing about having all the info is that you know what can be cut if necessary and you have a great sense of exactly where you are financially.

But, again, with separate finances you're SOL.

[Anonymous]

We have separate finances, sort of, and it works fine. Like we have different checking, savings and retirement accounts. And two brokerage accounts. But there is full transparency and the accounts are really a function of inertia. They were all there before we got married. We have a joint estate plan.

OP imo you don’t need to be on the same page about money, but you do need transparency. If he doesn’t like to feel nickeled and dimed, maybe you can leave his spending to him and just have planned contributions to shared goals. Maybe you do the household purchasing, if you’re the one who cares more about grocery strategies and such, and he just pays half the bill for that card.

But I would definitely start with just transparency and data. When you have it, frame the conversation in terms of long term goals and target $$ saved or invested. Don’t hassle him about how he went to Starbucks three times on Tuesday. As long as he makes his monthly target for saving or investing or whatever, leave him alone.

[Anonymous]

It's a little late for this convo now, quite frankly. You sound in over your head OP.

[Anonymous]

Poverty does a number on one's approach to financial stability. Especially if it's multi generational. It's really really hard to get beyond it without help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have separate finances, sort of, and it works fine. Like we have different checking, savings and retirement accounts. And two brokerage accounts. But there is full transparency and the accounts are really a function of inertia. They were all there before we got married. We have a joint estate plan.

OP imo you don’t need to be on the same page about money, but you do need transparency. If he doesn’t like to feel nickeled and dimed, maybe you can leave his spending to him and just have planned contributions to shared goals. Maybe you do the household purchasing, if you’re the one who cares more about grocery strategies and such, and he just pays half the bill for that card.

But I would definitely start with just transparency and data. When you have it, frame the conversation in terms of long term goals and target $$ saved or invested. Don’t hassle him about how he went to Starbucks three times on Tuesday. As long as he makes his monthly target for saving or investing or whatever, leave him alone.

Full transparency is the functional equivalence of shared finances.

[Anonymous]

We each have a separate checking account- but at the same Credit Union and we can transfer money to each other. We have shared savings accounts (Fidelity). Everything goes into Quicken.

We set up our savings accounts and have a set amount that goes in them from our paychecks each pay period. Then, we just keep track of our spending on Quicken. Since almost nothing is cash anymore, it is fairly easy.

Every once in awhile, we look at our spending patterns and see if something is inching up- but we don’t set specific amounts for housing, vacation, food…….

We have an emergency fund roughly equivalent to 6 months of bills.

[Anonymous]

You absolutely have to be in the same page. If one of you has believes that money is there to be spent, while the other believes money is to be saved, you’re going to run into problems, unless you earn so much that you can spend and still save.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You absolutely have to be in the same page. If one of you has believes that money is there to be spent, while the other believes money is to be saved, you’re going to run into problems, unless you earn so much that you can spend and still save.

+1. And if you earn that much, you don’t need to be budgeting.

[Anonymous]

So, what does he/she like to buy that is more exciting than healthier nest egg and retiring earlier?
Budget as a way to see where to money goes and not the way to limit what they do or buy.
I loved budgeting and saving even as a very young child. Unfortunately investing wasn't an option back in the old country or I'd be a millionaire many times over.
I actually believe budgeting, saving, investing is more nature than being rich or poor.
People who grew up rich/poor can be savers or spenders. They can also change how they see money right about age 45-50 as they get tired of working.

[Anonymous]

Quickest tip is "pay yourself first.". Set up automatic payments to savings or investment accounts that go out the same day the paycheck hits.
Also, max out your 401(k)s.

[Anonymous]

We're sort of in this situation - my husband actually grew up with more money and just thinks it will always be there and there will always be more so what's the big deal about spending down to $0 the day before your next check hits?

What works for us is I handle investments/savings, but most big bills come out of his checking account so that he doesn't have a huge amount left to fritter away. He's on board with this plan, it's not like a trick I'm playing on him. It works because he'll spend it if he sees it but he won't go into debt, and we both max retirement accounts before anything hits our checking to begin with.

Could we be doing even better if we really buckled down YNAB-style? Probably yes. But this is a decent balance of living in the now and preparing for the future.