Wife Lets Son Skip School All The Time

[Anonymous]

That is it.

My wife lets our HS son skip school all the time.

He has 25 unexcused absences this year alone. We have fought tooth and nail about this to the point that I've threatened divorce and meant it.

I leave for work at 5:30 in the morning and work in a SCIF so unless I take time off, there is nothing I can do. She completely dismisses my concerns over this and walks out of the room any time I try to discuss it or point out how she is setting him up for failure.

The school just emailed us and said if he has one more unexcused absence, he will not be permitted to move to the next grade. They cited Virginia law.

My wife's response?

'They're bluffing."

Help me. What can I do?

[Anonymous]

Have you spoken to son?

[Anonymous]

Okay so first of all, you are of course correct and this is terrible. 100% on your side. However, that and $3 will get a cuppa coffee. Not worth much.

So I would suggest the following things, roughly in order:

1) Can you try and have a lower-intensity listening-only conversation. "You know how I feel about Larlo's absences. But I want to make sure I understand where you're coming from. I promise not to argue or lecture. I just want to hear you out. What are your thoughts on this?" Then LISTEN ONLY. Ask questions - not leading ones ("how can you think this is a good idea? What are you going to do when he gets held back a year?") but actual information-gathering questions only. Because the one thing I'll note about your post is you offer nothing as to WHY she's doing this. Does she think school is a waste of time? Can she not be bothered? Is getting your son out the door a fight? Does he refuse to go? Where to do from here is going to have to start from where she is, and it seems like you don't know (or at least don't think it's relevant enough to include). Once you know why she's doing what she's doing, you'll be in a much better position to help things move to a better place.

2) Talk to your son directly. He's not five, he's in high school, which means he's perfectly capable of getting his butt out the door and going to school. What does he say? Does he know he's in danger of being held back?

3) If you get nowhere, it's time for marriage counseling. This isn't tenable.

Sorry you're dealing with this.

[Anonymous]

He is 18 soon, right? I wouldn't do anything, but divorce the wife.
DC missed 30 days every year in high school, all from ex's house. They graduated fine, is doing well in college, and works nearly full time.
You have to know why they do it. Mine was lazy, school was boring, and kids was convinced they let him graduate, because other were even dumber. That's in DC though.
Repeating a year would have been very good though.

[Anonymous]

Is your son college bound ?
Need to get this wayyyyy in check dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Is your son college bound ?
Need to get this wayyyyy in check dad

Pretty sure that's what he's asking for help with.

If he's oin the bowels of the Pentagon with no cell phone fomer 6-3 everyday, there isn't a whole lot he can do. Unless, your guidnace is he forfeit his career because he's married to a POS parwnt.

Seriously, what kind of horrible person do you have to be to intentionally hamstring your own kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is it.

My wife lets our HS son skip school all the time.

He has 25 unexcused absences this year alone. We have fought tooth and nail about this to the point that I've threatened divorce and meant it.

I leave for work at 5:30 in the morning and work in a SCIF so unless I take time off, there is nothing I can do. She completely dismisses my concerns over this and walks out of the room any time I try to discuss it or point out how she is setting him up for failure.

The school just emailed us and said if he has one more unexcused absence, he will not be permitted to move to the next grade. They cited Virginia law.

My wife's response?

'They're bluffing."

Help me. What can I do?

That’s weird. Usually once you hit 17 absences you have to do summer school or repeat the grade.

Take her to court. Bad parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is 18 soon, right? I wouldn't do anything, but divorce the wife.
DC missed 30 days every year in high school, all from ex's house. They graduated fine, is doing well in college, and works nearly full time.
You have to know why they do it. Mine was lazy, school was boring, and kids was convinced they let him graduate, because other were even dumber. That's in DC though.
Repeating a year would have been very good though.

They’re married and this is happening right under his nose in his own home?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 18 soon, right? I wouldn't do anything, but divorce the wife.
DC missed 30 days every year in high school, all from ex's house. They graduated fine, is doing well in college, and works nearly full time.
You have to know why they do it. Mine was lazy, school was boring, and kids was convinced they let him graduate, because other were even dumber. That's in DC though.
Repeating a year would have been very good though.

They’re married and this is happening right under his nose in his own home?!?

Sounds like it. But if he leaves the house at 5:30 am, and can't be contacted while at work, what is he supposed to do?

[Anonymous]

Change your work schedule and drive him to school. Give him consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 18 soon, right? I wouldn't do anything, but divorce the wife.
DC missed 30 days every year in high school, all from ex's house. They graduated fine, is doing well in college, and works nearly full time.
You have to know why they do it. Mine was lazy, school was boring, and kids was convinced they let him graduate, because other were even dumber. That's in DC though.
Repeating a year would have been very good though.

They’re married and this is happening right under his nose in his own home?!?

Sounds like it. But if he leaves the house at 5:30 am, and can't be contacted while at work, what is he supposed to do?

Drop the kid off at 5 am?

[Anonymous]

Be super clear with your son that he may not graduate and even if he does, he will not be going to college with this attitude.

Take a day off from work unexpectedly--leave at your usual time then circle back and surprise them. If you think your job is so important that you can't take any time off for a problem this serious, then you'll have to reap what you sow. Either school is important or it isn't. And if it's important, then it's important to you. Set an example.

[Anonymous]

If the absences are unexcused and kid is in high school, it sounds like the kid is skipping school and receiving the natural consequences of doing so.

What do you want your WIFE to do?

[Anonymous]

She may be right that they are bluffing. How are his grades?

[Anonymous]

Make him get up when you do, drive him to school yourself, and sit outside until it opens. Then you can work a half day.