If visiting in-laws, is it unreasonable to spouse to insist on a hotel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So then you’re okay with OP dropping the rope on all gifts and meal preparations while at the ILs. The spouse can take care of all that since it’s his family that they are visiting. Is that correct?

I never said that. I said his desires are the priority when visiting his family and her desires are the priority when visiting her family

What if her parents are dead, or so far away that it’s not feasible to travel?

[Anonymous]

Depending on the age of the kids, often the times you really get to visit are early morning over a cup of tea / coffee or in the evening after the kids are in bed. I would miss this those chats if my husband wanted us to stay in a hotel instead of with my family.

The days are busy but the quiet times are when you get more time to really chat and catch up.

[Anonymous]

I have a feeling the other siblings might follow your lead next year and book a hotel room too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the age of the kids, often the times you really get to visit are early morning over a cup of tea / coffee or in the evening after the kids are in bed. I would miss this those chats if my husband wanted us to stay in a hotel instead of with my family.

The days are busy but the quiet times are when you get more time to really chat and catch up.

If it’s about quiet chats and catching up, that’s what the phone is for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the age of the kids, often the times you really get to visit are early morning over a cup of tea / coffee or in the evening after the kids are in bed. I would miss this those chats if my husband wanted us to stay in a hotel instead of with my family.

The days are busy but the quiet times are when you get more time to really chat and catch up.

If it’s about quiet chats and catching up, that’s what the phone is for.

In person and phone are completely different. Phones do not replace in person contact. That is a sad view.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm one of the few who is strongly team DH on this one. My favorite memories of my childhood were packing it into one house over holiday breaks with all my cousins and aunt and uncles and grandparents. There is just a different level of family bonding that happens when you sleep under the same roof and hang out in pjs. No matter how late you stay or early you arrive, it's just not the same level of intimacy if you stay in a hotel.

I can say from my own experience, I had a lot of these overnight vacations with my paternal family and almost zero with my maternal family. My relationship with cousins I had sleepovers with is entirely different than the ones who I'd meet at grandma's for lunch at noon.

I think either you stay in the hotel by yourself or you suck it up and accept being less comfortable and inconvenienced for the sake of the family. Part of marriage is making this sort of compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm one of the few who is strongly team DH on this one. My favorite memories of my childhood were packing it into one house over holiday breaks with all my cousins and aunt and uncles and grandparents. There is just a different level of family bonding that happens when you sleep under the same roof and hang out in pjs. No matter how late you stay or early you arrive, it's just not the same level of intimacy if you stay in a hotel.

I can say from my own experience, I had a lot of these overnight vacations with my paternal family and almost zero with my maternal family. My relationship with cousins I had sleepovers with is entirely different than the ones who I'd meet at grandma's for lunch at noon.

I think either you stay in the hotel by yourself or you suck it up and accept being less comfortable and inconvenienced for the sake of the family. Part of marriage is making this sort of compromise.

Agreed. It would also be very different responses if it was the husband insisting on a hotel and the wife / kids missing out on family time.