If visiting in-laws, is it unreasonable to spouse to insist on a hotel?

[Anonymous]

I think the issue is more that you miss out on the mornings and evenings together. So he knows his siblings and kids and families are spending time together while he sits in a hotel. If the hotel is close can he take you back and drop you off and stay with the kids for the evening or take the kids in the morning ing for breakfast and then come back and get you?

Your kids might also balk if they hear everyone else is going to spend the evening together watching g a movie and having hot chocolate and you are telling them to leave to get back to the hotel.

Personally I find evenings in a hotel while the kids sleep really long. And if I had travelled and spent money to see my family, I dont want to spend it trapped in a hotel room with rowdy kids.

If it’s two minutes away as you say, you can spend a lot of time at the hotel and he can spend that time with his family and the kids can go where they want.

Does he balk at spending time with your family?

[Anonymous]

Hotel is fine especially if close by

[Anonymous]

Just be sure to stay for the evening's activities before going to the hotel.

If you're heading to the car 5 minutes after the last bite of dinner, it will seem rude. So stay for the games, dessert or cocoa and for the family movie. Then do a quick goodbye and ask when everyone plans to gather before (or after) breakfast and come back then.

[Anonymous]

We did an Air BnB for Thanksgiving this year and it was such a wonderful relief to not be sleeping on air mattresses and/or my husband’s childhood trundle bed. No sharing bathrooms or fighting for a seat in my in-laws tiny living room. In the end, even DH was thrilled and relieved to be out of the madness of their house.

[Anonymous]

Team Hotel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let the kids stay at Grandmas while you and DH enjoy the inn.

A lot of kids would hate this.

If they’re teens they could prefer to have a real bed and privacy as well as time to shower and get ready. If the kids are very little, staying away from mom and dad can be stressful especially on an already emotionally charged night like Christmas Eve. There’s a pretty small window when kids are old enough to enjoy a grandparent sleepover AND young enough not to care about privacy when they would enjoy this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the issue is more that you miss out on the mornings and evenings together. So he knows his siblings and kids and families are spending time together while he sits in a hotel. If the hotel is close can he take you back and drop you off and stay with the kids for the evening or take the kids in the morning ing for breakfast and then come back and get you?

Your kids might also balk if they hear everyone else is going to spend the evening together watching g a movie and having hot chocolate and you are telling them to leave to get back to the hotel.

Personally I find evenings in a hotel while the kids sleep really long. And if I had travelled and spent money to see my family, I dont want to spend it trapped in a hotel room with rowdy kids.

If it’s two minutes away as you say, you can spend a lot of time at the hotel and he can spend that time with his family and the kids can go where they want.

Does he balk at spending time with your family?

This is a bizarre take.

Why wouldn’t the kids be able to watch movies and play games with everyone if they sleep at a hotel???!!??

I imagine the kids staying at grandparents house have a bedtime and also go to sleep.

[Anonymous]

He’s wrong and you have the right to just be mad.

But if you want, you could try to hear whatever he’s really saying, which is that he feels insecure about his family and worried about expressing his love for them. So keep reassuring him that his family knows he loves them and they love him. Not saying he’s not still an ahole. But that will probably work better than talking about the mattress.

[Anonymous]

He’s worried about his siblings judging him for not staying at the family home? Tell him that you are judging him for being a jackass about all of this and pouting in front of the person who bought and wrapped his family’s presents as well as prepared food for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the issue is more that you miss out on the mornings and evenings together. So he knows his siblings and kids and families are spending time together while he sits in a hotel. If the hotel is close can he take you back and drop you off and stay with the kids for the evening or take the kids in the morning ing for breakfast and then come back and get you?

Your kids might also balk if they hear everyone else is going to spend the evening together watching g a movie and having hot chocolate and you are telling them to leave to get back to the hotel.

Personally I find evenings in a hotel while the kids sleep really long. And if I had travelled and spent money to see my family, I dont want to spend it trapped in a hotel room with rowdy kids.

If it’s two minutes away as you say, you can spend a lot of time at the hotel and he can spend that time with his family and the kids can go where they want.

Does he balk at spending time with your family?

This is such a typical DCUM response making up stuff in order to tell the OP they're wrong. None of this scenario is what OP describes.

[Anonymous]

100% team hotel. That air mattress situation sounds like a nightmare. Does your husband even know you?

[Anonymous]

“Why don’t you care what I want?”

[Anonymous]

How often do you see his family?

Sacrifice in marriage goes both ways. When spending special time with Gmail’s like in this situation you should do what the original family member, in this case your husband, wants

We all make quiet sacrifices for our partners, if you want to go be by yourself you can do that in the bedroom

Likewise, when being with your family, what you say goes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often do you see his family?

Sacrifice in marriage goes both ways. When spending special time with Gmail’s like in this situation you should do what the original family member, in this case your husband, wants

We all make quiet sacrifices for our partners, if you want to go be by yourself you can do that in the bedroom

Likewise, when being with your family, what you say goes

So then you’re okay with OP dropping the rope on all gifts and meal preparations while at the ILs. The spouse can take care of all that since it’s his family that they are visiting. Is that correct?

[Anonymous]

So then you’re okay with OP dropping the rope on all gifts and meal preparations while at the ILs. The spouse can take care of all that since it’s his family that they are visiting. Is that correct?

I never said that. I said his desires are the priority when visiting his family and her desires are the priority when visiting her family