Meeting his kids for the first time

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has two daughters who are 9 & 10, and he wants me to them this weekend, and go out for dinner. We’ve been dating for nine months now. I’m sure it will go fine, but this is my first time dating someone who has kids and I don’t have any of my own, so I’m very nervous.

Does anyone whose BTDT have any helpful tips?

[Anonymous]

My best advice is to not come on too strong and to be 💯% authentic.

Ask them questions about their interests, extra-curricular activities and engage them to the best of your ability.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Good luck! My bf and I have been together for a year and havent met each other's kids yet (5, 7, 8, 9 collectively).

Let us know how it goes

[Anonymous]

Eh. You have no children. Why are you dating someone w children.

Good luck w this.

[Anonymous]

Yuck.

No tips.

I don’t see the point at 9 mos in and divorce was when??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend has two daughters who are 9 & 10, and he wants me to them this weekend, and go out for dinner. We’ve been dating for nine months now. I’m sure it will go fine, but this is my first time dating someone who has kids and I don’t have any of my own, so I’m very nervous.

Does anyone whose BTDT have any helpful tips?

He’s really throwing you into the deep end early. A sit down dinner? Make you carry the table’s conversation for an hour+?

This sounds like a losing proposition for you.

He needs to step up better than that for any girlfriend intros.

[Anonymous]

Your first meet should be no more than five minutes, max. He’s moving way too fast.

[Anonymous]

Good luck on your childcare interview dinner Op!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your first meet should be no more than five minutes, max. He’s moving way too fast.

+1

[Anonymous]

You should act as you would if you met the children of a friend or co-worker--polite, wanting to get along, but not overly concerned with whether or not they like you. Do NOT act as if you feel it's really important to you that they like you. You do not want to give kids the idea that they are in the driver's seat, so to speak. Do not bring a gift.

Do not be surprised if they "push your buttons." They may try. ("Our mommy is MUCH prettier than you are.") Do not rise to the bait. Do NOT try to discipline them if they act up--within limits of course. I am not suggesting that if one were to hit or bite you, you should do nothing. But if they talk with food in their mouths, use a curse word, start running around the restaurant, start whining about something ridiculous, do NOT step in. That is dad's job, not yours. Again, think in terms of going out with friends who have kids. And if dad acts as if he EXPECTS you to take over the disciplinary role, he's looking for a babysitter with benefits and you should run away now.

Do NOT ask any questions about their mom. Do not say anything judgmental about mom. (If they say mom took them to a Sabrina Carpenter concert, don't say OMG!!)

Tell your BF in advance that you don't want HIM to bring up anything serious. This is NOT the time for dad to ask why one of the girls got a bad report card, for example. You want the meal to be a pleasant experience for the kids too.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Just treat them like anyone else you’re meeting for the first time, who you’d like to get to know. Ask them about themselves. Open-ended questions are good. Don’t try to push a connection; just follow their cues. And be yourself.

[Anonymous]

Notva good choice to choose "dinner" to meet his daughters for the first timer. Omg...it sounds too formal or too long. I hope that dinner place is their favorite restaurant choice. If I could pick, I would rather pick a cute cafe to meet these 2 girls that serve ice cream/sweets/pastries for first casual meet.

[Anonymous]

My GF has 4 kids, at the time the two youngest were 16 and 13 . I met them fairly early on in our relationship but it was mostly a quick 5 minutes the first few times. She has full custody so it was tough to navigate at first since she really never got a break. We’ve been together two and a half years and oddly the older kids took longer to come around - it’s been a slow process. I have three adult kids. Our kids have not met yet. None of them have much of an interest. Haha. We will see how that goes but for now it’s fine. No rush to get married. We’ve both been divorced abt 4 years now.

I agree with the others. I’d go with meeting them briefly a few times before doing the whole dinner thing.

[Anonymous]

I met my now-husband’s kids for the first time at a very low key dinner out at Fuddruckers. No pressure, we introduced me as a friend of their dad’s and slowly I just came around more and more. I met them when they were 9 and 11. I’ve never parented them, just tried to be a supportive, loving adult. Be strong and stable and authentic and you’ll do fine. I wouldn’t do a formal sit down dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yuck.

No tips.

I don’t see the point at 9 mos in and divorce was when??

Same. Seems way too soon. But then, men do always want to trap the next one into raising their kids and doing the housework asap for their 50% custodial time.