Do You Miss the Lust?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know-maybe I’ve been watching too much Bridgerton and Heated Rivalry, but I miss those days of lust and yearning. Just pure hot lust and wanting someone so badly. I’m in my mid-40s been married 20 years and we have a great life, but damn it what I would give for some hot, yearning sex and no it’s not going to happen with someone I’ve been married to for that long. Unfortunately those days are over and while we have good sex, it’s not like hot like when we were younger. Sigh I’ll get over it but I wish I hadn’t taken my younger days for granted.

[Anonymous]

Introduce some novelty- novel place, trying new things, etc. This is the only way to spark it up a little bit if the marriage is good and stable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Introduce some novelty- novel place, trying new things, etc. This is the only way to spark it up a little bit if the marriage is good and stable.

this doesnt work - it is the equivalent of a veggie burger to a real one

[Anonymous]

Yes I miss it, OP. And I’m divorced so I can actually try implementing my dreams. My issue is that the number of men who revive this lust/desire from my end is incredibly small.

[Anonymous]

I got divorced last year then had a fling with a man who awakened this lust in me. It was incredible. But he was a bad boy in every sense of the word and not a suitable long term partner.

I’m now dating someone much more sensible and it’s been more challenging to awaken that lust. Interestingly, it seems to come back more when we get space and both operate as separate people, rather than one unit. More space always seems to help my lust come back.

[Anonymous]

Like the desert misses the rain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Introduce some novelty- novel place, trying new things, etc. This is the only way to spark it up a little bit if the marriage is good and stable.

This is the way. I love hotel s@x. In the middle of the day. I say take February 9th off from work. I book on Day Use. I text him the address. Use your imagination.

[Anonymous]

Yes. But I also miss DH’s body before he let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Introduce some novelty- novel place, trying new things, etc. This is the only way to spark it up a little bit if the marriage is good and stable.

this doesnt work - it is the equivalent of a veggie burger to a real one

A veggie burger works if you’re really hungry

[Anonymous]

I miss kissing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know-maybe I’ve been watching too much Bridgerton and Heated Rivalry, but I miss those days of lust and yearning. Just pure hot lust and wanting someone so badly. I’m in my mid-40s been married 20 years and we have a great life, but damn it what I would give for some hot, yearning sex and no it’s not going to happen with someone I’ve been married to for that long. Unfortunately those days are over and while we have good sex, it’s not like hot like when we were younger. Sigh I’ll get over it but I wish I hadn’t taken my younger days for granted.

Even in your younger days you prioritized stability and predictability - you didn’t take your younger days for granted; you had goals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I miss kissing.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I miss it. But I’m also glad I have at least the memories of it, now that one of us is dealing with chronic health issues that make intimacy challenging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know-maybe I’ve been watching too much Bridgerton and Heated Rivalry, but I miss those days of lust and yearning. Just pure hot lust and wanting someone so badly. I’m in my mid-40s been married 20 years and we have a great life, but damn it what I would give for some hot, yearning sex and no it’s not going to happen with someone I’ve been married to for that long. Unfortunately those days are over and while we have good sex, it’s not like hot like when we were younger. Sigh I’ll get over it but I wish I hadn’t taken my younger days for granted.

You are in your 40s. For the next 10 years sex will not be far from your mind. Thanks to the last hurrah of your hormones before perimenopause whoops your ass. You need to make use of this horniness and tell your DH about it. Get toys into the bedroom and go crazy (without going down a dark path). Then make the hot yearning sex happen in your own bedroom.

[Anonymous]

I miss being young until I remember that being young wasn't actually all that great. Nostalgia is a helluva drug.

Sure, the lust was more intense. But all of the uncertainty of life was exhausting. Money was a struggle. Finding a significant other was a grind.