Have you ever buried something for your spouse?

Yes. He had explained ED in his 20s early in our relationship that eventually went away. I didn’t bring it up until the very end of our relationship (separated now)and flung it in his face out of spite. He denied that it ever happened and said I was crazy. It’s made me wonder what was really going on back then.

I have a list of other stuff I want to bring up that I’ve buried that I’m going to dig up when the time is right and we have a final settlement. Some of it is stuff I was expected to ignore and other stuff are things he thought I never knew and buried for himself.

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12/28/2025 12:02

Subject: Have you ever buried something for your spouse?

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Anonymous

Trying to figure out, is this normal? It doesn’t feel normal, but my husband seems to expect it.

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12/28/2025 13:40

Subject: Have you ever buried something for your spouse?

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Trying to figure out, is this normal? It doesn’t feel normal, but my husband seems to expect it.

This is what abusive or predatory or double-faced people expect - that you will be their secret keeper. If you don't keep the secret, then the problem becomes YOUR fault because you spoke out loud about it, not the fault of the person who took the abusive action. It is not normal, healthy behavior, which would involve violation and repair. Abusive behavior involves violation and non-repair -- usually ignoring, secret-keeping or outright DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender).

OFC, whether you speak about it (i.e. decide NOT to bury it), is a decision you should make depending on your own ethics, position of safety (or lack thereof) and your own interests and goals.

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12/28/2025 13:43

Subject: Have you ever buried something for your spouse?

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Anonymous

Thread title made me think of the Sopranos.

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12/28/2025 13:51

Subject: Have you ever buried something for your spouse?

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trying to figure out, is this normal? It doesn’t feel normal, but my husband seems to expect it.

This is what abusive or predatory or double-faced people expect - that you will be their secret keeper. If you don't keep the secret, then the problem becomes YOUR fault because you spoke out loud about it, not the fault of the person who took the abusive action. It is not normal, healthy behavior, which would involve violation and repair. Abusive behavior involves violation and non-repair -- usually ignoring, secret-keeping or outright DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender).

OFC, whether you speak about it (i.e. decide NOT to bury it), is a decision you should make depending on your own ethics, position of safety (or lack thereof) and your own interests and goals.

This. Also, the people who need you to respect their privacy and keep their secrets will NOT reciprocate. They'll be the first in line to out you, violate your privacy and betray your trust.

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12/28/2025 14:01

Subject: Have you ever buried something for your spouse?

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Anonymous

Several bodies in our backyard. I would do anything for him. #rideordie

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12/28/2025 14:07

Subject: Have you ever buried something for your spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Thread title made me think of the Sopranos.

Same. I'm thinking of people literally burying "something."

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12/28/2025 14:51

Subject: Have you ever buried something for your spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Yes. He had explained ED in his 20s early in our relationship that eventually went away. I didn’t bring it up until the very end of our relationship (separated now)and flung it in his face out of spite. He denied that it ever happened and said I was crazy. It’s made me wonder what was really going on back then.

I have a list of other stuff I want to bring up that I’ve buried that I’m going to dig up when the time is right and we have a final settlement. Some of it is stuff I was expected to ignore and other stuff are things he thought I never knew and buried for himself.

This is crazy! Why would you do this out of spite if relationship was breaking. Just let it go. What are you getting out of it except a few moments of satisfaction? This is not how you treat people in love even when you are not together.

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12/28/2025 16:32

Subject: Have you ever buried something for your spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Thread title made me think of the Sopranos.

Tony and his crew having to go to that rural property and try and remember where they buried some bodies. That place looked like Swiss cheese when they were done!

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12/28/2025 16:39

Subject: Have you ever buried something for your spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. He had explained ED in his 20s early in our relationship that eventually went away. I didn’t bring it up until the very end of our relationship (separated now)and flung it in his face out of spite. He denied that it ever happened and said I was crazy. It’s made me wonder what was really going on back then.

I have a list of other stuff I want to bring up that I’ve buried that I’m going to dig up when the time is right and we have a final settlement. Some of it is stuff I was expected to ignore and other stuff are things he thought I never knew and buried for himself.

This is crazy! Why would you do this out of spite if relationship was breaking. Just let it go. What are you getting out of it except a few moments of satisfaction? This is not how you treat people in love even when you are not together.

Why?! Ha.

Because he abused my children, stole money, had an affair, created an insane amount of litigation, lied about me to friends and family, and destroyed my financial future to the extent that I have to start completely over at the age of 48. The list will come out. Not all at once and not in a way he would ever expect, but in a way that will restore balance to the universe.

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12/28/2025 16:41

Subject: Have you ever buried something for your spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. He had explained ED in his 20s early in our relationship that eventually went away. I didn’t bring it up until the very end of our relationship (separated now)and flung it in his face out of spite. He denied that it ever happened and said I was crazy. It’s made me wonder what was really going on back then.

I have a list of other stuff I want to bring up that I’ve buried that I’m going to dig up when the time is right and we have a final settlement. Some of it is stuff I was expected to ignore and other stuff are things he thought I never knew and buried for himself.

This is crazy! Why would you do this out of spite if relationship was breaking. Just let it go. What are you getting out of it except a few moments of satisfaction? This is not how you treat people in love even when you are not together.

Just realized that you were probably asking about the ED stuff and why I brought it up at the end, and not the other stuff that I will unbury one day.

It was contextual: he asked why I wouldn’t have sex with him anymore and went on and on about how he had never had any complaints so what was my problem.