If visiting in-laws, is it unreasonable to spouse to insist on a hotel?
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Anonymous
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My DH is still huffing that this year I booked our family a nearby inn instead of sleeping in his parents' house, crammed with 16 people (we would be sleeping together on an air mattress in his old teen bedroom).
There is a lovely hotel -- two minutes away. His family is a lot: a lot of big personalities, rowdy dogs, a cat I am allergic to, etc. Knowing that I'll have a hotel to go back to for a quiet night's sleep and a more leisurely morning helps me approach this 20-person weekend with way less trepidation and stress. DH initially went along with the plan, but is now pouting that he won't "maximize" his time with his family and that they will think it's "weird" we aren't staying over in his parents' house with everyone else (his brother, his sister, their spouses and kids(. He is a classic middle child who appeases everyone -- and finds it easiest to disappoint me for the sake of his family. I repeatedly said we can stay as late as we want the first night, stay as late as he wants the next day, literally I just need a good quiet night's sleep and a bit of compartmentalization. His mom doesn't even care!! But DH is afraid his brother and sister will judge. He is MORE afraid of their judgment than anything. I'm 43 and way too old to care about the judgment of other adults. I have done ALL the xmas shopping and food-buying for his family party, wrapping, etc. And he is pouting about eight hours on a decent mattress. Just needed to vent. |
Anonymous
| Oh, I should add, I told him that I'd be happy to sleep at the inn myself with the kids if it was that important to him to sleep over, but he is refusing that plan too. |
Anonymous
| He's feeling anxious now that the holiday is starting, but you made the right choice. Tell him that his siblings will probably be thrilled- there will be an extra bedroom for them to put at least some of their kids in! |
Anonymous
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You have a husband problem.
+1 for the hotel plans though |
Anonymous
| I would insist that he and the kids stay with his parents, and I'd enjoy the hotel all to myself. That sounds like a dream! haha |
Anonymous
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"What's weird is you not caring about my comfort and happiness, Larlo. I don't care at all if your family thinks I'm odd. You can sleep at the house if you want, I will be comfy at the hotel." Said in a take-no-prisoners voice. |
Anonymous
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I would ignore him. If he doesn't want to come along when you depart for the hotel, let him stay.
After the first year of this, it will be a new normal, and PP is correct that his siblings will love having more space for their own families. His mother will love having less people to host. You can tell him "Now that your mom is getting older, we need to find ways to make it easier on her so that she can really enjoy the holidays." |
Anonymous
| So... the hosts often complain when a loved one decides to opt for a hotel, but in reality they're relieved not to have too many guests. Ignore the in-law comments. Your husband is feeling temporarily bad, but you need to show him your solution is best. He'll come around. |
Anonymous
| If I was one of your DHs siblings spouses, I'd be kicking him saying....why can't we stay at the inn???? |
Anonymous
+1. The hotel is a gift to everyone involved. |
Anonymous
| Have him read this thread: OP's husband, you're a moron. |
Anonymous
Please send this gift to my brother and SIL 🌲 |
Anonymous
| Yeah, if I were in your shoes, I'd need to vent (and more) too! Good luck, OP. |
Anonymous
| Let the kids stay at Grandmas while you and DH enjoy the inn. |
Anonymous
This!!!!! |