Son cries about dad being Coach
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Anonymous
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Anyone have any insight on this? Dh is objectively a really nice coach and all the boys (2nd grade) on his team enjoy being there. He has lots of games and activities, but he’s also really good at the sport. There isn’t another coach who would step up. It’s dhs 10th season coaching and most of these boys have been on the team for years. Dh never works DS harder than the other boys or treats him differently. DS is likely the best on the team though and he enjoys it. He sobs before every practice and won’t get in the car. He won’t say why. He does ask to play again next season.
Dh is also the Cub Scout leader. This was something Dh always wanted to do and is very excited about. The boys do really neat things (programming mini computers, camping, fishing) and dh spends a lot of time planning this. All of these are activities that DS loves and that we do at our own house with him anyways. DS sobs before every meeting. Dh is often late because of this and is so embarrassed. DS’s best friends are all in both scouts and the sport. Any armchair psychologists have any insight into all the crying? There is nothing else that makes DS sob. I have some ideas but idk if I’m way off track. |
Anonymous
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Your math makes no sense.
What sport can boys in 2nd grade have been on for years? |
Anonymous
| social anxiety ? |
Anonymous
| Could the other boys be picking on him because of this? Is he very emotional with other stuff too? |
Anonymous
^^ sorry, meaning “this” as in because his dad is the coach |
Anonymous
| How does DS act when he gets there? How about after the practice/activity? |
Anonymous
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Does he dislike "sharing" his dad
Maybe miss the personal attention from him |
Anonymous
That's my guess. He doesn't want to share. |
Anonymous
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Op here. Other boys are all good friends of his, no one is picking on him. He returns happily. He’s not super emotional and all the other teachers love him. He’s well behaved and popular with the kids.
He’s been coaching since PreK and dh coached 2 years of K. (DS is a fall birthday and missed school cutoff). I’ve thought about social anxiety. My thought is that it upsets him that dh is good at everything and the other boys like his dad so much. But that sounds stupid to type out. |
Anonymous
Op here. No, I’m his favorite. He isn’t jealous of dh spending time with the other kids. I think he’s more in competition with his dad and it annoys him the other kids like his dad. |
Anonymous
Oh that's interesting |
Anonymous
| I wonder if some extra 1:1 time for DS and DH (even if just 1x week) might help? I recall as a young kid I would get very upset when my dad lavished praise on another kid. (Only child here!) |
Anonymous
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My husband coach’s my similar age son and it’s been a really difficult dynamic. My son plays another sport with a random coach (not someone we know outside the sport) and DS is a dream for him. But he whines and gets upset with his dad regularly. People don’t volunteer it unless they see you going through the same thing but this dynamic is pretty common. Instruction/correction just feels different coming from a parent and it’s tough when all the other parents are just getting to do the praise/fun stuff and then your dad is 1) focused on other kids and not just you 2) is correcting you. They have worked through it together and it has gotten better. I think it’s especially challenging when your son is one of the better players too because they feel doubly that they should be getting special treatment/praise, but usually the dad/coach is extra careful not to play favorites.
My husband has an assistant coach and whenever possible if they do small groups my son goes with the other coach which helps. Can he have another parent step in for drills and break up the dynamic a little bit? But if it’s not getting better, I would have your husband take some time off coaching. Yes he might be excited about the idea of being a coach but if it’s not working for your family you need to accept it. I know at least one family that just couldn’t make the dynamic work. Maybe you can try again when your DS is older/more mature. |
Anonymous
| PP here and saw your follow up. It seems incredibly unlikely to me your 2nd grade son is in competition with your husband. That’s a really weird theory unless your son is really struggling socially. But I don’t think my kids have favorite parents either so clearly we have different styles. |
Anonymous
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You really need to name the sport because it matters. I am guessing soccer if they started in pre-K and K.
There are often two dynamics when a dad is a coach. 1)The kid isn't that good but gets more playing time and in better positions so other kids and parents see this and a few of them gripe about it. 2) When the son is really good the dad/coach plays him in important positions and he gets more playing time which the son deserves but there are still parents who grumble about it. To make their own kids feel better they start talking at home how the coach's son is only good because he gets more playing time/plays a better position/some other excuse. Then the kid goes to school and makes a snide comment toward your son saying you only scored a goal (or goals) because your dad is a coach and he puts you in better positions. The other issue is this is a rec league and maybe your son wants to just goof off with his friends but feels compelled to take it seriously because his dad is his coach. Or it could be your husband actually does put more pressure on your son but you aren't around to see it and your husband may not even realize it. You really are wrong that no one will step up to coach. Have your husband take off a season and see what happens. |